its been so fast, really time flies. its almost 6 months since grandma has pass away. though i never say but she was in my mind constantly and i have been surpressing the feelings of missing her so much. certain things in life, we really gotta treasure it else when its gone, no matter what happens, u wun get to see or hear them talk to u again be it how much u miss their voice and their touch.
i still remembered i went overseas despite knowing she is sick as it was a missionary trip and ask my maid to take care of her properly. when i came back, she is not feeling that well and i repeatedly ask her to take some cough mixture as she kept coughing but she refused. see what stubborness has done to u... on monday when i came back from work, her whole face was so red. she was so weak and unable to walk, so different from when i juz go to work. lucky my uncle and auntie came and we brought her to hospital via ambulance and she never came out alive....
when initially she went in, she is still ok but sometimes a bit drowsy. that same week on fri she was transferred to sicu and from there dr act told us she not gonna make it and prepared for the worst. i really felt a sense of loss as she is the one who took care of me since young and i do not want to lose her. immediately upon dr said that, the god pendant i have been wearing dislodge by itself and dropped. call me superstitutious but i do strongly believe that was what saved her tat particular day but not the subsequent ones...
she was breathing through a tube from her mouth as the dr want to prolong her life and say if she does not wake up by herself within that day, she will be gone. so since morning as i took critical care leave, i have been by her side calling her and trying my best to wake her up by opening her eyes and keep encouraging her...
finally at around 6 plus in evening, she woke up!!! i was so happy that i cried... but she wake up a bit then go back to sleep, dr did assessemnt for her and say she will survive.. we were so happy and after tat for a few days she got better so dr took out the tube from her mouth and 1st time round, she could speak but however good days dun last. soon she started to slip in and out of coma where she just sleep non stop and we were unable to wake her up but we know she is alive as she was snoring. but there was a day when i visited her, she told me that she has seen an elephant god on one night and jesus in another night despite she is not a christian and never been to indian temple. that was when we know she might not make it out alive so whatever free time i have, its always time spend with her to the extend of neglecting my boyfriend who is very thoughtful and understanding. then the dr insert tube again for 2nd time. this time it felt as if there is a god of death waiting for her as she never spoke again after tat AND KEEP SLIPPING IN AND OUT OF COMA. then 2 days later, she woke up and gesture she is hungry
so we gave her some porridge to take and subsequent she can take some liquid food. there is once i fed her as she is still weak and my relatives went for dinner. she managed to eat half a bowl which is more than the normal amount she would take at home or outside. i felt so satisfied. but after tat day she kept gesture and mouth she wants to go home which we have to coax her to stay on till better and she nod and resign herself to fate.
time spend with her is so little though i ahve been visiting her everyday during lunchtime and after work. as her condition seems better, dr transferred her to ica instead and when i went visiting during lunchtime, she is still normal and can gesture and nod her head and open eyes when she know its me as she is scared of the urses there. but after work when i go there, her condition has totally changed and her dr was in fact waiting to speak to me. he said there is nothing much he can do for her as her condition deterioriate very fast.
i opened up her eyes and sqw its lifeless like a dead fish, i knew she wun live much longer but never told anyone. i called her and no response from her. her whole hand and legs were very swollen. at the inistent of my aunties, i went dinner with them depsite knowing that i have no appetite. when i was abt to finish eating, my dad called and say my grandma heart beat stop. i inform my aunt and i run back, never in my life have i run that fast.
u[pn reaching the ward, the dr were doing crp for my grandma and i knew it was helpless as she is gone. i saw my maid crying alone at a corner and i brought her out. then i sat by myself at a corner outside ward and started crying... memories of how protective and how much she loved me came rushing back to me.. each and every momeries that we have been for the past 20 odd years. i called my bf upon dr confirmation of my grandma death, he rushed down to be there for me and listen to me talking abt my grandma.
at the funeral, i was an emotional zombie who will cry at anytime, anywhere and at any sad songs. at the last day, i cried till my eyes got swollen and eye sight got affected. after the funeral, my bf brought me out to eat despite knwoing i got no appetite and plus i lost taste in food. and when i cried out in public, he really comforted me. i am very thankful to him.
up till now its been almost 6 months since she pass away and i still miss her a lot.. though now mentality much stronger but as i was typing this, my tears started flowing again and i think it really needs a long time before i can totally healed. i really miss her while knowing there could never be another person who can love me as much as she did or do anything that much as her while she is alive.
i still remembered i went overseas despite knowing she is sick as it was a missionary trip and ask my maid to take care of her properly. when i came back, she is not feeling that well and i repeatedly ask her to take some cough mixture as she kept coughing but she refused. see what stubborness has done to u... on monday when i came back from work, her whole face was so red. she was so weak and unable to walk, so different from when i juz go to work. lucky my uncle and auntie came and we brought her to hospital via ambulance and she never came out alive....
when initially she went in, she is still ok but sometimes a bit drowsy. that same week on fri she was transferred to sicu and from there dr act told us she not gonna make it and prepared for the worst. i really felt a sense of loss as she is the one who took care of me since young and i do not want to lose her. immediately upon dr said that, the god pendant i have been wearing dislodge by itself and dropped. call me superstitutious but i do strongly believe that was what saved her tat particular day but not the subsequent ones...
she was breathing through a tube from her mouth as the dr want to prolong her life and say if she does not wake up by herself within that day, she will be gone. so since morning as i took critical care leave, i have been by her side calling her and trying my best to wake her up by opening her eyes and keep encouraging her...
finally at around 6 plus in evening, she woke up!!! i was so happy that i cried... but she wake up a bit then go back to sleep, dr did assessemnt for her and say she will survive.. we were so happy and after tat for a few days she got better so dr took out the tube from her mouth and 1st time round, she could speak but however good days dun last. soon she started to slip in and out of coma where she just sleep non stop and we were unable to wake her up but we know she is alive as she was snoring. but there was a day when i visited her, she told me that she has seen an elephant god on one night and jesus in another night despite she is not a christian and never been to indian temple. that was when we know she might not make it out alive so whatever free time i have, its always time spend with her to the extend of neglecting my boyfriend who is very thoughtful and understanding. then the dr insert tube again for 2nd time. this time it felt as if there is a god of death waiting for her as she never spoke again after tat AND KEEP SLIPPING IN AND OUT OF COMA. then 2 days later, she woke up and gesture she is hungry
so we gave her some porridge to take and subsequent she can take some liquid food. there is once i fed her as she is still weak and my relatives went for dinner. she managed to eat half a bowl which is more than the normal amount she would take at home or outside. i felt so satisfied. but after tat day she kept gesture and mouth she wants to go home which we have to coax her to stay on till better and she nod and resign herself to fate.
time spend with her is so little though i ahve been visiting her everyday during lunchtime and after work. as her condition seems better, dr transferred her to ica instead and when i went visiting during lunchtime, she is still normal and can gesture and nod her head and open eyes when she know its me as she is scared of the urses there. but after work when i go there, her condition has totally changed and her dr was in fact waiting to speak to me. he said there is nothing much he can do for her as her condition deterioriate very fast.
i opened up her eyes and sqw its lifeless like a dead fish, i knew she wun live much longer but never told anyone. i called her and no response from her. her whole hand and legs were very swollen. at the inistent of my aunties, i went dinner with them depsite knowing that i have no appetite. when i was abt to finish eating, my dad called and say my grandma heart beat stop. i inform my aunt and i run back, never in my life have i run that fast.
u[pn reaching the ward, the dr were doing crp for my grandma and i knew it was helpless as she is gone. i saw my maid crying alone at a corner and i brought her out. then i sat by myself at a corner outside ward and started crying... memories of how protective and how much she loved me came rushing back to me.. each and every momeries that we have been for the past 20 odd years. i called my bf upon dr confirmation of my grandma death, he rushed down to be there for me and listen to me talking abt my grandma.
at the funeral, i was an emotional zombie who will cry at anytime, anywhere and at any sad songs. at the last day, i cried till my eyes got swollen and eye sight got affected. after the funeral, my bf brought me out to eat despite knwoing i got no appetite and plus i lost taste in food. and when i cried out in public, he really comforted me. i am very thankful to him.
up till now its been almost 6 months since she pass away and i still miss her a lot.. though now mentality much stronger but as i was typing this, my tears started flowing again and i think it really needs a long time before i can totally healed. i really miss her while knowing there could never be another person who can love me as much as she did or do anything that much as her while she is alive.
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