When someone dies you tend to only remember the good things they did. All the rest seems to slip away. Eventually the good will fade away too but not at first. At first it's all you can think about. That... and the fact that no one should have to die at such a young age.
So maybe she wasn't ready to face the truth. She kept telling herself that she loved him. Her tears fell and she could only think about the times he wouldn't be around anymore to hold her tightly or whisper in her ear. In that moment, those things were all she wanted.
She looked down at his body lying there, staring at the concealed wound that had killed him. He looked so calm.
He never looked so calm when he was alive but she didn't think about that. She pushed most of her thoughts about him out of her mind. This was a day for him to be remembered, not a day for her to hate him. After all, she loved him... or she wouldn't have stayed around as long as she did.
Or... maybe she didn't have a choice. Maybe she had to stay with him, but she certainly wasn't thinking about any of that.
Say a prayer for him. Pray he's in a good place. Place a rose on his coffin. Watch him leave her forever. Wish he wasn't really gone.
She turned to walk away as tears streamed down her face. Now not only did she not have her friends whom she left for him... she didn't have him either.
She knew her friends wouldn't welcome her with open arms. She knew that perhaps they had been right about him but she still stuck by him... til his bitter end. After all he put her through, she loved him.
She walked home from the cemetery, she didn't want to get a ride and take a shortcut. She wanted it to take a long time. She had some places she wanted to walk in front of... just to see.
Past Johnny's house, no one was there. Past Charlie's house, same thing. Past Jamie's house, everyone gone again. None of her old friends seemed to be home. She just wanted to see one of them, just a glimpse.
She took a right where she would normally take a left to get to her place that she used to share with him but obviously, with him being dead, belonged solely to her now. Down three blocks and then she took another right.
She walked slowly, almost creeping up to Jenna's house. It was her last hope. She didn't expect anyone to be home, but even less did she expect what she got.
Jenna was there... on the sidewalk... arms open... waiting for her... She ran up and hugged Jenna, trying to keep her tears from spilling over but failing miserably. Jenna had tears in her eyes too, for exactly the same reason, Jenna had missed her.
"I'm so sorry," she said as she pulled away from Jenna's caring embrace. She tried to wipe her tears but more still poured out. "I missed you guys... I miss him."
"I'm sorry that you had to go through his death but don't expect me to say I'm sorry he died because I'm not going to lie to you..." Jenna said firmly.
"I loved him," she replied. "And he loved me. He stayed when you didn't."
"He beat you. He didn't love you. You know we're right. We only cared about you... but you pushed us away. Don't even try to say that we abandoned you!" Jenna yelled.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. It was wrong of me," she said as she turned around and began to walk back towards her place.
So stubborn in her love for him, would she ever accept that he did do horrible things to her and she was the one who left her friends for him because he didn't trust them to not make her see the truth?
Her tears fell and she could only think about the times he wouldn't be around anymore to hold her tightly or whisper in her ear. She didn't remember in that moment that the times he held her tightly, his hands shouldn't have been around her neck... or that when he whispered in her ear, he shouldn't have been whispering that he could so very easily slit her throat right then and there. The truth was... her friends were right, no matter how much she didn't want to see it.
Not wanting to allow her to walk away once again without a fight, Jenna ran in front of her and blocked her path. "Listen, I love you. Don't leave. Everyone's inside if you want to see them or I'll walk with you to your place if you don't want to see them. We can hang out or something. Please don't do this... again. Please," Jenna begged.
She just stood there with her head down, not once looking up while Jenna spoke or even as she spoke, "He didn't beat me. He loved me."
Jenna gently moved the hair off of her neck to reveal a multitude of bruises and she finally looked up when Jenna touched one. "I'll bet this wasn't his handy work either, now was it?" Jenna asked pointing to the hand shaped bruise.
She covered her neck back up and put her fingers underneath of her hair to feel the pain as she rubbed her fingers over her skin softly.
"You can't tell me you seriously believe he loved you and he didn't beat you. What is that if he never touched you the wrong way?" Jenna asked.
"Look, just..." she started. Her tears were falling down her face still and landing on the ground below, millions of tears. She got really quiet before continuing and looked back at the ground. "Please dont make me face all this right now... I don't think I can handle it."
Jenna almost couldn't hear the words that had left her mouth but they were just barely loud enough to leave their impression on Jenna. She was right. Jenna was pushing this on her and Jenna shouldn't be. Jenna was trying to rip open emotional wounds that she had. Jenna was being emotionally abusive to her at this moment because Jenna couldn't just let it go for long enough for her to deal with everything going on.
"I'm sorry," Jenna said for the first time. "I'll stop. Come inside, see everyone, we all missed you. Charlie's in there, and Jamie, Lisa, Johnny, Vanessa, Susan, Phoebe, Greg, all of them. Come inside. Please?"
Jenna's arm stretched out and she gently took Jenna's hand and let Jenna lead her inside. Maybe it wasn't the way she had wanted to finally see her friends again, but it was better late than never.
She did miss him and no one could say if she would ever stop missing him. Yes, he beat her. Yes, she was finally able to come to terms with that a long time later but that doesn't change the fact that he had been a major part of her life for a long time. When he first died she had only thought of all the good things he had done, but eventually, thoughts of him faded away and she was able to live her life normally, or as normally as possible considering it would take a lot for her to ever trust a guy again.
But eventually, that trust did come again, and since it took so much to get that trust, this time it was certain that that trust was put in the right person.
Happily ever after isn't just an overused cliche, it's also possible. Only problem, happily ever after never comes to those with perfect lives. It only seems to happen to those who have overcome a terrible hardship or something they shouldn't have had to.
Happily ever after did happen for her.
got that from quizilla.com. i love that place...but not when it decides to shut down after a certain time. but yeah..
I know I havent updated in a looong time...but yeah. Benn kinda busy lately...with things. Yeah...things nobody knows about. And its probably gonna stay that way. Which is fine with me. Oh..Nancy just told me that my ethnic stud name is Antonia Sanchez...woo! Yeah. Things are going pretty good with me. Just need to work on my grades...A LOT! But yeah. Classes I know I am doing good in are... Band, Math, QBASIC, and English. I really wanna work harder this grading period. But i doubt i will. But there is still hope. Isnt that what they say in LOTR?? Yeah...I dunno. I think I am making a new friend. I dunno. She is a girl that rides my bus...both busses to be exact. She was talking to me today about how she only goes to the games to see the band play. But who could blame her??? Anyways...she is really nice. And kinda funny. ruthie might know who i am talking about... The freshman? That was talking about being gay and using the bus seat..and yeah.. Yep.
Omg...on my second bus this one girl asked me if my trombone was a flute! What are they teaching kids these days?? Its crazy.
I think Im sick...and its not looking too good.
I think Binx is gonna die soon. He is just getting old. I dont know what I would do without him. Oh well. ttygl.
Oh yeah... AND!!!! Binx's ethnic stud name is...drum roll please...
Sebastian Apasionado
