I'm thinking that I'm going to be anti-love. I mean, cmon. Butterflies in the tummy, and hearts skipping beats, that can't be safe.
Chocolate never lets you down, anyway.
So concludes my alternative philosophy on life at present to:
Down with Love, Up with Chocolate.
I shall tell you what that alternative philoshophy is at the end.
Love or Anti-Love.
This seems to be an interesting controversy when brought up but let me state as to what I mean.
First, Love sucks, because when one really truly loves someone (not something) one must come to the realization THAT in fact, that object of love is not perfect. This blast of reality, though essential to the essence of love, is cruel and temperarelly heart-breaking usually resulting in the loss of body water...in the way of tears. Bear with me here, I'm on a roll ^_O.
But, as I like to say, "save it." Save what? Why save what? Huh?
Save it: as in first, you'll get over it, so save the tears. Second, that when you do get over it, you'll have OTHER problems to attend to - such as having to deal with those little quirks of the object and also, that when you seriously begin to love someone, it sort of...well...begins to show. But then one must deal with the fact that the object of one's love doesn't even read into your "hints" and has only but their ideals and thus begins to try to get reactions out of you to prove your love over and over. Of course, This could not have possibly happened to me since I am anti-love, but, lets just say.....ah-I know.
Of course, I will not say that it is quite easy to presuade me of believing otherwise about love but since you don't know that...
Later:
Okay...so, as I was saying, love is a wonderful thing. DANG. Stupid attitude change. Ahem. I'm anti-love. Right. Aaaaaaaas I was saying, Anti-Love is the best way to go.
I suppose I shall have to give you my definition for love, shouldn't I?
sigh:
Love: the Romantic engagement of emotions and devotions to any particular choice of the opposite sex.
And yes, I just made that up from the top of my head.
so as you see, I am not merely downtrodding the love of a mother, the love of Christ or even the brotherly/sisterly love of any member of the opposite sex to another. However, when it comes to that which aludes to wooing one's prey...I mean....*ahem* significant 'other', I will strongly protest against it...unless of course, it so happens that I myself am in the process of being wooed as well. But, that is besides the point.
Love: its just plain horrible. It can make you laugh in pure joy one minute - want to kiss someone the nexT (WHICH by the is totally disgUSTING ....hehe...not....really...) and leave you on your knees crying before the Father who kind of sort of....warned you to guard your heart in the first place. .... But...that is besides the point.
Even LATER (or shall I say earlier as I never finished this yesterday so now I'm doing it today...)
Love with the definition I have used for it - is completely illogical. I mean, all the person of your choice has to do is touch your hand for a little while longer - hold your gaze for a split second deeper and you feel like floating on air. Talk about need for a reality check (which by the way SUCKS. I like having my head in the clouds, thank you very much.) But since having one's head in the clouds consiquents in a clear reality break-through, I highly advise against love COMPLETELY, so as to never have to engage in either feelings.
The rollercoaster of one's emotions can definitelly be played. This is where I'd like to propose the wonderful thought of emotionlessness.
When one is emotionless, one cannot feel, THUS thwarting the idea of love on at least YOUR side. Of course, that does not stop someone ELSE falling in love with YOU, but they will have to go through a process that leads them to anti-love themselves. They'll "get over it" sooner or later.
One must think that I am a totally ignorant fool who has problems and is probably only writing this to thwart her own feelings of love.
This is true. .... Wait... not the part about thwarting my own feelings of love. I am anti-love, so how could I have or EVEN WORSE actually BE in love? would that not make me hypocritical?
No! I am ant-Love for good reasons. One of them is 1. It keeps you out of trouble.
Yes, trouble. Trouble first with yourself, because liking someone, and if luckifide, eventually loving someone is going to make you crazy - plain and simple. you'll do things you'd never think of doing - such as first off, fighting.
Fighting off jealousy in the WORST sence, then realizing you cannot necessarelly fight jealousy to get rid of it, but rather to just not feed INTO it. This is the hardest thing to do when you are right in front of every one that knows you well. It sucks, so go anti-love.
Fighting friends. Yes, you will end up fighting friends. See, when one may be in love, one might not necessarelly ..... admit to it. This is where of course, fighting with your friends comes into play. I mean, can't they just except your refusal to SAY things like that?! I mean, how EBARRASSING! Consiquentally, they begin to say things SUCH as "Comon already! Give it up! you KNOW you love him/her!" or "Just admit it and be done with it. You're in love." This you will have to put up for....probably the rest of your life. But let me be the first to say that it is all worth it in the end. Not that I'm at the end yet...but, it HAS to be worth it, I'm sure.
2. ...umm...It keeps you from....being distracted. Yes, Distraction.
See, when One is in love, one's thoughts are totally hogged by that object of his/her feelings and devotions. THIS, my friends, is a PROBLEM.
Why? You may ask.
Well, I shall tell you.
you start to think weird things like - "I wonder if that person is interested in me?" or even worse "I wonder if.....*goes into deep daydream*" THIS MY FRIENDS IS AN EVEN WORSE PROBLEM! IIIts HORRIBLE. Its nasty - its completelly revolting...and yet darn it, now that curiosity has gotten you, you simply MUST FIND OUT whether what you wonder and question in your own head is true or not.
This own conquest leads to horribly embarrassing feats.
You'll find yourself watching the persons every move (secretly of course.) And asking your friends to watch that person to. Of course, I will say that this is not a consiquent of loving someone so much as it is a sum of rather liking them, but I can assure you...its just the begining.
Also, when a Person begins to fill your thoughts, OTHER simply horrendous things begin to happen. You begin to listen to love songs and think of him/her. EVERYTHING will begin to look like hom/her (actually, not really, but go with me) The clouds with have his/her face in it - the MOUSE PAD will have some form of design that looks like him/her and EVEN WORSE....your THUMB.
You start to hear things. You perk up when that person's name was mentioned, or even more horrible, you perk when you think that person's name was mentioned ... and it wasn't. This is a sure sign of insanity.
If you write poems or songs, they turn mushy. The songs you write are about the ups and downs of love. The poems you write are mushy and throw-up worthy. Yoy begin to talk only about that person, and if you ARE talking about something else, you are bound to mention that persons name at LEAST once.
ITS HORRIBLE, PEOPLE. DOWN WITH LOVE.
3. Being anti-love is just plain fun.
It makes people's mouths drop open when you say you are. It shocks people into the a state that there really is no more controversy. AND furthermore, no one will believe you in the least.
This is the funny irony of it all. If you really ARE anti-love, you would never admit it. I shall not say the alternative statement.
My conclusion is this:
I have decided that up with chocolate is NOT the best way to go.
First, because when you eat chocolate, you no longer can have it. It is gone within your dijestive system. So, I have a wonderful and beautiful alternative to the philosophy "Down with Love, Up with Chocolate."
My own philosophy on life is self explanitory and simply put:
"Down with Love. Grab You Guitar and Woo the World."
thank you.
********I unload any and all credit to actually knowing this by experience. cough.****
Okay, so theres a thing about why guys fall in love with girls. here's MY perspective.
Why girls fall in love with guys:
*No matter what the drama is, guys are guys, and they never change.
*Also, they don't usually partake in the drama.
*Sometimes they smell good - Sometimes they smell bad. When you really love them, you could care less - But when they DO smell good, its a treat.
*The way they jam on their air guitar, bass or drums.
*the way they gape at you when they see you in a formal dress for the first time.
*the way they gape at you when you're hair is a mess and you're in your crappy jeans.... heehee, it still makes us giggle..
*the way they take off their coat or sweater for you to wear when you're cold...even if they'll be cold without it.
*the way they try to hide being cold when you're wearing their coat or jacket.
*the way they try to subtly take your picture without you knowing...
*the way you feel because they still don't know that you knew they did.
*the way they watch you and then try to HIDE that they're watching you...and when you try to catch them watching you, they do something habitual...like scratch their ears or totally turn around. But when you watch them from the corner of YOUR eye, they're so totally watching you.
*the way they say that they treat EVERY girl like that, but you know its all a crock of bologna.
*the way they hug you with care.
*the way they hold you there for a half second more... just long enough for you to look up to see whats going on, and you find their eyes totally fixed on you...
*no, you know what? just the way they hug you.
*the way hold your hand for that half a second longer..
*the way they catch you're eye from across the room to share in a private laugh about an inside joke.
*The way They're always there...no matter how tough the situation.
*the way they STILL tease you if they like you....just like they did in grade school...
*the way they tell you the same thing 5 times just to keep a conversation with you.
*the way they steal your scarf or hat and try to wear it themselves.
*the way it makes you feel to see them playing basketball outside with your brothers or messing with you're little siblings on the floor - even when they think you're not looking.
*the way you decide that no matter what, you're not going to be happy with them - yet the first smile they give you, you're stubborness totally melts away.
*the way they flirt with you....sigh, and the way they flirt with all the other girls. ........So as to make the other girls not feel left out...such a gentleman!
*The way they race to open the door for you.
*the way they back off if you give them a death look you want to open the door yourself...
*the way they crack a bad joke...and they're so cute doing it that it makes you laugh...
*or even worse...you laughed because it really WAS funny.
*the way they care, even when you're just plain MEAN to them.
*the way they call you beautiful.
*the way they look when they think they hurt you.
*the way they hide that THIS time, it really DID hurt.
*The way they light up when you walk into the room.
*or maybe its the way they make US light up when THEY walk into the room...
*The way they make our hearts leap when they get online or when you see their name on the caller id when someones calling.
you know? its just the way they are that makes us love them.... its who they are and who they're becoming that makes you fall in love with them...
and here is what a Debate Obsessed Nerd is: you might be a DON if...
You ask for an evidence box for Christmas.
It's weird to see your friend not in a suit.
You're touched when your friend (or anybody) gets you index cards.
The idea of going to a movie has it's advantages and disadvantages.
You think jokes about stock issues are funny.
You'd rather miss your family's trip to Florida than the Presidential debates.
Relaxing means taking off your suit jacket and chatting about the Clean Air Act.
You brag about how much time you've spent gathering evidence.
All of your stories begin with "That one time I debated so and so..." or "That one tournament when..."
You organize your thoughts when speaking. "First I'm going to the store. Now, at the store, I'm going to buy some milk. This sounds good, but there are some significant harms with it..."
You dream about Nationals.
When someone asks you a question you ask for prep time.
For a bedtime story you read your Affirmative case.
You meet all your friends once a month.
You remember what years so and so won state, but you can't remember when the Browns won a game.
You start reading articles in a science magazine because it might be handy.
You know more about South Korea than the newscaster.
You are willing sell your house for funding.
Each morning you mandate your activities for the day.
You argue with your brother or sister if they do something that wasn't mandated.
In a disagreement, you've asked for your mom's credentials.
At lunch you ask for a topicality ruling.
Playing Mafia in a hotel hallway is your favorite activity.
Government documents about variants in migratory giraffe patterns due to a chemical name which even the producer can't pronounce is beach reading.
You've considered changing your last name to that of a famous graduating senior debator as a psych trick
You actually like perfectionists, and neatniks are hot.
People who actually take time to do their hair are "uncool".
You think Congress goes through a lot of stamps and donuts.
When you play pretend, you're a famous debater or you dress up like someone from the tab room
(added revision by Sarah: a Novice - a theophilus girl in the making: a DON none the less)
you demand for evidence and the citation that a movie is good before you actually spend your precious time to watch it.
the last time you smiled was while your case was torn to shreds in a cross X.
you work the judges the second they walk into the room...and they know it...and you win your round.
you feel great accomplishment when you beat Elliot Gaiser in a round.
you sacrifies your "fun-computer hours" (which you use for debate anyway) to write a brief against your best friend's case.
upon finding a bumper sticker making fun of environmental issues, you put in your special box to be brought out on special ocassions.
you block all the scripteral evidence that mentions debating in the Bible for future references when writing an affirmative case on why Debate is the most benifical form of education...and you plan to present it to your anti-debate friends (the future novices of next year...*snickers*)
you've memorized all the trademark hand-motions and voice pitches of you're fellow debating peers.
you still think you should have won that case...because you WERE significant, you WERE inherent,you were SOLVENT, and you WERE TOPICAL (*mumbles incoherently*)
Okay, so, first off, I am near convinced that no one actually comes here anymore. However, for my own sake (and sanity...) I still do.
The Round Robin...well well well.
To begin with, it started at 7:30 in the morning, and that meant that Becca and I had to be out the door by 6:30 am. We got our ride with Matt T. Hunstinker (who, along with the rest of our gentlemanly friends, was looking mighty sharp, despite the early morning head-start.)
Just the night before, my debate partner and I were in a shambles trying to find decent funding for our plan. God helped us, and we found an awesome bill that covered everything. We were so excited, we literally were crying with relief!
So, needless to say, I was pretty tired and emotionally drained as it was... thats not to mention the fact that my mom is on bed rest at the Hospital, and will have been there a week tomarrow. Thats sort of stressfull too, but no one needs to hear about my problems.
Anyway, Becca and I rapped John Reuben stuff we both memorized in Jr. high...um, what was left of our memory, and I'm not sure how much Matt got a kick out of it, but at least it passed the time and it kept an up-beat gleam in an otherwise tired clan. The Cory/Goolah novice team went up against the Bucher/Laseir novice team first round. We were aff. and we knew that round was ours, because all that was argued was inherency and significance, and we had a TON of evidence to prove that we were.
next team we presented our case in round 2 was Delgado/Williams...(this round was a little more difficult, and less promising of a win).
Then round 3 was negative for the goolah/shoemaker team (my sisters team) and it killed me because we tore her apart, and I know she worked hard on it. They probably lost on topicality and solvency, if anything else. We knew we had won that round though.
Pizza time came next, and HECK! If its just $2 for 4 pieces of pizza and 1 can of pop, SURE WHY NOT! So, we all had a blast with that, and we sat around the table talking about nothing...or the cases we thought we won or lost. then came Round 4 - the round that determined who went to the final round. This time we were up against griffith/kay, and we were negative against a comparative case - with no harms. The Geomelt case. We thought for sure that we lost that round, but we argued Topicality in that their advantages did not mention environmental improvment in the least.
then came down to all of us in the main sanctuary where we awaited who would be the final two debate teams. the BEST two debate teams would be up there...whether it was 2 intermediates or 1 novice 1 interme...none of us knew. When Mrs. G finally got up there, she began and said that the first team she would be calling up for the final round had a score of 4 and 0...they hadn't lost a single round: she called up the first novice team to be in a Round Robin final, "Cory/Goolah!"
Oh my gosh I swear I couldn't believe my ears....we had won ALL 4 rounds?! ....Even against the geomelt case? and FURTHERMORE....we were one of the 2 best debating teams in the whole Round Robin? Abby and I walked up with our case and evidence in a daze. The next team called forward was in fact Griffith/Kay - the team we had just gone up against. Well, because we had argued neg. against their case, it was our tirm to be the affirmative. So, we nervicely got our things together.
The final round went good....the neg team tore our case apart, lim for lim...except not. Actually, you know, we had a good case except for our plan. What about international vessels? We hadn't forgotten, but up until that point, no one had even brought it up as an argument before.
So, we lost the Final Round...so what? We won the first 4.
We got our certificate showing that we were runner up in the final round, and we also won "Best Novice Team" award. Abby ALSO won "best Novice Speaker" award, which is just plain awesome, since I'm not all that good in that arena.
It was an awesome day, but we were all tired. Didn't matter...we still headed to the Barskies for mashed-up pizza from the Griffiths and a movie and "couch" time. the Pillow-fight Matt and I had totally highlighted my night for me, and we were all just able to hang out and do absolutelly NOTHING! ANd, I MUST say...I think after that Round Robin and all the work we did to prepare for it...we deserved it!
Prayer. Its a given. if its not there, then we aren't there either? you know. I've been thoughtful, lately (not that I haven't before.) Something interesting happened last night that just sort did something for me. My mom woke up at 2:30 am this morning battling an anxiety attack, and woke me up to get a good worship cd. I was half asleep and really didn't want to get up, but I jumped outta bed anyway, cause Dad was called into work for storm duty. So it was just me. Anyway, I got her a cd, and put it in for her and kind of talked to her a bit. I asked her if she needed anything else and she said that unless I wanted to pray for her, I could go back to bed. Now, I never pass up when someone needs prayer, but I realized first, that anxiety was not of God - which means that its of Satan - which means that I would have to bind the anxiety and cast it out - which means that I would have to be bold and confident - and all in front of my mom. Now it wasn't a big deal - except I'd never truly interceded on my mom's behalf before. But I did - I prayed, with confindence I didn't believe I had - yet somehow I knew it all the long. Well, when I was done, Mom sent me down stairs for a glass of ice water. I went down there, and in the back of my head, I was sort of remembering how I used to be scared about being down there alone, in the dark no less, because it seemed that there were always things lurking and watching me. I had no such feeling however, and I acknowledged this conciously. The second I did, I heard as clear as day in my mind, "*chuckles* you actually think you can cast me out?" Surprisingly, I wasn't phased, and I kept going about my task, and I calmly yet confidently said, "well actually, yes I do. Not only do I think I can, I believe I can because if God is for me, you can't stand against me, and He also says that what I bind on earth will also be bound in heaven. With that said, you have no say - get out." I was surprised that all that spewed from my mouth, but I wasn't, you know? He seemed to hesitate, and so I followed through by saying, "in the name of Jesus of Nazereth, Leave this house. You are not welcome, and furthermore, this is God's domain. Get OUT." and, all was peacful once again, and I assended up the stairs with a new sort of sense of accomplishment. It was almost unreal. I've been dealing with Doubt lately, and I realized that by giving myself over to doubt, I have offered a place for Satan in my life, and he was laughing at me. I ammedietly got rid of it, and he seemed trying for a desperate attempt to tempt me with doubt yet again. But I know my place - and I know his, and its under my feet. Wow, wow, wow.
I can honestly say I've grown "up" in a way I've never done before. there so much I'm learning. I'm learning patience. I'm learning retraint. I'm learning to be fervent, and I'm learning to act in obedience. I'm learning to breathe, really. Breathe differently though - in such a way, that even if I were to think about what SHOULD be the most distracting thing in my life...God is in every sentence. I REALLY want to live a holy life. I want God's will more than I want to marry - and though it'd be hard, I WOULD give up EVERYTHING - even getting married, to accomplish what God's will is for my life. Reason I use that as an example is...its a HUGE thing in my life! I WANT more than anything to fall in love, to get married and share what God has planned for 'us' with him - HOWEVER, What I'm saying is that I would give it up in a heartbeat - the thing I desire the most (aren't I shallow?)
hm. Interesting thought. Anyway, that was just a thought.
okay, okay, this is hilerious. um, I'm sorry, but you're plan to "leak" information has just been revealed, Lol!!!!!
WEB-EXCLUSIVE COMMENTARY By Andy Borowitz Newsweek Updated: 1:33 p.m. ET Oct. 25, 2005 Oct. 25, 2005 - According to a top-secret plan being developed by the Bush administration, high-ranking White House staffers intend to infiltrate Al Qaeda in the hopes of leaking Osama bin Laden's precise location to the press. The plan, code-named Operation Blabbermouth, was hatched over the weekend after a marathon discussion concerning the ongoing CIA leak scandal, a source inside the White House said today.
"We decided that instead of wringing our hands about leaking the name of that CIA operative, why not put our ability to leak information to positive use?" the source said. "After all, leaking is the one thing we're really good at."
The source said that White House staffers are currently undergoing training in the hopes of infiltrating Al Qaeda by year's end: "We intend to infiltrate Al Qaeda as completely as Halliburton has infiltrated the White House."
Once close to bin Laden, the source said, the White House staffers will immediately place phone calls to reporters to leak the madman's precise location. "We're all going to have Judy Miller on speed dial," the source added.
Counterterrorism expert Richard Clarke, while praising Operation Blabbermouth for its inventiveness, said that the plan has one major flaw. "In order for a plan like that to work, it would have to be kept totally secret, and they've already leaked it to the press," he said.
In response to Clarke's criticism, the White House source offered this response: "Oops."
Elsewhere, in the World Series, some players that no one has heard of defeated some other players that no one has heard of.
Seems like just yesterday That You completed me I used to stand so tall You made me so strong Your arms around me tight Everything it felt so right Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong Now I can't pray No I can't sleep I'm barely hangin on
Here I am once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it can't pretend You are the only one Broken up deep inside Only You will see the tears I cry Behind these hurting eyes
I gave You everything Opened up and let You in You made me feel alright For once in my life Now all that's left of me Is what I pretend to be So together but so empty inside Cause I walked away I sinned I strayed But now I'm comin home
(repeat above chorus)
Spit on You and nailed You down For hanging You I blamed myself In Your forgiveness there's no doubt And I'm not bound on the inside Anymore...
Here I am once again
You put back the pieces
Can’t deny it can’t pretend
You are the only one
All the joy deep inside
And now I don’t have to hide
Behind hurting eyes _________________________________________________________ you know, I loved the song before she rewrote it, but now I can actually relate to this. You know, not many people know, but so many of us hurt inside. It has nothing to do with anyone except ourselves. We can joke and play all we want. Truth is, each of us hurt somewhere inside about something. I've never had a broken heart. Heh, close to it, but thats because ... um, nevermind. I don't need a broken heart experience to know what realy hurt is.
Real hurt is a heart ache. its when you can't cry, but oh, how you want to. Its when you love someone, hate someone and absolutelly want and need that person all at once, in one feeling combined. Hurt is constant love, yet constant imperfection. Hurt is not being able to be there. Hurt is feeling rejected, but never really having a reason to. Hurt is gazing into the eyes of a saddened friend, the windows to her soul showing so much...so much and yet you no longre have the key to open the door. Hurt is pain that only God can fully know how deep it really goes. Its the kind of thing that finds a corner in your heart to stay and then brings itself in view everytime you come near it...or even worse, when someone else comes near it. Hurt is not being able to take that pain away from someone. Hurt is what we do to Christ every single day. Hurt is what He went through so that we could hurt no more. Yet, we live in a hurting world. Born with this scar? Yes. Freedom from this scar? absolutelly. Jesus hurt one last time so we never had to hurt again. its a process though. Because Jesus never hurt anyone. He was unhurt. He was perfect. We are hurt. We are but mortal. We are sinners we are dust. We hurt because we're not even worthy to be sand under God's own foot. Yet...there is hope. And that is was resulted from Jesus' hurt. Because Jesus is perfect, he can only makethings perfect. Just like we're sinners, in our own hands, things get screwed up. So, Jesus took that hurt, and gave us hope. Hope for a achless heart. Hope of a tear-free soul. Hope for a Holy Love in relationships. Hope for forgiveness and countless of second chances. Hope in the promise that He really DOES know our hurts. And he really IS able to take it and bring forth a holy hope: a promise of beauty.
whats wrong with me? Hey, I'm trying to figure that out too. Have I sort of acted weird? I don't know. God's doing something in my heart, and I'm not sure what it is. However, if it is to make me more beautiful, I believe he CAN bring beauty from these ashes. Sin burned me up, but God breathes life into dust, and touched my lips with HIS coal. I am His, I am sanctified by the blood that ran forth when I drove my sins into his hands. Into His feet, and then hurt His side. THIS my friends, is what real love, real hurt, real hope is all about.
I REALLY like Bogger. ALOT. And I like live Journal, but I likethe format of Blogger better. hmmmmm..... I may begin to use Blogger more, so we'll see. The URL is "www.thatlookcouldmelt.blogspot.com"
yeh, I really like the formatting on it.... sigh, and I feel horrible cause I've always used LJ this whole time. I don't know. I'm thinking about what to do...I have all these posts on this one, and I don't know, sigh.
later: okay, yeah, I'm definitelly going to use Blogspot. Yeah, I'll copy and paste the entries from there to here to, but for the most part, I'll be using blogger! later!
I tried to fly....but I ended up meeting the ground in a squash. this is my song:
Every New Day by Five Iron Frenzy When I was young, the smallest trick of light, Could catch my eye, Then life was new and every new day, I thought that I could fly. I believed in what I hoped for, And I hoped for things unseen, I had wings and dreams could soar, I just don't feel like flying anymore. When the stars threw down their spears, Watered Heaven with their tears, Before words were spoken, Before eternity.
Dear Father, I need you, Your strength my heart to mend. I want to fly higher, Every new day again.
When I was small, the furthest I could reach, Was not so high, Then I thought the world was so much smaller, Feeling that I could fly. Through distant deeps and skies, Behind infinity, Below the face of Heaven, He stoops to create me.
Dear Father, I need you, Your strength my heart to mend. I want to fly higher, Every new day again.
Man versus himself. Man versus machine. Man versus the world. Mankind versus me. The struggles go on, The wisdom I lack, The burdens keep pilling Up on my back. So hard to breathe, To take the next step. The mountain is high, I wait in the depths. Yearning for grace, And hoping for peace. Dear God... Increase. Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again. Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever. Freedom means love without condition, without a beginning or an end. Here's my heart, let it be forever Your's, Only You can make every new day seem so new.
hm. I hate this place I'm in. I'm ready...so very ready to live it the Glory of God. Its cool though....cause I'm not supposed to fit in. I'm an alien. and thats okay.
Creative writing never seemed so crazy. Heres my backwards telling of the Princess and the pea Story, and then the story itself to compare it to!
The Pea and the Prince (a backward tale of the Princess and the Pea)
Here, this is a false story. Once, a prince had taken a princess for his wife. A real princess – just not one who was sensitive and true. One night, the princess had had a horrendous night of sleep. “I slept horribly!” she said before she was even asked how her night had been. When asked why, she replied, “Oh I know, oh, gracious me, I know. I was lying on something quite hard which has hence made my body black and blue all over!” Yet she had lied all night when her husband had asked how she was sleeping. Of course, why HE was up as well, asking her on the hour if she was sleeping well but, as one might imagine, that never really helped in the princess’s sleep at all. Well first, the prince absolutely insisted on sleeping on 20 mattresses, each on top of the other WITH their own bedding sets tactfully in place. He also insisted on each mattress being made every day…3 times a day. This alone took a private separate staff, for they never stopped making the bed. As persnickety as the prince was, the princess insisted on but one thing. She had one possession that she swore she couldn’t live with out, and that was her prize pea. It was half the size of a cabbage head and she said that the only place she could put it that would ensure its safety was underneath those 20 mattresses. The prince of course, could not stand this, but than, neither could the princess really tolerate the princess absurd requirements. Yet, she never seemed to think hers was in the least abnormal. She could feel the pea under all those mattresses, and woke up every morning, black and blue. She proceeded to complain every morning as well. One day the prince decided that he had had enough. He would get rid of that pea, and the little tantrum that would follow the peas disappearance was something better than listening to the princess complain each morning until noon. If course, the prince was his mother’s son, and the Queen was old and sneaky. So naturally, he went to her for advice on how to do away with the pea. “Mother,” he said in a whiny voice, “my princess seems to be quite obsessed with this pea, and I can’t stand IT!” giving a stomp with each of the last words, which I might add, he said in high-pitch staccato for emphasis. “Worry not, my son. We shall hide the pea in a place she will never find.” The Queen answered with a sly expression masked across her face. She had the pea brought to her, when the princess had gone out to see her royal chiropractor (who, by the way, had VERY good business…especially with the princess.) The queen then cut the pea up into little pea-sized pieces. She then sent the prince all over the world to visit all the princesses that he really SHOULD have considered before marrying his wife and while each was off, he was to put a piece of the pea under each of their mattresses as he went. Most never knew what he did. The few, who did, should have been pondered upon as a prospective sweetheart, however, because the prince (as he is perceived) was foolish, he didn’t even think about it at all – not before or after he had married. It was no loss to those princesses of subject, nicely put, for that is how they felt about him. However, there was one princess who DID feel (literally) the loss. It was the Princess. She knew right away that her pea was missing, and searched and searched. Her husband was ALSO missing and she didn’t even bother for it. She only cared about the pea. So, because she could not find the pea, she decided that she would become mad. Not angry, mind you, just be consciously insane. So, she went out into the wild, where she was caught in a horrible storm. The prince of course, divorced his wife because she was decidedly mad, and that is the beginning of the story. Where is the prince now? Why, he wishes to marry, so he traveled the world once again, but only to find a wife (which by the way was not going to happen, for he found a defect in all of them, and the ones worth noticing didn’t like him in the least.) The princess? Well, she found herself cold and wet at a far off castle where she called herself what she was: a real princess.
The REAL Princess and the Pea Story By Hans Christian Anderson
ONCE upon a time there was a prince who wanted to marry a princess; but she would have to be a real princess. He travelled all over the world to find one, but nowhere could he get what he wanted. There were princesses enough, but it was difficult to find out whether they were real ones. There was always something about them that was not as it should be. So he came home again and was sad, for he would have liked very much to have a real princess.
One evening a terrible storm came on; there was thunder and lightning, and the rain poured down in torrents. Suddenly a knocking was heard at the city gate, and the old king went to open it. It was a princess standing out there in front of the gate. But, good gracious! what a sight the rain and the wind had made her look. The water ran down from her hair and clothes; it ran down into the toes of her shoes and out again at the heels. And yet she said that she was a real princess. “Well, we’ll soon find that out,” thought the old queen. But she said nothing, went into the bed-room, took all the bedding off the bedstead, and laid a pea on the bottom; then she took twenty mattresses and laid them on the pea, and then twenty eider-down beds on top of the mattresses. On this the princess had to lie all night. In the morning she was asked how she had slept. “Oh, very badly!” said she. “I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It’s horrible!” Now they knew that she was a real princess because she had felt the pea right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty eider-down beds. Nobody but a real princess could be as sensitive as that. So the prince took her for his wife, for now he knew that he had a real princess; and the pea was put in the museum, where it may still be seen, if no one has stolen it. There, that is a true story.
Go on up to the mountain of mercy To the crimson perpetual tide Kneel down on the shore Be thirsty no more Go under and be purified
Follow Christ to the holy mountain Sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall Cleanse your heart and your soul In the fountain that flowed For you and for me and for all
CHORUS: At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white On that beautiful, scandalous night
On the hillside, you will be delivered At the foot of the cross justified And your spirit restored By the river that poured From our blessed Savior's side
Go on up to the mountain of mercy To the crimson perpetual tide Kneel down on the shore Be thirsty no more Go under and be purified ------------------------------------------------------------
this is one of the most beautiful songs I've heard about the wonder of Christ and His love.
you know, I looked up the word "scandalous" in the dictionary, and this is what came up; "Sacandalous: Causing scandal; shocking: scandalous behavior. Containing material damaging to reputation; defamatory." I also looked up the word "beautiful", and I came up with this; "Beautiful: adj 1: delighting the senses or exciting intellectual or emotional admiration."
Beautiful, Scandalous Night. Thats a beautiful title for a song. If ever I believed in the importance of the lyrical content and the originality of the song, I even MORE so believe in the importance of the title. This song is one of the few songs that I can sing and relate it to the lovely hymns that are so vital to the understanding of my Christianity.
I've come to a conclusion in my walk with Christ, lately, and it is but this: either I'm growing, or I'm not. If I'm not growing, something is wrong. If I am, everything is right. Its so nice to have a revelation like that! My life has been so hecktic that lately, its been hard to seriously go in-depth with my daily devotions. But now, I knowmore than ever ow much I need my Savior. My life is a mess. Why? cause I'm going through "world" withdrawl. When one goes through withdrawl, EVERYthing is screwed up and quite frankly, thats all I am as a human being! a Screw-up. I wasn't supposed to be, granted, God made me in his image. But I have the scar of sin upon my head, and its evident in all I am, and in all I do. If its not, then either you see me as perfect, and I will let you down. OR you haven't known me long enough, and trust me, you don't have to know me for too long before you know I'm a sinner, just like the rest of us. Not sure why I had to clarify that, though. Even though I have a personal journal, my spiritual though processions are more HERE then not. So, don't think I'm skimming stuff. All of this comes as it comes, not because I thought through what I have going to write today.
Debate is picking up, and to be honest, I'm getting it pretty well. I've just decided that I dislike the fact that Friday classes decided to give me homework too. AND thats on top of the my schoolwork as well. AND thats on top of the fact that my mom is REALLY pregnant and isn't um....how shall I say it....very consistant with her emotional status'. The more pregnant she is, the more responsibility seems to fall on me, but I'm not complaining (well, except for the school part.) My life is as follows: I help my family in anyway I can, get my school done, keep my relationship with God goingand growing, go for my goals and lastly, somehow build close friendships and relationships with those God has placed in my life as peers.
Life sucks, but God is good. Always good, and His grace is sufficiant for me, for in my weakness, He is made strong.
"I know how to be abased and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned to be both full and to be hungry both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philip. 4:12-13
This verse is on my wall for several reasons, but one of them is that I can so totally relate to it. I'm so young and yet my relationship with Christ is well on its way. I've been through so much in the past 5 years. I've been a Christian all my life - I became a Jesus Freak at 11 and I became a fanatic at 15. Shall I become a scandalous cross-bearer? I think I will. He bore my sins. I'll bear my cross. its the least I can do to show my devotion to my Lord. My King. God bless my efforts, for they are but futile without it.
"You're my supply, my breath of life, still more awesome then I know. You're my sacrifies of greatest price, still more awesome then I know. All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with You're love, and all I have in You is more than enough."
So I wrote a story for creative writing...hope ya like it!
The Secret of the Locket By Sarah Faithy
In a time when time doesn’t matter much – in a place where it never mattered at all, but that it meant old age, there was a little log cottage – a cabin, if you will, that was neither crudely made nor dainty, clothed in luxury. It was set in a wood, where the boundaries were not known, and if you were to look from the clouds, the tops of the trees looked like faces. The wood was mysterious – and it seemed to have its own imagination; the content of which was found amidst itself almost entirely. The persons who dwelled in this little abode were as strangely put together as their atmosphere was –for they were complete opposites, - and yet the best of friends, the worst of foes, and so exactly alike that it was enough to distract anyone from the reality that their relationship was in its entirety, a complete contradiction. The One wished to be gone by Navy Seal – for that is what she was. Everything to her was cut and dry. She did have a name, but she never used it, for she had forgotten it. The Second was named WindSail, for she never let anything bother her, but then, never did she bother with anything, either. There was but one reason for why the two lived together in the mystic forest. That reason, though insignificant and futile at first glance, was one single locket. They both owned it, and neither could ever give their half to the other…not that they wanted to, for each both wanted it all for themselves. Why neither of them could disown this locket or give up their immense desire for it was beyond them only by the click of a key – for the locket, which had the greatest power of them both, was shut fast, hiding the content of its insides from themselves and their world. The locket contained the truth for why the two contradicts loved side by side, and it held the power that held the two together. The locket itself was rather intriguing, for it was smaller than most, yet its detailing was intricate in its fullness. Enscripted on its front and back in delicate beauty was the word “unus.” The locket was shaped as a heart – or more like a soul – if souls have shape. The realm of the locket seemed to glow in essence of wonder and yet cruel secrecy. What hid behind its hinges? No one knew…but can we? Both Sail and Seal had the secret to its unknown, hidden in their very beings; however, their heads were unable to comprehend that it was THERE just yet. As things Go, Seal and Sail were placed together from the beginning of their time. From the very beginning, they were very opposite from eachother; yet the High Power had placed them together, and the locket between them. What DID they do? How exactly did they spend their days? Well, fighting. Always fighting. Fighting over who would do things, or if those things would get done at all. Sail never did anything, for she was Lazy. Seal couldn’t stand it. She wanted things orderly and in tiptop shape. Sail would choose to waste her time piddling and fiddling with absolutely nothing. Seal was always ambitious, hard at work and made herself a reason to live. Indeed, those elements and many more were the subject and the reason for why they both fought. However, the thing they fought over the most, was the little dainty locket, for each had an immense desire to have it for herself. And because of this immense desire for it, each was jealous of the other for owning the other half of it. So, they spent their days, their weeks, their years, waging wars, devising and revising plans to carry it off and away – all on in open jealousy. Neither had ever fully succeeded, for each was like a magnet to it and to each other. Both Shes want what they cannot have, and fight for the gain of what can only be asked for- but not from each other. Both battle and plan in toiling vain until the death of their existence in the vastness that surrounds them. What, may we all ask, is the reason for this brazen, pathetic compilation of futile foolishness? The fact is, pointedly, we all have a story which can equally match this very one. We all squabble endlessly with another – and for the end of our days, we shall always do so, unless we are fortunate enough to reach for the Rescuer. Of course, we don’t fight over silly lockets – or do we? We don’t share one with anyone…or do we? The secret of the locket is as follows: on each in side is a picture. One of Seal and one of Sail. The reason for their war? Both are the same picture. The word on the front is but one – Unus. The two that so endlessly fight over what is both theirs – the two who spend their lives being jealous for the other part of this soul – the same two who are complete contradictions of the other, and yet or so totally alike – those same two are really not two at all. They are but One.
Sigh. Well, even though I had a blast all weekend with Sharin and Matt, Brian, and Matt, and Erin too...I sprained my ankle and am now crutch ridden for a week at least. Thats a bummer, cause I'm to go to a n old fashioned Barn Dance this Saturday, and I was really looknig forward to being asked to dance. But now that doesn't look like its going to be happeneding any time soon. sigh. I really wanna be asked to dance...and be able to accept it. Maaaaaan. I am sooooo bummed. and I'm serious too. this sucks big time.
Hm. My thought process hasn't really changed much since the last time I wrote. I must be in a romantic anticipation. Yes, I know I sound EXTREMELY lame, and to be honest, if Erin could read this right now, I think she'd stare at the computer, eyes wide open and exclaim, "I can't beleive she WROTE that!!!" And, any of you who care, and read this, you are either not at all surprised, or just thinking, "yep, thats Sarah for you..."...or maybe you're just reading it to get good laughs. I DO have a tendancy to be a little over-dramatic sometimes.
hm, what to say at whats on my mind... I'm looking forward to the Worship team (Anthem) Breakfast tomorrow. Worship...I love it. Its what my heart is all about, cause to me, I guess worship means romance (I know, I'm telling you, I'm on a roll...my mind is literally flowers and whirls of love-colors.) Worship is one way I just become intamate with my Savior. When I worship, its just me and my Jesus, and if you happen to be there to experience worship with me and/or some how sorta "shared" it with me, I think you'll be able to understand. And, I can only "share" worship with kindred spirits who have the same heart as I...and there aren't many out there that do. So, I'm looking forward to being on the worship team. I also met with P.M. yesterday, which was sort of nerve-racking, but my youth pastor is awesome. He's totally just down-to-earth andh talto him about anything. So, he shared with me on how I would get my credentials for being a pastor (even if I didn't want to be a certified pastor) and what I would or could do to get into the line of ministry I want to get into. I also kind of shared my heart a little on what I thougt of the youth ministry as a whole, and what I thought was important. He's got a great out-look, and to be honest, in the past year, I've really come to respect him...on a more personal (really listening to him when he says soemthing) sort of level, rahter then just the fact that he's a pastor. So that was a highlight, and I can say I was very happy with how it went when we were done.
hmmm.....Speech and Debate went well, I suppose, being that it was only the first meet, so I really can't base my opinion on just that one time, however I CAN tell you that the people I'm doing it with make it ever so much more fun for me. I think I'll enjoy the challenge, and to be honest, thats why I signed up for SAD in the first place: For the challenge. So I'm ready to get going on that.
I finally got to talk to Bethy tonight, and I haven't talked to her in weeks, so it was refreshing to hear what God's doing in her life and her relationships; and its also fun to share whats going on in mine. I thank God for her.
As for Erin, she's still not doing phone or computer, but I've never had so much fun writing letters to someone, and in a way, I wish I could write letter to those of which I don't really get to talk to unless I see them at church or at youth group. Its a good way to get someone to share their thoughts on something that they wouldn't normally speak about. I like the idea, even if its a bit old-fashioned...its the way it was once done, you know.
Speaking of Old-fashioned, dance is coming up, and I'm thuroughly excited just because of the atmosphere it'll be within. A Barn dance, it shall be, and the guys HAVE to ask the girls to dance, cause the girls can't dance w/ eachother and THEY cant ask the guys to dance either!! I've never been to a dance, let alone asked my a guy to dance, so being the romantic I am, even if I'm not interested in the guy, it would make a girl feel special to be chosen to dance with. Its a biggy for me, so I'm excited to go to it! yay! well, its late and I need to get up tomorrow so I'll sign off here!
Hm. I really don't know. But right now I'm very thoughtful about the subject, I suppose. Man, I am so totally looking forward to just falling head over heels in love with someone, and know it was okay to do so. Like, right now, its just not acceptable. I'm young, and my age has nothing to do with it, but rather it has everything to do with my own maturity. I know that I will not be ready to share my life with My future guy until I can fully depend on God for all my needs and desires. I spend so much time dreaming...and to tell you the truth, I've never caught myself daydreaming so much about my future and the guy who I'll share it with, before. I want so much to be his friend, you know? I mean, yeah, I want to fall MADLY in love with him, but what happens when the lovers fire dies? Shall we then be strangers? NO way! I'll not put up with it! I am determined to be best friends with my guy. I want so much to enjoy his company. I want to be able to do things with him! I want to be able to jam out and rock hard with him, or sit down on a couch, cuddling, and just talk about what God's been doing in out lives. We could go hiking, or rtock climbing, or we could lead a worship service. Live on the edge, but live safer then we'd ever been. Now granted, so many ppl, I think, dream about what the guys going to look like, owrry if they'll be attracted to that person or not and so on. And to be quite honest, I was one of those ppl at one time...but then I came upon somerthing that was QUITE freeing. IF YOUR GUNNA MARRY SOMEONE, ABVIOUSLY YOU'RE GUNNA BE ATTRACTED TO THAT PERSON, OR ELSE YOU WOULDN'T BE MARRYING HIM!!! If you're not attracted to that person...you'd better restate why you're marrying him. I never dream about what hes gunna look like...but one thing I do dream about is him being taller then me...A lot taller than me. Lol!! I look forward to him totally understanding me, yet never getting bored with me. Cause I'll tell you, its one of the WORST feelings in the world to have someone lose interest in you. Oh!! And something I would never hide. I am so totally looking forward to that first kiss on my wedding day, I'm telling you!!!
Lol, you can see how passionaltelly I feel about this, Lol!! Come this October I will have worn my purity ring for a total of 5 whole years. I will have committed myself to 5 years of purity and virginity... wow. God is good, isn't He? and Its all for My Genlteman in Friendly disguise. My prince in the woods. and I'm so totally and completely antisipating that romance.
So, someday I'm gunna find a guy that could say all this about me....
Why do boys fall in love with girls ? Dont break this forward this is so sweet:) Here are a few reasons why guys like girls:
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms
5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while
8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside
9. The way they look good no matter what they wear
10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. The way her hand always finds yours
13. The way they smile
14. The way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later....
16. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you"
18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it)!
23. The way they say "I miss you"
24. The way you miss them
25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore..... Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.
So! Sad is coming up soon...actually, its tomorrow, and we just did all our shopping for it today. I had to call Jimmy to get a ride with him and I ended up talking to him for 16 minutes! HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?! Its like we get talking and then before you know it, its been waaay past 10 minutes, or even 5. its crazy! So, anyway, I guess I should quickly update you on whats going on in my life. here, I'm seriously growing weary. I'm tired. pray for me.
I walk this lonely road the only one that I should ever know Know just where it goes – it leads to Home and I am not alone
I walk this daring feat down the Boulevard to Bigger Dreams Humanity – it sleeps. But I’m alive – no lie I’m not alone.
I’m not alone I’m not alone I’m not alone, I’m not a…
My God is always there to walk beside me Its for God my pathetic little heart is beating Sometimes I pray someone out there would join me Till then, I’m not alone
I’m crossing past the line that cuts me from myself so I might die No more borderline I’ve got my cross and I will stand-alone. I see between His lines, I’m so messed up but His love makes me white In His vital signs – each scar a promise that I’m not alone
I’m not alone I’m not alone. I’m not alone I’m not a….
My Jesus is always there to walk beside me For Jesus my pathetic heart is beating Sometimes I wish someone out there would join me Till then I’m still not alone
I walk this daring feat – on the Boulevard of Bigger Dreams Humanity- it sleeps, but I’m alive no lie, I’m not alone. I’m not alone I’m not a….
My God is always there to walk beside me For God my pathetic little heart is beating Sometimes I wish someone out there would join me Till then I’m not alone
Derived from the song “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” originally preformed by Green Day. Rewritten by: Sarah Goolah Because she found the original to be completely futile and hopeless…we’re NEVER alone.
cheerful
cold
tired,and emotionally drained.
very thoughtful
cranky
stressing debate...
crazy-as I usually am.
okay