The Darth JennoCyde NecroSith Guide to The Galaxy (or You Eat What You Kill)...

It's Been A While...

maris_stella — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 08:42:09 GMT

I miss when this was popular. Ah the memories! So MUCH has changed and a lot has remained the same. Feels like I lived a different life back then. There are some things I miss, some things I don't miss, happy memories, and sad memories. All I can say at the moment is if I have my way there will be MANY more years and memories made in my future. 😻😺💀👽💖💞💋💜❤💝

Back Here...I'll ALWAYS Like This Most of All! ;)

maris_stella — Sun, 10 Jun 2012 05:57:48 GMT

Well nothing much to talk about...And venting is getting lame and boring. Time to shake things up a bit in my life! I miss having wild times and crazy fun! I do appreciate a quiet, stable life, but I do need a bit of "excitement"! I'll be the "big 4-0" in September, and that's one new decade I do NOT want to take for granted like the 20's and 30's. Life is a big learning experience, and I've learned a LOT along the way. I dont regret my life, because I've had a fun ride and plenty of ups, downs, near misses, and "glorious moments"! My ONLY sort of "regret" is not taking a lot of pictures in the past! So many things that would've made some memorable pictures and helped me remember things...Oh well, if I have my way about it there will be fun times ahead and the MINIMUM of any sad times! As for any "venting"? Why bother? I'll just take the "it's not my problem" view, let him be as he wants all stagnant and stuck, while I continue to do whatever the fuck I want...

And I'm Back Here AGAIN... ;P

maris_stella — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 09:43:07 GMT

Hello??? **looks around in the darkness** I guess most have abandoned this once "popular" place :( Myspace was fun while it lasted, not the current thing is Facebook. Sharing isnt as "mandatory" there as it is here! On this site youre writing your thought, not just posting cool pictures and a bunch of comment like conversations! This here "Livejournal" is bare bones no nonsense, unless some of us hold back just a fucking bit heheheh! Well it's a new year and timne for the usual hoping it's a good one! A year is what you make of it to the best of your ability! Just take care of what you need to, try to follow through on whatever goals and plans you have made, and things will be fine...Here's hoping there will be MANY more years to come, before our journals,facebook pages, and other online memorabilia become part of our "internet epitaph and gravestone"...

Here I Am Again...

maris_stella — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 22:47:33 GMT

Yeah I ran off to Myspace, then Facebook, but this is the BEST place to go when I need to vent...

Maybe I say things wrong sometimes? Maybe I come off to some as confrontational? Maybe I'm wrong? But I still stand my ground and feel I'm right anyway...

Well instead of getting into the entire story I will come to the point...

Today I started mentioning 4th of July plans to a friend on the phone. So later on my mother-in-law decided to ask myslef and husband what our plans were for that day. I got a little upset because there are THREE kids in her family NOT just my husband, and its like she never asks them anything! My brother-in-law has his life, does his thing, and lives in the apartment across the hall--he's the oldest. My sister-in-law is 19 shes the youngest. She makes her plans and lives her life. My husband? He's the middle kid...Content to sit around and play his PC games with his online buddies using his Steam account. Ok no issue with any of this...

The issue why does his mother usually if not always come to us about things??? Like herdaughter csnt make time to bring her mom to the fireworks? Like she cant try to make plans with Ralph? I just hope that whenever we move she doesnt keep acting the same way! I'm not trying to be mean, not trying to be disrespectful, not trying to cause a fight or problems!

When I said something they both got attitudes...Interesting how he could get so riled up about that, but anything to do with our relationship barely gets that much energy! Even when we talk its jt silence and the "of course I love you" thing...Most couples make plans for their future, get excited about anniversaries, plan their holidays together, etc.

I keep thinking that we will never have the level of relationship where we are mutually spontaneuos, adventurous, romantic, fun loving, etc. Makes me just want to start crying, but I dont thing its worth my emotional input anymore. If he is just content to jump for everyone else, but barely put any energy into "us", maybe its time I shut my emotions down and plan for MY future. He is a very nice person, but lacks that spark...

If things between us dont work out, I am done with relationships. Things are fun in the beginning, but some stupid crap always has to mess things up! Illness, and harsh things in life I fully understand, but this drama I will no longer tolerate if anyone else is in my future. I dont want to be attached emotionally to anyone, I've had enough of being the one who always wants some "sexy time" only to hear the "I'm tired, you always want it, I want to sleep, lets just cuddle" routine. And I've been hearing that from more than one person over the years!

I will be 39 this year, and am not going to waste the rest of my years upset over anyones stupid crap! NOT in a relationship, NOT in friendships! Unless its one of the responsibilities of life, than I will have NO MORE patience...

???? just that....

maris_stella — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 01:50:06 GMT

It's been 4 years...This is a very good person,but there are a few issues I am at a loss on how to handle! I'm currently in the process of waiting for the good news that things will be done and I can get my life back to "normal". I have once again learned an important lesson the hard way, NEVER to live with others no matter how close friends we are! That situation led me to this one. I dont regret anything, but feel so sad!Now I've also learned that not everyone who is biologically an adult, truly is! Meaning some have to be "out there where its rough" to grow up! Four years and this person hasnt acted like he wants us to move into our own place and be self-sufficient! Interesting how his brother was the same age when he was ready to move out! If it was left up to him, he'd probably live with his mother for the rest of his life, just sitting in his room, online, playing internet videogames, and rarely seeing his close friends! These friends by the way are married on their own, and one has his own family already! So it's not like all his pals are doing what he does! Most are working, and on their own already!I think that due to the fact that I'm "low-maintenance",not a "domestic type", and never was the type of woman to "make demands" in a relationship---that men never took me seriously! I'm starting to realize why so many prefer to remain "single", with either "Friends with benefits", or the occasional "fun time", or have just given up on anything "romantic"...It's a wonderful thing to be in a reasonably harmonious relationship, but seemingly rare that both people are on the same page...Eh I'm not complaining. Just venting quietly in a positive manner!Heh its also interesting how he doesnt seem to take care of his possessions! I was taught from childhood to take care of what I have so it lasts! I've noticed his lack of warbrobe(including any footwear), and how things electronic end up breaking but he "doesnt know why"...Whenever he had some type of job he never bought clothes or footwear. Just gadgets and food, and whatever bills he decided to help his mother with...I hope I can stick things out longer, and not just up and disappear. He's really a nice guy, cooks(although I wonder if he only does it because its the fastest way he'll be able to eat hehehe),and isnt abusive or wild. It's just the few things that bother me so much! I'm far from expecting perfection from anyone! I'm sure things will work themselves out! There is a new year 2011 ahead, and a lot for me to look forward to! Oh and by the way, whats wrong with a few beers in the evening? We had a little argument and that was the thing he could find to pick on? Hey I'm not boozing it with heavy stuff, just some Mike's Hard Punch and some Heineken! This coming from the one who these days never drinks, but has tales of years past where he got caught coming home drunk! Also the first time we hung out, we had went to my firends place and drank Vodka straight from the bottle!Heh he's just jealous because I know how to have fun, go out sometimes, and enjoy my life! He's so repressed and too "laid back", and it makes me wonder....They say "still waters run deep"...Well happy holidays if anyone still reads this! Yeah I've given into the "Facebook Craze"...But this is where I can TRULY vent and "write" my mind...

Writer's Block: Me 10 Years Ago

maris_stella — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 09:04:54 GMT

Hmmm I think my best friends would say I'm still the same. I just dont get to go clubbing as much as I used to. I think they'd also say I'm a little calmer now since I've been with my husband! I dont mind staying home as much now that I'm happy to be there! So I guess I'd still be mostly the same!

Now This is Definitely a 'Sign of the Times'...

maris_stella — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 19:33:47 GMT

A person stating outright that they dont want to work because they dont want to put up with asshole managers!Now this person has been unemployed since 2008!They claim its difficult to get a job,yet theyre not skilled in any major field(computer work,business work,etc.)that would take time to get situated and well paid in!For example this person hasnt even applied for basic retail work,on a regular basis!They will put in a few applications, then give up and not keep at it! Well its the mothers fault to an extent!If P. was suddenly without mommy to live with for free(many adult kids pay bills with their parents,so living at home is no excuse to be lazy),the rest of the family wouldnt be so lenient!And what if this person had kids?Not going to feed your kid because you dont want to work because of bad experiences with managers?Well I told this person I've had bad experiences with managers,co-workers,customers,and sometimes all at the same time!!!I've worked about 20 years(from 17 until now 37)!I've not lived with my family since I moved out at 19 years old!My entire work life I've only been unemployed a total of THREE months,and that wasnt consecutive!I've dealt with some situations that made me cry and feel so depressed,yet I've kept the struggle of daily living!Now I understand if someone has mental or physical illness that prevents them from working for at least a living wage!But the people who have BARELY done for themselves,and act like they are entitled I have no respect for! Now I'm not talking about rich or well to do people! This situation is among poor barely making ends meet folk!The mom gets SSI and she is lucky enough for Section 8 to help!She is definitely disabled, but has worked most of her life before the disability became worse!So she's earned the right to not have to work!The person in question is under 25,barely any work experience,no GED or high school diploma,has internet access meaning can do many applications daily,is a male who can do even the hard work females cant do,yet plays videogames all afternoon after sleeping all morning...So makes me wonder,is most of this generation doomed to be a bunch of lazy fucks?Does life have to kick certain people in the ass BIG TIME for them to grow up? Or are some born to be stupid,yet arent mentally retarded?

Writer's Block: I'm the Boss

maris_stella — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 00:09:42 GMT

Well they would have to be men and women that I think are hot and of course goth/metal/or rivet types!!!...Theyd have to have money...And their purpose would be to never let me stay sad/hurt/depressed, bored/no motivation, or feel unloved!

Writer's Block: Animal magnetism

maris_stella — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 08:44:37 GMT

I'd be a spoiled cat...Preferrably pure bred Russian Blue or Siamese...Why? I want to have someone spoil me,brag about me and show me off in cat shows where I make it worth their time, and treat me better than many humans...Sometimes pets get far better treatment than humans do!

More Venting...This and Previous blog.

maris_stella — Sun, 18 May 2008 06:07:37 GMT

Ok i'm not totally "anti-social", but sometimes I find that when I'm not in the mood to senselessly yap, there's always someone around who is!!!!! UGH!!! In the past folks have said I"talk too much", and sometimes these days I judge from some folks i deal with now that maybe they had a point at times. Now when i get buzzed and happy, i do blather a bit these days. But at least most of the time I dont go ona dn on like i'd drop dead from being quiet!!!! Also I feel very agitated when foks act like they cant do things themselves!!! We all should at least a few times in our lives contemplate "what if i'm disabled, and have to live on my own"? How much can you do yourself and how much would you not be able to do depending on your disability???

Also children, remember that when you become an adult it is ok to have your own life!!!! Parents who were good to you, do deserve respect, but they and you must realize that a child should have his or her own life too as an adult!!! As in parents should have their own social circle and life, and not expect most things to fall on their children!!!
Just had to vent based on a few things going on.

Safe journeys and be well everyone!!!

Hello....

maris_stella — Sun, 18 May 2008 05:47:14 GMT

Just thought I'd pop back to this site and start writing again. Feels like I've lost the urge to write due to laziness! Also it's like other than a few folks no one reads this or even cares. I never started a journal for the benefit of others, but then you see other journals with tons of comments! Well whatever, here I go into a new entry!

Sometimes I feel like the dead are more important to many than the living. You'll hear about folks getting tatoos, making memeorials and other types of things that make it seem like the living are no way as important than the "dead". I'm not going to get into specifis here, but thats how I feel. Appreciate the people while they are around physically and stop getting al sentimental once they arent around in this "realm"! I coud get into the pros and cons of both sides of this argument, but I decided to write a venting blog, not a dscussion! Also I like the fact that if I was some "popular" type, that what a certain person put me through a few years ago wouldve been actually dealt withand not practically swept under the rug so to speak! Sometimes in life if you fuck up royally, you shouldnt get away with it--no matter how much you try to sugarcoat things in your favor!!! I feel like maybe it's time for me to start speaking up on things, and stop thinking so much! This person did what they did, before that acted so damn high and mighty as if they could do no wrong, and now trys to play the pity party(even though this person would never admit it). I wont even stoop to their level to get confrontational about things. Obviously the times we tried to talk it out were just bullshit, and judging from their current actions I'm not "popular" enough so the situation didnt make a difference! If I were certain other people and this person pulled that shit, there would be hell to pay!!! Well guess what??? There's the term "silent, but deadly" for a reason!!!

Now on to more positive things...If one more person asks "how's amrried life?" i will seriously contemplate either getting rather rude or starting a major dialog as to the fact that this type of question might be considered offensive by some. Why??? Ok if folks can fuck like the animals, have kids without a marriage bond, even have relations with totalt strangers...then how the hell is "married life" such a reason for questionand discussion??? How is it??? I can fuck any damn time I please and not have to look for some "man meat"!!! Ok???? Sometimes things can get annoying, but you know what, ANYONE can annoy me if I'm around them long enough. Even i can be damn rude and ill tempered sometimes! I married someone who is also one of my best friends, goofy, somewhat annoying at times(but what man isnt har har har), downright strange plenty of times(keeps things interesting), and had the guts to get married!!! He's not the type to just share his "man meat" all around town, and has no problem with the idea of one woman for the rest of his life! Hmmm maybe because if I'm happy with a guy I make sure he knows how HOT I think he is, and how ready i am to blank blankety blank whenever and wherever when I damn feel like it!!! Just think I totally appreciate a man when he treats me good. Married life? Well if folks can stick their dicks in random pussy, and suck random penis/pussy, and pop out brats even "by accident"(I wont get into that discussion right now), then whats so "shocking" about marriage??? Absolutely NOT a fucking thing damn it!!! That question makes me feel like saying rude things to any who ask it. Hmmmm maybe I'll figure out a rude but hee hee "acceptable" way of answering said question! while folks may not seek to offend with that question, realize that my life was never about fucking all over the universe! I've always been the type to prefer relationships, whether they went good or ended badly! So maybe that question shoud be for those who enjoy sharing their body with many willing participants...

Ahhhh it feel s good to have vented. Safe journeys to all and i'll be sure to post things on a more regular basis--here and on "myspace"...To all I havent seen in ages I do miss you ,but hey its not like all of you except a few are trying to keep in touch anyway...

Dec 21, 2012....Could it Be True??Nah...

maris_stella — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 08:22:33 GMT

Was watching a show ont the History channel earlier...So many predictions about the "end of the world". Well if it happens hopefully I'm sleeping off the effects of a good party next to my Hubby. Or i'm in a location with a fully stocked bar, plenty of supplies, my Hubby, and preferably if others are around they arent annoying. I wouldnt want to spend the end of days with some whining complainers!

On another subject, hopeully I get the work siuation settled and make enough to get my own place soon! Theres certain ways I like my home life to be, and I need my own place to live that way! Also I hate being asked too many questions, since that reminds me of when I was a teen living with my Grnadma! Hey i'm 35 and its realy no ones business when I go out and where, what my work schedule is, etc. Also I just hate being asked questions and when people yap on and on about things as if they cant just be quiet for a couple of hours when awake hahahah! I must stay respectful and cant say shut up, or things like that. Damn it! Also when folks act so helples and complain, yet dont take steps to improve their situation, it just reminds me how pathetic I sound!

Oh well, this was a blabbering entry. I just had to vent, and too many read myspace so this is the last refuge! Safe journeys everyone! And may there be a massive party on Dec 21, 2012 if that turns out to be a day of apocalypse! Why end things on a sad note right?

Fuck It....

maris_stella — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 05:19:06 GMT

Sometimes I get VERY frustrated at feeling the need to censor myself. If some people knew how I felt, a major argument couldnt be avoided...At times I feel that there's too much bitterness and anger that I cant let go of! Not even toward anyone in particular, or myself, just general cirsumstances in my life. I hate feeling that if I had turned out different in some ways, that my life would be better!!!! Eh why bother to even describe it here!!! I'm just going to keep hoping and praying that eventually I learn to come to terms with things that I may nevr be able to improve on or even change...

Well safe journeys to all and have a good week!!!

Wow, This "Original Site" Still...

maris_stella — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 05:47:58 GMT

...exists!!!! Before there was a "Myspace" there was "LiveJournal"! This was and still is the site where there is an emphasis on writing and sharing some bits of one's existence, and not just a bunch of pictures and graphics and videos! Not that I'm complaining since I fell into the "Myspace craze"! Even though I just quickly pass through this site on rare occasions, I NEVER forgot what it feels like to read Friends entries and then journal "surf". I'd sometimes pick random names on my Friend's lists and read some VERY powerful and serious things! I've even seen a few "final entries" from those who have departed from our "Physical" existence! It's just a sobering thing to read someone's "final" words...Words forever preserved online for all to read and reflect. Hey I cant forget the posts of good news and happy times as well! Myspace may have the "blog" feature, buth in many ways it's not as personal and powerful as LiveJournal! No matter how long I'm away from this site, I'll always remember...

Safe Journeys and be well EVERYONE!!!!

BLOGETTY BLOG BLOG...

maris_stella — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 03:50:06 GMT

Is ANYONE still on this thing????Well its not like anyone pays attention to my "Myspace" either...Well I'm getting married on Valentine's Day!!!! YAAAAAAYYY!!! If youre on Myspace send me a message there. I'm www.myspace.com/necrosith if you dont already know. I'll try to be on Livejournal more often, but I hate to be a "defector" and say I like myspace better. Just because of the wat it's presented. But I'll NEVER forget Livejournal because it chronicled many years for me before myspace was around. Wow 2002 until now I think.

So much has changed since then, yet much is still similar or the same! Hopefully there will be MANY MORE years of fun times, and if need be getting trhough nay tough times in a positive way!
Safe Journeys to all who happen to read this and feel free to keep in touch if possible!

Happy Holidays...

maris_stella — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 04:11:53 GMT

Nothing much to write...Just enjoying the holiday season with Family and My Love. Sometime next year we plan on "making things official". New Years Eve we will most likely watch the ball drop at Times Square again like last year! I dont care what negative things people say about attending that event because it's fun and filled with energy and excitement! We went to the Village Halloween Parade together(his first time) and it was just as exciting! Hopefully each year those events will be our own fun "traditions" to share together.

Once again a New Year is coming! Lets make the most of each moment of our life to the best of our ability. Even if you cant achieve EVERY goal you make, at least youre still living life! Safe Journeys to all, and hopefully this year we can keep in touch a little better even though we are all so busy with work and trying to rest up afterwards!!!!

.....

maris_stella — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 04:45:53 GMT

Well I'm back on this page again. What I dont write about i silently keep to myself and cry about. Why talk about things, try to understand, stay as neutral as possible, put a person on that "Most Important and Special" pedestal---when you know they will just end up turning into another memory? The VNV Nation song "joy" sums it up for me and how I feel these days. If I suddenly disappear and relocate to Australia or New Zealand or even Canada----give me some time to recover from "Life" and eventually I will become social again. If things with my anbd "The Hubby" dont work out I officially give up dealing with the "relationship" portion of my Life. It would take a MAJOR difference compared to the people I've been with so far, for me to change my mind on the subject. Yeah what if I end up "truly" comfy and happy one day??? Yeah one of us will be the first to do that "death do us part" thing, but "true" Love is worth it when it happens. Part of me says just give up because most if not all Men cant let down their "wall" and be TOTALLY close with someone in a relationship...Maybe I should listen to that part of my mind and common sense. It hurts to feel the need to follow that path, but I'm ready to go insane and just put myself away. But then all those places do is pump you full of legal drugs and not ruly solve the problem or issues...Even if things got to that point, there's always the spector of loss due to death lurking on the horizon. See we all "lose" in the "end"...

I cry myself to a calmer state almost every night to help myself fall asleep. I've "shared" myself to the point where my energy would be best spent recovering and dealing with the fact that no matter who is around us or with us---that we are always "alone".

Safe journeys everyone!

Damn MuthaFookin Quizshizznitt...

maris_stella — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 04:24:15 GMT

Your Dominant Intelligence is Intrapersonal Intelligence

Reflective and thoughtful, you enjoy spending time alone.
You are good at analyzing yourself - and knowing your true feelings.
Totally self aware, you are in tune with your dreams and desires.
A spiritual and philopsophical person, your inner calmness inspires and helps others.

You would make a great philosopher, researcher, or theorist.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

See this would be true...But I have MAJOR ISSUES with the "educational" expectations of society.
Everything these days seems to be all about the "degree". After spending 12 damn years in school(give or take some if you were ever "left back"), you cant expect to make a truly decent "living" unless you "go to college". Oh and let's not get into the discussion about "what experience" you have. You can be intelligent and have the "life experience", but unless you have "work" experience and the wonders of a "degree" youre basically "worthless".

Hmmm next I think I'll discuss "food" and "American" culture...I had a wonderful "meal experience" that made me wonder why things in our "popular" culture never stayed "truly all natural"!

Well if I dont write about things, maybe some of us can get together or call each other and talk about it?

Safe journeys and **sweat sweat sweat**!!!!

And people wonder why so many have mental and physical "issues"?

Me Back!

maris_stella — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 05:36:00 GMT

So MUCH to say, but too much to write! I'm alive, well, and reasonably happy...Living in New Rochelle, trying to save up for a place of my own, currently working at EXPO Design Center which is a branch of Home Depot, still with my Lenny-Kins-Kitty, trying to cope with being in my mid 30's and still feeling like I'm in my early 20's(which isnt bad, but can create a MAJOR mental conflict due to "society's expectationsbased on age, etc."....

Yeah yeah that "Myspace" B.S. sure is cool, but this site has too many memories to abandon for the latest thing.

Is anyone still here? I'll be "lurking" muahahahahaha! Safe journeys to you all!

A Damn Happy Valentines Day...Our First Together!

maris_stella — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 23:10:21 GMT

Well this is the BEST Valentines Day ever. I have a gorgeously yummy seXXXy Hubby-kins-kitty to spend it with. Unfortunately we couldnt get married today(he needs to get replacement ID, lack of $$ to do that and get the license, look at the weather anyway,etc),but we'll get aoround to it soon. Whatever 23rd of a month that we decide to do it since 9/23 is our anniversary. It feels weird in a nice way to be with someone that you cant imagine life without. Yeah I've been in love before,but this time things are MUCH DIFFERENT. We get along very well, there's really nothing for us to fight about, we have A LOT in common, and we can communicate...Well we are going to just cuddle and spend time watching T.V....I'll write more one of these days!

Hello LJ....

maris_stella — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 03:52:12 GMT

Seems like nobody visits you that much anymore! Most have either moved on in life, passed away from this physical realm, migrated to the myspace phenomenon, or just became too busy to write...

Well I must admit that I've been guilty of being seduced by the entity known as myspace as well! But enough of that! Let me fill whatever folks are left here in on whats been happening so far:

Living in New Rochelle. Unemployed but cherishing every moment of free time spent with my Hubby who is the Love of My Life. Recovering from recent Bronx drama and the major upheaval which was my move from Staten Island early last year. The Bronx drama was basically living with a then good friend who I thought of as Family. Before that I was renting a room close by and then she suggested I live with her. It started off fun and peaceful! Things ended with her disappearing after I was there for 3 months. Drug bullshit and people loking for her wasthe cause as I found out from some sources. Let's also mention living there while she was gone from Sept 25 to early November with no electric on in the apartment...I was scared about where I'd be living and how I'd survive. Even though I was working at Rickys during that time I couldnt afford the rent or bills(she had programs to pay but since she disappeared they couldnt help her)! Wow huh?!!!
Well lets flashback to November 2005! A cool person messaged me on myspace asking to add me and saying my profile looked good. I thought nothing of it, especially since I was with my ex J.L. at the time. So I added Karnage and we kept in touch on a random monthly basis when I had PC access.
So back to the "Bronx Tale"...I finally met this myspace friend the week before the drama where I was living. The ex J.L. and myself had parted ways in early July and I was briefly seeing someone "Jo", but things werent going serious enough for me so I was on my own once more. Karnage and myself hit it off and it was like we knew each other for years! The first week of the Drama he went home and I had no way of contacting him except for when I went to my "Brothers" place and used the phone. Poor dear thought I had dropped him after having a good time,but no I didnt! Then during the Bronx Drama, he was by my side everyday! We got extremely close and I ended up staying with him...Hey as i'm writing he just woke up hee hee!
Well from rickys I ended up at Toys R Us in White PLains,but that was temp...So now I'm looking for something I can handle doing for now until I find a job I can deal with for years until "retirement"....

More to be written later. I cant neglect this journal anymore. Much of my life has been written about here! Ok back to myspace for a bit! Then to spend more quality time with the Hubby!!! Wow! Love again at last! Not anything second rate or half ass! I havent been in a stable relationship since when me and Ted were married. Now that I've grown up more mentally, I can be more patient with my new Hubby! Well safe journeys folks! **HUGS**

And We All Abandoned "LiveJournal" For Myspace...

maris_stella — Sun, 03 Dec 2006 06:36:36 GMT

It feels good to be back! A lot has happend and I'll be copying some blogs here very soon, and posting more entries! Well Myspace is good for some things! I got reacquainted with some old junior high and high school friends, I've met tons of new and interesting folks, and MOST IMPORTANTLY I met The Love of My Life there too! Oh yeah and I moved from Staten Island to the *ICK* Bronx in February, then in November to New Rochelle.Talk about getting around in a year! I went from the southernmost borough in New York City, to the beginning regions of upstate New York!Go me!

Well cant stay on since The Hubby needs attention. Feels good to have somone who acts attached and in love! Oh and happy horrordays and seasons beatings to ALL!!! Safe journeys!

Cross Posted From Myspace....VERY LONG

maris_stella — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 00:44:02 GMT

Since after a certain lenght of time blogs seem to get deleted, I will start copying them here...

This one is from today others are from previous dates:
It might be easier to start from the last one and go up to this, but I am not rearranging things so do what you like:

From another similar site on a group I joined(figure it out for yourselves since I'm sure a few of you are on it by now)....Some of it is edited because since this is

**"sunny happy, lets fuck everything in sight that looks good, let's do the drama rama bullshit, oh dont feel unhappy and sad or have issues there's no room here for that, we dont comment because youre not cool enough or naked enough or youre too damned depressing and boring"**

myspace...

Read and dont enjoy:

------------------------------------------------------------------

First of all I'll just jump right in and introduce myself. I go by the name of JennoCyde and currently reside in Bronx,New York City. If you want to know more(I'm too lazy to get into the whole list of "things about me" right now) check out my profile on myspace called necrosith and livejournal as ******* and that same name on deadjournal, but I RARELY go on deadjournal anymore.I was surfing various groups and found this one. Here's my sorry tale of woe:

Ever feel totally alone in a crowd of people that youre friends with? Everyones having a grand old time and youre sitting there with a mask of happiness plastered on your face yet you feel so sad you could cry for hours. You dont want to be the bore of the party by telling anyone how you feel so you just join in the fun anyway. The hanging out is a welcome distraction from the depression within, but it doesnt seem to really help. Even around people that totally accept who you are you still feel like an outcast! Over time you find that you must force yourslf to get out the house to take care of work, education, or social pursuits! Ever meet someone you could see yourself falling deeply for on a mental as well as physical level? But when youre with them and when you observe them you cant help but feel like just another piece of flesh on their latest menu! You have fun hanging out with the person, but you cant stop hoping theyd move things along to a more deeper level! You wish so much that there'd be a connection but no matter how much you want to say something you fear youll be ridiculed or hear the usual "well I'm not into you that way its just simply a good time nothing more", so you keep quiet and hope the person will make the "positive" move in your favor. Ever notice all the "hotter bodies" prancing around during the summertime and also in clubs and figure that since youre not like them you'll never have a decent chance with most of the people you like because the competition odds are not in your favor?***edit insert here:As in no bikini body here, not grossly big, did lose much weight, but not in total shape either. Oh well but I can work with what I have anyway when I get the chance.---end of added edit*** It hurts to feel that unless you meet an oh so hot and sexy standard that you'll be overlooked and not treated as a unique and beautiful person even though you have a few "flaws"? Yeah people have sworn up and down that I'm attractive, but I still feel that I dont get treated like I am! As in meet a cool person ***added edit here: That is my type and that I'd like to know better not some random person whose interest in me makes me feel 10x worse about myself than I already do.--end added edit*** and they get like "oh wow damn woo hoo" and get into the "damn I have to keep her" mode! ---->>>>Ever watch a good friend, perhaps one of the best friends you will ever have slowly deteriorate from a deadly illness, and remember all the good times together when his person was all loud and crazy and happy, and feel shattered and oh so powerless to help this special person?? <<<----
What I'm writing here, I cant put on myspace since it seems most people there cant handle things of a darker, deeper, and maybe more realistic point of view! Or maybe one day I wont give a damn and I'll post it there anyway...How do I endure my feelings? I just have that unending curiosity as to how the "story of my life" ends. Also there's no substantial proof that the "afterlife" will be any better, and with my luck I'd end up miserable there and then really be stuck!

Take care everyone and safe journeys!
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Fuck it! While everyone is all going crazy over who said what about whom, who fucked who, who wants to kick the other ones ass, who said whos business to who else who cant be trusted cause they need the attention from spreading business anyway(hey thats my opinion on why some people like to be "drama-tists"), who looks like a skank, who is nasty, and on and on....there are actually people who feel and think on a deeper more analytical, somewhat depressed, but yet can be occasionally happy when in the right situation--wavelength. It's not about "being goth" or whatever the titles are, it's facing the brutality and reality of life head on and saying "This is my mind, deal with it or move on"....People have even told me "Oh youre such a downer, whos going to want to hang with you, all you do is bitch and moan, do something about "it"_____ insert whatever it is here, it's all in your head(um no maybe tiny bit, but nope uh uh, not all), etc." Well while one "does something about it", one must vent and let loose along the way Maybe I should take hard drugs then and hurt myself? Would that be better than vent by pen/blog/journal? No NO NO!!! Hmmm a downer? The world is such a downer! Ever read the papers?Watch the news? For every good story, there are tons of not so good to horrific ones! Bitch and moan? Hmmm I see a lot of that in other situations! I guess since it's not about baby daddy/mama drama, who gonna kick who ass, who dont like who because of _______insert reason there, then it's just bitching. All in the head? EVERYTHING we think and do is in our head. Duh! Oh then there's the "youre so negative people dont like that"...Um only if the discussion turns to major stuff do I sometimes get realistic and pessimistic. It's not like you meet me and I'm automatically blah, sad, and boring. Quite the opposite! I consider myself fun, adventurous(hee hee if only I could write some examples----maybe one day hee hee), ready to have a good time, yet can be serious if the situation needs it...

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Ok not sorry to bore you with my usual **yawn**, go about your online activities---nothing to be seen here...Oh and to all those who DO care and show your support:

**HUGS** **HUGS** same back at you if you ever need me! Safe journeys and take care of yourselves!

To those who dont:

Oh well your loss is another persons gain...Youre probably too shallow and not ready for a person of my depth, brain, loyalty, and adventurous spirit...

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August 9, 2006 • Wednesday

Back in Black...
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Life

Been cruising around the myspace thing and findagoth too. VERY bored. Trying to plot and plan a decent weekend...In the mood for alcohol, dancing, and some of the old "in out in out". Preferrably with the latest "Hot Muthafukka" that's caught my interest. Hee hee I will gladly "take a number and stand in line"(as if I should have to hee hee) for some more of that action!

Update:

Looking for a job in retail as dealing with clothing(am a clothes addict, need to shop, need nice discount hee hee). Trying to pass my classes and move on to the next quarter which begins in October. Trying to help a dear Friend with some serious problem(not the usual drama this is TRULY an important matter). Wishing I had regular internet at home since chatting seems more the in trend instead of talking on the phone. Enjoying life and the many lessons I learn from even simply observing people as I travel or sit in some random park. Wanting something I probably will have to work hard to have(well that's not a long list, but I'm not going to be specific here---ask and MAYBE I'll tell you--or maybe one thing on that list is you).

Sunset! Another end to another day. Darkness slowly covers the city in its promise of excitement and danger. As we walk among the shadows, we are the hunters as well as the hunted. Who will survive the night, and who will become another grim statistic?

Sunrise! The start of a new day! Awake, alive, but oh so dead inside! Throw yourself into the chaos of the city! The light of day once more hides the dangers of the night---or does it? Is this the day there's a bomb in the station? Is this the day you will finish living or dead? More excitement and danger, but of a different kind! But yet we still roam our city streets...Dead inside but so awake and alive if only on the outside!

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Just a small example of the many writings that I keep in my handwritten journals...Some are "happy" some are "sad", some are so damn depressing that one of my friends said if he didnt know me better he'd think I was some psycho from Creedmore(now that was cool to hear)...I'm finally in the process of starting a book. It will be something many of you can relate to on some level. nothing to discuss here because I'll have no greedy bastards stealing my ideas!

Ok I'll be back here soon enough. If any of you have my number than use it, since I'm temporarily not an internet junkie at home...

7:21 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

August 7, 2006 • Monday

People Are...PART 2
Current mood: bored

A Friend of mine was recently explaining "The Game" to me and I totally disagree! From what was told to me about head games, deceit to get what you want, people doing one thing yet meaning something else, how not to expect too much, and more which I will not repeat here---I feel that many people(not all) are a bunch of sorry ass, scared brainless, ignorant, pathetic life forms(yeah one of my favorite phrases) who should be pitied or if we were in my idea of the perfect world, lined up and pelted with all manner of disgusting objects.

Yeah more and more I feel detatched from feeling things, like I'm becoming a mental zombie! It's as if I'm in a dream/nighmare from which I will never awaken! Sometimes I wonder will anyone step up to the challenge of waking me up, or should I stay this way indefinitely? I dont think anyone can handle me! No I think once a person deals with me in an um ahem certain manner, a burn out on their part will soon occur. I'm going to be honest here at the risk of sounding unladylike (fuck that ha ha ha), if I ever have a steady someone again they better have the stamina of a cyborg(hell yeah ha ha ha) if this person thinks they can deal with me. I am sweet, cuddle, trustworthy/loyal, intelligent, romantic(if I get around to that sort of mush),good at communicating, in yo face honest(ok not rude but I will tell ya where to go and not in a nice way if I hate to--or I will tell you where to put it if I like you in that way ha ha ha), not ashamed to be nervous(will proudly babble and let you know it so deal ha ha ha---you must be hot in my opinion to get me all nervous and shit ha ha), but I have that sinful side that just wants to get it on just about everyday if I'm in a situation where I'm with someone(which probably wont happen anytime soon since it seems like too many people are like dogs and just sniffing for booty). Now if I'm not seeing someone i'm not going to be all around town with just anyone. Nobody does me better THAN ME---well actually 2 people on my list have but we will not name them for privacy reasons heehee. Lets just say rough me up like a wild animal baby! MEOW!!!

But back to what my Friend was saying, unlike what she said about "The Game", I prefer to be upfront and only approach people in certain ways if I'm genuinely interested. I dont play games, dont have hidden reasons, if youre cool youre cool---if not I dont bother with you. I dont "need" someone for certain "things". Hey I got myself and can ALWAYS satisfy! I view others as a source of companionship on whatever level they can handle. I can be as deeply emotional as possible with no fear. However if a person is shallow and pathetic and the type not to have any feelings, I treat the person as the waste of time that they are! Emotions arent scary, they are fun and quite a rush at times! The times we are sad or hurt, those are the times that truly test us! Passing the test is when something or someone good happens and we TRULY APRECIATE this. Failing the test is when we take things for granted and act like a fool.

Only time will tell who the fools and the wise truly are. I hide behind no games or deceit. I'm one of the view who you can say has the courage to have no walls or fear of the unknown. If I ever end up "loving" someone again(duh I'm stupid so sooner or later that crap will invade my brain damn it), that person will be damn happy to know they have a WOMAN who has their back through good AND bad times, not some pathetic litle girl who cant handle shit...

This is simply venting, NOT whining or complaining...

4:40 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

People Are...
Current mood: blah
Category: Life

weird, unpredictable, scary, annoying, cool, stupid, fun, ridiculous, peaceful, sweet, sexxxy, gross, etc....

Ok that was a rambling senseless rant about nothing...

I'm just sitting here on a break in my video editing class. Thinking about many things and why I do some of the things I do. Sometimes I ask myself whats the point of focusing on anything besides school and Family issues? Each day I feel more and more distanced from most people, like I dont "fit in" with "the group, like I have standards that are impossible for almost everyone to meet, like maybe I place too much of a value on things that most dont care about anymore...Honestly I dont ask for much, but the little that would make me truly happy seems to be so goddamn difficult for most people I've met so far! What makes a person "popular", "cool", someone that has the phone constantly ringing with calls about plans and dates? Has intellect and a good heart truly been replaced by things carnal and fleeting? For a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on, must one pay so much of a price? Has romance been truly replaced by "booty calls" and "hardened heart walls"? Have any of you really looked into someones eyes and felt that special feeling? And no I dont mean that "hmmm how do I treat someone to get a piece of action"! While everyone's searching for the next "quick hit", I'll still be damn proud to be the "hopeless romantic wanderer" in this existence....

3:04 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

August 5, 2006 • Saturday

sidekick a blog
Current mood: cheerful

Technology is fun! Thanks Demonz 4 letting me use your sidekick. Damn tech gadgets are fun. We must hang again soon cause I don't see yopu that much sis!

Well I had a MASSIVE amount of fun hanging with a VERY cool person(oh and damn sexxxy too)! All I'm going to say is yo what's next? Yeah you J. !

Well more blogging Monday from school!
See ya space cowboy!
(And what anime is that from?)

3:53 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

July 31, 2006 • Monday

Heh heh heh....
Current mood: calm
Category: Life

Well such is life...Still no interent at home, school going along ok, I'm bored, looking for a new job(an incident happend that made me realize that taking physical abuse from customers is not worth the mere pennies I was earning)...Thinking the "I told myself so, but wouldnt listen" thoughts about a few recent situations...If I'd take my own advice before I even asked a few good friends, I wouldnt have to bore them with the gory details and I wouldnt let things progress until the situation becomes disrespectful(yeah you J., you had no real reason to treat me the way you did.)... Eh whatever...As long as I have a roof over my head, pass my classes at school and ultimately graduate, find a new source of "income", and dont commit murder---everything will be ok. I'm so used to being depressed over fucked up situations that when things do improve I'm like "ok better not get used to this, at least with misery you are guaranteed to feel horrible with none of the happiness that seems to not outlast the clouds. At least when shit happens its not like good things that eventually turn to shit anyway! Ok I'd like a hot(well ok reasonably attractive but not a dog---If I'm going to be sexxxy arm candy then duh) gothy/metal type for my birthday present: to share dark depresseing, evil, psychotic, thoughts and enjoy fun adventurous travels around this pathetic city and wherever else we decide to roam, and sometimes stay home with a bottle and watch tons of sci-fi and anime and the occasional documentaries. Oh and he'd have to be intelligent, a real man not some little boy scared of adult pursuits, trustworthy, can communicate(as in if you have something to say open up your damn mouth in a respectful manner and dont play any pathetic games), and treat me like the adorable kitty that I am...Not too difficult!

Well if any of you have my nubmer than use it.I will not keep playing phone tag with you if youre too busy to call. Seems like too many people dont like to interact with others as in talking or hanging out. Like people can be SO busy. Damn hook me up with less free time then! Even when "busy" I can find time for people! I'm not sure what plans I will be able to make since my funds are low and I'll be doing a job search thing. But there are parks and fun adventures to be had in this city. Yesterday after "the incident" I journeyed to Orchard Beach in The Bronx(cool place must explore again soon) and then took the bus from there to Inwood Park at the top of Manhattan. WOW! Jenn can find plenty of places to roam. Unfortunately she doesnt want to bother anyone to come along since most are just clubbers and party freaks who dont realy do much of anything else...Also I'm anti-social at times becasue then you have to make the plans, wait for the people, they bitch and complain when their attention span is gone, and blah blah blah...

Ok well no more for now until I get interent access again. I've temporarily cut my school schedule to 2 classes on Monday during the summer time. I dont want to burn out and I want some time to roam around on my own and enjoy life.Plus due to recent events now I'll have time for the job hunt.

Spare me anything customer service unless it's a department store.Need more clothes, most pants dont fit me anymore since they got too big...

Well where's/who's my birthday present biatches???

6:04 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

July 28, 2006 • Friday

Proud of Myself....
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Life

On my comments section I was looking at the old pic of me, Ted, Mike, and Dean taken at the Pyramid back in '99...Wow did I lose weight. I havent gained it back either! Well that and my intelligence, and my wonderful Family and Friends are among the many things I am thankful for...

Ok I'm bored now. Time to do the unexpected and have fun in the process!

9:00 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Yeah Here I Am Again...
Current mood: predatory
Category: Life

I got some time here on my friends lap top so time to write...Venting is fun!

I like catching a liar! Caught the idiot in yet another "lie"!!! Just be straight up and stop the nonsense! It only proves that I was mostly if not comepletely right about this person!NEVER play the game unless you know how to fully cover your tracks and that there is NO WAY you can get caught! NEVER lead me to believe such sweet words and ways you claim to be above the rest, and then when you think I dont know, totally be something you claimed you were not and would never be. Also if I've been around in some situations more than you have then um dont try your own version of bullshit, cause I've learned over the years what to look out for and to trust gut feelings based on someones actions. I'm not always perfectly right, but I've been dead on target in many...Hey if youre not ready for an INTENSE REAL POWERFUL ADULT interaction then dont try to step up to my level. Yeah J. this goes out to you! I prefer to be upfront with people and tell them who I am and what I'm about whether they like it or not! Yeah I drink, I smoke, I masturbate, I'm a pervert on the down low since I like to do things with a bit of style and in ways that dont disrespect me, I'm loyal to my friends and family, if I'm in a relationship I communicate whats up and dont hide shit--if it hurts I'll just say it and explain as politely and clearly as possible, I DONT believe the "love" word should be taken lightly and overused---if you CANT live by your words then keep your damn mouth shut--saying shit to make someone feel better or to keep them around is pathetic bullshit. Maybe it is best for you to see whats out there in this fucked up world and REALLY get yourself hurt! You need to have that feeling of DAMN THIS HURTS DAMN THIS PAIN IS INTENSE AND ALMOST OVERWHELMING!!!Then you can look back on what you gave up because of something STUPID!!! I dont think youve ever TRULY been HURT before. As if youd read this. Your most likely looking forward to messages from assorted friends and such. Whatever it was that kept you from my page when we were still hanging. I tried to believe your words of being "different from typical men"...Heh I dont trust anyone and theres a valid reason behind this statement. If you dont put a person in a position that you trust them and they can hurt you or fuck you over by betrayal, then when they do something fucked up you can say "hey see I told you so, you couldnt prove me wrong". Let people think that everythings all good, but keep your wits about you and dont get lulled into comfort from hearing what they want you to hear. "By their actions you will know them"...Now sometimes actions can be premeditated and have motives of dishonest intent. Hey if youre going to use actions to try to "convince someone" then at least be CONSISTENT!! Oh and when people say "theyre not looking for anything" you know they are not going to pass up an opportunity for said thing if it comes...

Children shouldnt try to play adult games until they have grown up first. Dont even pretend to be an adult until you know how to act like one. If you still havent learned yet, then experience life and its ups and low downs before you act all hgih and mighty. You might learn some valuable lessons and maybe if youre smart enough and gain enough wisdom yo will not have too many fucked up regrets along the way...

Ok now can DA., ROSI, and L.M. drag me into a locked room and cheer me up in whatever way their dirty minds can think up? After dealing with a child I'm in the mood for um more MANLY pursuits...As my saying goes "if you catch me you can keep me!!"

Oh and can someone fix my damn computer??? Fuckin' "blue screen of death with its unmountable boot volume bullshit"!!!

6:29 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

July 26, 2006 • Wednesday

JUST FOR THE RECORD....IMPORTANT
Current mood: distressed

I look horrible in those pics that were posted on my comments section!!!! I look MUCH BETTER THAN THAT in person!!!! I wont offend my dear Family by deleting them, but I LOOK HORRIBLE there!!! EEEK!!!

5:17 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

And Now... A Word From Yours Truly "JennoCyde"
Current mood: predatory
Category: Life

Ok the computer at home has encountered the "blue screen of death" so unfortunately I'm not online from the comfort of home at the moment.

I've found out some bullshit about someone who I thought was a cut above the rest from all the nonsense he fed me. I caught his dumb ass in a lame lie and oh well. He led me to believe he was so different form most guys from the bullshit he tried to feed me. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!! And man youre actions have done too much "talking" already...Never play at a game that I've already played before and was damn good at in my past! I'm not stupid and from the way it was so easy for you to let me go, and then I find out some recent things through my "sources", I was right to never fully trust because VERY FEW are worth it for me to go that distance! Youve proven beyond a doubt what I really didnt want to believe all along....FUCK YOU! LOSER!!!

About a recent turn of events...Eh water under the bridge dude! I still say your loss is another man's gain, but hey I'll still be your Sis/Family and have your back if bitches get out of line. No matter what anyone says I still feel we wouldve made a great pair...Hey if you ever do reconsider and I havent met "Him" whoever that "Him" may be I'd give you a chance!

Ok Jenn is on the loose! Um if anyone can get the computer thingy repaired for a decent fee call me "unmountable boot volume" is the error message that came up and windows wont go any further. Um oh if anyone wants to hang with a demented, sexxxy, intelligent, fun---heh why should I bother, most of you couldnt handle me anyway...

I probably will not get to check this again until the end of the week or next Monday...DAMN THAT FUCKING MACHINE!!!!

4:53 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Seems like life is going along fine? Yeah I wouldnt have it any other way. Now if only...

Reposted From My Current Myspace Blog----

maris_stella — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 22:56:07 GMT

Well such is life...Still no interent at home, school going along ok, I'm bored, I like living at my new place,looking for a new job(an incident happend that made me realize that taking physical abuse from customers is not worth the mere pennies I was earning)...Thinking the "I told myself so, but wouldnt listen" thoughts about a few recent situations...If I'd take my own advice before I even asked a few good friends, I wouldnt have to bore them with the gory details and I wouldnt let things progress until the situation becomes disrespectful(yeah you J., you had no real reason to treat me the way you did.)... Eh whatever, I can look back and say at least I was fair, loving until the end, and was a damn good catch to those pathetic lifeforms that couldnt handle a REAL WOMAN...As long as I have a roof over my head, pass my classes at school and ultimately graduate, find a new source of "income", and dont commit murder---everything will be ok. I'm so used to being depressed over fucked up situations that when things do improve I'm like "ok better not get used to this, at least with misery you are guaranteed to feel horrible with none of the happiness that seems to not outlast the clouds. At least when shit happens its not like good things that eventually turn to shit anyway!
...And now for a shameless um self-promotion pitch hee hee:
Ok I'd like a hot(well ok reasonably attractive but not a dog---If I'm going to be sexxxy arm candy then duh) gothy/metal type for my birthday present: to share dark depresseing, evil, psychotic, thoughts and enjoy fun adventurous travels around this pathetic city and wherever else we decide to roam, and sometimes stay home with a bottle and watch tons of sci-fi and anime and the occasional documentaries. Oh and he'd have to be intelligent, a real man not some little boy scared of adult pursuits, trustworthy, can communicate(as in if you have something to say open up your damn mouth in a respectful manner and dont play any pathetic games), and treat me like the adorable kitty that I am...Not too difficult!

Well if any of you have my nubmer than use it.I will not keep playing phone tag with you if youre too busy to call. Seems like too many people dont like to interact with others as in talking or hanging out. Like people can be SO busy. Damn hook me up with less free time then! Even when "busy" I can find time for people! I'm not sure what plans I will be able to make since my funds are low and I'll be doing a job search thing. But there are parks and fun adventures to be had in this city. Yesterday after "the incident" I journeyed to Orchard Beach in The Bronx(cool place must explore again soon) and then took the bus from there to Inwood Park at the top of Manhattan. WOW! Jenn can find plenty of places to roam. Unfortunately she doesnt want to bother anyone to come along since most are just clubbers and party freaks who dont realy do much of anything else...Also I'm anti-social at times becasue then you have to make the plans, wait for the people, they bitch and complain when their attention span is gone, and blah blah blah...

Ok well no more for now until I get interent access again. I've temporarily cut my school schedule to 2 classes on Monday during the summer time. I dont want to burn out and I want some time to roam around on my own and enjoy life.Plus due to recent events now I'll have time for the job hunt.

Spare me anything customer service unless it's a department store.Need more clothes, most pants dont fit me anymore since they got too big...

Well where's/who's my birthday present biatches???

As Seen on a Myspace Bulletin---ENJOY

maris_stella — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 22:50:55 GMT

The Coven of the Grand Concourse
Nicole Bengiveno/The New York Times
Kimberly Santana.

By NINA MALKIN
Published: July 30, 2006
FUN WORLD, a dingy game arcade atop a Taco Bell/Sbarro franchise on Fordham Road just off the Grand Concourse, is a playground for the children of the night. They flock there as evening falls, their black hoodies fluttering like bat wings. One girl has crosses drawn on her cheeks; a boy wears deep plum lipstick. The most eye-catching of them is Korpse, a sweet-faced 19-year-old with long hair and assorted chains and amulets; his tongue is pierced, and he wears safety pins as earrings.

Korpse dances alone to the techno music on the Dance Dance Revolution machine, then flits from table to table to kiss the girls hello before sitting to do a quick tarot reading. I live in the moment, he says, because you never know when youre going to die.

Being a Goth, a member of a global subculture that celebrates all things morbid and occult, Korpse naturally tends toward the funereal. Scanning the cards, he holds up the Five of Cups and announces gloomily: Heres my future. Misery.

In America, Goths are usually thought of as white, middle-class and suburban. But the young people who hang out at Fun World live not on Long Island or in Connecticut but in the Bronx, and many of them are newcomers. Korpse, whose real name is Alexis Molina, was born in Puerto Rico. He and his friends, who shift easily between English and Spanish and go by so-called scene names like Selene, Zombie and Dexx, represent a new breed of Goth: immigrants or the children of Spanish speakers and of immigrants from Latin America.

Korpse estimates that the Bronx is home to a hundred Latino Goths, who congregate in this corner of Fordham. This afternoon, roughly 30 of them are milling about the lounge for teenagers at the new Bronx Library Center, around the corner from Fun World. We own this place, says Kimberly Santana, 18, who wears pink rubber bands on her braces and goes by the name Hades Blood. There are one or two hip-hop kids here. We let them live.

I have come to know the Goths who hang out at the library because I run a writing workshop there, and we are producing a zine called O! My Goth that includes their illustrations, poetry and book reviews.

The editor is Hades Blood, whose notebooks brim not only with poems and short stories but also with fashion designs carrying her logo: a heart surrounded by horns, a halo, a tail and angel wings overlapping devil wings.

Hades Blood is not the only artistically inclined member of this group. Her friend Katherine scene name Kaju draws anime. Jeffrey, a k a Draven, is a fledgling photographer. Eric, also known as Zombie, hopes to become a museum curator.

Another member of the group, Dark Fury, is writing a novel in longhand a Gossip-Girl-meets-Anne-Rice saga about a teenager with supernatural powers.

I write every day, said Dark Fury (real name Veronica Pazmino), who lives in Norwood, a few subway stops to the north. She also plays keyboards and sings, and wants to start a band like her idol, Amy Lee, the front woman for the group Evanescence, whose photos are tacked to her bedroom walls next to pinups of cute shirtless boys.

The work produced by these young people is full of adolescent angst combined with the melodrama of the Goth aesthetic: Twilight at night/ You provoke the madness inside me, begins one poem by Dark Fury. Another, How Far Will You Go for Love? by Korpse, asks: Will you ride across a vast and perilous land, confronting death and your own limitation?/ Will you ignore your fear?

For this group, the library and Fun World are a haven in an often hostile environment. Hades Blood, for example, goes to the library nearly every day, sometimes to do research on witchcraft. I have done spells, and they work, she said. There are a lot of things you can do to protect yourself.

For a Bronx Goth, an occult insurance policy can be a good thing. Last summer I got jumped by a whole block for the way I dress, Korpse said. I was almost put into a coma with a baseball bat. A metal one.

Being Goth in the Bronx can carry a price at home as well. My mother thinks I worship the devil, which I dont, by the way, said Hades Blood, whose parents come from the Dominican Republic. She hates the music I listen to. She hates everything I wear. She hates everything I do.

Parents, perhaps understandably, tend to worry when their children begin dressing all in black and listening to bands with names like Cradle of Filth, but many Bronx Goths see their world as gentler than the one they reject. As Dark Fury puts it, I have never seen a Goth guy holler at me the way other guys do.

There is, of course, a truly dark side to Gothness. Many young people who go this route have cut themselves or deliberately harmed themselves in other ways. Its no wonder that the Goth scene worries parents like Lucy Lassalle, Veronicas mother, who became alarmed recently to learn that one of her daughters friends had run away from home and walked the streets all night.

So far, Ms. Lassalle is comforted by the fact that her daughters attraction to Goth hasnt interfered with her ambitions Veronica wants to go to college, possibly to pursue a career as a writer or her behavior. And so the mother gives in when her daughter begs her to cross the border of the Bronx and take her shopping at Hot Topic the H & M for the Goth set in the White Plains Galleria mall.

Shes not a kid who is using drugs or drinking, Ms. Lassalle said with a shrug. Shes not out late at night. So I go. I dont like it, but I go.

Nina Malkin is the author of the young adult novels 6X: The Uncensored Confessions and 6X: Loud, Fast, & Out of Control.

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Ah teenagers!!! HMMMMM where can I find more adult goths? At least 25 years old and over? I understand life has its responsibilities, but on our own time away from work we can still be "different". If I ever get a job that makes me "dress businesslike", I will still put together cool outfits within that category, and after work toss on my jewelry and boots and make that look into my own image! Oh well...And on I roam enjoying my adventure that I call life.

Someone whose words of being not the typical male, has proven he couldnt walk his talk...I will never forget the good times we shared, but alas he wasnt able to create a more powerful bond in my heart. There were differences that were deeprer than mere shallow ones and always left me wanting more...In time my path will lead to another, but this other wil be on the similar path/mindset/heart as myself....

Damn computer at home has died...Only at school once a week until end of Summer. Safe journeys to you all!