deep breath deep breath sigh
i'd hate to see a good amount of space wasted, but...
as time goes by i find myself more and more attached to nick. and along with it a weird sense of jealousy of every girl he interacts with. odd... i know. i mean myspace for instance... i read these comments from girls, i don't have any idea who they are... and i KNOW they're comments were before we got together.... but i can't help but think... who are these girls? why did he like them? does he still like them?
i guess cheated on once and you wonder when again? i don't know. i just imagine these secret conversations that go on between them, and even once in a while wonder if when he's home during the week girls flirt with him and he ends up... doing whatever... with them.
i really am not the jealous type. i don't see a need to go out and make a fuss.. i mean people are the way they are and trying to force them to feel differently is wrong. so...
it's wrong.
there are so many good things about him and at the same time i can hear myself kicking me in the head saying back off, stop thinking of the future, stop making this so big.
i've already had a few people tell me its a rebound relationship. hrm. on the other hand i've also been told i'm dating my father, or my brother... or some other relative i'd rather not imagine. soooo i guess ignore it all.
of course i miss adam. how can i not? i was completely in love with him. now? i love him very much, but i hope and i do believe im not IN love. but it scares me when my conscience fights me AND my friends. i've always been the type to be very aware of myself, in the matter i know what i'm doing and why and how and such. even in the most insane crazy times of my life. i mean at the crisis center i knew why i was there how i got there what needed to change and what i was doing mentally to put myself there. but this relationship thing... this love affair thing... my mind is on mute.
as time goes by i find myself more and more attached to nick. and along with it a weird sense of jealousy of every girl he interacts with. odd... i know. i mean myspace for instance... i read these comments from girls, i don't have any idea who they are... and i KNOW they're comments were before we got together.... but i can't help but think... who are these girls? why did he like them? does he still like them?
i guess cheated on once and you wonder when again? i don't know. i just imagine these secret conversations that go on between them, and even once in a while wonder if when he's home during the week girls flirt with him and he ends up... doing whatever... with them.
i really am not the jealous type. i don't see a need to go out and make a fuss.. i mean people are the way they are and trying to force them to feel differently is wrong. so...
it's wrong.
there are so many good things about him and at the same time i can hear myself kicking me in the head saying back off, stop thinking of the future, stop making this so big.
i've already had a few people tell me its a rebound relationship. hrm. on the other hand i've also been told i'm dating my father, or my brother... or some other relative i'd rather not imagine. soooo i guess ignore it all.
of course i miss adam. how can i not? i was completely in love with him. now? i love him very much, but i hope and i do believe im not IN love. but it scares me when my conscience fights me AND my friends. i've always been the type to be very aware of myself, in the matter i know what i'm doing and why and how and such. even in the most insane crazy times of my life. i mean at the crisis center i knew why i was there how i got there what needed to change and what i was doing mentally to put myself there. but this relationship thing... this love affair thing... my mind is on mute.
