Go Time!, Jon/Spencer AU, Reality Slides 'Verse

'It's not working,' said Spencer when George picked up the phone.

'Hello to you too, James, how have you been? I've been swell, my thesis is coming together and I may be in publication soon for a short story come Winter,' said George, completely ignoring Spencer's complete distress for his required sense of order when it came to social situations.

'Yeah, yeah. Glad to hear about you punishing the rest of the world with your writing, or maybe not the rest of the world considering the reach of short stories now,' said Spencer. This entire conversation reminded him why he and George had to run off to different continents when they ended their year long relationship. 'This is an emergency. I need your help.'

'Really?'

'Yes, really.'

An expectant silence filled the line, where both were waiting for the other to respond. George huffed once and gave in. 'Well, what's the emergency?'

'Go time,' whispered Spencer, 'it's not working.'

'Go time?' repeated George, if Spencer were a betting man he'd place money on George nibbling the right side of his lip like he did when he was confused and exasperated.

'You know, go time!' Spencer mimed a pelvic thrust and then realized he was on a balcony and maybe someone was watching, which wasn't exactly something he discouraged all times, but also that George was on the phone and couldn't actually see him. He dropped his voice down to a whisper. 'The sex, it's not happening.'

'For as much sex as you claim to have--'

'Hey! Those aren't claims, they're actual events. You were there for a good amount of them too.'

'I believe you.' George cleared his throat in a manner that usually indicated he was about to say something that would piss Spencer off. 'For as much sex as you claim to have, I'd expect you to possess the ability to discuss these matters without searching for euphemisms, James.' Right, there it was.

'Are you done getting off by mocking me?' snapped Spencer. 'I'm in the middle of a medical crisis and I could use your help.'

'You do know that I'm not a doctor, right?'

'But you did drop out after two semesters and your brother is an actually practicing doctor, I figured you could ask him for me if it comes to that.'

'What is your issue with go time?' he asked, lacing his voice with all the incredulity possible.

'Things aren't happening like they usually do,' said Spencer.

'Oh James, you're going to have to sound it out, I can't deal with your juvenile refusal for adult conversation.'

Fuck you mouthed Spencer at the phone. 'My penis hasn't been erect in weeks. You happy?'

'No, but I will admit to a sudden sense of joy.'

'Schadenfreude.'

'My people did invent it,' admitted George. 'So impotency--'

'I am not impotent,' said Spencer, much louder than he intended if Brendon's subsequent howl from downstairs indicated anything. Spencer stalked back into his room and slid the glass door with a bang. He could hear George's tinny laughter through the phone. 'I hate you so much right now.'

'Fine,' relented George, 'so you're having problems with your penis. When did they start?'

'I don't have an exact date, but it's been two weeks since I've put my mind to it and go time has been a no go,' said Spencer. He briefly glanced down at his crotch as if he could glare his problem away; something he'd tried after the second failed attempt, which only resulted in Jon asking if he should get help. 'Maybe three weeks just to be safe.'

'You've been flaccid for three weeks, that's not a terribly long time.'

'Three weeks of intent,' stressed Spencer. Three weeks including: countless masturbatory attempts, watching more porn in all its variations than even his sixteen year old self could fathom, three failed sex acts with Jon--once may be a coincidence, twice may be a fluke, but three times indicated a pattern.

George made a sympathetic prodding sound.

'What?'

'You're not telling me the entire story. If you want my full help, I need to know everything.'

'So you can get off on my complete misery.'

'Don't deny me simple pleasures, James, and stop trying to distract me.'

Spencer ran his hand through his hair and checked to make sure all the doors were sealed. He couldn't let what he was about to say get out. 'Alright,' he sighed, ' tonight, at the club, you know Paul was there and--'

'Nothing happened because not only are you near impotent but you're also not stupid enough to consider sleeping with Paul again,' cut in George. 'Honestly, James, it's been close to three months, I would expect more from you.'

'Listen,' hissed Spencer, 'you don't know what it was like to be in dim corners with Paul just there. He's like an octopus with extra arms, like that tentacle shit with neon haired people that comes on late at night but without the slime. And, it's been three months but we were married for ten years and together even longer than that and it's not like a switch can just be turned off.' He paused and took a deep breath. 'Nothing officially happened, but the possibility was available, if you know what I mean.'

'Awww, did little Spencer stand at attention?'

'Fucking hilarious. But yeah, things were at half mast but near ready to go.'

'I don't see your problem then.'

Except, his celebratory mental dance was cut short when his dick deflated and refused to even pretend an ability to temporarily defy gravity after the mere thought of Jon had crossed his mind. The moment a chant of 'Jon! Go time!' entered his head when he'd passed him on the way to his room, well, he went back to early onset erectile dysfunction land.'Maybe Paul hexed me,' said Spencer. 'His mother's side is from New Orleans.'

'And practicing Catholics.'

'Well then Catholic Voodoo.'

'Impossible and rather presumptuous on your behalf.'

'Do you think, maybe,' Spencer cleared his throat, 'I could be allergic to Jon? Like a sort of ninja germ he sends off that makes my dick deflate?'

George snorted over the phone. 'It makes sense.'

'Really?' He had been kind of reaching on that whole ninja germ thing, he wondered how Jon would feel about a full on body suit, one like he'd seen on HBO Real Sex one night.

'No, jackass, it makes sense that you're scared to progress things further with this Jon person. He's the first person you've really liked since ending things with Paul.'

'So this is all on me?' He'd half hoped there would have been a pill he could take.

'Here is my advice as a failed doctor,' George's voice grew firm, 'relax. You're not half as much a mess as you believe yourself to be. Take some private moments to even yourself out.'

'Did you just tell me to jack off?'

A heavy sigh came across the phone, and Spencer could imagine George propped against a wall, rolling his eyes, as he said, 'Alright, I've done my good deed and now I'm hanging up.'