Meelienay Blitz

... i'd rather just write the truth.
and the truth, right now, is that i am depressed. for the time-being.
well, HOPEFULLY just for the time-being.
HOPEFULLY i will wake up tomorrow and feel good and ready to DO WORK.

in other news, i am abandoning LJ for ******* just to see what that's like.
(it's been 6 years of this, after all. :o can believe it?)
but more about that later, like when i actually have made the transition.

now... now, i'm going to go cry myself to sleep. boo hoo hoo little me.

around 10 RANDOM PICS~~~~~~~~~~~ COMMENCE:
( won't you come seeCollapse )

adieu.

you know when you really really want to be friends with someone?
with many people in particular, i really get a lonely feeling when i'm with them and knowing that we're not as close as i would like us to be.
i don't mean "close" as in so close that i would tell them all my secrets, because i don't tell ANYONE EVERYTHING, and it becomes too troublesome then, but i want to be on good terms and happy with just about everybody. well, interesting people. those people.
but i feel like i'm annoying with this and i don't want to creep people out so i stay back and keep to myself. and that's how i've always done it.
but then there are other people who for whatever reason seem to get in the way of me befriending somebody else properly. i don't know if it's really against me personally, but sometimes i get a certain vibe... it's not a good, positive energy type of feeling. in fact, it's the opposite, i must say. and i don't understand why because i've done nothing to deserve it. or maybe i'm imagining it? anyway, everyone should just stop it and be my friend. make it easier.

how do i come to think of it... that feeling i get around some people, whether i've met them or not. i just want to be in their atmosphere. people who give off a cozy yet mysterious feeling. these are the types of people who i want to befriend. because they are the most beautiful.

i need to stop this now and turn my attention to my lovely pile of homework,,

my mantra lately concerning my mother has been "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU DIE BITCH DIE".
there are so many reasons i hate that bitch, i don't even know where to begin.
so i won't.
don't get me wrong. i love my mama, but you know... really i hate her.
fuck.
most recently, there was a cockroach scare last night (it's still hiding somewhere D:) and so i made a freak-out facebook status that of course included many four-letter words.
ahaha being facebook friends with one's mother is really... great, isn't it?
because she even scolded me for that.
shut . the fuck. up. bitch.
it's not like i excessively cuss. maybe when i'm angry or freaking out for whatever reason, or just as a joke or if it rhythmically fits better into my scheme of word choice . idk. but the first time i make one peep on facebook that is even slightly out of line, she has to say something about it.
now i wonder, do people get notified if you de-friend them on facebook? 'cause if they don't, that bitch is so gone.

i love having things to do, but only really when they're fun things to do. this weekend was full of that, so i loved it.

hmm i don't know about friday night... oh, i was finishing watching the j-drama "Gakko ja oshierarenai!" which i enjoyed very much.

on saturday i helped my dad cook the only thing he knows how to cook, but at least it's delicious hahah. and my mom picked up Hyelee and Amy from the lightrail station. We all had lunch together, and then mom's friend Kate came with her 2.5yearold Sevvy. Severine the Bean. a cute. such a cute.
They went to the poolside while i tackled the mountain of dishes, but then Amy-unni insisted on helping me :D with her super-kitchen-skills and crazy efficiency. meanwhile, Hyelee-unni was taking a catnap on the couch X3

after a little relaxing, now it was us 3 girls' turn at the pool. the summer is now in full swing, which is evident for several reasons:
1. the pool water is hardly what can be called cold.. "cool" at best.
2. opening the window at night does fuck-all to cool the house down. it just raises the temperature and makes the AC work overtime ;_;
3. being outside is like being baked in an oven
4. on a brighter note, the sunsets are intensely gorgeous~

then we ate strawberries which were amazingly sweet. then we walked to the park and back. well, obviously back. we weren't about to camp there in the heat hahah.

then we watched the movie Taken. which was a scary and entirely unbelievable situation in the movie but i liked it anyway.

then we just chilled and talked, had an ice cream midnight snack, went to bed around 3AM~

it took me forever to fall asleep, maybe because it's so much warmer now, and i kept hearing my dad's pager go off in another room in the house. but anyway, though we were all going to originally get up at 10AM, we prolonged that for like an hour-and-a-half. of course XD

then we ate lunch that my mom made, ate watermelon that was expertly cut by Amy (it's those damn kitchen skills again!~), watched some TV, and then i went with them and my dad to drop them off at the lightrail station.

once home, i went to Walmart with my mom, but then she dropped me off at PV Mall, so i joined Mirna and Michelle and Yessenia and we had some snackages at the foodcourt.. i had gelato in the flavours of tiramisu and amaretto and zomfffffg it was too fucking good. totally hit the spot. mm!

then we went on somewhat of an adventure, because Yessi was going to some Physics Study Group Reunion Party or w/e so we had to go pick up her friend Keely (sp?) and then struggled to find the location of the party. it was in a fancy gated community up by some mountain, and we had to check in with the guard to be let into the neighbourhood o_O gated communities are stupid freaky shit, if you ask me. unless you're a celebrity or well-known millionaire, why would you need such a thing? the rest of us are on the struggle in neighborhoods that are frequented by drive-bys and cop cars and gunshots... *sigh*

anyway, after that we dropped off Mirna at her house, and then we went to Fry's to make copies of a whole stack of research articles that Mich has to read for some project for BNI, as i understand it...

then we went to fill up 3-gallon water barrels . and then Mich dropped me off at home. i started watching the movie Double Jeopardy, and in the middle of it Michelle came over and joined me. it was good and stuff.

and thennn Michelle left and i washed another mountain of dishes.

etc etc now i'm here...

last week my dad started forcing me to practice driving. so i've been driving around my neighborhood, and so far i haven't done any damage. yay.

what else this week... oh! Michael Jackson died. i just love how people like to capitalize on a person's death like that though, re-releasing his songs and albums on the charts. just like when Elvis died, or any number of musicians...
oh and Farrah Fawcett died and Billy Mays died too...

alas, that's all i've got to say for now... じゃね～

leave me the fuck alone, father.
god!
how annoying.
can summer please be over?
please?????
"all you do is sit at home all day and stare at the computer screen."
yes. very good. how observant of you, daddykins.
but whether i'm staring at the computer screen or the pages of a book, or the insides of my eyelids, you won't be happy with it anyway.
and it's not like there's anything i can go out and do.
because going out requires money. there's always an expense.
and going out all alone is boring.
and i'm sick of always being the one to plan shit with my friends.
textmsg from abdoul from mali: "i just came back from paris. i saw mirna at the MU."
splendid. excellent. wonderful. thanks, mirna, for inviting me along this time.
T.T
and, in better times, when i would go out all the time, it was: "you're never home." and then that was a problem.
what do you fuckers want from me??
fuck!

on Thursday I went back to ASU again, in the morning this time, though I stayed all day.
Mirna and I got a ride from Michelle.
then we chilled outside the M.U. for an hour or two.
then we were joined by Kyongmin.
then another AECP student, named Abdoul (there are like 39832 Abdouls in AECP hahah), came to say 'hi' to Kyongmin, and he met me and Mirna, obviously.
he assumed we were AECP students as well. so he says to me: "let me guess. you're from korea? japan? taiwan? which is it?" lol. fail.
we explained the truths to him. then, he asked us our birthdays. when i said mine was in February, he asked which day, and I said the 8th, and apparently it is his birthday too! he showed me his ID, and sure enough it was the 8th of February. coincidences abound!
then i chilled some more wiz Mimi & KK and then~
it was time for me to meet wiz Hyelee unni.
i walked with her to her Vista del Sol apartment where she's staying for the summer.
once there, she put rice in the ricecooker, and then her roommate (another Korean AECP student) Amy came and she cooked the rest of our lunch. fried rice & kimchi & egg, with cute ketchup faces on top :3
also lots of side dishes, but it's not like i remember what they were called -_- *failll*
and cheesecake for dessert.
then we watched Slumdog Millionaire.
then Amy told me about her 5 weeks spent volunteering in an Indian village. and showed me an adorable scrapbook from that time.
then Hyelee & Amy told me all this great shit about Korea, and Seoul's 10-storey shopping centres and fancy European-style cafes with amazing selections of tea and cheesecake and . i was thinking "you do know i hardly need any convincing to go to Korea, right? it's all a matter of money, and of that i have none :("
by around 6 PM i had to go, since i wanted to leave before it got dark.
so i walked across campus to the lightrail station, getting a sunburn on just one shoulder on the way there.
and of course, just as i was approaching the crosswalk, the lightrail was arriving, but i couldn't cross the street since the light was red and shitfuck. i had to wait several minutes for hte next one.
on the lightrail, i read a book.
at the final stop at the end of the lightrail track, my dad picked me up at that station and we drove home.
last night I walked to Walgreens with Michelle for to buy some things. Yesi and their mom came there also, and Yesi drove us to my house, 'cause my mom had invited Michelle for dinner.
she'd made uštipke , and they were delicious.
today i went with my parents to Dervisevic family's house. the new babe was born on Wednesday the 10th of June ~~ . he's so tiny and ugly!! but cute-like. he's no name, for now.
earlier tonight, from around 9:30-10:30 PM, there was a black-out around my block. how rude.
at least the electricity's back in full swing now!~
i kinda like blackouts though.. they're apocalyptic and beautiful and silent and eerie.
not that i want more blackouts or anything..
so yeah...
byebyeee~

so even though it's been dull as fuck around here since summer break began,
something kinda awesome happened today.
well, relatively speaking, of course.
such is the realm of awesome.
upon waking in the early afternoon, i was contacted by Mirna,
so we both rode the lightrail to ASU.
first, a not-so-awesome, but indeed kinda unpleasant thing:
on the lightrail there was a creepy creeper, all scraggly-bearded and crazy-eyed,
who introduced himself as Fred and called all the girls on the lightrail pretty,
but he kept coming back to Mirna, calling her beautiful over and over,
asking her name (she lied about it XD)
and saying "God broke the mold when he made you, you're so beautiful".
wtf you do know that sounds creepy, right, Fred?
anyway finally he got off.
good riddance.
at ASU, we enjoyed the cloudy/windy/cooler weather of these days. we met with Kyongmin, and didn't really do much of anything.
but as Mirna and I were walking back to the lightrail stop, we walked up Mill Ave.
We passed by a bum and a dog and two girls looking for ColdStone. Then we were passing by a group of .what? individualists. iconoclasts. rebels. punks. freaks. cool folk. and there was first a few comments : "cool shirt" "i like your shirt" directed at me :) that's nice, i thought, and smiled at them. but i kept walking and then there was a "whoa! did you see her bag??" (my Misfits bag<3) and then there was an explosion of "I got something to say! i raped your mother today, and it doesn't matter much to me as long as she spread~~~"
i still just kept walking but i grinned and sent peace-signs their way hahaha.
so that was pretty awesome.
and that's the end of that.
now, i return to boredom and loneliness.
and language study.
and the Sims3.
and the SHINee world [yeah i'm kinda obsessed with them these days, they're too cute and squeaky clean and shiny, dammit. also i think minho resembles pete doherty, and i can't get that out of my head every time i see him? i'm always reminded, hahah i wonder if there's anyone else in this world who has thought the same...]

it's 4 AM and i don't feel like sleepin
this happens a lot
every night
shitfuck
~~
!!!

i am having a self-loathing /ugliness party!
( save me from my uglyCollapse )

enough of this .
i'm peacin'~

p.s. Excuse the stupid rant. it was only for a moment. it tried.