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[19 Jul 2013|12:10pm] |
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Hello live journal its been years. I just stalked 3 people and found myself typing this right now. My obsession with other people is disgusting and tiresome. I find humans fascinating. We are all fucked.
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[18 Dec 2010|09:13pm] |
my goal this year:
GET SEWING MACHINE FIXED. God damn its been so long. I'm missing one little part thats all! I want to make drapy poncho shawls for everyone (myself first). I've got too many ideas and no machine.
Paint more, its time to put these creative juices in full force. I'm actually off to a good start but it looks like new paint is in order. save money too..
PLAY MUSIC, how long have I day dreamed of my little two piece with paul? This needs to really happen. Ive got some things in the works but I want to get it going for real. I'll be spinning records very soon but I want to play an instrument god dammit!
TAKE MORE PHOTOS! This used to be my life. I would never leave the house without my camera. Now I havent taken a photo of myself in a few years now hahah. but for real. I need to get it together.
this year is about creative ambition , I fucking swear it.
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| how can we go on? |
[11 Jul 2009|05:22pm] |
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I cant tell if neil young is helping or making things worse for my emotions. A wise friend told me listening to neil is like warming up with an old blanket. Ill try and see it like that. I'm moving next week. Me and amanda and chels and ernie are our up stairs neighbors. I'm very much excited. But also very much sad about leaving. I love my home here at the browning estate, and my roommates are my favorite people. Every time i think too much about it I feel like i could live here for ever. But I know I wont. Change is good, change is life. I've very bad with change and life. I have two kittens waiting for me so that helps my heart. I wish I could stop accumulating so many objects. It would make moving a lot easier. What can you really do with so many old magazines? i don't want to waste but come on! I'll stuff em in my dads basement and discover them 20 years later and have a very intense memory moment. When will this universe deliver some extreme positive force to lil ole me? I'll leave it in the hands of those kittens.
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| hey ho never be still |
[21 Jun 2009|11:52am] |
Things are happening. Woke up this morning in a intoxicated haze. With my dress on and a hot comforter on. Face not washed. So this is being 21 huh? I feel like a 50 year old woman. What a dumb lifestyle. I go out and talk to a bunch of hypocrites and tools who judge my style and how skinny I 'look' its all so very silly. I like staying home and eating chips and dip and watching saved by the bell on dvd and smoking and passing out before midnight. Things are different. I'm moving out soon. Ive got a 2 bedroom flat with amanda and its at 9 and woodward. Its getting harder to be happy. I'm on the verge of tears every time i think about it. I am so afraid of change now its not healthy. I want everything to be the same. It will never be the same.
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[06 Jun 2009|02:15pm] |
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i will use my voice on the internet. You know whats the best thing to wake up to? Your boss texting you and asking why you didn't measure the pants you promised him you would last night. Then telling him the honest truth that it was too busy, no time. then getting "we need to talk". I feel sick and very angry. Ive never given so much of myself for a job and having your boss/friend/teacher treat you like a replaceable toy. its very sad, i feel very very sad. im preparing myself to be fired to be honest. Im preparing myself for the worst so I can prepare to find another way of income, some way some how. I went to bed last night with a nice sized nugget of confidence from friends I left to sleep. I woke up with plans and ideas and now-I feel like a worm in a compost pile. I'm preparing for the worst. Thats whats honestly going on.
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[07 May 2009|10:44pm] |
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Ive got the depression of 15 year old me. Haven't felt it in a long time. You might not see me for a while. We will all be better in the end.
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[06 May 2009|07:48pm] |
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I'm losing my sense of direction. I can feel the sharp pains in my feet reach my tummy and hip. Things keep churning and molding and moving and growing. I'm not ready for this adulthood shit.
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[18 Apr 2009|07:25pm] |
I think I need to realize that there is a fine line of being friendly to strangers and apparently "being really into" strangers. I guess being kind to customers means i'm hitting on you? So you ask me for my number. He has no idea does he...
My Aunt wrote me back. She wants me to come and stay. I think I might the end of this year. :)
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[30 Mar 2009|11:15pm] |
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I just wrote my aunt a letter asking her if maybe I could stay with her in San Francisco for a bit, maybe a month maybe 2. This could either backfire or go really well, we will see. Fingers crossed.
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[29 Mar 2009|08:13pm] |
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Completely overwhelmed with every bit of my being as of late. I'm being pulled from all angles. I think i will settle for fish in my belly and pimples on my face. Maybe i really shouldnt be this calm while a storm around me rips trees out of the ground. I just really don't see the point.
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[17 Mar 2009|11:51am] |
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I'll be in texas till next tues, buh bye.
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[12 Mar 2009|01:41am] |
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One big thing just came full circle. I feel really okay with things. Its good to see the t-shirt finally finished.
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[06 Mar 2009|08:01pm] |
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I really enjoy not wearing pants and nothing on my feet. Now I will spend my night running through the streets of ham town with beer in my heart.
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