Beyond Your Peripheral Vision

I went to my cousin's wedding today. It was really nice... I had a good time. Everytime I thought I might cry I battled it with visions of bondage - worked out well lol. I have the song "Pretty Woman" in my head. I'm glad they didn't make me do the Electric Slide or the Macarena. I didn't try to catch the boquet.

Tomorrow I will go to my dad's house to hang with some family - some relatives from Cali came out and we never see them. I'll probably just end up taking care of everybody. My dad is really sick and my stepmother broke her foot by trying to free my brother from jail when playing capture the flag. I'm really concerned about my dad... I've never seen him like this. They ran a bunch of tests... gonna run a bunch more - so far they've found nothing. In between moving and working I will probably end up over there through the duration of their tough time... I can't leave my poor brothers to deal with this by themselves, nor my parents. My dad wasn't always there for me but I love him anyway and I will do what I can to help. He called me the other night at 11pm cause he couldn't sleep... first he told me that I should be gay cause then he wouldn't have to stare down any men (maybe it was the meds? lol) and then he told me that I inspire him to keep going. He said that he watched me endure and persevere through so much crap that it makes him want to keep going... makes him think he can too. Is it fucked up that I am my father's role model and he was never mine? Oh well, at least one of us has someone to look up to. In all honesty it felt really good to hear that. I'm really scared... but I will be the strong one for everyone like always.