If it exists, I can't find it. Anyone know the TV series "Zero Hour"? It aired one season and got cut. Anthony Edwards starred in it. It's a Christianity-based apocalypse show. Quite well done and neatly wrapped up at the end.

I got curious, and I can't find any fan fiction for it. At all. Is this the end of the Internet?

I remember when I learned the term "tomboy". I was seven or eight. It was life-altering--finally there was a word that described ME. And if there was a word for ME, and other people knew it, then that meant that there were Others Like Me. It meant that I was Normal. Because as many times as I read Leo the Lop, and the old possum told Leo and the other rabbits that "normal is what you are", I still didn't feel normal. Other girls wanted to be cheerleaders and put on makeup. They wanted to play with Barbies and dance to NKOTB. I wanted none of that. I wanted to play cowboys, and be an astronaut. I wanted ripped jeans. I never fixed my hair. I listened to Simon and Garfunkle and Iron Butterfly. I chased boys and knocked them down because they said I couldn't, but I certainly didn't want to kiss them or talk about how cute they were.

But that word--"Tomboy"--made it all okay. It gave me permission to be a girl who didn't want to act like a girl. I could be smart, and I could sword fight, and if I wanted to wear jeans and a ball cap to church I could, because if it was good enough for the other boys, then if was good enough for me. Finally I was just one of the guys and I had My Word to back me up.

Becky recently discovered the word Tomboy. Now she revels in blending the flowery dresses and the pink-and-fluffy with the boys' jeans and the roughhouse play. She has discovered that a tiara won't keep her off the monkey bars and that she's as strong as any boy. She's been a pirate for the last two Hallowe'ens and wants to again this year. Pirates don't have to act like a lady and she'll sword-fight anyone who tells her different.

Just as soon as we can get her armored up, she'll be taking the fighting field with the other SCA youth and she plans on being Queen by her own hand. People smile patronizingly and say she'll "find" her girly side. I smile back and tell them that it's fine if she doesn't because the only person she needs to please is herself, and she knows that now.

I find myself in a melancholy state of want tonight. I really would like to have a steady girlfriend, but I'm faced with the problem of how to find one from inside my metaphorical closet. There are days when I just want to come right out and tell everyone and be done with the charade. Days when I think of all the platitudes that we tell other people who ate afraid to come out--if they really love you then they'll love you in spite of who you are.
One of the scariest things I've ever done is come out to my oldest friend. She didn't really seem to care, which was a relief. The only other person I'm afraid of coming out to is my mother, and that fear keeps me silent. That silence makes it almost impossible to go looking for that person I want in my life--our life, because Mark has to be a part of whatever I do, until death do us part. I see other happy poly relationships and I am so, so jealous that I can't have that. I crave that female companionship. I feel like I have too much love inside me, all bottled up and fit to burst, if only I had someone to give it to.
It's not like I can go out and play the singles' scene. I've tried a couple of relationships out, but one was too far away and the other... Maybe too young, I don't know. She didn't put much effort into building a relationship between us. Is there a girl out there for me? I just don't know. I hope there is.

That went well. I told her the sitch, and after a moment to think about it and discuss it with her husband she decided that it's not such a bad idea to keep our options open as far as all four of us, or selections therefrom, go. This could actually work out to be mutually beneficial to all. Yay!
I am really looking forward to this friendship and where it might take us.

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I spent New Year's Eve with a wonderful new friend, doing things I hope to be able to spend much more time doing. My only concern is that this new relationship may not mesh with my current relationships. She seems to want me on my own. How do I explain to her that we come together, as a set? She can't just have me. She has to take him, too, because that's how I come. It's not like I haven't run into this before. I know how it's going to end, and it's not pretty. I don't know if I can do it again. Maybe I should stop it before it starts.

But I really want this, and I know she does, too. Maybe this time it will be different.

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I am lying here in bed, not sleeping, because Mark is only breathing continually for about fifteen breaths before it gets all laboured and gurgly. Breathing shouldn't sound like that. Then my morbid brain starts wondering what I would do if he died in his sleep. I mean... What is the plan? See, this is why I'm not getting any sleep - because I can't stop planning the untimely demise of my husband.

Oh well, at least I'm getting some laundry done.

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Testing

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Isaac wants to go to military school. It's more than the cost of college, won't take students under 6th grade, and there's none in TN. He started bringing home pamphlets for military schools back in first grade, on his own. IDEK where he gets these ideas. CAP won't take kids under 12, which means he's got foyr more years to wait, but he wants to join the USAF, so it's a step in the right direction, if he can get his head around the fact that he must do his homework. He wants to go to UND, which is, OMFG eight times the price of Harvard! That may be because he knows his daddy likes UND, and we don't want him going there for that reason.
Becky is less specific; she wants to be a veterinarian. She can start at UM or (*shudder*) UT for that.

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