Brazil

I am writing this from a beach towel in the garden of Ollie's guesthouse in the wilds of Brazil. I have been in the country just over twenty-four hours. These are my observations on Brazil so far:

 

1) There are no foreigners here, and the possibility that I might not speak Portuguese has not crossed anyone's mind. I have been brushing up with a copy of "Lonely Planet Portuguese Brazilian for hapless tourists" very hastily and also watching X Factor with Portuguese subtitles so I can now say things like "Desculpe, mas voce nao sei cantar." (Sorry, you cannot sing) and of course I can order beers or caipirinhas in a variety of quantities and say thank you if someone lets me out of my plane seat to go to the loo.

 

2) There is no flat land whatsoever. Perhaps for this reason, people use horses as a mode of transport rather than a recreational ride or a pet. More baffingingly, there are quite a quantity of Brazilians struggling up and down mountains on bicycles, though I am sure this is neither safe nor ergonomic.

 

3) A visit to the Brazilian equivalent of Walmart was enlightening. The only thing I recognised on the inside was mangoes. There are a lot of wafer biscuits, weak lagers and fruit juices. Everything contains twice as much sugar as the English equivalent. They have things that look like doughnuts but taste like cheesy wotsits, baps that contain a secret hanmburger, and indeterminate green and red jellied substances in salad pots.

 

4) A Brazilian cheeseburger is perfectly flat, as if made in a sandwich toaster, and comes served with 200ml of "homemade mayonnaise" (don't!!) in a plastic cup.

 

5) Brazilian parrots are invisible.

 

6) Brazilian sausage dogs are the same as the English ones - cute.

 

I have not had a caipirinha yet. I hope this will change soon. We are at the guesthouse until tomorrow evening, when we take the night bus from Sao Paulo to somewhere I have forgotten the name of and then catch a night bus to Ilha Grande, which is a little island where cars are not allowed but hippies and yoga are plentiful. Apparently there are going to be tropical thunderstorms but Ollie is in denial about this.