Ignite Your Bones 5/?
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, which belongs to the British Broadcasting Corporation
Ignite Your Bones
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Wilfred never considered himself to be the sharpest tack in the shed. He also had a self-deprecating manner about him, and he still did to an extent, but when he realized his young granddaughter was adopting the same attitude, he tried to catch himself doing it. He did not want Donna to learn that from him.
But it was hard. He had to remind himself that he was good with numbers, and was able to do his own accounting for years without a single audit, even old as he was, his mind was still sharp. He knew the names and faces of all his regulars and neighbors, he could even name their children and their pets if quizzed. There weren't many who could boast the same. And when Wilf closed his eyes, he could map out all the constellations in his mind, just like they were in the sky, just like they were on his favorite hill.
The hill he had sat on every night for a year to reflect on the Doctor in Donna's name.
The Doctor had just told him the nuclear bolt had gone critical. Any button in that machine would flood the glass room he was standing in with five hundred thousand radons.
And then Wilf knew he was the one that came knocking.
"I'm sorry," Wilf said. And he meant it. "Look, just leave me-"
But the Doctor interrupted him. And Wilf watched, helpless and afraid, as the Doctor, the only one in the world who could save Wilf, processed his imminent death with all the bitterness, grief, and anger that anyone faced with death would experience.
Wilfred wanted to tell him to stop. To leave him because Wilf was an old man, and he had lived a long and truly blessed life. But it was in that moment that a thought, a whisper in the back of his mind, came back to him.
His life could still be saved. So long as you tell him nothing.
And Wilf knew he was the only one in the world that could save the Doctor.
So Wilf looked on at the man who looked so young and was yet so old. The man he would be proud to call a son because he was good, and kind, and astonishing. And Wilf said nothing.
"You were always this, waiting for me all this time! Not remotely important! But me?! I could do so much more-" the Doctor shouted, his hands in his hair.
And still, Wilf said nothing. He understood the place the Doctor was in because he was in the same place. No one really looks at the end of their life in serenity - if anything, Wilf thought it would hard to leave the ones that love him living without him. It was hard for Eileen, dear blessed Eileen, the mother of his children, to leave her grieving husband. Wilf thought of his wife on their wedding day, in her modest white dress and veil. He thought about how his heart leapt so high at the sight of her that surely the whole church could see it in his eyes. He thought of her auburn hair curling around her face as he lifted the veil to look at her, and how she smiled, oh how she smiled.
Later that evening, when they were alone and everyone had gone, she had let Wilf undo all those curls one by one until her brilliant red hair was tumbling about her shoulders. She was so beautiful.
"I could do so much more!" the Doctor said, tears in his eyes. But then his dark eyes grew distant and pained. "But I couldn't save her, I couldn't-" He choked before he could finish the sentence. Wilfred felt his heart sink lower.
He still said nothing, but he wanted to, because it was dreadfully sad to fight the instinct to reach out to someone, vocally, emotionally, when it was the last person he'd ever see. Wilf just wanted someone to hold him in their thoughts, the same anyone would want. But apart from himself, he wanted to tell the Doctor it would be all right for the Doctor's sake. Even if he wouldn't believe it, Wilf wanted him to be comforted.
"Sometimes I didn't even like humans. Thought I was superior to everything and everyone."
Oh, Donna, Wilf thought, and just that one thought made him feel so broken. He had no idea what happened to her. But he knew of only one man that loved her enough to tear through the universe and save her. And Wilf was going to save his life.
Wilf was going to save the Doctor's life by saying nothing. Because if the Doctor tried to save him, and then regenerated into someone that didn't care enough to save his granddaughter...then what was the point?
He slipped his hand into his pocket and felt the cool metal of his mobile inside it.
"I added a special pulse to your mobile to help us locate Donna's phone."
Wilf was momentarily startled when the Doctor violently shoved at the items on a desk across the room, papers and pens flying across to the floor. Wilf watched the rage and grief play across his friend's features before they settled into heartbreaking sadness. "Live too long..." the Doctor murmured.
And still Wilf said nothing. Even though everything human in him wanted the comfort of another soul next to him in those final few moments, he said nothing. Instead, he took advantage of the Doctor's distraction to pull his mobile out and open it.
Donna's name and number was still displayed on the screen, ready to call.
Wilf cried openly and silently in that last moment, thinking about his beautiful girl. The wisps of hair on her tiny head when he first met her on her birthday. Watching her ride a bike on her own the first time, both her front teeth missing as she gave him a wide smile. How proud she was when she announced she was going to University. How she smiled at him with all the love in her heart. His brilliant, sassy, kind Donna, who shouted at the world to make it a better place. His granddaughter who was destined to save the universe.
He would give anything to see her one last time, but at the same time, he could see her. Sitting on their hill, holding his hand, gazing at the sky, the stars reflecting in her brilliant blue-green eyes. His Donna, who he loved, who deserved to be loved. Donna who was worth everything.
"Goodbye, sweetheart," Wilf said softy, tears rolling down his cheeks, looking at Donna's name.
And he hit the call button.
Emotions flew at her. Overwhelming, extraordinary senses of wonder, devastation, horror, happiness, contentment. But there was a storm inside her, swirling around her center, and Donna watched it warily but without fear because she knew what it was. Aching loss. Sickness. So much rage.
God help her, if she ever saw that idiot Spaceman again, she was going to slap him so hard he'd be dealing with his own pain and memory loss-
The missing memories fell and clicked, pieces shifted into place. Donna was filled with an awareness that was strange in the patterns but familiar in the tones. She suddenly remembered things she didn't less than a second ago - it all rushed into her from her subconscious, filling the new neurological patterns in her mind, reasserting a sense of self she thought she lost. The missing years came back to her and she was dismayed to realize she lost a lot more than two measly years to adventure and time travel. And in those new patterns was a new, alien sense of being, reminding her that she wasn't just human anymore.
Somehow that made her happy, yet so very, very sad, like she lost something.
If she concentrated, she could attune herself to these new senses. Tune into the movement of the planet she was on, tune to the sense of time as it flowed by, and suddenly she knew just how long she had been laying there-
Donna opened her eyes.
"Three weeks, four days, sixteen hours-!" Donna sputtered.
"Yes, sorry about that, it took a lot longer than I thought to sort out that brain of yours. It's still very human, I had to improvise on what I know," said a female voice to her right. "I was hoping to get it done a week earlier. Our window to get you through the Time Lock is narrowing by the hour at this point-"
Donna turned her head and blinked at the Circle, who was frantically pulling wires from Donna's cranium and chest. "Your vitals are looking good, which is a relief-"
"To hell with my vitals!," Donna gasped, reaching to grab the other woman so she could haul herself up. "Lamar, Halcyon, Katja! They...they-" It was difficult to breathe. She was overwhelmed between her anger over what the Doctor did to her and the how she felt over the price of being saved. Her grief momentarily eclipsed her anger. Donna swung her legs over the chair, and regretted it when her vision swirled. She'd used them. She'd used them and they were gone and nothing was going to take away that guilt.
She held a hand up to her mouth and sobbed. The Circle tried rubbing her back reassuringly, but then she was gone. Donna kept crying. "Those idiots, those stupid idiots, I told them to stop-" Donna said, softly.
There was a groan. Donna turned to see Lamar lying in a chair next to hers, his face pale and drawn. The Circle was pulling wires and cables from his body in the same frantic movements, whispering to him in hurried Gallifreyan, stopping to touch his face hesitantly as Lamar wearily opened his eyes.
"Lamar?!" Donna said. She jumped up as Lamar turned and blinked at her, before closing his eyes again. "Lamar!" Donna ran around her medical chair to his, but she was uncoordinated, and almost fell on top of him when she reached him.
He hugged her back, but there was no strength behind it.
"What's this, Donna?" he asked as Donna pulled away.
"I thought you were dead, Dumbo!" Donna shouted. She tried smacking his shoulder, but there was no strength behind that either.
"Not dead," Lamar said, closing his eyes. "Just tired. You take a lot out of a man, Miss Noble, but don't worry, you're worth everything."
The Circle rolled her eyes.
"Are they awake?!"
Katja came running into the room, sonic screwdriver in one hand, and something that looked a lot like a gun in the other. He was followed closely by Halcyon.
"What's happened?!" the Circle demanded. "Why did you tell me to wake them?! It's too soon-"
"The extrapolator shielding went down, we have precious little time before the TARDIS is crawling with Daleks. She'll hide us for as long as she can, but dimensional integrity will be the first to go once they figure out Time Lords are running around in here-" Halcyon said, and she moved quickly to the medical control panel. She started pulling out more of the gun-looking things, like they were perfectly normal objects one would find in a medical panel.
"Donna," Katja said and Donna looked up at him. His light brown hair was singed, and he smelled vaguely of electrical burns. "Donna. Are you all right?"
No one would blame her if she hit him, she thought. No one would because they were supposed to be oh-so-smart, but they ask the stupidest questions. But she couldn't hit him because the strength was only just returning to her muscles and she felt like it was an accomplishment just to rise up and meet him when he reached her side.
Donna wrapped her arms around Katja and shuddered. "When I saw you in my memories, when you disappeared, I thought...I thought...I shouldn't have let you help me, I-"
"No, no," Halcyon said. She walked over, rubbed Donna's back. "We just couldn't help you anymore. No more regenerative energy in our cells. But we're okay, see? Healthy as all get out."
"Come on, Old Man, we need to move," Katja said. He wrapped an arm around his brother's waist and helped Lamar get to his feet. Lamar swayed a moment, almost sitting down again.
"It's like regeneration sickness," Lamar said hoarsely, "Only without the regeneration."
"It's brutal. Hal and I had to go through it too," Katja said, "But we have to move. They've found us and the TARDIS can only hide us for so long-"
"Come along, Donna Noble," Halcyon said. She held out a gun, but Donna shook her head.
"I would rather one of those sonic pens," Donna said.
"Oh. Here," Halcyon said, reaching into her pocket and removing her sonic screwdriver. "Take mine."
"Where are we going?" Donna asked, gripping the sonic close to her chest.
"We need to get you to the council room, closer to the heart of the TARDIS. The Baron left a program that should jettison you through the vortex back to Sol III. As long as the Daleks don't get to us first," Halcyon said, smiling, "But it's a sound plan, yes? What can go wrong?"
"No, don't say that, don't," Donna said.
Katja had to support Lamar for several steps out into the corridor before Lamar shrugged his brother off and was able to balance himself. Donna was still having issues with walking in a straight line. But her heart and lungs seemed to be working, and her brain wasn't burning like it was about to explode, so whatever the Circle triggered must have worked-
Donna stopped suddenly, and leaned against the wall. She was violently coughing. Golden swirls of dust came out of her lungs, coalescing in front of her eyes.
"What...what the hell..." Donna said as the gold shimmered in front of her face and seemed to be absorbed back into her skin.
"Well, if the Daleks didn't know we were here before-"
"Sorry, is my involuntary reflex bothering you?" Donna snapped.
"It's not her fault. I had to wake her before her body could acclimate to the excess," the Circle said, moving to scan Donna with her pen. "You all right? Can you keep running?"
Donna nodded once, setting her jaw.
"Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a bit tense," Halcyon said, "I can't forget we're running out of time."
She literally meant Time itself was running out, Donna knew. The Time Lock was starting.
She could see the end of their timelines shimmering not too far ahead, not quite converged, but definitely not infinite in possibilities. The way it should be for Time Lords, defenders of all time and space. And the parts of her that were still so very, very human, - the side of her Donna was grateful to still have because, in her opinion, it made her better - the instinctual twisting in her gut, the desire to save those that would save her, that made scenario after impossible scenario fire off in her mind. She felt a fierce affection for all of them, and it was awful, because she knew if even one of them somehow evaded the Time Lock, the resulting paradox would put the universe at risk.
And she knew that was wrong.
And she hated it.
It was in that moment, one of those final, precious moments, that two Daleks sped down the TARDIS corridor faster than Donna had ever seen two Daleks go, and shoot at the Time Lords. Halcyon turned to fire back but it was too late.
Lamar, who had been hovering closely to Donna and the Circle, immediately moved in front of them. Donna watched, horrified, as the laser shot through his chest, his image momentarily irradiated. She could see through his body, like an x-ray image, into his pericardial cavity and his frantically beating hearts. He hit the ground in front of them with a sickening crunch.
"No!" the Circle screamed. Donna looked over at her as she, face full of fury, reached down to pull Lamar's sonic screwdriver from his hand, and jumped back up, racing towards the two Daleks.
"All Time Lords will report to sorting stations for surrender-" one Dalek started to instruct.
"Sort this out," the Circle said.
With her pen in one hand and Lamar's screwdriver in the other, the Circle pressed both against the shielding surrounding each Dalek, and used her own body as a conduit. Electricity flashed between the two sonic tools and through the Circle. It filled the whole room with blinding light as it exploded, and Donna, Katja, and Halcyon were thrown back down the corridor.
Donna hit the ground hard, and the wind rushed out of her lungs. She coughed furiously. More golden light shimmered in the air as she scrambled up to her knees to see the Circle crawling back towards her husband.
"Lamar-" Donna said, voice breaking. She pushed herself up, half ran to where he was laying. So still-
The Circle looked up at her. Donna felt a shadow of her grief in that moment, uncontrolled as the shields normally around the older woman's mind faltered. Then Donna noticed the same golden light trickling under the Circle's skin.
"He's gone," the Circle whispered.
"No, no, no this isn't right-!" Donna said, openly crying, reaching them and falling forward to touch Lamar's temple, running her hand along his hair.
So still. So empty.
"Donna, come on," Katja said, gently lifting her away by the hand. "We have to keep running."
"What are you going to do?" Halcyon asked the Circle.
Donna thought how they both sounded like soldiers. Moving forward after a comrade in arms fell. But from the way Katja's hand was shaking on her shoulder, Donna knew they weren't okay. They were soldiers and they were people. They were losing what was left of her family.
"I'm going to go out with a bang," the Circle said, and it almost sounded glib. Light crawled under her skin. "The Daleks won't be using this Time Ship to escape the Time Lock. I'll hold off for a few minutes, so get Donna Noble out of here. Donna, it's been an honor."
"I don't understand-" Donna said.
"She's going to use her regeneration as a bomb," Katja said to Donna as he tried to move her away.
But Donna couldn't leave people behind. "Let go of me," she demanded, but Katja refused. Donna could hear the whir of more Daleks on the other end of the corridor. She didn't know if it was fear, or Katja's stubborn pull, that caused them both to round the corner, but when the Circle and Lamar were out of sight, Donna finally tugged free. She tried to turn back around the corner only to find the corridor had changed.
"No! I don't care if you need to change time and space to save me, I'm not leaving them! We don't leave people behind!" Donna shouted at the ceiling, "We don't LEAVE PEOPLE!" She stomped at the floor.
The strange TARDIS hummed, but did nothing.
"You're all in this together," Donna shouted, "Gallifreyans and their bloody martyr complexes. Just like him! All that nonlinear horseshit makes you lot think-"
"Donna!"
Donna looked up. Katja and Halcyon were staring at her wide-eyed. Towards the end of the corridor was an archway into what appeared to be the council room. It was surprisingly free of Daleks, but if this TARDIS was half as clever as the Old Girl, Donna knew the Daleks were materializing in all sorts of places they probably didn't want to be in.
"Getting a little personal, aren't you, Donna?"
"What's so wrong with getting personal?!" Donna demanded. "Maybe I am being personal. What's wrong with that?! Aren't all our actions based off of what we know?! Isn't that personal?!"
Donna stopped, inhaling sharply. She could remember his fingers on her temples and he drew closer to her, and how horrified she was. She knew what was happening, what he was going to do, and she didn't want that. Who would? Who would want to spend all that time, learning more about the best and worst sides of yourself, growing into a better person, and have that all taken away? It would be like dying. And she would rather die knowing.
"Right," Halcyon said, interrupting her thoughts. "We should-we should check on the extrapolator shielding and the vortex teleportation program to send you back to Earth." She pointed at the council with her gun hand. Donna didn't move. Halcyon exhaled loudly then turned to go inside.
Donna pursed her lips together as she followed Katja into the council. She felt the change immediately.
"Shields are still up here?"
"Yeah," Halcyon said as she hit levers and read the monitors.
Donna remembered enough about how to fly a TARDIS to know that Halcyon was checking preprogrammed flight plans, and maybe a few additional things, but she also knew enough about reading people to know that Halcyon wasn't happy with what she found.
Donna looped around the council, watching them, as they troubleshot the apparent problem.
"Extrapolator shield down to minimum function in the council room only. Dalek invasion in any subset loop they can find through the chameleon arc-"
"TARDIS readout shows maximum output into single extrapolator field and time-space dimension-"
"We can't use the automatic vortex feed, we'll have to do it manually-"
"That would interfere with the dimensional integrity of the field-"
"Oi, I may not remember everything I did when the metacrisis happened, but I sure as hell can tell when two aliens are barmy over a space problem," Donna said, then her brows furrowed, "But I suppose I'm the alien on Gallifrey-"
Halcyon turned her puzzled look from the monitor to Donna, and Donna watched as her face slowly brightened.
"Donna Noble, that's brilliant!" Halcyon said, snapping her fingers.
"Positively sure that anyone can figure out they're the actual alien on an alien planet surrounded by aliens-" Donna started.
"What's that then?" Katja said at the same time.
"Gallifrey! Gallifrey! And Earth! Right before the Time Lock goes up I saw it, I told you, remember?!" Halcyon said, and she started madly whirring levers about.
Katja smacked his forehead with the heel of his hand. "The shorter distance in space will-"
"I know-!" Halcyon said.
"What's going on?!" Donna demanded. "Shorter distance in space?!"
"Gallifrey will be in the Sol System falling into Earth's orbit for approximately two to three Earth minutes-" Halcyon said.
"WHAT?!" Donna shouted.
"We'll have to go outside and use a manual vortex manipulator. I think I've got one filed away somewhere," Katja said. He pulled a panel open in the wall and started throwing random things around the council room. A violin, a bundle of dried flowers, a few wired contraptions Donna didn't recognize-
"We can't go outside, the extrapolator shield doesn't extend out there."
Katja turned to Donna. "Donna, didn't you figure out a way to disable the Dalek weaponry on the Crucible? I remember it in your memories."
"Oh, right," Halcyon said.
"I don't have the Doc-" Donna swallowed, and cringed as she tried to say his name, "the Doctor's memories anymore. I couldn't tell you how I did it."
"Yes, but you remember, right?! What was it? I remember it was something I would never have thought of because it seemed completely bonkers-"
"Oi, watch yourself, alien," Donna said. She rubbed at her temple, willing the memory to come. "Something about a K-filter wavelength matrix."
"Macrotransmitted, of course! That was brilliant! Brilliant Donna Noble!" Halcyon said.
"I can program a macrotransmitter to emit a K-filter matrix and run it to the surface. Give me a minute head start to get it set-up!" Katja said. He pulled out from the council what looked to Donna like a one of those handheld transmitter beacons she'd seen on science NASA programming.
"Oi!" Halcyon said, running up and tugging his sleeve before Katja could run up to the transporter disc and disappear. "There's a whole Dalek army up on the surface! We might not-"
"No, we might not," Katja said, face serious.
Halcyon looked down, not letting go of his sleeve. Donna walked closer to them. She felt that awful feeling in her throat again, like she couldn't swallow. She reached forward and stroked his other arm. "You don't have to do this, Katja," Donna said. "I really wish you wouldn't. I wish-"
"I know you do," Katja said. He smiled at Donna, then he turned and embraced his sister. Halcyon clutched at her brother's shoulders and Donna knew that for a moment they weren't soldiers fighting the worst war in the history of the universe, but a brother and a sister grieving for a life, a family, a planet and history they had lost.
Katja pulled away from Halcyon, shoved the vortex manipulator into her hand, and hopped up on the transportation disc. He took out his sonic screwdriver and in a flash he was gone.
Donna stared, bemused, as her best friend stepped into the transportation tube, and looked over at her. His eyes were large, grave, and determined, wearing out the regret, the anxious fear. In a flash he was gone. And Donna fisted her hands in her hair and she cried and she cried-
Donna heard Halcyon breathing. Deep, soulful breaths she would have to use every muscle in her core to make. Donna looked at her. Her eyes were nearly closed and she breathed out and in three times, each breathe slow and purposeful. Then she opened her eyes and looked at Donna.
"Time Lord meditation technique," Halcyon explained as she moved towards Donna and started wrapping the vortex manipulator around her wrist. "You'll have to learn some I suspect. Time Lord minds, they can be tricky. Shoot from one thought to another like lasers and you wouldn't want to lose control," Halcyon explained. Then she looked into Donna's eyes, thoughtful. "But you're half-human. Your mind is probably still has some of that beautiful chaos humans evolved with. Maybe...maybe you'll be all right. In fact, you will be. I know that much," Halcyon said.
Donna let her strap the vortex manipulator, let her ramble, because she was starting to suspect that was how her people coped when faced with a situation that was overwhelming. But she was never a woman to stay silent for long. "Halcyon-"
"I know you want to apologize, Donna. Don't. Don't you even dare," Halcyon said, pointing her finger. "This whole thing was my idea. It was my idea to save the Most Important Woman in the Universe. If anything, it was my fault."
"It's not your fault, Halcyon," Donna said. "And I won't say sorry because I blame myself or I pity you. I'm going to say sorry because you lost your family and your home. And I feel for you, dear. From the bottom of my heart, I feel for you," Donna said, and she leaned forward and hugged her.
Halcyon was shaking, but she embraced Donna easily. Donna rubbed her back, knowing there wasn't a lot she could do to soothe her, but she could do a little.
Sooner than Donna expected Halcyon was pulling away and jumping onto the transportation disc. "I think we've given my brother enough time to set up that macrotransmitter. Shall we? Setting 56TQ," Halcyon said.
And Donna remembered that she had the sonic screwdriver. She took it out of her pocket, pointed it at the disc, and turned it on. Halcyon disappeared in a flash.
Donna stood there for less than a second and took it the silent stillness of a strange TARDIS. She noticed for the first time the rotor wasn't moving. It was eerie.
She took a moment to center the chaos in her heart.
Shaking off the ghosts, Donna stepped on the transportation disc and sonicked.
Donna flashed back onto the red desert sands on the surface of Gallifrey. Donna gasped at the beauty, the wonder of standing on the one planet she thought she'd never see. It truly was a majestic planet, even burning, even with the skies filled with smoke and those terrifying Dalek saucers, and-
"Shit!" Donna exclaimed. The twin suns were no longer in the sky. Instead, a familiar blue-green marble of a planet filled the horizon.
"I know," Halcyon said. Donna looked over her shoulder at the other woman. She was scribbling something into a pad, which is she turned and handed to Donna when she was done. "That shouldn't be there, right?! Well, in another minute it won't be, Gallifrey will be back where it belongs and all Sol III will suffer is a handful of natural disasters, nothing you can't handle. I sent a message by the way, just in case-"
"Just in case of what?" Donna asked, pocketing the pad. It looked suspiciously like the Doctor's bloody daft psychic paper that told the whole universe she was married to him-
"Oh you know. These things aren't always reliable," Halcyon said, flicking towards the vortex manipulator on Donna's wrist. "But it's our best shot. Luckily Katja's macrotransmitter seems to be working, since the Dalek saucers can't seem to fire over this area. They'll catch on quick though. So we better program this. Early 21st century, right? Right. 2010-"
"Halcyon," Donna repeated, reaching forward and grabbing the shorter woman by the shoulders. She felt tears prick the back of her eyes. Donna felt drained, anxious, and she couldn't help the guilt, the anger that this had happened to a civilization that was supposed to be around forever, protecting time and space from paradox and destruction.
Donna never had an issue with expressing her thoughts through words. But in the end she could only say one thing.
"Thank you, Halcyon," Donna said, "For everything."
Halcyon smiled at her. Donna's heart clenched when she saw how bright the shorter woman's eyes were, and the tears falling down her face. She had lost her family today. Even if she knew it was coming, it could never have prepared her completely. Donna leaned forward to embrace her one more time, holding her tight.
"Thank you for being magnificent, Donna Noble," Halcyon whispered into her ear. And then Donna was pushed back, and Halcyon pressed the button on the manipulator before another word was said.
Death was not glamorous. It was stark, unforgiving. The Doctor had known death through his travels. But because the universe was cruel, he was a mortal man who still could not die completely, and he would always know death, would always know people who would love him and die for him, even if it broke his hearts and he'd have to dwell in the darkest corners of his soul whenever he was faced with death and destruction.
The Doctor was lying on the floor, where he had fallen after uselessly pounding on the glass his friend Wilfred Mott was trapped behind, begging him to stop.
"I'm not worth it!" the Doctor had screamed, "I'm pathetic, and selfish, but I'm not like them, I'm not!"
And he sobbed, falling to his knees, and then to the floor, as Wilf slumped to the ground. The rational part of the Doctor knew that Wilf had died near instantly. A fragile human body couldn't withstand that level of radiation and remain conscious in that kind of pain for very long. So the Doctor forced himself to watch as the radiation flooded and drained from the chamber. Wilf's body was so horrifyingly burned and melted, it was unrecognizable.
"Why would you do this?" the Doctor asked him, staring at the ceiling. "Why? You deserved so much more. I told you not to. I told you..."
It had been decades since he had cried that much. In one day he had lost Donna Noble, lost his people all over again, lost the Master, and another dear friend, Wilfred Mott, had died in his name. And even before that day his emotions were still scraped raw, so much that he couldn't stand the company of another person on the TARDIS, because the guilt and grief were unpalatable. So he lied there on the floor, the tears running down his cheeks into his ears, soaking into his hair. And he wished desperately and selfishly that Wilf didn't steal his death from him. His chance at oblivion.
The Doctor felt the floor vibrate. Someone was walking on that floor, towards that room. His head came up as several officials entered the room, followed by a meek Joshua Naismith.
"Katherine Morgan, Unified Intelligence Taskforce," a short, stern looking woman in a red beret said to him as he stood up from the ground. She flashed her badge and fixed him with a strict glare. "All associates of Joshua Naismith are being taken in for questioning-"
"Oh, I'm no associate of his," the Doctor said, nodding his head towards Naismith, glaring.
"Just who are you then?" Morgan asked him.
The Doctor took his psychic paper out of his jacket and handed it to here. "I think this explains everything," he said.
Morgan stared, puzzled, at the paper before handing it back to him. "And just how does that explain anything?" she demanded.
The Doctor, confused, looked at her and then looked at the paper.
His breath caught. The world tilted, and then righted under his feet.
"Sir? Sir! Are you going to tell me who you are?! Just what is your involvement with the alien invasion tonight?!" Morgan demanded.
The Doctor whipped his head up sharply. And he shifted his demeanor, went still, calm before the storm.
"I'm called the Doctor," he said, and he saw Morgan's eyes widen, "And I've just had the worst day. And you don't want to get between me and what I have to do after the worst day. So I'm going to explain everything once.
"That man there," the Doctor said, pointing at Naismith, "used alien technology stolen from the Vinvocci for personal gain, putting the entire planet at risk. You'll have a Vinvocci ship contacting you soon to retrieve their technology. This," the Doctor said, and he placed a hand on the glass, "This man was my friend, Wilfred Mott, and he saved the world today. I expect UNIT to take the appropriate measures for his care."
"We'll see to it, Doctor," Morgan said, saluting, "Shall we contact his next of kin?"
The Doctor chose to ignore the salute this time. "No, I'll do that myself," he said. And he knew he had to.
"Doctor," Morgan said, as the Doctor pushed past her, headed for the door, "We would still like to question you-"
"Yes, I know," the Doctor said. But he didn't care.
The Doctor left the room, and then he was running back towards where he parked the TARDIS. The conversation he was about to have with Sylvia Noble was not going to be easy.
But it would bring him one step closer to a woman he needed. Desperately, completely needed. She once said that he needed someone - someone to stop him and someone to keep him going.
He needed Donna Noble.
His psychic paper wasn't working because it was blocked, except for two words. A message.
She's out.
Part Six
Author's Note: I'm very sorry it took me so long to post this chapter. I must have written it seven times before this final draft, twice starting completely from scratch. It was tremendously hard and very personal for me to write. But I wanted to say how grateful I am for the response to IYB so far. It's your kindness and encouragement that keeps me writing. So thank you. ♥
Author's Note #2: Donna's speech about being personal is influenced by one of Kathleen Kelly's monologues in the movie You've Got Mail, written by one of my personal heroes, Nora Ephron. May she rest in peace. ♥
Ignite Your Bones
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Wilfred never considered himself to be the sharpest tack in the shed. He also had a self-deprecating manner about him, and he still did to an extent, but when he realized his young granddaughter was adopting the same attitude, he tried to catch himself doing it. He did not want Donna to learn that from him.
But it was hard. He had to remind himself that he was good with numbers, and was able to do his own accounting for years without a single audit, even old as he was, his mind was still sharp. He knew the names and faces of all his regulars and neighbors, he could even name their children and their pets if quizzed. There weren't many who could boast the same. And when Wilf closed his eyes, he could map out all the constellations in his mind, just like they were in the sky, just like they were on his favorite hill.
The hill he had sat on every night for a year to reflect on the Doctor in Donna's name.
The Doctor had just told him the nuclear bolt had gone critical. Any button in that machine would flood the glass room he was standing in with five hundred thousand radons.
And then Wilf knew he was the one that came knocking.
"I'm sorry," Wilf said. And he meant it. "Look, just leave me-"
But the Doctor interrupted him. And Wilf watched, helpless and afraid, as the Doctor, the only one in the world who could save Wilf, processed his imminent death with all the bitterness, grief, and anger that anyone faced with death would experience.
Wilfred wanted to tell him to stop. To leave him because Wilf was an old man, and he had lived a long and truly blessed life. But it was in that moment that a thought, a whisper in the back of his mind, came back to him.
His life could still be saved. So long as you tell him nothing.
And Wilf knew he was the only one in the world that could save the Doctor.
So Wilf looked on at the man who looked so young and was yet so old. The man he would be proud to call a son because he was good, and kind, and astonishing. And Wilf said nothing.
"You were always this, waiting for me all this time! Not remotely important! But me?! I could do so much more-" the Doctor shouted, his hands in his hair.
And still, Wilf said nothing. He understood the place the Doctor was in because he was in the same place. No one really looks at the end of their life in serenity - if anything, Wilf thought it would hard to leave the ones that love him living without him. It was hard for Eileen, dear blessed Eileen, the mother of his children, to leave her grieving husband. Wilf thought of his wife on their wedding day, in her modest white dress and veil. He thought about how his heart leapt so high at the sight of her that surely the whole church could see it in his eyes. He thought of her auburn hair curling around her face as he lifted the veil to look at her, and how she smiled, oh how she smiled.
Later that evening, when they were alone and everyone had gone, she had let Wilf undo all those curls one by one until her brilliant red hair was tumbling about her shoulders. She was so beautiful.
"I could do so much more!" the Doctor said, tears in his eyes. But then his dark eyes grew distant and pained. "But I couldn't save her, I couldn't-" He choked before he could finish the sentence. Wilfred felt his heart sink lower.
He still said nothing, but he wanted to, because it was dreadfully sad to fight the instinct to reach out to someone, vocally, emotionally, when it was the last person he'd ever see. Wilf just wanted someone to hold him in their thoughts, the same anyone would want. But apart from himself, he wanted to tell the Doctor it would be all right for the Doctor's sake. Even if he wouldn't believe it, Wilf wanted him to be comforted.
"Sometimes I didn't even like humans. Thought I was superior to everything and everyone."
Oh, Donna, Wilf thought, and just that one thought made him feel so broken. He had no idea what happened to her. But he knew of only one man that loved her enough to tear through the universe and save her. And Wilf was going to save his life.
Wilf was going to save the Doctor's life by saying nothing. Because if the Doctor tried to save him, and then regenerated into someone that didn't care enough to save his granddaughter...then what was the point?
He slipped his hand into his pocket and felt the cool metal of his mobile inside it.
"I added a special pulse to your mobile to help us locate Donna's phone."
Wilf was momentarily startled when the Doctor violently shoved at the items on a desk across the room, papers and pens flying across to the floor. Wilf watched the rage and grief play across his friend's features before they settled into heartbreaking sadness. "Live too long..." the Doctor murmured.
And still Wilf said nothing. Even though everything human in him wanted the comfort of another soul next to him in those final few moments, he said nothing. Instead, he took advantage of the Doctor's distraction to pull his mobile out and open it.
Donna's name and number was still displayed on the screen, ready to call.
Wilf cried openly and silently in that last moment, thinking about his beautiful girl. The wisps of hair on her tiny head when he first met her on her birthday. Watching her ride a bike on her own the first time, both her front teeth missing as she gave him a wide smile. How proud she was when she announced she was going to University. How she smiled at him with all the love in her heart. His brilliant, sassy, kind Donna, who shouted at the world to make it a better place. His granddaughter who was destined to save the universe.
He would give anything to see her one last time, but at the same time, he could see her. Sitting on their hill, holding his hand, gazing at the sky, the stars reflecting in her brilliant blue-green eyes. His Donna, who he loved, who deserved to be loved. Donna who was worth everything.
"Goodbye, sweetheart," Wilf said softy, tears rolling down his cheeks, looking at Donna's name.
And he hit the call button.
Emotions flew at her. Overwhelming, extraordinary senses of wonder, devastation, horror, happiness, contentment. But there was a storm inside her, swirling around her center, and Donna watched it warily but without fear because she knew what it was. Aching loss. Sickness. So much rage.
God help her, if she ever saw that idiot Spaceman again, she was going to slap him so hard he'd be dealing with his own pain and memory loss-
The missing memories fell and clicked, pieces shifted into place. Donna was filled with an awareness that was strange in the patterns but familiar in the tones. She suddenly remembered things she didn't less than a second ago - it all rushed into her from her subconscious, filling the new neurological patterns in her mind, reasserting a sense of self she thought she lost. The missing years came back to her and she was dismayed to realize she lost a lot more than two measly years to adventure and time travel. And in those new patterns was a new, alien sense of being, reminding her that she wasn't just human anymore.
Somehow that made her happy, yet so very, very sad, like she lost something.
If she concentrated, she could attune herself to these new senses. Tune into the movement of the planet she was on, tune to the sense of time as it flowed by, and suddenly she knew just how long she had been laying there-
Donna opened her eyes.
"Three weeks, four days, sixteen hours-!" Donna sputtered.
"Yes, sorry about that, it took a lot longer than I thought to sort out that brain of yours. It's still very human, I had to improvise on what I know," said a female voice to her right. "I was hoping to get it done a week earlier. Our window to get you through the Time Lock is narrowing by the hour at this point-"
Donna turned her head and blinked at the Circle, who was frantically pulling wires from Donna's cranium and chest. "Your vitals are looking good, which is a relief-"
"To hell with my vitals!," Donna gasped, reaching to grab the other woman so she could haul herself up. "Lamar, Halcyon, Katja! They...they-" It was difficult to breathe. She was overwhelmed between her anger over what the Doctor did to her and the how she felt over the price of being saved. Her grief momentarily eclipsed her anger. Donna swung her legs over the chair, and regretted it when her vision swirled. She'd used them. She'd used them and they were gone and nothing was going to take away that guilt.
She held a hand up to her mouth and sobbed. The Circle tried rubbing her back reassuringly, but then she was gone. Donna kept crying. "Those idiots, those stupid idiots, I told them to stop-" Donna said, softly.
There was a groan. Donna turned to see Lamar lying in a chair next to hers, his face pale and drawn. The Circle was pulling wires and cables from his body in the same frantic movements, whispering to him in hurried Gallifreyan, stopping to touch his face hesitantly as Lamar wearily opened his eyes.
"Lamar?!" Donna said. She jumped up as Lamar turned and blinked at her, before closing his eyes again. "Lamar!" Donna ran around her medical chair to his, but she was uncoordinated, and almost fell on top of him when she reached him.
He hugged her back, but there was no strength behind it.
"What's this, Donna?" he asked as Donna pulled away.
"I thought you were dead, Dumbo!" Donna shouted. She tried smacking his shoulder, but there was no strength behind that either.
"Not dead," Lamar said, closing his eyes. "Just tired. You take a lot out of a man, Miss Noble, but don't worry, you're worth everything."
The Circle rolled her eyes.
"Are they awake?!"
Katja came running into the room, sonic screwdriver in one hand, and something that looked a lot like a gun in the other. He was followed closely by Halcyon.
"What's happened?!" the Circle demanded. "Why did you tell me to wake them?! It's too soon-"
"The extrapolator shielding went down, we have precious little time before the TARDIS is crawling with Daleks. She'll hide us for as long as she can, but dimensional integrity will be the first to go once they figure out Time Lords are running around in here-" Halcyon said, and she moved quickly to the medical control panel. She started pulling out more of the gun-looking things, like they were perfectly normal objects one would find in a medical panel.
"Donna," Katja said and Donna looked up at him. His light brown hair was singed, and he smelled vaguely of electrical burns. "Donna. Are you all right?"
No one would blame her if she hit him, she thought. No one would because they were supposed to be oh-so-smart, but they ask the stupidest questions. But she couldn't hit him because the strength was only just returning to her muscles and she felt like it was an accomplishment just to rise up and meet him when he reached her side.
Donna wrapped her arms around Katja and shuddered. "When I saw you in my memories, when you disappeared, I thought...I thought...I shouldn't have let you help me, I-"
"No, no," Halcyon said. She walked over, rubbed Donna's back. "We just couldn't help you anymore. No more regenerative energy in our cells. But we're okay, see? Healthy as all get out."
"Come on, Old Man, we need to move," Katja said. He wrapped an arm around his brother's waist and helped Lamar get to his feet. Lamar swayed a moment, almost sitting down again.
"It's like regeneration sickness," Lamar said hoarsely, "Only without the regeneration."
"It's brutal. Hal and I had to go through it too," Katja said, "But we have to move. They've found us and the TARDIS can only hide us for so long-"
"Come along, Donna Noble," Halcyon said. She held out a gun, but Donna shook her head.
"I would rather one of those sonic pens," Donna said.
"Oh. Here," Halcyon said, reaching into her pocket and removing her sonic screwdriver. "Take mine."
"Where are we going?" Donna asked, gripping the sonic close to her chest.
"We need to get you to the council room, closer to the heart of the TARDIS. The Baron left a program that should jettison you through the vortex back to Sol III. As long as the Daleks don't get to us first," Halcyon said, smiling, "But it's a sound plan, yes? What can go wrong?"
"No, don't say that, don't," Donna said.
Katja had to support Lamar for several steps out into the corridor before Lamar shrugged his brother off and was able to balance himself. Donna was still having issues with walking in a straight line. But her heart and lungs seemed to be working, and her brain wasn't burning like it was about to explode, so whatever the Circle triggered must have worked-
Donna stopped suddenly, and leaned against the wall. She was violently coughing. Golden swirls of dust came out of her lungs, coalescing in front of her eyes.
"What...what the hell..." Donna said as the gold shimmered in front of her face and seemed to be absorbed back into her skin.
"Well, if the Daleks didn't know we were here before-"
"Sorry, is my involuntary reflex bothering you?" Donna snapped.
"It's not her fault. I had to wake her before her body could acclimate to the excess," the Circle said, moving to scan Donna with her pen. "You all right? Can you keep running?"
Donna nodded once, setting her jaw.
"Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a bit tense," Halcyon said, "I can't forget we're running out of time."
She literally meant Time itself was running out, Donna knew. The Time Lock was starting.
She could see the end of their timelines shimmering not too far ahead, not quite converged, but definitely not infinite in possibilities. The way it should be for Time Lords, defenders of all time and space. And the parts of her that were still so very, very human, - the side of her Donna was grateful to still have because, in her opinion, it made her better - the instinctual twisting in her gut, the desire to save those that would save her, that made scenario after impossible scenario fire off in her mind. She felt a fierce affection for all of them, and it was awful, because she knew if even one of them somehow evaded the Time Lock, the resulting paradox would put the universe at risk.
And she knew that was wrong.
And she hated it.
It was in that moment, one of those final, precious moments, that two Daleks sped down the TARDIS corridor faster than Donna had ever seen two Daleks go, and shoot at the Time Lords. Halcyon turned to fire back but it was too late.
Lamar, who had been hovering closely to Donna and the Circle, immediately moved in front of them. Donna watched, horrified, as the laser shot through his chest, his image momentarily irradiated. She could see through his body, like an x-ray image, into his pericardial cavity and his frantically beating hearts. He hit the ground in front of them with a sickening crunch.
"No!" the Circle screamed. Donna looked over at her as she, face full of fury, reached down to pull Lamar's sonic screwdriver from his hand, and jumped back up, racing towards the two Daleks.
"All Time Lords will report to sorting stations for surrender-" one Dalek started to instruct.
"Sort this out," the Circle said.
With her pen in one hand and Lamar's screwdriver in the other, the Circle pressed both against the shielding surrounding each Dalek, and used her own body as a conduit. Electricity flashed between the two sonic tools and through the Circle. It filled the whole room with blinding light as it exploded, and Donna, Katja, and Halcyon were thrown back down the corridor.
Donna hit the ground hard, and the wind rushed out of her lungs. She coughed furiously. More golden light shimmered in the air as she scrambled up to her knees to see the Circle crawling back towards her husband.
"Lamar-" Donna said, voice breaking. She pushed herself up, half ran to where he was laying. So still-
The Circle looked up at her. Donna felt a shadow of her grief in that moment, uncontrolled as the shields normally around the older woman's mind faltered. Then Donna noticed the same golden light trickling under the Circle's skin.
"He's gone," the Circle whispered.
"No, no, no this isn't right-!" Donna said, openly crying, reaching them and falling forward to touch Lamar's temple, running her hand along his hair.
So still. So empty.
"Donna, come on," Katja said, gently lifting her away by the hand. "We have to keep running."
"What are you going to do?" Halcyon asked the Circle.
Donna thought how they both sounded like soldiers. Moving forward after a comrade in arms fell. But from the way Katja's hand was shaking on her shoulder, Donna knew they weren't okay. They were soldiers and they were people. They were losing what was left of her family.
"I'm going to go out with a bang," the Circle said, and it almost sounded glib. Light crawled under her skin. "The Daleks won't be using this Time Ship to escape the Time Lock. I'll hold off for a few minutes, so get Donna Noble out of here. Donna, it's been an honor."
"I don't understand-" Donna said.
"She's going to use her regeneration as a bomb," Katja said to Donna as he tried to move her away.
But Donna couldn't leave people behind. "Let go of me," she demanded, but Katja refused. Donna could hear the whir of more Daleks on the other end of the corridor. She didn't know if it was fear, or Katja's stubborn pull, that caused them both to round the corner, but when the Circle and Lamar were out of sight, Donna finally tugged free. She tried to turn back around the corner only to find the corridor had changed.
"No! I don't care if you need to change time and space to save me, I'm not leaving them! We don't leave people behind!" Donna shouted at the ceiling, "We don't LEAVE PEOPLE!" She stomped at the floor.
The strange TARDIS hummed, but did nothing.
"You're all in this together," Donna shouted, "Gallifreyans and their bloody martyr complexes. Just like him! All that nonlinear horseshit makes you lot think-"
"Donna!"
Donna looked up. Katja and Halcyon were staring at her wide-eyed. Towards the end of the corridor was an archway into what appeared to be the council room. It was surprisingly free of Daleks, but if this TARDIS was half as clever as the Old Girl, Donna knew the Daleks were materializing in all sorts of places they probably didn't want to be in.
"Getting a little personal, aren't you, Donna?"
"What's so wrong with getting personal?!" Donna demanded. "Maybe I am being personal. What's wrong with that?! Aren't all our actions based off of what we know?! Isn't that personal?!"
Donna stopped, inhaling sharply. She could remember his fingers on her temples and he drew closer to her, and how horrified she was. She knew what was happening, what he was going to do, and she didn't want that. Who would? Who would want to spend all that time, learning more about the best and worst sides of yourself, growing into a better person, and have that all taken away? It would be like dying. And she would rather die knowing.
"Right," Halcyon said, interrupting her thoughts. "We should-we should check on the extrapolator shielding and the vortex teleportation program to send you back to Earth." She pointed at the council with her gun hand. Donna didn't move. Halcyon exhaled loudly then turned to go inside.
Donna pursed her lips together as she followed Katja into the council. She felt the change immediately.
"Shields are still up here?"
"Yeah," Halcyon said as she hit levers and read the monitors.
Donna remembered enough about how to fly a TARDIS to know that Halcyon was checking preprogrammed flight plans, and maybe a few additional things, but she also knew enough about reading people to know that Halcyon wasn't happy with what she found.
Donna looped around the council, watching them, as they troubleshot the apparent problem.
"Extrapolator shield down to minimum function in the council room only. Dalek invasion in any subset loop they can find through the chameleon arc-"
"TARDIS readout shows maximum output into single extrapolator field and time-space dimension-"
"We can't use the automatic vortex feed, we'll have to do it manually-"
"That would interfere with the dimensional integrity of the field-"
"Oi, I may not remember everything I did when the metacrisis happened, but I sure as hell can tell when two aliens are barmy over a space problem," Donna said, then her brows furrowed, "But I suppose I'm the alien on Gallifrey-"
Halcyon turned her puzzled look from the monitor to Donna, and Donna watched as her face slowly brightened.
"Donna Noble, that's brilliant!" Halcyon said, snapping her fingers.
"Positively sure that anyone can figure out they're the actual alien on an alien planet surrounded by aliens-" Donna started.
"What's that then?" Katja said at the same time.
"Gallifrey! Gallifrey! And Earth! Right before the Time Lock goes up I saw it, I told you, remember?!" Halcyon said, and she started madly whirring levers about.
Katja smacked his forehead with the heel of his hand. "The shorter distance in space will-"
"I know-!" Halcyon said.
"What's going on?!" Donna demanded. "Shorter distance in space?!"
"Gallifrey will be in the Sol System falling into Earth's orbit for approximately two to three Earth minutes-" Halcyon said.
"WHAT?!" Donna shouted.
"We'll have to go outside and use a manual vortex manipulator. I think I've got one filed away somewhere," Katja said. He pulled a panel open in the wall and started throwing random things around the council room. A violin, a bundle of dried flowers, a few wired contraptions Donna didn't recognize-
"We can't go outside, the extrapolator shield doesn't extend out there."
Katja turned to Donna. "Donna, didn't you figure out a way to disable the Dalek weaponry on the Crucible? I remember it in your memories."
"Oh, right," Halcyon said.
"I don't have the Doc-" Donna swallowed, and cringed as she tried to say his name, "the Doctor's memories anymore. I couldn't tell you how I did it."
"Yes, but you remember, right?! What was it? I remember it was something I would never have thought of because it seemed completely bonkers-"
"Oi, watch yourself, alien," Donna said. She rubbed at her temple, willing the memory to come. "Something about a K-filter wavelength matrix."
"Macrotransmitted, of course! That was brilliant! Brilliant Donna Noble!" Halcyon said.
"I can program a macrotransmitter to emit a K-filter matrix and run it to the surface. Give me a minute head start to get it set-up!" Katja said. He pulled out from the council what looked to Donna like a one of those handheld transmitter beacons she'd seen on science NASA programming.
"Oi!" Halcyon said, running up and tugging his sleeve before Katja could run up to the transporter disc and disappear. "There's a whole Dalek army up on the surface! We might not-"
"No, we might not," Katja said, face serious.
Halcyon looked down, not letting go of his sleeve. Donna walked closer to them. She felt that awful feeling in her throat again, like she couldn't swallow. She reached forward and stroked his other arm. "You don't have to do this, Katja," Donna said. "I really wish you wouldn't. I wish-"
"I know you do," Katja said. He smiled at Donna, then he turned and embraced his sister. Halcyon clutched at her brother's shoulders and Donna knew that for a moment they weren't soldiers fighting the worst war in the history of the universe, but a brother and a sister grieving for a life, a family, a planet and history they had lost.
Katja pulled away from Halcyon, shoved the vortex manipulator into her hand, and hopped up on the transportation disc. He took out his sonic screwdriver and in a flash he was gone.
Donna stared, bemused, as her best friend stepped into the transportation tube, and looked over at her. His eyes were large, grave, and determined, wearing out the regret, the anxious fear. In a flash he was gone. And Donna fisted her hands in her hair and she cried and she cried-
Donna heard Halcyon breathing. Deep, soulful breaths she would have to use every muscle in her core to make. Donna looked at her. Her eyes were nearly closed and she breathed out and in three times, each breathe slow and purposeful. Then she opened her eyes and looked at Donna.
"Time Lord meditation technique," Halcyon explained as she moved towards Donna and started wrapping the vortex manipulator around her wrist. "You'll have to learn some I suspect. Time Lord minds, they can be tricky. Shoot from one thought to another like lasers and you wouldn't want to lose control," Halcyon explained. Then she looked into Donna's eyes, thoughtful. "But you're half-human. Your mind is probably still has some of that beautiful chaos humans evolved with. Maybe...maybe you'll be all right. In fact, you will be. I know that much," Halcyon said.
Donna let her strap the vortex manipulator, let her ramble, because she was starting to suspect that was how her people coped when faced with a situation that was overwhelming. But she was never a woman to stay silent for long. "Halcyon-"
"I know you want to apologize, Donna. Don't. Don't you even dare," Halcyon said, pointing her finger. "This whole thing was my idea. It was my idea to save the Most Important Woman in the Universe. If anything, it was my fault."
"It's not your fault, Halcyon," Donna said. "And I won't say sorry because I blame myself or I pity you. I'm going to say sorry because you lost your family and your home. And I feel for you, dear. From the bottom of my heart, I feel for you," Donna said, and she leaned forward and hugged her.
Halcyon was shaking, but she embraced Donna easily. Donna rubbed her back, knowing there wasn't a lot she could do to soothe her, but she could do a little.
Sooner than Donna expected Halcyon was pulling away and jumping onto the transportation disc. "I think we've given my brother enough time to set up that macrotransmitter. Shall we? Setting 56TQ," Halcyon said.
And Donna remembered that she had the sonic screwdriver. She took it out of her pocket, pointed it at the disc, and turned it on. Halcyon disappeared in a flash.
Donna stood there for less than a second and took it the silent stillness of a strange TARDIS. She noticed for the first time the rotor wasn't moving. It was eerie.
She took a moment to center the chaos in her heart.
Shaking off the ghosts, Donna stepped on the transportation disc and sonicked.
Donna flashed back onto the red desert sands on the surface of Gallifrey. Donna gasped at the beauty, the wonder of standing on the one planet she thought she'd never see. It truly was a majestic planet, even burning, even with the skies filled with smoke and those terrifying Dalek saucers, and-
"Shit!" Donna exclaimed. The twin suns were no longer in the sky. Instead, a familiar blue-green marble of a planet filled the horizon.
"I know," Halcyon said. Donna looked over her shoulder at the other woman. She was scribbling something into a pad, which is she turned and handed to Donna when she was done. "That shouldn't be there, right?! Well, in another minute it won't be, Gallifrey will be back where it belongs and all Sol III will suffer is a handful of natural disasters, nothing you can't handle. I sent a message by the way, just in case-"
"Just in case of what?" Donna asked, pocketing the pad. It looked suspiciously like the Doctor's bloody daft psychic paper that told the whole universe she was married to him-
"Oh you know. These things aren't always reliable," Halcyon said, flicking towards the vortex manipulator on Donna's wrist. "But it's our best shot. Luckily Katja's macrotransmitter seems to be working, since the Dalek saucers can't seem to fire over this area. They'll catch on quick though. So we better program this. Early 21st century, right? Right. 2010-"
"Halcyon," Donna repeated, reaching forward and grabbing the shorter woman by the shoulders. She felt tears prick the back of her eyes. Donna felt drained, anxious, and she couldn't help the guilt, the anger that this had happened to a civilization that was supposed to be around forever, protecting time and space from paradox and destruction.
Donna never had an issue with expressing her thoughts through words. But in the end she could only say one thing.
"Thank you, Halcyon," Donna said, "For everything."
Halcyon smiled at her. Donna's heart clenched when she saw how bright the shorter woman's eyes were, and the tears falling down her face. She had lost her family today. Even if she knew it was coming, it could never have prepared her completely. Donna leaned forward to embrace her one more time, holding her tight.
"Thank you for being magnificent, Donna Noble," Halcyon whispered into her ear. And then Donna was pushed back, and Halcyon pressed the button on the manipulator before another word was said.
Death was not glamorous. It was stark, unforgiving. The Doctor had known death through his travels. But because the universe was cruel, he was a mortal man who still could not die completely, and he would always know death, would always know people who would love him and die for him, even if it broke his hearts and he'd have to dwell in the darkest corners of his soul whenever he was faced with death and destruction.
The Doctor was lying on the floor, where he had fallen after uselessly pounding on the glass his friend Wilfred Mott was trapped behind, begging him to stop.
"I'm not worth it!" the Doctor had screamed, "I'm pathetic, and selfish, but I'm not like them, I'm not!"
And he sobbed, falling to his knees, and then to the floor, as Wilf slumped to the ground. The rational part of the Doctor knew that Wilf had died near instantly. A fragile human body couldn't withstand that level of radiation and remain conscious in that kind of pain for very long. So the Doctor forced himself to watch as the radiation flooded and drained from the chamber. Wilf's body was so horrifyingly burned and melted, it was unrecognizable.
"Why would you do this?" the Doctor asked him, staring at the ceiling. "Why? You deserved so much more. I told you not to. I told you..."
It had been decades since he had cried that much. In one day he had lost Donna Noble, lost his people all over again, lost the Master, and another dear friend, Wilfred Mott, had died in his name. And even before that day his emotions were still scraped raw, so much that he couldn't stand the company of another person on the TARDIS, because the guilt and grief were unpalatable. So he lied there on the floor, the tears running down his cheeks into his ears, soaking into his hair. And he wished desperately and selfishly that Wilf didn't steal his death from him. His chance at oblivion.
The Doctor felt the floor vibrate. Someone was walking on that floor, towards that room. His head came up as several officials entered the room, followed by a meek Joshua Naismith.
"Katherine Morgan, Unified Intelligence Taskforce," a short, stern looking woman in a red beret said to him as he stood up from the ground. She flashed her badge and fixed him with a strict glare. "All associates of Joshua Naismith are being taken in for questioning-"
"Oh, I'm no associate of his," the Doctor said, nodding his head towards Naismith, glaring.
"Just who are you then?" Morgan asked him.
The Doctor took his psychic paper out of his jacket and handed it to here. "I think this explains everything," he said.
Morgan stared, puzzled, at the paper before handing it back to him. "And just how does that explain anything?" she demanded.
The Doctor, confused, looked at her and then looked at the paper.
His breath caught. The world tilted, and then righted under his feet.
"Sir? Sir! Are you going to tell me who you are?! Just what is your involvement with the alien invasion tonight?!" Morgan demanded.
The Doctor whipped his head up sharply. And he shifted his demeanor, went still, calm before the storm.
"I'm called the Doctor," he said, and he saw Morgan's eyes widen, "And I've just had the worst day. And you don't want to get between me and what I have to do after the worst day. So I'm going to explain everything once.
"That man there," the Doctor said, pointing at Naismith, "used alien technology stolen from the Vinvocci for personal gain, putting the entire planet at risk. You'll have a Vinvocci ship contacting you soon to retrieve their technology. This," the Doctor said, and he placed a hand on the glass, "This man was my friend, Wilfred Mott, and he saved the world today. I expect UNIT to take the appropriate measures for his care."
"We'll see to it, Doctor," Morgan said, saluting, "Shall we contact his next of kin?"
The Doctor chose to ignore the salute this time. "No, I'll do that myself," he said. And he knew he had to.
"Doctor," Morgan said, as the Doctor pushed past her, headed for the door, "We would still like to question you-"
"Yes, I know," the Doctor said. But he didn't care.
The Doctor left the room, and then he was running back towards where he parked the TARDIS. The conversation he was about to have with Sylvia Noble was not going to be easy.
But it would bring him one step closer to a woman he needed. Desperately, completely needed. She once said that he needed someone - someone to stop him and someone to keep him going.
He needed Donna Noble.
His psychic paper wasn't working because it was blocked, except for two words. A message.
She's out.
Part Six
Author's Note: I'm very sorry it took me so long to post this chapter. I must have written it seven times before this final draft, twice starting completely from scratch. It was tremendously hard and very personal for me to write. But I wanted to say how grateful I am for the response to IYB so far. It's your kindness and encouragement that keeps me writing. So thank you. ♥
Author's Note #2: Donna's speech about being personal is influenced by one of Kathleen Kelly's monologues in the movie You've Got Mail, written by one of my personal heroes, Nora Ephron. May she rest in peace. ♥
