say what?

I always want to write, and usually i have a lot to say. Not tonight. Tonight i can't choose the correct words. Tonight i don't know what to type to get the thoughts out of my head, if only for a few blissful moments, and onto the screen in front of me. This most likely stems from the fact that i don't even know what i want anymore, so how could i relate what i'm thinking if i dont even know myself?

I do know i want to feel better. That i despise being ill in any sense. And that i want to know whats wrong even if it frightens me....cause ignorance is bliss when it comes to health if you ask me.

I do know that when i feel alone there is one person i look for. But he is the person i am supposedly walking away from. He is the one i am not supposed to care about. And i don't want him around a lot of the time...yet i miss him when he stays silent in the background of my day.

But i dont know how to write. I can't rhyme it. I can't make a story. My paper journal is untouched. This sort of writers block, a wealth of material but no outlet, makes me tired.