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artificialfairy

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and the night continues... [24 Mar 2006|09:14pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I <3 RAY we are gonna have beautiful children.....

2 Cried Tears of Blood

LMAO [20 Mar 2006|04:16pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Heather: Did you know Kandis stopped by last night?
Amy: No but she didnt come saturday because she got mad at devon and took a bottle of 151 to the head.
Heather: SHE HIT HIM ON THE HEAD WITH A BOTTLE? Why do I always miss the good stuff.

LOL silly violent white girls...

Tears of Blood

Daddy's home! [24 Feb 2006|05:19pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

10 laughs a day is equal to one hour of working out... I need to laugh more... tell me a joke.

I have been listening/watching the science channel here at home. It is very interesting... I learned about post traumatic stress and its effects on the brain, I guess it is mostly due to a certain chemical not being released when it is supposed to to start the realxation and safe feeling. I woke up when it came on with my heart beating really fast. Then I learned more about brain activity and... "They say they get so filled wih holy spirit they erupt with laughter and fell to the floor" you should hear these people laugh OMG... brain activity and crime. Mostly a lot of study on impulse crime, but of course it is still said that bout 34% of criminal behaviour is nature the rest is nurture, I also guess that there is a new way to treat adhd it is soo awesome, basically brain exercises! This kid was powering a video game by raising hte amount of electrical current in his head! and the best part was that it really cut down on his anger issues! So the more brain power you have the more likely you are to be a good person. So teach your children to read, force them! don't let them slack! even if they are tired or hungry or bored, if you dont they will kill you in your sleep!

OK I am in massillon and bored, I want to go to the movies, someone call me... if you don't have my number im me!

Daddy's home!! Oh yeah I can take the car to texas!!!!!! YAYYYYY!!! I love my parents!

1 Cried Tears of Blood

The Fist [17 Feb 2006|04:10am]
[ mood | intimidated ]

I hate the wind and I hate post traumatic stress over stupid shit like wind, can't sleep really really windy and can hear it every place in the apt. It is so stupid I know nothing is going to happen, I know I am safe, but my body is bound and determined to go into fight or flight making me want to throw up. Ok I am going ot try to go back to sleep, the wind isn't supposed to stop until noon so I need to learn to live with it.

good day!

Tears of Blood

::Gurgle:: [16 Jan 2006|03:57am]
[ mood | happy ]

Dammit! I had my caffeine fix and now i feel... ahhhhh... almost 4 am! I had a great time with Ray he bought me cuppacino (melted snowman) and i ate some chocolate covered coffee beans, then we looked at classic books, then came back to my place and watched "people under the stairs" with stephanie, otis, and kandis... I love that movie for some odd reason... I think it was the gutting of the one guy and the dad in the leather suit... hmmmm... Then after Ray left I went outside and made a friend... an all black cat with half an ear that loves me... it is protective of me already and growled at another cat walking by, and is now sitting at my doorstep but wont come inside, I named him sunshine:)

Not tired... shaky... need sleep...

2 Cried Tears of Blood

Filling the void... [15 Jan 2006|10:47pm]
[ mood | enthralled ]

aMySuEall4U : what time does grounds close?
reyray82 (10:32:42 PM): i would assume late
reyray82 (10:34:15 PM): maybe midnight
aMySuEall4U (10:37:57 PM): ok
aMySuEall4U (10:38:03 PM): now i just need to find someone
aMySuEall4U (10:38:06 PM): to uhhh
aMySuEall4U (10:38:08 PM): go with me
aMySuEall4U (10:38:11 PM): and uhhh
aMySuEall4U (10:38:25 PM): bye me a cuppacino
reyray82 (10:38:32 PM): lol can i go to grounds with u?
aMySuEall4U (10:38:42 PM): maybe if i spelled it right it would be more convincing
reyray82 (10:38:48 PM): ill buy urcoffeeif u let me go
aMySuEall4U (10:39:37 PM): oh ray i dont know
reyray82 (10:39:47 PM): pplllllllllleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeeee
reyray82 (10:40:05 PM): i wanna go:-[
aMySuEall4U (10:40:19 PM): hmmmm.... ok i guess
reyray82 (10:40:39 PM): YES!!!
reyray82 (10:41:01 PM): ill be by in a few


YESSSS...... Coffee and a good friend I barely see!

Tears of Blood

*GRIN* [16 Nov 2005|04:38pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Tuesday, 15 November 2005

Medical Technology Student Selection Committee
Department of Medical Technology
504 Life Sciences Building
Bowling Green State University
Bowling Green, OH 43403


RE: Letter of Recommendation for Amy Brand


I have had the pleasure of knowing Amy since her freshman year at Bowling Green State University, as both her Teaching Assistant for CHEM 135 (H) Laboratory, and then as her instructor for CHEM 138 (H) during the 2003-2004 School Year. I have known her for 2 years. During this time, I have seen Amy grow intellectually and emotionally into the person she is today.


I believe that Amy’s major strength is her intelligence. She is, by nature, a very inquisitive person, and will not accept knowledge at face value; instead, she investigates whatever she’s studying by using any source that’s available to her, like the Internet, any reference material, or just by hands-on experimentation. Essentially, Amy could be considered an “ideal student” because of her constant quest for true knowledge. She could always be counted on to fuel class discussions. I suspect that this behavior also extended to her non-science classes and that other teachers found her to be just as engaging as I found her to be.


However, Amy’s pursuit of true learning could also be perceived by future employers as a possible weakness because it could appear that Amy is questioning the policies and/or procedures at a future job, when, in turn, Amy is really trying to learn and understand the different aspects of her job. Because Amy is in the Medical Technology field, I would consider this a beneficial quality to have because you would want someone who is inquisitive by nature to determine the results of various medical tests and determine the identity of unknown compounds. I believe that Amy would be ideal in this type of situation.


Overall, I have found Amy to have an outstanding character because of her honesty, her trustworthiness, and her ethics. Accordingly, she is a very dependable person who contributes well in a group setting and is very motivated in various settings – in and out of the classroom.


I therefore give Amy Brand my highest recommendation to enter the Medical Technology program at Bowling Green State University. I believe that Amy would be an asset to the program, and that she will do exceedingly well. I hope that the Medical Technology program will enjoy the pleasure of having Amy in their classes as I have had with her. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.


Most Sincerely,





James Zubricky
Graduate Assistant
Department of Chemistry
Bowling Green State University



Wow this really opened my eyes to see aspects of myself I did not know were there.

2 Cried Tears of Blood

Boys Suck... [30 Oct 2005|01:36pm]
[ mood | silly ]

Mean things guys have said to me... in order of which they were said in my life...


"Kissing you made me realize how much I love my ex-girlfriend" (which 2 yrs later I find out was not his ex at the time, but his girlfriend)

"You are an emotional basketcase"

"I don't have sex with girls I don't think I could have a relationship with" (after bieng pressured and practically being raped by this guy and then finding out I am not the only one he has done this to)

"It was just a physical attraction"

"I was just really drunk"

"I don't date"... "I don't say that to girls I think I might be able/want to date" (therefore saying I don't want to date you)

Thanks guys for making me feel so special!

1 Cried Tears of Blood

... [02 Jun 2005|09:51am]
[ mood | calm ]

From yesterday...

Me *sob sob sob*

Heather "you'll be ok sweetie"

Me *munch munch*

Heather "what are you eating?"

Me *sniff* "A ho-ho"

Heather "Oh my god can you be any mroe of a typical fat depressed college girl?"

1 Cried Tears of Blood

Douche [23 May 2005|10:31am]
[ mood | chipper ]

Backwards pull is push...

So I had a great time this morning, I went out with John (the guy who I thought was cool from wal-mart) then we went to the Mckinley memorial and sat under the gazeebo thing as it rained really hard, it was very peaceful and soothing. Then we went to Arby's to see if Melinda was working and she was and we exchanged numbers, and I have tonight off and she has an apt so I am hoping I can hang out with her tonight and see her place and her puppy.

Some lady came in around 6-6:30 and bought a douche and feminine products and said "I came in early to get the unmentionables lol" and then I told her to have a great day and she repiled with "atleast I will be clean!" LOL she cracked me up!

My throat hurts really bad, I don't know if it is because of smoking or the remodeling they are doing, probably both.


Well I am just in a really good mood as I always am when I make new friends... I hope the rest of the summer goes the same, meeting new people making new friends having new experiences. John is going to culture me in Musicals... lol a weird boy that one... punk/metal boy who likes musicals? He also goes to the interbelt (the gay club) and I have been wanting to go so hopefully I can sometime soon.

Ok well I need to go to sleep I guess. I am not too tired but there is nothing to do.

Good day world as I have my night.


*Fly Away*

3 Cried Tears of Blood

Be [26 Apr 2005|04:31pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I have fallen into a deep black hole of depression and I can't get out of bed.

Tears of Blood

Breathe in Breathe out [16 Apr 2005|12:54am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

I hate it when my anxiety acts up! I feel like I can't breathe and that my throat is closing and my lungs will never get full... It is weird how my anxiety is for no reason... it is just stupid physical response that just happens! I dont know I have a stuffy nose, maybe it is allergies? I dont know. I wish I could take medicine but I dont know what to take, I dotn want anything that will make me sleepy because the thought of my breathing slowing down from a drug scares me when I feel like if I stop thinkign about brething I wont breathe and die or something.

I got a drunk dial from my amanda! I love her!

My feet are dirty from wearign sandals today and it sucks.

OK ::breathe in breathe out:: Time to go lay in bed and do a puzzle or something to take my mind off my body.

*Fly Away*

Tears of Blood

Mindful Lust [31 Mar 2005|03:00pm]
[ mood | Somber ]

Wind is soo strange... It is like tiny molecules of people all traveling together and when you walk through a rush of them you always know it, and you can see that there are rushes of them traveling passed other poeple but not you at the moment, and on their wa they pick up big pieces of dirt and tehy head straight for your eye as you walk... wind reminds me of a hand, it is so powerful and smacks people around all the time, whipping your hair around and dancing with the flowers. I hate the wind and the screaming that it makes, reminds me of death or a warning sign.


*Fly Away*

Tears of Blood

*shiver* [13 Mar 2005|10:36am]
[ mood | sick ]

Ok well Brent and I have finally done it... we are no longer a couple... I am sick to my stomach and just wanna cry all day but I know it will be ok in the long run. It was pretty much a mutual thing but I can't help but feel that I was dumped for someone else... but i guess it doesn't really matter, the fact of the matter is that I know that we are better off not together, at least right now... we are still going to talk and be general friends, but I can't be his "BEST" friend. I need to figure out how next year is going to work since we have already signed the lease, but I know I don't want to put myself through the torture of watching him bring home some chick or vice versa... Damn it hurts so unbelievably bad, but I am not worried about wanting to commit suicide or anything so no need to alarm anyone, I just want to cry and let it all out, but I don't want to cry to him becasue I don't want to make him feel bad anymore... crying is like us breaking up... it is just something I need to do...

*pain*

Life sucks, I feel like a part of my soul has died and my heart has been ripped out of my chest. Who knows maybe we will get back together a couple yrs down the road, but I am not going to wait for him, I don't want a relationship now but if I do meet someone else that I could possibly love then that is that, I am not going to try to aviod it with the thoughts "oh it will hurt my chances getting back together with brent" no nothing is about "us" anymore, it is now all about me and about how I feel, and right now I just wish amanda was in ohio so i could cry in her arms all night and have her hold me...

Well it is almost 11am and brent and I (I stayed here as my last night with him) have decided that we would try to have make love for the last time so we won't ever forget each other, and then it is off to my dorm room where I shall be spending most of my healing time... maybe chantal can come over and hold me...


*Flies away with arms crossed and head down*

3 Cried Tears of Blood

grrbleh [12 Mar 2005|07:19pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

My daddy came home friday and it made me very happy... He bought me this lovely music box... I forgot to take a picture... he also brought home little cigerettes that are illegal here.. they are rolled up in leaves and taste like little cigars... rolled in leaves.. it was funny becasue my mom smoked one and she held it like a joint...

I missed him... I am really glad he is home safe.. i got pictures of his arrival it was all so bittersweet, i shall post some later on i am not really in the mood right now.

I have a lot of reading to catch up on for my friends' journals, but i need glasses for when i read... exciting news isint it.. i picked out the frames and all but i cant get them for a while becasue my parents are going on a little trip and no one will be near to pick them up... maybe i will drive home next weekend just to get them...

Got a gyno exam as well and will be starting the new seasonale pill where you only get your period 4 times a yr... i wonder how it will work out since i am bad with taking pills. but i got a trial pack and it came with a video and a purse and lots of pamphlets i thought it was cute and funny...

other than that bad things have happened and i am really depressed right now... i dont liek going into details all i can say is that i hurt so bad and feel like i am the cause of my own pain... I know i am the casue of most of my pain i know how i can make it kinda stop but i am afraid of what will happen and i dont want to let go. I just wish i could stop crying and thinking so damn much... i need to buy a pack of cigerretes but i dont have much money... i wish that someone was here for me but at the same time i feel like such a depressive burden to everyone...

i feel liek i have soo much work to get done but i dont want ot do anything i just want ot lay down and cry... but even when i think about doing that i dont know where i want to cry... i dont want to be here nor there nor any other place... i wish i could just be in a deep dark closet all by myself where no one would know where i am.

St. patty's day is coming up... i hope it all goes well...

*fly away*

1 Cried Tears of Blood

poke [10 Mar 2005|05:03pm]
[ mood | pierced ]

YAY to free piercings! Thank you chris-b you did a great job for your first piercings! i wish amanda was on line i want to talk to her... I need to really update and tell all about my spring break... bleh... but not right now!

*Fly Away*

1 Cried Tears of Blood

OMG [08 Mar 2005|01:40pm]
[ mood | indecisive ]

Which ones!!!!!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v282/artificialfairy/All%20about%20me/dada027.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v282/artificialfairy/All%20about%20me/dada023.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v282/artificialfairy/All%20about%20me/dada026.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v282/artificialfairy/All%20about%20me/dada025.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v282/artificialfairy/All%20about%20me/dada028.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v282/artificialfairy/All%20about%20me/dada024.jpg
in order of my favorites...

1 Cried Tears of Blood

I love my mexican! [01 Mar 2005|11:20pm]
[ mood | I have time... ]

aMySuEall4U: deep down i am pretty superficial
TheMeann Reds: yes, ye syou are
TheMeann Reds: we all are
aMySuEall4U: yes and ashley just called me homey
TheMeann Reds: i wish i had gone to a monster truck show when it was here
TheMeann Reds: *tear*
TheMeann Reds: LOL
TheMeann Reds: silly white girls
aMySuEall4U: why is it gotta be about color?
TheMeann Reds: cause homey dint ever start with the white girls
aMySuEall4U: i am apricot thank you but ashley said we are all = in gods eyes
aMySuEall4U: y we gotta cont to seperate ourselves
TheMeann Reds: yes.. yes we are
TheMeann Reds: lol
TheMeann Reds: cause us mexiCANS are soooooOOO much better
aMySuEall4U: ohh hel lno chonger
TheMeann Reds: watch it now cracker!
aMySuEall4U: gringo lover]
TheMeann Reds: damn straight
TheMeann Reds: but on ly one gringoooo
TheMeann Reds: mi guero
aMySuEall4U: oh hell no!
TheMeann Reds: do you even know what i just said?
TheMeann Reds: cause it does not warant an "oh hell no!"
aMySuEall4U: no but you only love one gringo what about me bitch?
TheMeann Reds: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
TheMeann Reds: i love youuuu
aMySuEall4U: and ashley too
aMySuEall4U: that hurts she thought you liked you
aMySuEall4U: "i like your roomate she makes funny faces"
TheMeann Reds: i do like me
aMySuEall4U: i mena her
TheMeann Reds: lol
TheMeann Reds: i do like her but i LOVe chris and you
TheMeann Reds: your my only gringos
aMySuEall4U: good!
aMySuEall4U: you will forever be my sexy mexi
aMySuEall4U: and my pet mexican
TheMeann Reds: awwww
TheMeann Reds: ok pet gringo
aMySuEall4U: and the envy of me... "wh ycan't we be friends"
aMySuEall4U: i like ot be petted
TheMeann Reds: heheh\
aMySuEall4U: ashley said i have to do my paper now
aMySuEall4U: :-(
aMySuEall4U: "damn homey"
TheMeann Reds: lol
TheMeann Reds: i sya you have to do your paper too
TheMeann Reds: so goooo!
aMySuEall4U: "you arent supposed to type everythign i say i am trying to make her be a good student"
TheMeann Reds: lol

2 Cried Tears of Blood

Scrunch... [01 Mar 2005|09:29pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I wish it would stop snowing
We are signing the lease on thursday
I have a job, It starts the monday after spring break
I am really tired
I don't want to do my work

"Deep down, I'm pretty superficial." Ava Gardner

*Fly Away*

Tears of Blood

Jelousy is taken me... [28 Feb 2005|05:47pm]
[ mood | dizzy ]

I just got back from the coroner's office... Good field trip, but no talking and I didn't get to see dead bodies in person... Did you know 10% of people who commit suicide wiht guns use there non-dominant hand? Why is that... is it a sign of unsureness... I would think I would use my dominant hand to make sure the job gets done... I also saw a picture of a woman who shot herself in the forehead... and Yes people do lose weight when they die, but it is because of loss of water weight because the pressure outside is greater than teh pressure inside and blah blah blah... But I still believe we have souls...

I am doing ok today... still have a headache and am sad, but hopefully things will work out... I am not myself... I am not wanting to study AT ALL!

My dad is coming home friday! I get to go meet him... he got into the states last night and now is his desencitization... I thought he would be home sooner though... now I know I shouldnt stay the whole time for spring Break... my parents need some alone time... Hopefully Brent and I can go on a road trip and work some things out...

I have Jury duty! WTF during spring Break... I had to call and tell them i wasn't going ot be here... but I guess on the back of the survey it asks if you were going to be out of town at all during the month? I saw the one that asked to be excused if you will not be in the town, but not as speicific as that... I actualyl wanted ot jury duty... either way they will call me back tomorrow because the person I needed to tal kto was not there...

Ok well I am hungry and need to write a self evaluation and a response paper...

*Fly Away*

Tears of Blood

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