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mood

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weird

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new journal people.

honestliex

click it. add me. love me!

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mood

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aggravated

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my grandma got me a shawl for my birthday. AHHH! i think im going to cry. i hate shawls with a passion. i knew i should have said something. she told me it was something everyone was wearing. i knew it was a shawl. ugh. i hate it. now i have to write an email telling her thank you its lovely. when i will never in my life be caught dead wearing it. grrrrrrrr. my other grandma gave me $40 though. :). i like that one.

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mood

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tired

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off to school. hope today is good. and rachel is there. and not moving.

ever.

my birthday is friday. :)

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mood

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bored

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FIRSTS:
1. First best friend: first real one..chelsea
2. First love: sigh
3. First real kiss: in the 5th grade.
4. First screen name: catchurbreath
5. First pet: my kitty.
6. First car: tell you when i get one

LASTS:
1. Last cigarette: while ago
2. Last kiss: last week.
3. Last good cry: last night
4. Last beverage drank: soda
5. Last food consumed: pizza
6. Last crush: andrew
7. Last phone call: allison ♥

RELATIONSHIPS:
1. Who is your best friend: allison, chelsea, mara, rachel, tiff
2. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend: no
FASHION STUFF:
1. Where are your favorite places to shop: lots o places
2. Favorite item of clothing: my pants? haha

SPECIFICS:
1. Do you do drugs: no thanks
2. What kind of shampoo do you use: at the moment panteene
3. What are you most scared of: spiders and clowns
4. What would you change about yourself: i would lose the braces

FAVORITES:
1. Colors: green/blue
2. Foods: sugar
3. Subject in school: lunch
4. Animal: kitty
5. Sports: sleeping. thats a sport to me
6. Movie: wicker park, eternal sunshine of the spotless minds, garden state

HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Given anyone a bath: yeah
2. Smoked: yup
3. Made yourself throw-up: i am incapable of doing that. ewww.
4. Skinny dipped: hehe
5. Been in love: yes

CURRENT:
1. Clothes: pink and white pj bottoms and an I ♥ NY t-shirt
2. Music: eminem-toy soldiers
3. Make-up: nothing
4. IMs: none

LAST PERSON:
2. Hugged: tiffany. but i did give allison a mental hug.
3. IMed: allison
4. Last person who slept at your house: i think it was mara
5. Last persons house you slept at: mara. lol

RANDOM:
1. In the morning I am: bitchy and tired
2. Love is: undescribable
3. I dream about: interesting situations

PAST/FUTURE:
1. 7 years ago: i was 7
2. 4 years ago: i was 10 and in like 5th grade? so i met chelsea. wow chels. 4 years. went by so fast
3. 3 years ago: 6th grade. last year in maine.
4. 1 hour ago: playing pacman
5. tomorrow: hopefully doing something
6. college: berkeley

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worried

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Chelsae, you're a Shark!

Your personality is actually determined by two personality sub-types - your primary, or dominant sub-type, and your secondary sub-type. You are a Shark which means you are a Seeker / Success Your primary sub-type is defined by "Seeker" characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by "Success" characteristics.

That means you've got a robust love of life and a killer instinct. Chances are you hate rules, and don't plan on getting old. You're flexible and friendly on top of being innovative and smart. In short, people respect you.

How do we know all this? How do we know you're extroverted and love being in the spotlight? Or that your mantra is "work hard, play hard"? How could we have divined that dull parties make you weep?

Because while you were taking the test, you answered four different types of questions — questions that measured confidence, apprehension, willingness to take risks, and your focus on experience versus appearance — the primary traits that determine your personality. Based on your responses, we determined your personality type, Shark.

And that's just scratching the surface.

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amused

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lets go shopping with chelsae! weee!

( cookie monster and elmoCollapse )

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blah

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report card day. my favorite day in history. actually i got good grades. i'm proud of myself. :pat on the back:

mall tonight. no birthday partay. too much drama in 2 days. i swear it's insane.

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mood

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stressed. yes. stressed dammit

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who else is angry? i got really angry/sad/lonely/depressed today. i have not been able to really talk to anyone for the longest time. and today everyone was bitchy. i mean wow. in spanish we were learning about texas. mara lived there forever so she didn't pay attention since she knew it all. and he rarely talked about texas. he got into his life story. his life is boring. anyway. mara was doing her math homework and i was staring at this dot on the wall when the teacher tells mara to pay attention. (3 other people were do something other than spanish so it proves the point he hates us) she was the first person i realized was angry. she tells him she shouldn't have to pay attention since she learned about it all in 1st grade and up. he was like i don't care its not my buisness, pay attention. she was like yeah it isn't your buisness and i don't need to hear the same thing over and over again. hes like well then you can leave. so she did. she came back and got a detention. her parents are going to kill her. at lunch she was a bitch because she had to do her homework and she was freaking about because she didn't want to get grounded. yelling at me when i asked what was wrong. that made me feel unwanted and pissy. and then rachel wasn't angry but it seemed like everyone else was at her. i am not angry but i am getting disappointed in rachel. she skips every single day and she flunked out of 2 classes. i understood why she didn't go to the ones she flunked out of on the exams because she wasn't allowed to take them. ok. well she is still skipping them. i told her she was starting out new. everyone had an A if they turned in their work. and since we have only had 2 worksheets in history she should have an A. well she didn't show up to those classes. and leah. omg LEAH. she needs to stop hanging out with rachel. rachel said that she kept asking leah to skip with her and she did. but now leah is taking it way to far. she leaves school and has had a number of ISS and detentions. she drags rachel along to. i understand it is rachels choice to go with her but rachel is so nice she can't say no. so she goes. and i feel like i am the mean one telling her to go to class. but im being a friend right? helping her make the good decision? i mean i am constantly worried about her. i don't want her to have to take this grade over again and be a high school drop out. end up 20 and poor. i don't want that for rachel. she is so much better than that. she just doesn't apply herself. ugh. she worries me man. i need to talk to her seriously. i really need to. not only me but mara and tiffany and other people are really worrying about her. she doesn't get it. sigh. and then today at lunch me and tiffany almost started crying because we were talking about all the crap we haven't been able to talk about. we are realizing how stressed we are. i told my mom one time when she caught me crying that i guess i was just stressed. she was like what can you be stressed about? i couldn't answer because i didn't know. is it a fucking crime to cry in this family. whenever i cry i feel lie i am going to get yelled at. and if i don't tell her she gets pissed at me and then she makes me angry and i make her angry and it boils up to the point when i am about to jump out the window and leave. i can't take this situation anymore. i am not happy. i may act like it but deep down i know i'm not. i can't help it. i look at my sister and she has such a good heart. but because of the way that she is i get angry at her. then i feel bad but because i feel like a loser apologizing to her i don't. i don't know why i can't. and that really annoys me. so she is down. her self esteem is shot. my mom is about to blow into 142957 pieces. and she takes her anger out on me which in return makes me angry. tiffany said we should just get away from each other. yeah right. my mom asks me every weekend why i have to do something every weekend. im sure leaving for a while won't be a big deal. psh. i miss my dad and i realize he is coming this summer but that means i am going to have to cross out things on my list of things i really really want and need to do. ugh. i swear. today was a really really bad day. i need to do something. not like i can since on weekdays im under house arrest. AHHHHHH! this needs to stop. it just does.

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mood

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oppinionated

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i haven't been able to cheer up. i feel like i am one really mean person. i mean my sister is all nice to me and i look at her and i can't come to laugh at it. there are instances but they are very rare. friends before family. i believe it now. i might not get to see all the people i want. no need to see this summer. i mean my mom said to me last summer that this summer is MINE. all mine. i get to go places that i want to go. man i hope it all goes well.

go to allisons and have her come here
see chelsea and hopefully have her come here as well
go with mara to idaho
do stuff with my dad
do stuff with all my other friends.

this summer is going to be hectic.

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mood

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up!

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things have been amazingly confusing lately. i hate to be confused.

i need a car. well a license wouldn't hurt either.

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down

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Is everything really this hard?

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mood

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touched

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new semester started today. i like my new schedule. tiffany is in my study hall now and i have rachel and sarah in my computer class. its keyboarding and that is literally all we do. we can't get on the internet or right click. its so gay. wow.




<3

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tired/awake?

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mara came over last night. we watched wicker park. awesome movie by the way. but onto my story.

i got home from the grocery store and i called to see if she wanted to come over. she said yeah. i had to do my chores first so she would come over later. i call her and tell her i'm done. she says ok and asked if we could come and pick her up because her parents arn't going to.
i hate it when parents do that.
it's not that hard to drive for 5 minutes.
but anyways she says she can't go. im like ok. i call back. my mom will pick her up and her dad can take her home. well her dad EAVESDROPPED on her and she said she wasn't even going to ask. they already said they weren't taking her anywhere. so her dad comes in and she says she will call back. she does and says she will be over in 5. she walks in the door and she is all upset. her fucking dad (i don't know about her mom) but he said she was a bad daughter. who in their right mind would say that to their kids face. and all morning she cleaned the house. i was in complete shock. her parents suck. royaly.

now she is grounded.
5 weeks.
this sucks majorly.

she might not be able to go to winter formal. she must go. sigh. i hate when you are having an awesome day and something so small ruins it. but we did have a good time after we forgot about it. she spilt her coffee all over her pants. lol. i kinda filled it to the top.

i swear. me and her are worse watching a suspense film then men watching football. we were yelling at the tv. GO! RUN! SHE IS GETTING AWAY! haha. but the ending to that movie was awesome. i'll give you a little overall on what the movie was about.

the girl walks out of the store. flips her hair with music. he finds her in the airport and there are now words. lol. atleast that is what we told me mom. lol. we were on caffine (sp?) and we were shaking. haha. we needed to run around. i hope she calls me to say she isn't grounded.

i went to the orthodontist this morning and saw the funniest joke.

Q. What did baby corn ask mama corn?

A. Where's pop corn?

i laughed so hard. holy crap. i found it SO funny. and i have no idea why. lol. ok well it is time for chelsae to go play pac man. my new b-day present. awesome game by the way.

<3

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depressed

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i feel so alone. i am so sad. i miss to many people. i have basically no one here for me. i mean tiff is here but i miss allison. to much. (miss you too chelsea. <3) allison hates nevada and i hate it too. i haven't talked to her in like 5 days. it feels like a year. im so alone. i need a hug. a bear hug.



disorient the senses
loss of identity
no one to trust

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calm

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snow. all i have to say.

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::shivers::

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it is so fucking cold. holy crap. i need to go study under the covers. brrrr. ::shivers::

                        delicious cinnamon bread. mmm. ::rubs tummy::

 <3! i get to see my dad soon. :)

chels: you know what i thought about the other day. frogger. i realized how much i love that game. when i go over there we need to play it. LOTS! lol. i'll bring donkey kong and we can play all night long. game night. yes!

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determined

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wow_____

(i won't do as many as chels did.) haha

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tired

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school sucks ass.
so tired.