Yukko Syndrome

I can't believe I have neglected you for so long LJ. I'm sorry. A lot has happened, some good, some bad. I'll have to write more when I have time! I need to finish washing clothes...

P.S. We bought a house two months ago :)

I've been super busy once again, and hopefully everything will slow down a bit in the summer time...

I hope everyone had a Happy Mothers day!

And I'll savor every moment of this...

I've been wanting to write, but nothing is coming out. I'm still thinking of that Forest, and I wonder how deadly it is, just to go and see it? Will it swallow me up? Will I be one of the many treasures found? Will I see it's beauty and die at the same time from it? Are you going to take my life Forest? Like the many lives that have been so freely given up to you, and the one that have been taken? Will I be one of the few, or many that have been let go? Is there a monument of those who have gone? Other than seeing pictures, will it be haunting to just be in it's presence?

I'll find these questions out soon I think. Things have been good, but I'm so tired and exhausted. Not sleeping, trying to read, do my math, find time for lab, rest, work out, spending time with Josh.... trying to hangout with friends. I'm trying to debate if I should even try to continue to go to the Gamers Unlocked meetings anymore.

This weekend I may try to see some friends.... heh friends. The best friends I seem to have are just words on a screen, either computer or on my phone. And even then, the ones who talk to me via text... sometimes aren't that great of friend either...

Maybe I kid myself, maybe I really don't have any friends. Or 'best' friends. If I had to sit and think about it too much I think I'd get really depressed, especially with all that shit that happened the last few months of '08. Girls that I'd known, and a few that I was introduced to, just to end up in betrayal and stupidity. But then again I should have know better with certain people, and with people I meet. Sure I was upset, sad, and mortified that I trusted and loved said people, but all in all the casualties that I truly lost was my Season One and Two and Desperate Housewives, a Math book from last semesters College course. And gained? I guess a new perspective of people who I may meet and of the people I know. And two movies I don't want, but have no way of returning them to the owner. This weekend I plan on going through my myspace friends list and my phone book/IMs and deleting people that I don't want to have anything to do with my life anymore. And since I don't memorize any phone numbers at all once I've deleted them and you call or text and I ask "Who is this?" Then you'll know that I've deleted it. I need to get rid of a lot of people and then make room for people who deserve to be in my life and want to have something to do with my life. Also with that being said I'm tired of giving people advice only for them to ignore it. All the fuckin' time I'm always right, ALWAYS. I don't care what you fuckin' say any time I've ever had to tell anyone anything, and they don't listen, that shit fuckin' happens. Then what years later or months I get, "I should've listened to you." Yeah fuckin' right. Don't talk to me about your shit anymore, I don't want to hear it, I'm tired of my advice falling on deaf fuckin' ears. I'm tired of wasting my time too. Go talk to someone else who just wants to tell you what you want to hear. This is a new year, and I'm making myself over. If you don't like it, fuck you. If I lose friends, then so what, just a casualty.

And yeah I'll through in another Fuckin' just because.

But this year to save me from tears I'll give it to someoneS special!!!!!!

So I'm excited about X-mas sooo much this year (but when am I not?) I had so much fun today with Ian, I missed it! We had fun, laughed and talked... hung out you know like the good ol' days! I got to see James and Allison as well!! <333 it!

I finished everyone's gifts, and wrapped 'em at Ian's. That was fun too. I washed my car with Eli too that was fun hehe! I can't wait for next week's Christmas Eve party with everyone :D

It's going to be so much fun....

I love you all!!

I mean I know I was bummed for a bit about everything, but now I feel better. Because I was blinding for a while and now I'm back to realizing who cares about me. Good luck to those who dare not face me because their too chicken. And I'm done, *hopefully* having to talk about it. I'll be okay, I mean sure I'm still kind of like what happened? But it's for the better they say.

In other weirdness, this crazy guy who lives across the street from Gma Marie shot some dog last night and it ran all around her garage, and bled everywhere! And even all over the drive way too. Tomasa told the guy that if he didn't clean it up she'd call the cops. And the guy got a little freaked... hopefully he isn't crazy or anything... And hopefully nothing else weird happens with him. This would be the second time that I know of that he's done something like this. The first time I saw it myself...

I have two classes left then I'm done with the semester... yay!! :) Then I gotta register for Spring classes. Julie and Ian (hopefully) will be taking classes with me. I know your like What? But we talked, people apologized and we worked it out. Julie felt bad about everything, and we're okay. This whole fiasco thing too helped me realize that even though we have our problems too, we work them out. And it made me cherish Ian, Julie, Allison, and everyone else even more. I know who has my back and not who's ready to kick me in the back.

But all in all, it's done. Tomorrow is a new day and it's looking brighter already :)

So how's everyone doing? Good I hope!

<33

I don't know what the FUCK.

It's been a while... and I'm ready to start working out hard core again. I let Mariely get me out of my habit and this time I won't stop. I have Joe as my main work out buddy now, and Mariely can go if she wants too. The last time I went to work out she went and wanted to talk and sit and talk, not walk and talk... So that tossed me out of my work out, but luckily I have been keeping it at 220-222... so that's 18lbs I've pretty much kept off since January!!

College is almost done, so that's fun!! :)

Quick update huh? Sorry I've been busy and lacking in updating my journals...

and I'm loving Dragonette's "I get around."

So yeah I'm not dead haha!

Another successful day of eating 800 cals. Well 815 cause I had that sugar free Popsicle.

I walked for an hour yesterday and burned half of what I ate yesterday. So pretty good feeling.

:) I'm pretty sure I'll stay about 222 til the end of the month which means I need to back and redo my wt loss goals. :)


<33

For my dear, little Mariely.


Thank you for her.



I don't know what I would do if it weren't for her.




Thank you....

Been slacking a bit on the updates, I've been staying at 222-224 been slacking a bit on the diet and not excersizing.. I need to get back on track... especially with the going to the State Fair this weekend... ugh!!!

I'm just not focused on my diet damn it!


I hope everyone else is doing better than I am..

:/