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  • Who's the Favourite?: Understanding Our Sibling Relationships as Adults

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Who's the Favourite?: Understanding Our Sibling Relationships as Adults

4.4 out of 5 stars (64)

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The first non-fiction book to explore the joys and complexities of adult sibling relationships

'Whether you're a sibling or an only child, Catherine Carr's book will leave you wiser and feeling more at home in the world.' Oliver Burkeman, author of Four Thousand Weeks

For most of us, our sibling relationships are the longest we will ever have. Whether loving or fraught, competitive or codependent, these bonds shape us in lasting ways.

In this heartfelt, judgment-free book, Catherine Carr invites us to look at our brothers and sisters beyond the labels assigned in childhood. Combining real-life stories with expert insight, she explores birth-order stereotypes, favouritism, trauma, blended families, only children, siblings with additional needs, and the pain of estrangement and bereavement.

Thinking about these relationships more deeply may help us better understand ourselves and the world around us.

Interwoven with candid interviews with sibling pairs taken from her hit podcast, Relatively, such as Chris and Xand van Tulleken, Johnny and Lillie Flynn, Nick and Gill Hornby, Manni and Reuben Coe, and more

'Truly enlightening, charming and moving. I’ve learned so much…but I’m still angry with my sister for reading my diary!' Jane Garvey

'It is our least discussed and most formative relationship and Catherine’s work is a hilarious, moving and fascinating guide through it.' Chris and Xand van Tulleken

'Eye-opening and true. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for my brother.' Gok Wan

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From the Publisher

Text reads 'A moving, deeply researched exploration' and 'Oliver Burkeman' on an orange background. Quote appears to be from a book or publication review.
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Text reads 'Essential, hilarious and moving' and 'Chris and Xand van Tulleken' on bright orange background with white and pink text.

Text reads: 'A brilliant book Dame Jenni Murray' in white and yellow text against bright pink background panels.

Text reads: 'A perceptive book exploring a rich and complex subject' followed by 'Jonathan Dimbleby' in pink text against orange background.

Text on pink background reads 'You will find pieces of yourself in this loving book bee wilson'

Text reads 'illuminating and riveting' 'Gill Hornby' on orange/yellow background panels in white and pink text respectively.

Text reads 'Eye-opening' and 'Gok Wan'. Simple graphic design with bright pink background and text in white and orange colors.

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Review

'Moving, searching, deeply researched ... Whether you're a sibling or an only child, Catherine Carr's book will leave you wiser and feeling more at home in the world.' ―Oliver Burkeman



'My relationship with my brother is so joyful, so productive and so important for understanding who I am. It’s also the most likely to lead to murder by strangulation. This book is essential reading: we all have siblings in our lives, even if they’re other people’s. It is our least discussed and most formative relationship and Catherine’s work is a hilarious, moving and fascinating guide through it.' ―Chris and Xand van Tulleken



'
This brilliant book makes me understand how complex and varied sibling relationships are. I thought I was lucky to be an only but now really wish I had a little sister.' ―Dame Jenni Murray

'A lively and revealing book on the ins and outs of siblinghood. Ever attentive to the psychological sensitivities of her subject matter… Carr has clearly hit on a highly evocative and curiously under-discussed subject. Just the word 'sister' or 'brother' touches something deep.' ―Spectator



‘Written from the heart, with insight, humour and compassion, this is a riveting examination of what can be the most significant relationships of our lives.’ ―Esther Freud



'Truly enlightening, charming and moving. I’ve learned so much…but I’m still angry with my sister for reading my diary!' ―Jane Garvey



'Sibling relationships are one of the great unexplored human subjects. Catherine Carr writes about them with warmth, insight and intelligence, exploring everything from the funny private languages siblings share to the deep sadness of estrangement between brothers or sisters. Whether you are older, younger or middle, step or only, you will find pieces of yourself in this loving and informative book.' ―Bee Wilson



'Eye-opening and true. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for my brother.' ―Gok Wan MBE



'A brilliant dissection of the most fascinating subject. Illuminating and riveting from beginning to end.' ―Gill Hornby



‘Catherine Carr has written a perceptive book exploring a rich and complex subject. By blending real life stories with the insights of specialists, she illuminates a diverse range of sibling relationships with the intelligence, warmth and sensitivity that her radio programmes invariably display.’ ―Jonathan Dimbleby



'A seminal work on siblings. Authoritative, informative, calming, sense-making, inclusive and above all else immensely readable.' ―Annalisa Barbieri



'In Who’s the Favourite,Catherine Carr offers a vivid and insightful exploration of the complex relationships between siblings. With warmth and clarity, she examines how sibling relationships form and inform an individual's identity and life. Carr’s engaging narrative style brings a fresh perspective to a topic often overlooked. She highlights favoritism, bereavement, estrangement and the vital role brothers and sisters play as our shared historians. A must-read for anyone interested in understanding the enduring bonds of siblings.' ―Fern Schumer Chapman, author of Brothers, Sisters, Strangers



'Relatively podcaster Carr mixes research, cultural criticism, and personal anecdotes for this informative debut study of the complexities of sibling relationships… Carr keeps the pace brisk by leavening research-heavy passages with chatty, vivid anecdotes – both her own and those gleaned from her podcast. The result is a thought-provoking, expansive look at an important but understudied familial bond.' ―Publisher's Weekly



'
It's so refreshing to read a book that explores the entire spectrum of sibling experiences. Thank you for dedicating a chapter to the complex journey of growing up with a disabled brother or sister – siblings sharing this experience will truly feel seen.' ―Clare Kassa, CEO, Sibs

'
The bond between siblings is unlike any other relationship. Who’s the Favourite? reminds us so wonderfully how powerful, complicated and important siblings are, even when one of you is no longer here. Sibling grief can be overlooked and under-appreciated, with many feeling like forgotten mourners. I’m delighted that this book shines a light on our stories and gives us a voice, too.' ―Callum Fairhurst, Founder of Sibling Support

'Interwoven with insights from her podcast guests, it offers a thought-provoking look at the ties that shape us.' ―Psychologies

About the Author

Catherine Carr is an award-winning documentary maker, presenter, podcast producer and reporter with over twenty years’ experience in audio. Her work for BBC Radio 4, The World Service and her own company, Pocket Productions, has taken her all over the world. Carr is the producer for the Talking Politics podcast and is presenter of BBC Radio 4’s The Exchange. She is the middle child of three, and created a podcast about siblings called Relatively to finally get some attention. Who's The Favourite? is her first book.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Oneworld Publications
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ 19 Mar. 2026
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 336 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1836431287
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1836431282
  • Item weight ‏ : ‎ 440 g
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 13.5 x 2.9 x 21.6 cm
  • Best Sellers Rank: 33,933 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • Customer reviews:
    4.4 out of 5 stars (64)

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Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
64 global ratings
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5 out of 5 stars
What a great read!
This is such a good read! An amazing book full of interesting stories about your sibling order in the family. Loved it!
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Top reviews from the United Kingdom

  • 5 out of 5 stars
    Just beautiful.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 12 September 2026
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    A beautiful book. As we grow older, we naturally drift away from our siblings. This doesn’t mean that these relationships should be forgotten. This book is a reminder of the importance of the co-history we have authored with our siblings.

    One person found this helpful
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  • 5 out of 5 stars
    Loved!
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 15 August 2026
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    I could not put this book down. So interesting, so well written, so compelling. Very insightful. Will be recommending to all of my friends!

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  • 5 out of 5 stars
    While on the train…
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 17 April 2026
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    Reading this while travelling on the train highlight one thing. Every single person in this train carriage is reflected in this book. We all have, no long have, or never had siblings. The way Catherine blends academia research, social commentary, and her own experiences brings a purity and truth to the complex relationships of siblings.

    Insightful in places and eye-opening to other people’s lives you’ve probably never thought of before. So many times I felt the bittersweetness of many of the types of sibling relationships around. It’s also difficult to hide tears of joy or sadness while reading this book on a packed commuter train to London.

    Well worth the journey. Buy it. Read it. And go hug your siblings, if you can.

    One person found this helpful
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  • 5 out of 5 stars
    Couldn’t recommend it more
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 23 May 2026
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    This is a fantastic read. It’s full of interesting knowledge, research and anecdotes and takes a sympathetic approach to so many tricky topics. I’ve genuinely never read anything like it.

    One person found this helpful
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  • 5 out of 5 stars
    Brilliant, clever and charming book that will change how you view your siblings
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 20 March 2026
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    This fantastic book is insightful, funny, incredibly moving and (very helpfully) also makes the perfect gift for siblings. It feels like you’re simply reading interesting research about brothers and sisters, then all of a sudden you realise you’ve been gently nudged to take a closer look at a relationship that most just take for granted, yet could be the longest-lasting connection that we make. Brilliant, clever, life-affirming stuff.

    2 people found this helpful
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  • 5 out of 5 stars
    Such a lovely read…
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 20 March 2026
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    A wonderful book, a great read. Love it!

    One person found this helpful
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  • 5 out of 5 stars
    Thought-provoking and sincere
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 30 May 2026
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    Fantastic. A relatable and moving read. I loved the connections to books from my childhood which Carr references - Ramona Quimby and Little Women. I enjoyed the variety of personal reflection and academic research. I felt nostalgic, grateful and hopeful about the future of my sibling relationships.

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  • 5 out of 5 stars
    Poignant reflections on sibling relationships
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 18 April 2026
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    What a great read, insightful and thought provoking about a not often touched on subject of our relationships with our sibling's. Some stories that brought a tear to the eye. Highly recommended.

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