you see a mousetrap, I see free cheese and a fucking challenge

There was a cheap front-row ticket available for The Play That Goes Wrong on Saturday.

I cannot do this, I thought. I saw this play less than a week ago. I cannot possibly afford to get into the habit of seeing this play every week.

So I did the sensible, responsible thing: I begged my housemates to buy the ticket instead, so I wouldn't be able to. Tem picked it up, went to the show and had a good time! I enjoyed hearing about xyr experiences afterwards.

Tem had brought a feathery crow-shaped handbag to the theatre. There's a bit before the show begins where the character of Trevor asks the audience whether they've seen a dog, Winston, who's expected to star in the play. Apparently, the exchange between Trevor and Tem went something like this:

Tem: Is the dog still missing?
Trevor: (pointing at Tem's crow bag) What's that?
Tem: It's a crow! Her name's Lenore.
Trevor: That's brilliant, that is.
Tem: Maybe she could play the dog?
Trevor: She could be the understudy? Maybe you could voice her. Can you bark?

When Tem was telling us about this:

Tem: So I started barking, right there in the theatre. Which is not something I usually do.
(Rei starts snickering.)
Rei: You did petplay with Trevor.
Tem: I... yes, I suppose I did do petplay with Trevor. I barked in front of a theatre of people just because a man told me to. (pointing aggressively at me) Put that on your Dreamwidth, Riona.

Afterwards, both Robert's actor and Trevor agreed that, if they'd used Tem's crow in place of the missing dog, it would have saved the play.

A small child in Tem's front row apparently took the missing dog VERY SERIOUSLY. She checked under everyone's seats and asked, 'Has anyone checked backstage?' When she asked Chris how the search for the dog was going, his response was 'The dog's lost? Oh, Christ.'

The same child also very sincerely asked 'Are you okay?' whenever someone was hurt in the play. Which is cute! Although it does sound like she had a very concerning afternoon at the theatre.

After Tem had regaled us with xyr theatrical adventures:

Me: By the way, I'm going to be out on Wednesday evening.
Tem: Oh, what are you doing?
Me: N-normal things.
(pause)
Tem: Are you going to The Play That Goes Wrong again?
Me: ...maybe.
Tem: Riona! I went to the theatre so you wouldn't have to, and then I came back to find you'd bought more theatre tickets while I was at the theatre! So there was no point to it at all! Why did I even go to the theatre? Just to 'have a good time'??

So, yes, I went to see The Play That Goes Wrong for the fourth time yesterday. I'm an embarrassment.

I'd brought a friend of mine, Fedz, who was seeing the show for the first time. 'This is incredibly stupid,' he commented in the interval, 'and I love it.'


( The Play That Goes Wrong, 21 October 2026. )


I thought at first, getting into a theatre fandom, that I was lucky to live in London. I have now realised that it is, in fact, a curse. The Play That Goes Wrong is on almost every day! Counting matinées, I could see this play up to eight times per week! It would bankrupt me, obviously, but it is tantalisingly possible.

I'm still running my Robert Grove roleplay account over at robertgoodactor! My previous efforts at roleplay have mostly just been a couple of hours here and there on LJ/DW comment threads or the Neopets roleplay boards, so this is the first time I've inhabited a single character for a more extended period. It's an interesting experience!

The fascinating thing about roleplaying Robert is that it really helps me understand why he is Like That about Chris. Robert keeps trying to connect with Chris in what, in his head, is a friendly way. Chris, who's been burned by Robert too many times before and does not trust him, responds with defensiveness or lashing out, trying to keep Robert at arm's length. Robert, upset not to get the response he was hoping for, lashes out in return, leaving Chris more wary and Robert more desperate to connect, and so the cycle continues. It's breaking my heart a little!

When Chris is hostile, I-as-Robert crave his approval; when Chris is standoffish, I find myself provoking him in an effort to get any reaction out of him, good or bad. It's a fascinating simulation of exactly how their relationship might have ended up being so weird.

Below, for the sake of preservation, are a few of the less context-dependent posts Robert has made, mainly responses to messages from others. (For a small amount of context, the Tumblr Cornley Drama Society is currently preparing to put on the Rocky Horror Show, with Robert in the role of Frank-N-Furter.) If Tumblr ever explodes, you can find a few more of Robert's responses in the comments of this Dreamwidth post. Feel free to send messages of your own!


( A handful of in-character posts as Robert. )


On an embarrassing impulse, I sent a message to my own Robert Grove roleplay account; I'm just so fond of Robert, and I wanted to let him know! When Tem saw this:

Tem: Riona! These are both you! Is this a Fight Club situation? Are you aware that Robert Grove only... that he—
Riona: He only exists inside me. I know.
(Tem gives me such a look.)
Tem: You wish.

I did not have specific plans to see The Play That Goes Wrong again. But there was a ticket available in the front row for yesterday's matinée at only £25, and... look, the point is that I don't think I can be held accountable for my actions.

Sitting in the front row was so much fun! I've only previously seen The Play That Goes Wrong from the back of the dress circle. The Duchess is a small theatre, so even the view from the very back is a good one, but there's a lot you pick up in the front that you might miss otherwise: facial expressions, muttered or whispered lines. (The 'this is an actual play going awry' conceit of The Play That Goes Wrong means that the 'actors' will sometimes mutter or hiss at each other in a 'this isn't intended to be heard by the audience' way you wouldn't usually see in a regular play.)

The whole cast was great, but I'm thrilled to report that I loved the depiction of Robert in particular! Because I'm so attached to Robert as played by Henry Lewis, I can be a little nervous about seeing other actors in the role, but I thought Will Bishop's Robert was fantastic; he's easily my favourite Robert I've seen after Lewis's. He's an understudy, so I felt very fortunate to have had the opportunity to see him!

Before the play, Chris pursued Trevor down the aisle next to my seat. "We've got to be up in six minutes - don't run away from me! What are you doing? Trevor, what are you doing?"

They ended up standing at the other end of the front row, in front of the stage, having a quiet argument. I could make out occasional snippets: Trevor telling Chris, "It's not my fault," or saying, "Tell him what happened," to the audience.

Eventually, Chris grabbed Trevor by the front of his T-shirt and shoved him against the lip of the stage. "Whoa!" Trevor exclaimed.

Chris kept him pinned there for a couple of seconds, then let go and stalked away while Trevor demanded of the audience, "Did you see that??"


( The Play That Goes Wrong, 11 October 2026. )


In the interval, Trevor came by my seat and asked me and my seat neighbour whether we'd seen the missing dog.

Me: Could you ask one of the human actors to play it instead?
Trevor: I could try, but I don't know if they'd go for it. Robert would be furious.
Me: Maybe he'd just be glad to have more stage time.
Neighbour: (to Trevor) Maybe you could play it yourself.
Trevor: Yeah, right. Can you imagine me on that stage? How about one of you?
Me: I don't know if I'd be much good at barking.
Neighbour: I've got three poodles at home.
Me: So you're qualified!
Trevor: Could you get one of them over here?
Neighbour: They're in Belfast.
Trevor: Yeah, probably cutting it a bit fine. Let me know if you think you can get them here, though. At least someone's taking this seriously.

He handed me a flyer and walked away.


I was so pleased to receive this; what a cool souvenir!

I showed the flyer to the woman next to me, and we got chatting. I asked her about her dogs. She asked if I had any dogs of my own.

"I have two cats," I said.

"Older or younger?" she asked.

"Than... me?" I asked, bewildered.

She was asking whether they were on the older or younger side for cats, it turns out! I was very confused for a moment.

(I've ended up chatting with fellow audience members at most of the Mischief shows I've been to, come to think of it! Something about these silly plays really brings people together.)

A thoroughly enjoyable theatre visit! The only problem is that I now find myself hoping to see Will Bishop in the role of Robert again, but he's an understudy, so it's unlikely to happen unless I personally incapacitate the principal actor.

Mischief, if you're listening: this man should be your Robert in the next cast reshuffle. You've got the perfect person for the role right here. Give me some professionally shot promotional photographs of Bishop's Robert for my website, while you're at it.