Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
When I woke up I didn't know what to do except run. Connor was still passed out and I figured this was my best chance to get away from it all. Promised he'd come after me, but he'd have to find me first. Never used to be that good at runnin' away. Kakistos. Buffy. Angel. They always found me. But I was pretty sure I'd learned a thing or two since my ass had been sittin' behind bars for a couple years. Kid's best effort to keep me in check had been to threaten a couple of kids in a McDonald's playground. That was my big mistake, right there. Cared too much. Gettin' all soft just like I always accused Buffy of bein'. Not anymore. If it came down to me or...someone else I was gonna pick me. Picking someone else always came back to kick me in the ass and I was so over that noise. Angel betrayed me. Buffy. No one to trust anymore and that was fine. I'd figure it out on my own. Way it should've been when I got on that bus the first time around.
So I just bailed on him. Thought about just stompin' on his head until I heard a squish beneath my boots but in the end? I was always wicked bad at killing the people I meant to kill. Innocent bystanders in my way? Sure. Used to have no problem guttin' 'em like fish but people like B and Soul Boy? Never could get up the stones to do it, I seriously doubted I could kill Angel's son now. No matter how much I badly wanted to. Glancin' down at Connor's sleeping form on the bed I thought that Angel was gonna have his hands seriously full with this one. Good luck with that.
Didn't really know where to go or what to do and in the end? I ended up in the last place anybody would think to find me. A church. It was more or less abandoned save for the one senile old Priest who came in every single day hopin' that somehow people might come back to church. When he asked me what my name was and I told him it was Faith, he thought it was a sign. I guess he didn't get the joke. Because I seriously doubt my Mom had people goin' to church in mind when she named me. Probably more along the lines of she made so many guys see God she figured Faith was the best name for her daughter. The Priest was cool though and I ended up talkin' to him on and off during the day between his prayer. Couldn't tell him the whole story and when I told him bits and pieces of it he tried to get me to sign up for one of those homeless women's shelters. Yeah fucking right. This wasn't some Lifetime movie, this was something he'd never be able to understand. Felt kinda bad for the old guy so I offered to leave but he insisted that I stay. It was a sign after all.
Stupid, blind bastard. God can't save you.
Knew I was gonna have to do something about the....thing growin' inside of me. The Father gave me a card and a number with some Family Planning crap on it. Supposed to get the job done even if you don't got a dime to spare. Figured I'd go hit it up tomorrow but for tonight I was gonna hide. Hide away in the dark pew, the stain glass spreading eerie shadows along the walls and floor. I just sat there and stared up at the statue, tryin' to keep my hands from straying to my belly. Chain smoking. The Priest had already gone home for the night so I smoked cigarette after cigarette after cigarette. I'd clean up the butts in the mornin' before he came back for the day to wait for the people who'd never come to pray. There was nothin' to pray for.
Couldn't believe how fucking stupid I was sometimes. Actually, sometimes I knew all too well just how stupid I was. Like when I did things that I shouldn't do. Like sleepin' with Angel's psychotic son. Why had I done that again? I mean, yeah clearly I was kind've the type to screw around but I tried to not fuck my enemies. Usually. He just made me so pissed that I couldn't even see straight and I knew I couldn't kill him. Thought I'd establish a little bit of who was in control, wash him clean outta my system after I fucked him. No such luck. Tried. Failed. Story of my life. Now I had our baby, or at least I did if Wolfram and Hart really knew what they were talkin' about. Not only did I manage to screw the enemy, I almost managed to get knocked up. Oh yeah, Mom would be wicked proud right about now.
It didn't matter this time tomorrow night? Baby would be gone. Problem would be gone. I'd be long gone. I wonder what Tijuana is like.
So I just bailed on him. Thought about just stompin' on his head until I heard a squish beneath my boots but in the end? I was always wicked bad at killing the people I meant to kill. Innocent bystanders in my way? Sure. Used to have no problem guttin' 'em like fish but people like B and Soul Boy? Never could get up the stones to do it, I seriously doubted I could kill Angel's son now. No matter how much I badly wanted to. Glancin' down at Connor's sleeping form on the bed I thought that Angel was gonna have his hands seriously full with this one. Good luck with that.
Didn't really know where to go or what to do and in the end? I ended up in the last place anybody would think to find me. A church. It was more or less abandoned save for the one senile old Priest who came in every single day hopin' that somehow people might come back to church. When he asked me what my name was and I told him it was Faith, he thought it was a sign. I guess he didn't get the joke. Because I seriously doubt my Mom had people goin' to church in mind when she named me. Probably more along the lines of she made so many guys see God she figured Faith was the best name for her daughter. The Priest was cool though and I ended up talkin' to him on and off during the day between his prayer. Couldn't tell him the whole story and when I told him bits and pieces of it he tried to get me to sign up for one of those homeless women's shelters. Yeah fucking right. This wasn't some Lifetime movie, this was something he'd never be able to understand. Felt kinda bad for the old guy so I offered to leave but he insisted that I stay. It was a sign after all.
Stupid, blind bastard. God can't save you.
Knew I was gonna have to do something about the....thing growin' inside of me. The Father gave me a card and a number with some Family Planning crap on it. Supposed to get the job done even if you don't got a dime to spare. Figured I'd go hit it up tomorrow but for tonight I was gonna hide. Hide away in the dark pew, the stain glass spreading eerie shadows along the walls and floor. I just sat there and stared up at the statue, tryin' to keep my hands from straying to my belly. Chain smoking. The Priest had already gone home for the night so I smoked cigarette after cigarette after cigarette. I'd clean up the butts in the mornin' before he came back for the day to wait for the people who'd never come to pray. There was nothin' to pray for.
Couldn't believe how fucking stupid I was sometimes. Actually, sometimes I knew all too well just how stupid I was. Like when I did things that I shouldn't do. Like sleepin' with Angel's psychotic son. Why had I done that again? I mean, yeah clearly I was kind've the type to screw around but I tried to not fuck my enemies. Usually. He just made me so pissed that I couldn't even see straight and I knew I couldn't kill him. Thought I'd establish a little bit of who was in control, wash him clean outta my system after I fucked him. No such luck. Tried. Failed. Story of my life. Now I had our baby, or at least I did if Wolfram and Hart really knew what they were talkin' about. Not only did I manage to screw the enemy, I almost managed to get knocked up. Oh yeah, Mom would be wicked proud right about now.
It didn't matter this time tomorrow night? Baby would be gone. Problem would be gone. I'd be long gone. I wonder what Tijuana is like.
