Happy Birthday to me....

Not that I'm in much of a mood for celebrating...

I had a call from my Mum and Samantha this morning. It was so great to hear from them. I haven't spoken to them in so long and I miss them so much. I didn't realise how much until I heard their voices on the phone. They asked me to come home, but I said I couldn't. I have responsibilities here. Like, Elijah for one. And Viggo, even though I don't know him, I want to help him. Along with other people... So I told them I couldn't and they cried and I just felt so bad. I hope they'll understand, one day.

I know they want me home and I know why they do. In two days time, it will be the seven year anniversary of my sister, Rachel's, death. I haven't been to visit her graveside since I left home and even then I'd only been to see her once and that was at the funeral.

I miss her so much! So much, that it hurts. I just wish she was here and could tell me everything was going to work out ok. But she isn't here and she can't tell me everything will be alright. Because she's dead! And she's never coming back! I just hope she knew how much I loved her and that I'm sorry for letting her die.

So sorry...