black chariot for the red head

A thing about other people's ideas

2012-03-02T15:05:29Z

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not a skinny girl. I'm not even what might be commonly called "thin" (although size is relative). But I'm healthy, my husband finds me attractive, I fit in my clothes, and I'm comfortable in my skin.

I've come to realize that America's culture of being obsessed with the size tag on your jeans is someone else's problem. I'm really bothered that women (and I was guilty of this for years) in general, think that their self worth is increased as the number on their size tag decreases.

I did so many diets over the years, and when you add it all up, I have lost and gained close to 300 lbs over all that time.

And every time I'd get skinny, six months later, I'd end up fatter than ever. Then after Lily was born, I still obsessed. Must. lose. weight. Why? Who for? Me? Bob? Lily?

Lily doesn't care what I look like as long as I have the energy to play, which I do, and Bob likes curvy girls and always has. For me? Not really, when I thought about it. I was doing it because it's what the media - magazines, tv, internet, movies etc - has told is "normal".

Well, y'all know I have never been "normal" a day in my life, so who was I trying to impress? I still don't know.

I guess I'm getting at this thing where I tell you something profoundly cheese-ball. Love the body you have and stop worrying about the size tag on your jeans. If it bothers you so much, cut it out when you get home from the store. Don't get down on yourself over that damn tag. It's a ridiculous notion that your self worth depend on something so trivial. We as humans are so much more than the clothes on our back. And if you're not, then it's time for some inward reflection.

cimmorene @ 2011-12-24T15:30:00

2011-12-24T21:30:21Z

Happy Holiday that you celebrate to those 4 people that still read livejournal. <3

cimmorene @ 2011-12-23T19:26:00

2011-12-24T01:26:49Z

I had an epiphany about why I seem to excel at sales. I grew up being dragged door to door selling Jesus. Makeup is a much easier sell.

want some free health and bath and body stuff?

2011-12-04T19:28:36Z

So I am now selling Arbonne. It's a pretty good gig, and it means I am sort of self employed.

BUT! I need help with getting parties together! If you'll hostess a party for me, you get free goods and 80% off of your own purchases. If you go and look at the catalog at Arbonne.com you will see that this is a great deal.

I know, I know, things look really expensive. But with all the ways that you can get discounts through hosting parties or doing the Preferred Client program, you'll never have to pay full price.

I decided to do this after I did my research, read all the fine print, and went HUNTING for bad reviews, and didn't find any.

A lot of you know that I have been on a crusade against toxins in my home and in my life since spring of this year. This fits right into that, as all the products are botanically based, vegan, and cruelty free.

Not to mention that they are better quality than anything I've ever bought in a store.

So please, wont you host a party for me and get some free stuff?

Almost done

2011-07-22T15:10:38Z

I had my 2nd to last sitting for my Death Star last night.

Final sitting for color will be Aug 23rd. Pretty sad to have it come to an end. It's been nice getting my tattoo fix once a month for the last 5 months.

Here is what I had done last night. I'm in love with it. I want to make out with it. Brian is so incredibly talented.

some thoughts on all this Wisconsin business (or an open letter to the Governor)

2011-02-20T02:34:49Z

Along Williamson St, you will see signs that read "A Place For All People".

I moved here in 1999, from Cincinnati. Cincinnati, as a whole, is very socially divided. It is divided by race, religion, politics, and class. People overall stick with "their own" and don't intermingle much. It was just that way growing up. I never really saw anything wrong with it.

Enter Wisconsin. My eyes were opened and my life changed for the better.

I can be a liberal hippie and you can be a Republican and we can still be friends, because we respect and understand where the other person is coming from without having to convince them that we are right and they are wrong..

I can be a Pagan, and you can be a Christian, and we can still be friends, because we have a mutual respect for the other persons beliefs.

I can be poor and you can be wealthy, and we can still be friends, because money doesn't matter and we have common interests and enjoy each others company.

I can be one race and you can be another, and we can still be friends, because race doesn't matter and we have common interests and enjoy each others company.

THIS! This "I'm okay, you're okay" vibe is what I LOVE about Wisconsin. I love this state and the people in it. I'm here because I want to be and I hope I will be here for the rest of my life.

I have absolute faith in the people of Wisconsin right now that we are going to beat this thing. And it is because of the people in Wisconsin. It is because having RESPECT for other people, I think, is a basic value here.

And having been in the throng of the protests, I will say that it is one respectful crowd. Respectful and considerate people are surrounding the capitol right now, and that is what has made it such a peaceful protest all along.

So, I'm ok, and you're ok, but Gov. Scott Walker, you are not ok. You are not ok AT ALL.

Power to the people, and fight the good fight, and other such encouraging words.

Pretty proud of myself for this one. I made a tufted headboard.

2011-01-17T05:23:52Z

(man, having a little girl makes for an EXCELLENT excuse to make her all sorts of stuff and makes for a great creative outlet!)

So I posted last night about this, and here is photo progress and the finished product.

Back of poster frame with holes mapped and drilled for every 6 inches up and down.

Fabric on, polyfill stuffed. Here it kind of just looks like a big pillow.

TADA! Finished!

no flash

Yeah, I MADE A PIECE OF FURNITURE!

Day 2

2010-12-29T19:56:57Z

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession

I have an associates degree in Commercial Art but never did anything with it.

I truly love this mommy business more than I ever thought I could or would.

I could eat my weight in Grape Nuts.

I was supposed to be a boy named David, so I didn't have a name until I was 3 days old.

Having a kid is the best thing I have ever done.

My sense of smell is the strongest of all my senses, and that is why I get obsessed with things that smell nice.

I haven't painted my nails since July.

I am a much more organized person that my home would lead you to believe.

I have had every eating disorder under the sun, and much like being an alcoholic, I don't think that it is something that you ever recover from.

That is 9. You get no more.

That thing that everyone is doing.

2010-12-28T18:26:28Z

I haven't done an LJ meme in ages, and this seems a nice way to get people posting to LJ again, and it also seems a bit more introspective than the usual sort of meme. Also, I am procrastinating. So, here goes.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession

1. I miss you. Just because I have a kid now, doesn't mean that I don't still like hanging with my friends that don't have kids and doing the things I liked to do before I had Lily.

2. I selfishly hope you will stay forever. Life is more fun with you here.

3. I love you so much that it shakes me to my core.

4. Being your friend has made me a better person. Thank you for being a beautiful human being.

5. Sometimes, just the thought of you makes me have a flash of anger and hurt. But if I didn't feel that way, it would mean that I don't miss you, which I do. Bridges were never burnt, just made a little shaky to cross. If you ever want to meet me in the middle, we can work something out.

6. I hope someday that you find the great love that turns your world on its head, until then, I hope that you can become your own greatest love.

7. You deserve better than what you have, and you know it. I just you would get off your bum and go looking for it.

8. I am so amazed and humbled by you. I wish I could be more like you. I find you incredibly intimidating, and I hope that you don't see my reluctance to spend time with you as snobbery on my part. You just make me feel so small.

9. It was the e-card you sent. A dancing flower? Really? The most insensitive gesture of "sympathy" I have ever seen. That is why we aren't friends anymore. You don't have to live in the dark about that anymore. It was a last straw.

10. I wish Lily would know you growing up, but because of distance, it probably won't happen.

WOO!!!

2010-12-18T21:18:00Z

DADT has been repealed. I think that is worth posting here about.

Marlene Dietrich's Favourite Poem

2010-12-14T02:57:27Z

My mother loved it so she said
sad eyed pearl and drop lips
glancing pierce through writer man
spoke hushed and frailing hips
her old eyes skim in creasing lids
a tear falls as she describes
approaching death with a yearning heart
with pride and no despise

Hot tears flow as she recounts
her favorite worded token
forgive me please for hurting so
don't go away heartbroken no
don't go away heartbroken no

Just wise owl tones no velvet lies
crush her velvet call
oh Marlene suffer all the fools
who write you on the wall
and hold your tongue about your life
or dead hands will change the plot
will make your loving sound like snakes
like you were never hot

Hot tears flow as she recounts
her favorite worded token
forgive me please for hurting so
My mother loved it so she said
sad eyed pearl and drop lips yeah
glancing pierce through writer man
spoke hushed and frailing lips yeah
old eyes skim in creasing lids
a tear falls as she describes
approaching death with a yearning heart
with pride and no despise

Hot tears flow as she recounts
her favorite worded token
forgive me please for hurting so

~Peter Murphy

going back on my word.

2010-09-23T20:33:49Z

So I decided to post this, because it is kind of important and some of you arent on FB.

We might be moving to Green Bay, WI. Bob is on interview #3 for the (amazing paying) job right now. It pays more per year than my dreams have ever dreamed up. We would be able to provide Lily with a kushy, secure life where she could attend the best schools, wear the best dress to the prom, and go to whatever college she wanted. And on top of it all, GB's COL is about half of what Madison's is. Our apartment in GB would be about $500/month. Seriously.

It is a huge and scary move for us, and the scariest thing about it all, is that Bob gets this job, it will all happen FAST! We will have to pack up and GO! We could be gone before the end of September.

I love Madison with my whole heart. I came here when I was 22 as my big "I'm a grown up now and I'm starting my own grown up life". And I did. I have been building a life for myself here for 11 years.

I will be HEARTBROKEN to leave. But we'll make it work, as Tim Gunn would say.

And in closing, wouldn't YOU do anything for this little girl if her fate were in your hands?

good bye, LJ.

2010-07-22T03:22:49Z

Just FYI. I this will be my last LJ entry. I am not going to delete my journal, because the last 7 years of my life are documented here in various detail.

I've decided to start keeping a paper journal so that I have something tangible to touch and see and pick up and read.

I'll probably still keep reading my F-List and commenting, but I dont feel like I need you anymore, livejournal.

Anyway, that's all I got. I am Heidi Schaaf-Hensley on facebook if you dont already have me there.

*blows you all a kiss and tosses her hair as she turns away, shutting the door behind her*

my favorite FB status update today

2010-05-27T19:46:36Z

::(Donna Townsend) if your ass looks like a sack of cheeseburgers you might not want to wear skinny pants::

from the back porch

2009-12-09T18:01:04Z

I did this mostly for me.

2009-11-08T05:46:21Z

Just so I have a place to compare Lilys then and now pictures.

Lily from Day one to present (5 weeks 2 days)

Happy birthday, Lily!

Day 3 next to Elliot, who is 6 weeks older than her.

Day 4. First full day at home.

One week.

10 days

2 weeks

19 days. First stroller ride.

Ready to go out to lunch at a restaurant for the first time, somewhere around the 25th.

Hangin' with Daria, marciagirl's little girl.

Happy Halloween!

Bobs and my 4th wedding anniversary, Nov. 4th.

Yesterday morning, before going for a walk.

Today, in her Jenny Jump Up for the first time

Feb '10

March '10

April '10

rc="

Ok, now that I have put in all the text and html, I am looking forward to seeing how this all turned out. ^_^

repost from Neil. Give a girl with cancer a vacation!

2009-08-24T15:07:50Z

A rare public post from me.

(You can vote once a day from each of your computers)

I have a friend named Casey, who I met when she was a beautiful, slightly shy 16 year old through my friends Miss K and her father the Oak King/Traveler. In the past 3 years I have gotten to know Casey a little better and have watched her grow in confidence, passion and poise.

Last fall she went away to college, where she got to experience a lot of the things that make life both joyful and sad. She grew more into her own person which happens to be incredibly strong at it's core. Then after months of increasing pain in her back she went to have it checked (again) and the chiropractor cared enough to be very thorough in the exams he put her through.

What they discovered was that Casey has a large tumor eating away at her in her back and hip. The diagnosis? Osteosarcoma.

Casey isn't dying but the cancer has metastasized into her lungs and right shoulder. She will also be having her right leg and part of her pelvis amputated this September. This is because despite the fact the tumor has shrunk a little from the chemo - her leg has fractured badly just from walking on it.

A week or so ago, Casey entered into a contest by Victoria's Secret. The prize is a trip for two to New York City for 3 days of pampering at a spa, staying in a nice hotel, a shopping trip and seeing a city Casey has never been to. Although she seems to be more excited about being able to ride in an airplane. :)

So, if you have a minute each day - please vote for her at Profile #880. http://www.bodybyvictoria.com/#/Gallery/880

I'd really appreciate it - mostly because I'd like something good happen for a woman I consider to be one of my surrogate sisters. This is NOT how I wanted her to spend her summer in the slightest.

Right now Casey is sitting in second place behind a guy "writes in haikus."

poll

2008-12-19T06:46:38Z

View Poll: Butt Rock!

My Day At The Emergency Room

2008-06-17T02:42:18Z

ugh. what an ordeal the last couple of days have been. Around 3 today, I called my midwife beacuse I was soaking through a pad about every 15 minutes and was cramping WAY worse than yesterday, which I had no idea was even possible.

She tells me she is calling Meriter's ER so I wont have to wait and she wants me in there ASAP, and wants me to have a D&C.

So we get there, I am bleeding through my pants (mind you I put a pad on RIGHT before we left for the hospital and its less than a 10 minute drive) and they get me into a room in the ER, and put this big maxi-pad thing under me that is the size of the bed I was on. To give you an idea of how much I was bleeding, I SOAKED 4 of those within the 5 hours I was there. I have never seen so much blood in my life, except in zombie movies or maybe really gorey episodes of Law and Order.

So Dr. #1 comes in and does a really rough and painful pelvic. Stupid men. I'm never going to a male gyno ever.

Nurse comes in to prep me for a freakin' morphine IV. I opted out of the pain meds because the pain was coming in waves and wasnt ALWAYS terrible. While we are waiting for nurse #2 to come in, I push out a couple of baseball sized pieces of placenta or baby matter or whatever it was. At this point, I am still bleeding profusely.

Nurse #2 comes in and tells me that they are going to take me upstairs for an ultrasound. We wait another half an hour. Ultrasound shows lots of stuff still hangin' out in my uterus. Mr. Radiologist comes in to do ANOTHER one and when that one is done, I drop another baseball....on the floor of the ultrasound room.... In the 20 minutes I was getting the ultrasounds they changed my bed-sized pad twice.

I have no underware on, wearing a hospital gown, and they are just asking me to push everything out onto these huge pads. There was really very little pushing involved. In fact, some of them seemed jet-propelled from the inside.

On the way back down to the ER, I drop yet ANOTHER baseball.

Dr. #1 comes back in about AN HOUR later and asks how I am feeling. I have been losing buckets of blood the entire time I have been there. I am weak, I am hungry. I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything because I am about to go in for surgery. I get put on a freakin saline IV, and he tells me that the surgeon is coming in to talk to me about the D & C. FINALLY!

Another nurse comes in to take MORE blood to get a match in case I end up needing a transfusion (!!!)

By this time, my bleeding had slowed down enough that they put a pad under me that was only about the size of a doormat

Bob runs home to get me some clean pants. What an awesome hubby I have. I was so afraid that after today he is going to never want to come near my vagina ever again. I wouldn't!

Ms. Pretty Surgeon Younger Than Me finally comes in and does another pelvic. This time much more gentle and no where near as painful. She tells me that no, actually, I dont need a D & C. I passed everything except some small pieces while I was there and WAITING to get the D&C.

BUT she writes me a prescription for iron. Since I started bleeding yesterday, I have lost so much blood that it is going to take six months of taking an iron supplement to replace what I lost in iron.

We head home, and 10 minutes after we get here, the Saintly lipf3tish shows up at our door with....FOOOOD! It was the best thing anyone could have done for me at that particular moment in time...to feed me. And I swear this is the best taco dip I have ever eaten. Amy, I know that the things that you do for other people seem small to you, but they are never small to those that you do for. Big love to this girl!

NOW! I am exhausted. All I want in the whole world is a hot shower to wash the day off of me and then climb into bed.

I HOPE I will be up for Cap'n McDreamypants tomorrow.

Needless to say, I am TIRED, I'm a little annoyed that it took SO long.

The cat. It is out of the bag.

2008-04-24T01:49:04Z

YAY! I dont have to lock everything down anymore. If you're not sure what I am talking about see psych0tron's latest post & this post of mine from last week, that until today was under lock and key.

*cough* points at icon *cough*