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(+31): No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Apr 20, 2010Netherlands
(215): he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
(1-215): and then ....
(215): he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Nov 19, 2010Philadelphia, PA
(201): My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Mar 23, 2010Jersey City, NJ
(443): My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Jul 1, 2013Baltimore, MD
(941): I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Mar 17, 2015Sarasota, FL
(972): Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
(469): Ya, why?
(972): We should try that some time.
Apr 25, 2009Dallas, TX
(803): at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oct 13, 2011Columbia, SC
(432): GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nov 11, 2013Midland, TX
(585): He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Aug 12, 2016Rochester, NY
(270): Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Jul 11, 2012Bowling Green, KY
(703): Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
(703): I was wondering where the donuts went.
May 9, 2017Arlington, VA
(916): New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Jan 23, 2012Sacramento, CA
(814): I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Jan 14, 2013Erie, PA
(717): Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sep 14, 2013Harrisburg, PA
(970): I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Jul 20, 2009Fort Collins, CO
(315): Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Jul 27, 2012Syracuse, NY
(859): Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
May 19, 2013Lexington, KY
(410): He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
May 22, 2017Baltimore, MD
(386): its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apr 12, 2011Daytona Beach, FL
(484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apr 22, 2010Allentown, PA