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Wednesday, December 18th, 2002
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12:31p - Hmm...
this probably isnt something anyone can help me with but myself. but, i guess i need to talk about and this seemed like the best place to do it.
i consider myself a pretty sexual person. i mean, i masturbate fairly regularly and i like making out and posing nude and stuff like that. but the actual act of sex is a different matter entirely. take last nite:
me and my significant other were making out and i was getting pretty turned on. (a lot of times i can just orgasm from rubbing up against him.) so we were kissing and cuddling and i really did think that i wanted to do more. so he started taking off my clothes and all the sudden it was like my pussy just died. i went from being turned on to nothing.
im pretty sure its a fear thing. like im comfortable orgasming in private (masturbation) or with my clothes on (rubbing up against him), but im not ready for sex. which i would be okay with, except im scared that i might not ever be ready for sex. with my last boyfriend, we were having sex for 4 years before i ever orgasmed from it. and so far with my current significant other, weve had sex twice and i havent particularly enjoyed it either time. :(
after last nite we decided that i wasn't going to masturbate anymore, so that if i want to orgasm, with him is going to be the only way i can do it. but i dont really know if that's the best way to do it. and i dont really have any better ideas either. i want to have sex with him, and i want it to be a good time for both of us, but something inside me is making it so that cant happen.
current mood:  disappointed (4 comments |comment on this)
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