Pan's Journal

New Years Wishes

2011-12-30T11:41:55Z

Dspite feeling like my head and sinuses are stuffed full of sandbags I shall be heading to Blackpool this afternoon to ring in the new year with Nikki ^^

I have resolutions and such, but will go through those in a little more depth later on, but for now I want to take this opportunity to wish everyone who watches me a very happy New Year and hoping that 2012 brings you all the love and happiness you could hope for ^^

*warmkittyhugs all round* Meow! ^^

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-24T22:03:40Z

Want to wish all those who follow me on LJ a very Merry Christmas and a hopes for a happy 2012 ^^

This year has been an interesting one for me, with many ups and as many downs, hoping to make the next more positive, open and above all more FUN! because nobody likes to see a down and depressed curled-up little fuzzball do they? Nah, they'd much rather see a bouncy happy kitty, and that's what I'm gonna strive to be going forward ^^

Have a good'un and see you in the new year *hugs all round*

The good, the better and the sad...

2011-12-16T06:33:26Z

Due to financial and time reasons I won't be sending out the Christmas cards this year, they simply won't get there on time, sorry to everyone who left addresses and such :( Hoping you have a happy holidays though *hugs all round* next year I'll be more organised *nods*

Yesterday was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I'd had a good review at work, which was handy because I've also got an interview next week for a position in Manchester, more news to come as I get it.

Then last night, at around 2015, we got the inevitable phonecall about my aunt, she passed away after a long battle with cancer, we knew it wasn't going to be too long but it still hurts...*curls up tight*

Rest in peace Auntie Gaynor...

Christmas Card Call (if rather late) x.x

2011-12-12T12:14:47Z

Yep, it's late, this year I've been a little, well...disorganised I think you can say XD but anyways, if you'd like a Christmas card from me this year (it might arrive a little late) but in any case, leave your names and addresses in this entry (screened of course ^^)

Hoping these'll get to you in time, but apologies if not ^^

The beginning of the odyssey

2011-11-18T23:49:01Z

Well, I've just finished nomming down on what will be the last nightly bowl of cereal, which has become a bit of a habit in recent times. However, after conversing with a friend and asking their advice on weight-loss I was inspired to start a journey which will, with a bit of luck, lead to a healthier and slimmer me - which would lead to a much happier me ^^

So here's how I hope it'll go, I've set a target weight for a year from now and will be doing everything in my power to try and reach that goal weight, more a long term goal than something short (say by Christmas) although it would be nice to trim down a bit before Confuzzled 2012 - although the main goal of this journey is to feel better about myself and look a little better as well ^^

So, here's some numbers for ya:

Current weight: 21st 10lbs / 137.9kg / 304lbs (I think that's all bases covered :3)
Target weight: 18st / 114kg / 252lbs

Current plan for doing so involves cutting portion size, reducing fat intake and increasing cardio exercise, beginning with boxing training next week, and combined with my planned 30 day challenges, should hopefully make a difference.

Of course I shall keep you posted as to my progress ^^

Making Changes: The 30 day challenges

2011-11-16T23:39:57Z

I came across a blog entry before in which a chap talked about his '30 Day Challenges' for both bettering himself and learning new things. He tried things such as learning a new word each day, learning to play the guitar, cycling to work each day, being thankful for something every day and taking a photo a day on a trip up Kilimanjaro for charity.

Which got me to thinking, what could I do as my own everyday challenges? I compiled a (small) list during my lunch break, which included (in no particular order):

*turn off technology (laptops/mobiles/tv) at 9pm each night and spend an hour doing other things on the list before going to sleep - this one will be started as of tomorrow, hopefully it'll bring my sleep pattern back to normality
*fill a page with sketches each day
*read a chapter of a book a day
*walk a mile a day / swim 10 lengths each weekday after work
*learn to play the guitar
*write 1000 words of a story each night
*meditate for 15 minutes each day
*leaving mobile phone at home when at work for 30 days

There are more on the list, but that's all I can list for now, i'm tired *yawns*

Will be looking to try out as many of these as possible, and of course will blog about them and how they're affecting me / making a difference :)

PanArt? le gasp! can it be true? O_O

2011-11-09T22:56:24Z

Dramatic title yes, but it has been a good long while since I've put pen to paper XD

In October I opened up for sketch commissions over on my FA account and got a few responses, which surprised me *blush* however it did spur me on and this week I got a few of the requests done, which I'd like to share with you today -

Fluff-E-Bear - a request from...welll, Fluff E Bear :D

Alborke Seagoon, using his big ol' tail as a prop (or maybe beanbag), enjoying one of many, many sushi platters :)

Pin-up for Shirik, a draguinea - still a most intersting and cute hybrid to me ^^

On a personal critique level, yes I -still- suck at drawing paws XD they've been the bane of my arty life for so long, with practice though ^^

I do hope you enjoy this installment of art, more to come with a bit of luck in the not too distant future as my confidence threatens to return :D

To art or not to art?

2011-10-16T14:49:09Z

How do you go about rousing yourself from an art block? Mine has been going on far too long =S

[Edit: I'm gonna take on board the_gneech's suggestion and try some silly little sketches based on your suggestions - so what would you like to see me draw for you? ^^]

State of the Kitty: Job update & thoughts on singledom

2011-09-13T22:17:08Z

Heya all! Thought it was time for a quick update to letcha know how I'm doing :)

Job is going okay, much of the nervousness has disappeared, and I'm enjoying doing some new things - much of which I wasn't given the chance to do at my previous company. The boss is very understanding and knows that it's been a while since I've done half the stuff I'll be doing during the course of this job, but I'm enjoying it so far - we're moving premises soon and there'll be a nice new member of the marketing team to converse with and bounce ideas off :)

As for personal/social life, I've been in a snuggly mood recently, not just the whole 'curl up together in front of a movie' phase, but the other stuff as well - I guess I'm just in the mood for female company recently, and not necessarily to impress (although it would be nice to have someone to cook for) just some company would be nice, kinda difficult when you still live at home with the folks though :D (hopefully not for too much longer though)

Oh well, I can continue to wait for the right person (it's been long enough after all) but it's just nice to be working again - chance to save up to treat someone in future ^^

State of the Kitty: New Work: New Challenges

2011-08-23T22:30:00Z

Feels like a good while since you heard anything from me, so here's an update on how I'm getting on in my new job. I was -extremely- nervous about starting, both with my own doubts about being rusty due to having not worked for over 6 months, the settling into a new office with new people, needless to say I had a nervous stomach-ache for most of the week, either that or I'd caught a stomach bug the weekend before >.<

Whilst quite daunting at first I think I'm settling in well and finding my feet with the kind of work I'm doing, it feels kinda weird going from a role with little responsibility and decision-making to one where I'M the one doing all that O_O I didn't know what to think at first, but I've a patient and understanding boss, who seems to understand that marketing takes time.

However, that wasn't the biggest surprise, the big surprise was coming in on the third day and finding out that the other marketing person who'd started the day after me, and seemed like a nice girl, left for another position that was offered to her. Was a little bit gutting to have her leave, just as we were beginning to talk shop and gel ideas together, looking to take my ideas forward regardless though :)

Will be heading up Sunderland way with the team next weekend for some team-building with us and the guys from our office in Edinburgh, gonna be nice to meet everyone and put a face to the names I've so far been talking to using e-mail :)

More news to come once I've settled in a little more I should imagine, but know that the kitty is feeling a little more sprightly than he has been of late :)

State of the Kitty: Looking Forward Artistically

2011-08-08T13:17:01Z

So it's been a while since I've had the motivation to do anything artistically, mainly because of some hangups I've been having lately, I shall try and explain:

My motivation to even sketch has been hampered somewhat recently, and I've not been able to put my finger on exactly why, although some of the factors I've put it down to are self confidence in my ability, a lack of privacy to create in my home environment and of course the jobhunting process has been high on my priority list as of late.

And so, I've had a bit of a think about it and have decided on a couple of things to focus on:

a) when my latest batch of commissions is finished I won't be taking any more for the time being, I'd rather focus on getting the 'fun' aspect back into my work without having to worry about disappointing customers, I will still do fun little trades though - I do like doing silly things for friends ^^

b) get through my artistic literature, I have a bunch of books on drawing various interests of mine that I need to work though - including drawing for fantasy and martial arts, two areas I wanna explore

c) look into further figure drawing classes now I'll have income coming in - if not to give me something to do after work some days :)

d) focus on pieces for art shows at conventions, rather than a full weekend at the table not getting anywhere - looking back on the Confuzzled video from this year made me sorta realise just how much of the convention, and the people there that I missed out on. I've kinda missed that aspect of it so will be taking a break from the Dealer's Den and try my luck in the Art Show instead :)

e) don't get hung up or disappointed if you receive no feedback, it's not the be-all and end-all of the artistic process, I've seen artists on FA receive a comment literally seconds after posting a simple sketch, any feedback is handy for going forward though I suppose :)

and most importantly:

f) Have fun drawing! - for isn't art supposed to be fun?

Basically, until I've reached a level in my artistic confidence that I myself am happy with I shan't be taking any fresh commissions, although ain't we our own worst critics anyway? :D

So here's to moving forward art-wise, to random sketches and having a little fun along the way :)

State of the Kitty: Moving Forward

2011-08-08T10:41:26Z

Hi guys! Been a while (what with downtime and such) but I'm happy to report that, after 6 months of frustration and searching, I HAVE A JOB! *dances happily*

Yep, within the space of three days I had my interview, second interview/informal chat and offer, I start next Tuesday.

I shall be doing marketing for a small security firm and it's a little more well-rounded than what I did before - mixture of writing and even some design aspects thrown in. I'm understandably nervous about starting, but then again who doesn't get jitters before starting somewhere new ^^

Excited about starting and already trying to look forward to having an income again, means I can put some away for the future, which should hopefully involve the much needed move-out :) Having a schedule would be nice as well, and I've already got my eyes on things to do after work - namely martial arts and lotsa swimming :3

And with good reason, I've put weight on again and have crept back over the 300lb mark again >.< The diet begins in earnest as of today, portion sizes mostly, but I know that if I can stay motivated I can do it, so here it begins:

Starting weight: 306.6lbs
Goal weight: 266lbs

That's all for now, hope you're all well and such, muchos thankies for the messages of support during these difficult and frustrating times of unemployment *hugs all round*

State of the Kitty: Weddings and Banjoleles

2011-07-10T15:25:02Z

Hi folks! Still no luck on the job front, though I've now got a PDF portfolio with links to my best writing examples to send to potential employers in an effort to boost my chances, crossing my fingers on that one :)

Yesterday was my eldest cousins' wedding day, he and his now wife have been together for over 10 years and tied the knot yesterday, the service was lovely, the food at the meal was nom (lamb shank <3) and at the evening do there was a pick'n'mix for us to, well, pick at - I felt like such a kid again XD

Also took the time to head into Manchester with FrosT and Exile to watch Mr B. The Gentleman Rhymer perform at a small pub. The Master of Chap-Hop did not disappoint, t'was a splendid show :3 I've still to get the photos and videos off my camera, so will more than likely make a future post about it, but for now I'll just link you to a couple of his vids :3

Plans for next week: job hunt and draw stuff, with additional tasks to follow as I get them :)

State of the Kitty: Battling the Bulge

2011-06-27T20:37:54Z

The job hunt is still ongoing, and whilst I'm frustrated I know things'll change soon, the enquiries and applications are being fired off left right and centre, so hopefully something'll come along soon :)

As the title suggests, my worry now is my weight, I've been rather yo-yo when it comes to maintaining weight lately, and watching Embarrassing Fat Bodies ain't helping garner my confidence. I've always been a tad self-conscious due to my belly, and always thought I don't look particularly attractive (both clothed and nekkid >.<) and I do have a tendency to overeat :/

So, the exercise will be upped this week, with a bit of luck I can muster some motivation and maintain a decent routine, which will involve rather a lot of cycling in the sunshine :)

State of the Kitty: How Much Longer?

2011-06-14T00:36:22Z

Late night thoughts of frustration tonight, it's been four months now and still no luck. I've had three interviews recently and I'm hoping for good news from the most recent one as it's the one I thought I did best at. I still have interview nerves and came out of one feeling I'd let myself down :(

Each day is beginning to bleed into the next, same old routine, same old bad habits (including midnight snacking), same feelings of feeling useless and demotivated, same everything...I can only hope it comes to an end soon and I'm able to switch to a working routine (as well as the income, money worries are no fun)

Soon, hopefully, soon...please? *curls up tightly*

State of the Kitty: Directional Changes

2011-05-24T19:42:55Z

So after a period of wondering what the heck I could possibly do next I've spent the first couple of days of this week putting things into perspective, making lists and plans and making a start on some stuff I really should have done earlier.

So now I've tried to create a sort of online portfolio/portal for my creative work - http://www.panthras.co.uk/ - it's just a splash page for now as I try to inject a bit of professionalism into it, steering slightly away from the furry aspect (yes, even though I've linked to my FA gallery for the time being :p) and using it more as a sorta gallery for my graphical work, links to websites I've done web stuff for, as well as links to some of the articles I wrote during my time at my previous job.

So hopefully this'll help boost my chances of finding work by showing that I can actually do something creative and webby XD

In suit-related news, after looking back on some photos I've had coming in from this years' Confuzzled I'm thinking its maybe time to add a little extra detail to the head, he needs some highlighting/airbrushing and maybe even some work on the jaw to create more of a smile for future outings, being that I'm looking to do some more Paws For Cause outings and get a little more creativly involved.

And to finish, here's a couple of photos of the Pansuit at Confuzzled this year, courtesy of FabiFox, the front views will hopefully show the justification for airbrushing I mentioned in the paragraph before:

That's all for now, hopefully I can bring better news sometime soon, but for now I've got a party at the weekend to look forward to ^^

Avenue Q trip

2011-05-22T11:17:10Z

Last night I had a nice little trip to the theatre with some folks from the Confuzzled crew, so we headed to the Hippodrome in Birmingham to watch Avenue Q.

Now I've only ever heard the soundtrack to the show, mostly during times when we were rehearsing or painting for our own puppet show, but seeing it live was awesome - and hearing the audience reaction to familiar songs such as 'The Internet Is For Porn' was something else, and despite the warmth of the theatre it was a really good night.

We then got the chance, via the Stage Door entrance, to meet some of the cast as they came out from the theatre, I got a couple of autographs from some of the actors, including a 'Horny Hugs' greeting from the guy who played Trekkie Monster :D Lilsi had brought along her puppet from the Cavalcade show at Confuzzled this year and a lot of people, including the Avenue Q actors, were impressed with it, we headed back to Colin's still singing along and talking puppetry ^^

Muchos thankies to colifox for arranging the trip and to everyone else who came along and made it a fantastic night ^^

Back from Confuzzled 2011

2011-05-09T20:18:07Z

Back from Confuzzled 2011 - which was absolutely awesome! Loved the theme aspect, you might even have recognised me as one of the Don's goons which made several appearences during the convention, t'was a lot of fun dessing up and putting on the accent :3

Thanks to all who stopped by my table and said hello and bought stuff from me, I promise I'll be more prepared for next year, and with next year's theme I'm already getting lots of ideas for stuff to draw and make ^^

Far too many people to thank for helping to make it an awesome experience, so I'll just pass on lots of *hugs* to you all instead ^^

If you managed to snap a picture of me, both as the henceman or in suit, please let me know :3

For now though, my feet hurt and my voice is shot, but it's sure been worth it ^^ *kerflop*

On losing mojo

2011-04-14T08:21:42Z

Heya guys and gals, guess it's about time for an update huh?

The job hunt is still ongoing, but I've had more interviews recently, so hopefully something'll happen soon, I'm also working on a sort of online portfolio to show examples of my writing and drawing, that'll hopefully be done and live by the end of this week.

Speaking of drawing, well the art thing has been dry for quite a while now, but I'm hoping to crank out a few sellable images within the next few weeks in preperation for Confuzzled - something which I'm VERY much looking forward to ^^

My weight loss/exercise routine has gone to shit in the past couple of weeks though, and this really concerns me as it's three weeks til con time and I still got a little more to lose - problem is that it's been steadily creeping back on. Ever since the folks returned from their trip I've lost nearly all motivation and my get-up-and-go attitude, and I can't put my finger on why >.<

My sleep routine has also been shot since I haven't been working, and I've lost the discipline I used to have that lead to the weight loss, the biggest flaw is that I can go a whole day of eating well and then have a big bowl of cereal before I go to bed, which usually then leads to sitting up and watching movies til 1-2am

I need my motivation back, I need that good feeling, I need a lot of things but they're ever so slowly happening >.< Frustrating as it is, I know good things have surely gotta be around the corner *crosses everything*

In the meantime all I can do is look to the future, I'm doing everything I can on the job front to the point where I'm stepping it up a little, the art should be fun to do as well ^^

Action April!

2011-03-27T19:53:35Z

Corny title I know XD

But, this upcoming month is going to be very difficult for me financially, and it's as well I should address it now rather than let it consume me with worry.

I'm feeling a little 'meh' about money (as well as the whole being unemployed thing) as I've had to lend quite a lot out in order that my sister is able to move house, which has eaten up pretty much all my savings and left me in a bit of a sticky predicament for a month

There are certain things I need to do this month, including:

-Put my car in for its' MOT, but that's not due til the 28th April - which gives me plenty of time to save up should there be a worst-case-scenario.

To my knowledge the only things that need addressing are the brake pads and the back tyres, so here's hoping that's all...

-Start and finish the portfolios I've got planned for Confuzzled by the end of the month - heh, I should rename it to Artistic April instead :D

But seriously, it's time to break through this brick wall of an art funk and get something produced in time to sell, I'm excited about the themes and such and I just hope I can muster up the artistic energies and motivation to help get me creating again, both on and offline.

I'm pondering opening for 1920's-style badge commissions in time for the con, so if yer interested in that (or any art for that matter) drop me a line and I'll see what I can do :)

-Step up the job hunting in the meantime - recently I have redrafted my CV/resume and will be working on covering letters and interview techniques, as well as finally finishing a sort of online portfolio page with examples of my work. Hopefully something'll come up soon *crosses everything*

-Make a last-ditch weight loss and exercise push - looking at losing at least a stone (14lbs or more) between now and the Confuzzled weekend.

Once I've shaken this stomach bug that seems to have hit me over the weekend I shall be resuming rugby training in an attempt to shed some more pounds, and the diet will be back with a vengence, though it might be a bit more difficult now the folks are back home, but I shall persevere *determinedlook*

As a result of my current scenario, it is with a heavy heart that I shall be cancelling my registration for Eurofurence tomorrow morning as its' not financially viable for me at this point in time, I'll keep an eye out for spare places nearer the time but I'm not pinning my hopes on anything right now :/

So that's the state of the kitty so far, hopefully things'll get better in time and someone'll think I'm decent enough to offer a job too, otherwise I'm stuck for options :/

*curls up*

panthras @ 2011-03-07T09:04:00

2011-03-07T09:04:12Z

Previous weight: (Feb 28th): 20st 10lb (292lbs)
This week's weight: (Mar 7th): 20st 7lbs (289lbs)

Difference: -3 lbs

A further loss this week *happydance* I've been keeping myself busy with helping my sister move house, but I was able to sneak in a gym session and a circuit training session, at which I'm feeling much fitter, lighter and my clothes are feeling more comfortable, I may just haveta buy a belt soon :D

Goal for this week is to lose a few more pounds, could do with eating a few less calories (mostly made up of snacks) and get as close to the 285lbs mark as possible.

-Target weight by May 6th: 19st (266lbs) or less, or waist size 38-

Return of the PanArts?

2011-03-06T23:05:51Z

Back home after a productive weekend, and it felt good to sketch for the first time in a while, I got some concept sketches done for a project I want to get done in time for Confuzzled this year, and I'm gonna spend next week trying to be as creative as possible, seeing as last week was spent helping out with family stuff.

Got an interview for a job in Manchester tomorrow, kinda nervous but I'm like that with every interview XD

Of ups and downs

2011-03-04T20:44:47Z

It's been a funny old week mentally, spent most of Monday worrying about finances and such, moving money around so I can afford Confuzzled this year and just generally going through the usual 'stuff to sort out this month' stage, which involved a little worry but eventually realising that maybe things were possible after all.

Then I had a few productive days helping my sister move house, she's now settled and such and I managed to get in a couple of gym sessions and a circuit session last night, after which I was feeling fantastic as I could feel the fitness levels getting much better.

Then today happened, it's been a bit of a slug of a day and I felt exhausted, I had a slight anxiety moment upon receiving a letter from the JSA, but after some thought it wasn't as bad as I thought it was, I'm sorta proud that I'm able to calm myself a little easier these days, and I still have no hangups about leaving the job as it's given me the opportunity to catch up and chill out a little.

Maybe I just need more sleep or something, it's been a busy week, at least next week I've got a couple of interviews - crossing my fingers for those :)

Weight Loss Mission: First Weigh-In

2011-02-28T09:54:58Z

Previous weight: (Feb 21st): 21st 5lb (301lbs)
This week's weight: (Feb 28th): 20st 10lbs (292lbs)

Difference: -9 lbs

A promising start thanks to being good and not straying too far off the diet, I tend to drink water when I'm feeling hungry now. Exercise level has increased as well, twice to the gym and once to circuit training, as the weather's getting warmer now it's time to get out on the bike a little more.

The main thing that helps is that the folks have gone away for a few weeks, leaving me able to cook for myself a little more, and I'm already finding plenty of tasty and low-fat recipes out there, so will more than likely be posting my efforts on here to keep a track of it (and to keep you drooling of course :p)

-Target weight by May 6th: 19st (266lbs) or less, or waist size 38-

Hoping it can continue ^_^

Job Search Update

2011-02-22T23:19:54Z

So yah, I didn't get the job I was really hoping to get, after three weeks of waiting as well they have nothing for me at the moment *sigh*

Oh well, after a quick wallow in self pity and wondering what the heck I'm actually good at and what I could offer companies, it's time to keep searching. I do have a job interview in Bristol on Friday and I'm terrified of fucking that one up as well, I get proper nervous in interviews and I could do with being back in work as quickly as possible *crosses everything*

Please let something go my way soon ;_;