Rosh Hashanah funnies

What kind of bread should be used for Tashlikh?


For ordinary sins: White Bread

For exotic sins: French Bread

For particularly dark sins: Pumpernickel

For complex sins: Multi-Grain

For twisted sins: Pretzels

For tasteless sins: Rice Cakes

For sins of indecision: Waffles

For sins committed in haste: Matzo

For sins of chutzpah: Fresh Bread

For the sin of substance abuse/marijuana: Stoned Wheat

For the sin of substance abuse/heavy drugs: Poppy Seed

For the sin of committing auto theft: Caraway

For the sin of committing arson: Toast

For the sin of passiveness when action is warranted: Milk Toast

For the sin of being ill-tempered/sulky: Sourdough

For the sin of cheating customers: Shortbread

For the sin of risking one's life unnecessarily: Hero Bread

For the sin of excessive use of irony: Rye Bread

For the sin of telling bad jokes: Corn Bread

For the sin of being money hungry: Raw Dough

For the sin of war-mongering: Kaiser Rolls

For the sin of immodest dressing: Tarts

For the sin of promiscuity: Hot Buns

For the sin of promiscuity with gentiles: Hot Cross Buns

For the sin of davening (praying) off tune: Flatbread

For the sin of being holier than thou: Bagels

For the sin of indecent photography: Cheesecake

For the sin of over-eating: Stuffing Bread

For the sin of gambling: Fortune Cookies

For sin of abrasiveness: Grits

For sins of pride: Puff Pastry

For the sin of cheating: Baked Goods with NutraSweet and Olestra

For sins of impetuousness: Quick Bread

For negligent slip-ups: Banana Bread

For the sin of dropping in without warning: Popovers

For the sin of perfectionism: Angel Food Cake

For the sin of loud talking on cell phones and/or in public places: CHALLA

For negligent or intentional sins not arising out of violation of contract or statute: TORT(E)S!


(Compiled by Rabbi Richard Israel, may his memory be for a blessing.)