DEPRESSED!!

I need help so much, i did so well before my birthday and holiday i lost almost 2 stone and i reached my goal weight at that time! Over my birthday and visiting my bf in London then going on holiday to Zante for 2 weeks i put alot back on...im so fat its horrible! Having to go out agter i lost so much weight and buying new clothes...smaller clothes was the best feeling ever and everyone noticing....it was amazing i cant even describe it....ive never felt so good, but i never felt perfect!  ive just started uni and im waiting for my loan to go thru till i go and buy a gym membership but it is so hard......i binged like hell today then went to purge but i couldnt coz all my housemates were in the kitchen near the toilet and would have heard....thats the last thing i need! someone help me im crying out for it right now, i hate this feeling its like suicide!xxxxxxxxxx