Just to make it clear, in case anybody *coughStanandClydecough* is too fucking stupid to figure it out on their own, I HATE LIZZY. I WOULD SOONER STAB HER TO DEATH THAN KISS HER.

Next time anybody insinuates that I would ever contaminate myself by doing anything that disgusting, or that we are in anyway similar is going to get a body part broken.

I'm not a bad guy, though, so I'll let you pick which part.

I think the only reason I didn't try and slit my wrists half way through history today was because of Thomas. I love that kid. I fucking hate this town, though. And my stupid little sister.

Actually Clyde fell down some stairs while I was video taping him during a passing period, and that seriously made my day. He landed right on some awkward little freshman girl, and he took the opportunity to be a child molester and hit on her. I'm putting it on myspace.

I don't really like writing in this, because frankly, what happens to me and what I do is none of your business. This isn't any of your business either, but my best friend said that sometimes it's better to just get things out of your head, sometimes you just have to write the things you can't tell anybody down. Clyde's an idiot, but I don't know what else to do.

Something weird is going on with my family, and they're all being nice lately. Or just more chill. I have no idea why, it's like the therapy worked five years later than it was supposed to, but whatever. Maybe everybody just gave up all the sudden, I don't know yet, but it's nice.

Especially because I've been at home a lot lately.


Really fucked up things happen in this town all the time, it's no big deal, and it never has been. But for the first time in my life, I don't know what to do. I wish I'd learned what it's like to care about something because I can't make this go away with just some smart ass remark. It's like all I know how to do. It's always worked for me.


When I was little, I always wanted to be in the movies I watched. I wanted so much for them to be real, to know what it was like to be in love, to be enchanted by something beautiful and strange, to overcome. Real life never works that way, and nothing is ever as shiny and new as you think it is, but all the same, I feel so surreal now. I feel like I've stepped into American Beauty, or Mysterious Skin. Thumbsucker. Chumscrubber. The Royal Tenenbaums. Igby Goes Down. Half Nelson. Manic. The Lookout. The Dangerous Lives Of Alter Boys. The United States Of Leland.

Fucked up things happen to everybody, but it never mattered before, and I'm sorry. The only thing I can even think of saying is that you're still the coolest kid I've ever met.

And you're the only person who's ever scared me.

( lyrics, just becauseCollapse )

I hate being in hospitals.


After all this, I'm just going to tell my family about Thomas. He's more important to me than they are anyway.

Fuck, I don't want to go to work again tomorrow. Also I'm pretty sure Brook is up to something...

If she tells my parents about Thomas, I'll break her neck, I swear to god. For the record, my dad is an asshole, and I don't want to have to deal with my mom's stupid questions. It's not like this is really any of my family's business anyway.

Guess I'm going to watch Funny Games. It's been a minute since I saw a fucked up Indy movie. Wrist Cutters is next.

I want to do a documentary.

I haven't gotten anything filmed lately. I haven't had a lot of ideas since...



I saw Diary of the Dead, and I think this town is fucked up enough to generate an audience.

Hey Tom, how's mother's day treating you?

Your mom should seriously look into adopting me. My mom has all but sold my sister and I into slavery today. My dad cleared out pretty quick, something about getting gas for the lawn mower, but he never came back. Fuck him, the lawn mower has gas, and now I have to do everything he was supposed to be doing today. He'd better have gotten into a car accident.




Thus goes everyone to the world but I, and I am sunburnt.

I've been working a lot lately, and the only good thing about it is that I spend almost no time at home. My dad doesn't really care what I do or don't do, but my mom is always on my ass about everything. And Brook is like her little suck up clone...

I wish I could just live with Thomas, but when I don't come home my mom won't stop calling me.


Work's good, though. I was just kidding about not being able to go to collage after the party, Bebe. Plus, some of you assholes tip pretty well.

Listening to Fugitive Motel and I've got to admit, it's kind of strange. Lizzy I would expect this from. Kyle I would not.
I don't know what's going on with Clyde anymore, and I'm not going to try and figure it out... Didn't really think he would do this either. It is kind of in the vein of stupid romantic, though.

I hope one of those assholes brought a camera.


Token and I were talking about roadtripping this summer, though I'm not sure who would take care of Sly while I was gone. I really wouldn't trust my stupid sister with him, the vengeful little harpy...




I wish my parents would just get a fucking divorce. Thomas, want to do something after school?

Satisfied, Lizzy?

... I think am.