Hi everyone! A friend of mine shared this article with me, and I thought you guys would be interested to see this as well. In short, a video sermon will be broadcast on superbowl sunday showcasing various pro football players who discuss their problems with pornography. Just as a warning, there is talk of some relgious matters....HOWEVER.....I'm not trying to preach a religious message at all, and the article talks about Christians, Mormons, Jews, etc. So, it's pretty well rounded. I really don't want this to turn into a relgious debate, so if you're sensitive about religous issues, you might not want to read this.
 
Here you go!

http://www.npr.org/2011/02/03/133463774/religious-groups-tackle-an-x-rated-secret

Another curious post by me... I have recently started seeing a guy, and well, he has a lot of pornography on his hard drive... a lot of which is what he told me he would not consider to be objectifying. He offered to show me, but I was afraid of it only upsetting me. He's promised me that he won't use any of it while we are together. I trust him, but the fact that he is only stopping it because it upsets me is confusing.

My first serious boyfriend used a LOT of porn when we first met, and I was about 15 and still looked at some myself... but during our relationship I started to form the views on it that I have now, and it caused so many arguments between us. I asked him to stop, he said he would, but he didn't for a while... wanted to break up with me over it etc. I think it's because of this that now, I usually try to go for guys that wouldn't use porn in the first place, who agree with me about it being objectifying and can see it for what it really is and haven't bought into it... to avoid arguments and hurt. Also because, I hate feeling like people are only saying or doing certain things to please me or that it only had to take me saying one thing to make them actually think about it that way... when I'd much rather they came to these conclusions on their own. But any time I went out with a guy who wasn't into porn, the relationship usually just got fucked up for some other reason... so it seems like a bad thing to base it on.

So now I'm wondering, should I be worried that this guy maybe has a different view on it than me? I try to be as open minded as possible, I don't believe in censorship and I think that even though I find porn to be harmful, that if people consent to it then they have the right to partake or view it. I just don't like how they try to pass it off as empowering or as accurate depictions of sexuality, or as sexual liberation when it is clearly just there for gaining a profit or to control the standards and self-image based on beauty and sex. I don't like to judge anyone based on their sexual preferences or whether or not they use porn, but I always feel weird if it's someone that I am involved with sexually, because it seems like we wouldn't be on the same level. However, the sex between me and this guy is amazing... probably the best sex I've ever had.

He told me that he rarely uses the porn he has (saying he probably watched more episodes of Hollyoaks than he watched porn, and that's definitely not very much at all because he hates that show..), that he finds it fucked up that many men use women as a replacement for the impossible standards found in porn or that some men even prefer viewing porn to actually having real sex. He said that if anything, he used porn as a replacement for real sex... and also that he hasn't actually downloaded anything new in years, that his collection is all stuff he's had since he was 16. It sort of bothered me that he said he "just couldn't delete it"... but then he said the same thing about crappy movies and albums he also has downloaded..

Another thing that worries me is that he is planning to go back to Australia in December (he lived there for a few years)... and he wants me to go with him, but we both know that it may not happen as my financial situation probably won't allow it. So we basically know that things may not last longer than that... which sucks. But now I'm scared that maybe he's only so okay with giving up porn because he knows this.... but then part of me thinks I'm just being paranoid and trying to find things about him that will make me stop liking him so much in order to avoid getting hurt (I tend to do this a lot in relationships and it has been extremely destructive).

I guess I'm just curious about other's experiences with relationships like this. I know that I've read a LOT of stuff on this community about men who have lied about their porn usage, I even had to stop reading for a while because of how much it upset me.. but I trust his word and I want to believe that not all guys are like that.. I want to base how I view our relationship on anything OTHER than porn, because it's all I've been doing for years.. sometimes obsessing over it and getting some really serious anxiety. He's such a lovely person, and I know that he cares about me and wouldn't ever want to hurt me just so he could get his rocks off to some stupid video..

Another thing, he told me that years ago he and one of his exes appeared on a website called beautifulagony.com. It is basically a collection of videos including audio, of people having orgasms but it only ever shows them from the neck up. What are your thoughts on this? I have always been of the thinking that just because something doesn't show any nudity does not mean that it cannot be pornographic, or objectifying. I looked at the site and I admit, it doesn't seem to be as degrading as other sites... but it still kind of irks me that the videos and audio are up there just for people to whack off over. I'd really like to hear some opinions about this. Thanks.

How do you deal with it when you see/hear someone make a ridiculously stupid, overtly sexist comment? In general? I'm not really looking to discuss which comments would be defined sexist, more just wondering about your personal ways of coping if you happen to be around people who make comments that are sexist or offensive to you. I used to get so angry. But after years of dealing with my anger in outward ways, I seem to bottle it up more now... which hurts almost just as much.

Also: pole dancing: love it or hate it? A good form of exercise or is that just glorification? Does it always have to be sexualised, and if so, why do men find it attractive? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

This is outrageous, how can they joke about violence on women?
http://blog.fleshlight.com/2010/06/obscure-sex-moves-illustratedtony-danza.html
This ad in the official company blog of a company who makes male sex toys.

This is brilliantly depressing: more cartoon commentary on unrealistic expectations!
http://pbh3.tumblr.com/post/675515813/the-sources-of-the-most-frustrating-expectations

"Porn movies and Disney are responsible for the most frustrated human beings I know"
(she's thinking 'where the hell is my prince charming?' and he's thinking 'where the hell is my insatiable whore?')

...it's interesting how society puts different expectations into people's minds. And it's interesting how none of it overlaps =/

I'm working on revamping my website and turning it into more of an e-zine and resource centre. I'd like to include articles written by as many different people as I can, and include links to good websites. I want it to focus mainly on the subjects of feminism, anarchism, cannabis activism, anti-racism/sexism/homophobia/consumerism, animal rights, environmentalism and that kind of jazz, but I will consider anything really.

If you have any links or anything you've written yourself that you think might fit, please let me know and I will gladly consider it.

...for pointing out that it's culturally normal to be exposed to porn WAY before the parents ever mention anything about naked people. Oof.

http://xkcd.com/751/

this might be really depressing when I find out the truth, but....

We always hear that almost all men use (I choose the term 'use' rather than 'look at', because, let's face it, pornography is a masturbation aid, and masturbation is active, not passive) porn. But do we really know how many do? 

In the absence of real statistics, if we are relying on the reporting of men we know, and their impressions of how many men in general use porn, we should consider that we can't trust it. Studies show that people have highly inflated ideas of how common any behaviour they themselves regularly engage in is. In other words, people tend to think that whatever they do is normal. (College age pot smokers estimate that 75% of college students are high at least once in an average month, when in reality only 37% are. Things like that.)

 

Hi, after a long absence from Livejournal I come back, and my first new post is here because this article is worth debating...
( Read more...Collapse )

They're targeting strip clubs, but I don't know why it can't apply to porn, too:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/mar/25/iceland-most-feminist-country

(Well, this says the law bars, "clubs from making profit from the nudity of employees," so maybe not.)

Anyway, if I may ramble for a few thousand paragraphs... and please bear in mind that this is from a grumpy male's perspective. If I say something stupid and offensive I apologize.

An ELJAY friend of mine linked this article and asked what people thought. Overwhelmingly it got the Thumbs Down, with the most-repeated complaint being that, "It will just put women out of work." I commented to that with something SNARKY like, "It's too bad so many women here think that females are incapable of doing anything other than selling their bodies." (P.S. Someone replied to that with, "lol at using 'female' as a noun." Because I guess it's not now or something. Heads up.) Other objections I've read are complaints about the Big Bad Gubberment, "Mandating what consenting women can do with their bodies," and, probably most valid, "What if this pushes the sex industry underground and conditions for workers get worse?"

I feel like a majority of the arguing amongst the Feminist Sides here is the same as it is about porn in general. They ("THEY!!") seem to think that the sex industry exists in some kind of magical microcosm (nearly all objections were prefaced with, "I would never go to a strip club, but..."), and like, once guys walk out of the place (or away from their computers or whatever), they're happy to differentiate between the women they just consumed and all the others they see. A position that frankly gives men way too much credit. Not to imply that I'm cool with CONSUMING anyone, but from this point of view the sex industry is just a few "consenting adults" (nevermind coercion, drug addiction, mental illness, human trafficking, and so and so on...) playing a game and then going home, and how dare the big jerk government tell anybody what they can't do if they aren't hurting anyone.

However, from where I'm sitting (and hey, a majority of Icelanders, too -- BRB MOVING TO ICELAND), the sex industry is incredibly harmful, not just to its workers and consumers, but on a broad sociological scale. It grossly distorts mens' notions about women, reinforcing the ideas that women are subservient little pleasure objects, and that all of them, "like," that kind of attention. It links power and sex, and consequently advocates consuming everywhere we go. It debases intimate human interaction.

All of this ultimately encourages inequality, disrespect, harassment, assault... And that is what the people of Iceland are trying to prevent here. I mean, I think it's pretty obvious from the quotes in the article that they aren't just out to ruin a couple of strippers' days or shove - oh no - boring morals down everyone else's throat. They're trying to promote positive gender relations by sending a message that, hey, guess what, this is not how you're supposed to treat your fellow human beings. DUH.