Because I'm Awesome

10:09am: I'm back....sorry about the sad entry.
I honestly don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm not happy. I hate work, I can't focus on school, in December the love of my life abandoned me. I pushed him away and I broke him. He was my angel and I tore off his wings. I honestly can't bare the thought of another day without him. All I want is to reach out to him but I know that if I do, it'll end badly. I just miss him so much. I hate myself for letting him go. I should have given him what he wanted but instead all I cared about was myself. I need him back and I'll never have him in my life again. I've failed. I would give anything just to hold his hand once more, anything just to hold him in my arms and tell him he's beautiful. I broke his heart and in doing so, broke mine. There's no way to make this better. I've lost.

10:58pm: So I totally forgot about this. I haven't updated in FOREVER!!!! I just went through one of the hardest months of my life. I went through my first break up and heartbreak and it was the worst thing ever. I really thought I found a boy who I could love but it just wasn't meant to be. All in all I feel like I'm becoming a stronger person and that's the best lesson I could get. I can't believe I spend the past month and a half crying and moping over this fool. He obviously wasn't worth my time and now I can see that.

I also got accepted to Ramapo. I'll be starting there in the fall. Good thing too because CCM was getting lame as fuck. YAY GRADUATING!!!!

Well that's really it. haha. Sort of a lame entry but I haven't written one in so long I forgot how to make a good livejournal entry. haha.

2:37pm: Well I'm posting another livejournal entry.
I haven't posted in a while. I don't have a computer that works at my house so that's why. I'm just so sick of my life. I'm sick of school and work and I'm sick of where my life is. I want some change, I'm so sick of all of this. I actually thought I found a boy which would have been a welcome change but it turns out he just started dating someone else and I'm clearly not happy about this. It's funny how he and his boyfriend are so happy that they're dating but to me it's one of the worst things I could imagine. I feel so stupid getting this upset over a boy but hey these things happen. I'm sure in a week or two I'll get over it and I'll be fine but right now I'm not. I'm so far from fine. I feel like this is sophomore year again and I hate my life over something so stupid. I haven't felt so defeated in so long and this scares me. Alright I'm done whining.

9:49pm: I haven't posted in forever
Because my internet has been broken since JUNE. What the french!! Gotta love livejournal mobile lol. So a lot has gone down. I got backstabbed by MY SISTER! And I have a stalker...fun stuff. Life's actually kinda good though I like a new boy so we'll see where that goes. Just thought I'd give a quick update. LATER!

11:16am: So I haven't updated in approximately two months...it's only because I truly have nothing to put. I go out with my friends and do fun stupid things and I go to work, which is also fun most of the time. AND it's summer time...can live get any better? I think not. I always used LJ as a place to vent my frustrations and I don't really have any of those to put in here, or any that I feel the need to share with other people. I'm pretty content though and I love it. K this entry was kinda pointless but I really felt the need to put something in here haha. Laterrrr

7:42pm:

So my two favorite CDs right now are Cascada and Danity Kane...I'm straight!

8:12pm: OMG IT'S SPRING BREAKKKKK!!!
And it sure started out with a bang. Last night was Ash's birthday party and I got fucked crunked up. It was pretty sweet. No class for a week! Whatever will I do with myself...the answer is sleep and work but whatevs it'll be fine. At least I don't have class. 

I really don't have anything else to put so byeeee.

4:21pm:  OMG on my last two updates my mood was annoyed. haha I promise I'm actually quite happy right now. GEEZ haha

11:54am: So things have been pretty good. School's been great for the most part. I actually have friends and talk to people in my classes so I'm not like an outcast anymore haha. Work's pretty good except there's this kid named Jim who I have a real problem with. He's been working as a cashier for I'd say over a month. I'm always really nice to him but he ignore's me. You see he doesn't like gay people and me being bisexual he's not down with that. He told Arielle he doesn't like gay people HOWEVER Arielle herself is bisexual, so is Emily and he talks to her. Anjelica and Rebecca are also bisexual and he doesn't shoot them dirty looks or talk about them with Connor Binko. It really bother's me I'm not gonna lie. It's so stupid to hate me over something that I have no control over. I tried to be nice to him but I'm over that so for the past few weeks I've been being a real jerk to him. If he hates me so much I'll give his bitch ass a reason. This kid makes me really mad. I'm not sure why a lot of people haven't liked me for the same reason and it never really mattered to me. Maybe it's because I actually know why. He's actually said to people that he doesn't like me because of that. This kid pisses me off! I just needed to vent about that.  

10:00pm: Discipline
So I've really been looking forward to Janet Jackson's new CD. I love Janet Jackson. Her music is so amazing. One thing I love about her is that she wrote her own lyrics. Well a few months ago I heard the song Feedback and hated it. Eventually it grew on me so I was going to buy the new album. Well last Tuesday it came out and I did and let me tell you it's an okay CD. Meanwhile the other three Janet CDs I own are amazing. What happened? She was quoted as saying that she was going to write about things going on in her life because that's all she knows how to do. WELL Janet didn't write one song and it shows. There's only 4 amazing songs and 3 ok ones. The rest are bad. I went on amazon.com and itunes to see if people agreed with me and I found exactly the opposite. THOSE FOOLS ACTUALLY LOVE THIS CD!! It's terrible. Another annoying thing about the CD is that all the titles are spelled using abreviations like "Luv" "Can't B Good" "So Much Betta" and "2Nite" It's like she texted the titles to the printer of the album. I'm so very let down. Janet Jackson was always one of my favorite singers and she's disappointed me. I'm sitting here trying to listen to it and it's terrible. The only songs I love are "Feedback" "Luv" "So Much Betta" and "The 1" The rest of it is crap. I hope she learns from this atrocity for her next CD and hopefully she'll go back to being amazing.

11:19am: So I haven't updated in a while and this week's been pretty crazy so I'll tell you what went downnn. 

Sunday
GIANTS WONNNNNN! Now I've never really been into football but I watched the Super Bowl at my friend's superbowl party and I got so excited. Like I wanted the Giants to win but I didn't care until I was there watching it happen. Maybe it's because of the alcohol idk haha. Later that night me and Kira created my facethejury account and now I'm addicted.

Monday
Didn't sleep at all on Sunday night so I slept that morning then went to class at 2:30. I had history and I really don't like that class. Like when I read the textbook it's interesting but then he talks and I'm like half asleep. Whatever. So then at 5:30 I had TV Production I. It's a pretty decent class AND there's this hot ass boy in it. Whenever I see him I just want to jump on top of him and start singing Tap That by Megan McCauley. haha. I think he may be straight but he also may be gay. He's sort of girly a bit but it could just be because he's emo. I'm not sure but nevertheless I wanna do him haha. 

Tuesday
I was late to both my classes and I had a surprise quiz in sociology that I didn't do the reading for. But I got a 75! haha yet in speech fundamentals I did the reading and I got a 61. Go figure. Then I was ten minutes late to work and I just wanted to leave. Not a good day at all but it was going to get worse. 

Wednesday
My mom woke me up to tell me our hamster was dead. I seriously cried for an hour then went back to bed. I woke up to start getting ready for english but my head hurt like a bitch so I didn't go. Then I saw him lying in his cage and I cried more. I was so upset that day. It sounds kinda lame cuz it was just a hamster but I loved that little creature so whatever. 

Thursday
Had all three classes. They were kinda lame. I went to Target and bought the new Jack Johnson and Lenny Kravitz CDs because I love their singles. The Jack Johnson one is really good but I didn't listen to Lenny yet haha. Coming home from work I heard Wendy Williams talking about Britney Spears being released from the hospital even though there are still so many things wrong with her mentally and physically and Wendy listed all the things that were wrong with her body and I almost cried. It's sorta weird but when you love someone's music you sort of wind up caring about them not like they were your friend but I know I care about what happens to celebrities I like. Idk maybe that's just me.

Friday
Went to english then I went home. This hot boy in that class decided to sit right next to me. For the past 4 classes he sat two seats in front of me now he decidied to sit next to me. He's pretty hot. Not gonna lie haha. Driving to/from school I was just in a really good mood. Idk why. But I got to class really happy and I got home really happy and I was really happy when I went to work. I also heard that new Janet Jackson song Feedback that I hated but it's starting to grow on me. I especially like the remix with Ciara. I was still gonna buy her CD cuz Janet Jackson is amazing. I love her music but that song just took a while to warm up to me. After work I went to dinner at Franks with Barrett. It was pretty fun since I haven't seen her since new years. All in all Friday was a good day.

So it was a weird week but it ended on a good note. Hopefully today goes in that same fashion. Later

12:18pm: So I'm not sure why but I'm kinda sad today. I'm not sure why but I just feel so empty and alone today. Hopefully it's just one of those days and I'll be my normal happy self tomorrow. Well I have to go to class soon. I just needed to get that out. Bye

12:00pm:

Dear Z100, 

All Around Me by Flyleaf is not new music. It was released as a single back in August. Same thing with crushcrushcrush by Paramore. It was released back in October. You need to get more current with your "brand new music" 

<3 Tom

8:14pm: What Do You Have To Say? - The Soundtrack of My Life
So I never do any of these things but I thought this one seemed fun so I here ya go.

Nothing In This World by Paris Hilton
Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap
All That I've Got by The Used
Makedamnsure by Taking Back Sunday
Lose Control by Evanesence
Autobiography by Ashlee Simpson
Trouble by Pink
Take Me Away by Avril Lavigne
Vow by Garbage
Extraordinary by Liz Phair
Outside of You by Hilary Duff
Turbulence by Lisa Marie Presley
Hot As Ice by Britney Spears
Untouched by The Veronicas
The Anthem by Good Charlotte
Uh Oh by Kelly Osbourne
In The Rough by Anna Nalick
Fighting by Yellowcard
Now or Never by Madina Lake
Don't Cry Out by Shiny Toy Guns

8:40pm: So this is my first post of  the new year. Well it was kicked off by the craziest weekend of my life and the most amazing new years eve ever. I was at Barrett's house with Dianna, Laur, Nicole and her boyfriend. Nicole got sick as hell after one drink which kinda annoyed me. She fell asleep with her boyfriend before midnight. I however didn't get that drunk and I'm glad I didn't. I didn't make a fool of myself like I did on Friday. It was fun nonetheless though.I'm not sure if 2008 will be as awesome as 2007 was. 2007 was such an emotional rollercoaster of a year but it was definately the best year of my life. I hope 2008 comes close to being that kind of awesome. I'm pretty optimistic that things'll rock this year.

9:34pm: So Christmas was pretty decent. I got lots of shirts, some cologne, a bunch of gift cards, money, a CD. Good stuff. Then today I spent some money/gift cards at the mall. I got a few things at Hot Topic with the American Express gift card my California Grandma sent me. I also got two CDs with the Best Buy gift card my Dad gave me. I still have money on those gift cards though. I have to return to work tomorrow. Fucking lame I don't want to. I saw Sweeny Todd a few days ago and it was the most fucked up thing I've ever seen. It was pretty good but I didn't like the ending. Not good. K well that's all. BYE!

9:34pm: So the holiday season is almost over. I'm so excited. I love Christmas time but it's been fucking crazy at work. Like today I wanted to shoot someone. I almost told off some douchebag who decided to come to the 20 items or less like with a full cart and then tell me he only had 19 items. He then left my lane and had his drag queen wife try to stare me down. K cool. Then some fucking dude brought 34 items while there was a line behind him. Thankfully Liz took me off that register to go on break. I'm pretty sure I would have snapped if I'd be on that register any longer. Also some dude told me he was in a hurry and he kept mentioning that HOWEVER he couldn't fucking help me bag. Lazy piece of shit. If he was in such a rush why didn't he help. That would have made things go quicker. Idiot. haha whatevs I'm over it I'm not working on tomorrow cuz the store's closed and I'm off Wednesday. I hope Thursday's dead. It probably won't be though. LAME! I'm actually in a good mood though. It's fucking Christmas Eve bitches!!! Happy holidays you hotties!

8:42pm:

So last night I saw Desperate Housewives for the first time in weeks. Oh how I've missed that show. The Tornado was crazy but it was a little weird. I'm so sad because this will be the last new episode until after the writers strike is over. On the one hand I want my shows to come back on but on the other hand I'm in total support of the writers since I'm a writer myself and if I was in their shoes I'd be pissed. Some things have been bothering me at work and I just need to get them out If you have 49 items don't come to me at 20 items or less and expect to be waited on. It's not gonna happen. AND when I'm not on express and you have a big order make those lazy piece of shit children you have help you. This one boy was 12 or 13 and his mom asked him to help and he was like "Why should I?" I wanted to punch him. My mom always made me help her when I used to go. If I go with her now I still help. It's only right. Also using 16 coupons so you save over $50 should be against the law. Some woman came and did just that and then our front end Jordan told me she's a scammer and that she may have not even had all those things even though I'm pretty sure she did. Whatever. Work's crazy. I feel like I'm always there and when I'm not there I'm going to class or sleeping. It's rediculous. I have no me time. I hate it. On a more random note I had a pretty insane dream a few nights ago. I'm pretty sure I was a Harry Potter type wizard and so were a bunch of my friends(don't ask me who) and we had a fight an evil Voldemortesque wizard with an army of wizards and monsters. Crazy stuff. Also a few weeks ago I had a sexual dream and idk who was in it with me. I may have mentioned this but idk. I'm still wondering who it was. I'm pretty sure it was a boy but idk? I'm like 99% sure it was a boy haha. I have no clue but it's still bothering me. K that's really it. I'm gonna go enjoy the rest of my night off. BYE!

2:50pm: So has anybody ever heard of Megan McCauley? She's pretty awesome. I was in Best Buy on Wednesday and I saw her CD and I thought she was mad hot so I went to her myspace and listened to her songs. Her song Tap That really stuck out so I put it on my profile then today I went and bought her CD at Best Buy and it's pretty good. Her music sounds like Pink, Courtney Love and Evanescence combined. She only sounds Pinkish on Tap That and it's probably because she wrote it with Max Martin and Lukasz Gottwald who wrote U + Ur Hand and Who Knew. it's got a beat that's pretty similar to U + Ur Hand and it's just a sexy slutty song and I love it. She also has this song called I'll Pay You To Shoot Him. She's kinda insane. It's about how she wants to pay a police officer to shoot her father. I think her crazy is kinda hot though. Her CD is so good. I also got the new Armor For Sleep CD which I love as well. I only liked four songs on their last CD but I love this one. All the songs are amazing. 

12:40pm: So I haven't updated in forever. Nothing new's really happened. Thanksgiving was good. I can't fucking wait until Christmas. I need to decide what I want. Not that I really have time for that. I feel like I'm always either going to class or going to work. It's pretty fucking lame actually. I need more free time. I feel like poop today. Yesterday I was coughing and sneezing like it was my job and last night I couldn't sleep because I couldn't breathe out of my nose. I didn't go to class today which isn't really good because I need to not miss Media Aesthetics but I did. Not good. I can't wait until winter break. IT NEEDS TO BE NOWWWW. I met with my lawyer last night and he said that I could lose my liscence for 6 months but he doesn't see that happening. It better not happen! haha I'll shoot someone. Well that's really it. I have no idea what else to put. Maybe I'll just leave it like this because if I update more this entry will be more random.

12:05pm: So last night I started on a register. Morgan trained me and it was fucking nuts. Like at first I was so overwhelmed by all the stuff I had to scan. It was crazy. I also got my first rude customer which was pretty funny actually. She made me giggle. I'm amazed I didn't just laugh in her face. I also saw my scheduel for this week. I have to work every night except for Monday and Wednesday. I even have to work on Thanksgiving. Fucking lame. So today I'm working from 4-10. Not too excited about that. But at least I'm getting money haha. Work isn't that bad though. I sort of enjoyed myself last night. It was weird.  That's really all I can think of to write. This is gonna be a short update I guess. Kbye!

2:47pm: Howdy bitches!!! It feels like I haven't written in months but it's only been three days. Not much to update about. I started work on Wednesday and I've been on the computer learning how to be a cashier for two days. I'll probably finish up the computer part of my training today or tomorrow. Being a cashier isn't as easy as it looks lol. 

So the security guard at school gave me a ticket? Because apparently they can do that. He also said that quite a bit of damage was done to that girl's car. So I found it and there's a few long scratches above her wheel. No dents, you can barely see it unless you get real close. That security guard was a retard. 

My mom is also really pissed at me. She acts like she's the one going on trial and like she's the one who could lose her liscence and like she's the one who could go to jail for 30 days. No that's me my friend so shut the fuck up! She's so selfish.

I may transfer to PCCC. This whole driving an hour to school is fucking lame. Also most of my friends go there. AND I'll get a discount for living in Passaic County. I'm gonna go to guidance and get it started on Monday. 

Yesterday I went to Victoria's Secret to buy Spice Girl's greatest hits because it was only released there. It'll be in other stores in 2008 but fuck that. Anyway the lady in there offered me a job and I was like hmmm no? Why would I want to work there. I've already got a job that's 10 minutes away from my house.

But anyway I'm actually in a pretty good mood today. Maybe because I was bumping The Spice Girls today on the way to/from class. Idk but I'm sure my mom will come home and make me hate my life again. I cried on Wednesday because all this accident crap finally got to me. But I'm sure everything will turn out ok. BUT MY MOM she's so pessimistic that she sucks all the happy out of the room. You can't be optimistic with her in the room. She ruins it. I've come to realize that I don't really like my mom that much. I kinda wanna move out. Maybe I'll get enough money after like a year of working that I'll be able to. But then idk if she'll still pay for college and junk. All I know is I'm starting to think like her and I hate that. Like at work, schook, in the car I'm fine. When I'm home and she's not there I'm in a good mood but when she comes home she flips over every little thing and gets mad at me for stupid reasons and I just can't deal with that anymore. She's fucking crazy and I don't want to wind up like that. And I feel like I can't talk to her about my problems. I've never been able to tell her when something was bothering me. Like with this accident thing she was like "don't tell your friends" but I feel like they're the only one's who comfort me. I feel like they're my real family. With the acception of my sister my family isn't there for me. When I'm home I feel so alone and I feel like it's me against the world but with my friends I feel like I have people who care about me. This paragraph just made me really sad. Now I'm not happy anymore. EVEN WHEN I'M IN A GOOD MOOD MY FAMILY RUINS IT! What the hell! Whatever moral of the story I love my friends. If we're friends...I love you! haha K I'm gonna go.

1:57pm: So today I decided to skip Media Aesthetics because I hate that class. Anyway while I was leaving I grazed the car next to me but I didn't see any damaage so I left. Fast forward to when I come home my grandma says there's a message on the machine that's very long. I listen to it and it's a cop telling me I was in an accident(I know!) so he told me to call him back. So I did and he told me I have three tickets and that I'll need to go to court and that I'll get the tickets and court date in the mail. I'm really scared. I mean like can I go to jail for this? Hopefully it'll just be a fine that I'll be able to pay because I start work tomorrow at 6.  Unless it's like $2000 a piece. FUCK. The cop knew I wasn't in Media Aesthetics too. So idk if I should tell my mom because I came home early and my grandma was like "you're home early" and I told her my teacher let us out early and if my mom comes to court with me she'll find that because when the cop asked if I was there I said no. This is basically karma for not going to class. I promise never to skip class ever again. SHIT why did I leave. If I stayed and called the cops I would only have one ticket. BUT NO stupid Tom leaves. UGH!! I'm so fucking mad at myself. My mom's totally gonna yell at me. I never should have skipped that class. I'm not even going well in that class so I can't really afford to skip. I'm an idiot. FUCK ME!!!

7:57pm:

So I had my interview at shoprite and he said I can be a cashier and make $7.15 an hour or I can work at the Appy and make $8 an hour. I kinda don't wanna work at the appy haha like at all. He told me to call back tomorrow night. Idk what to do?!?!

10:50am: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!!!! I'd text you but my phone broke =(
So today I have an interview at Shoprite and I'm sort of nervous. idk why because I'm sure I'll get the job but idk. I'm sure I'll be fine. I just can't wait to actually like make money haha. I'M SO BROKEEEE. Speaking of broke that's what happened to my cell. It won't charge. I'm so pissed. I'm gonna fucking go to best buy on Monday and be like yo this broke it's still under waranty fix it OR give me a new one. I hate my phone...America's most reliable network....I think not. FUCK VERIZON!!! haha when my contract ends I'm def getting cingular that way I can actually get service at my own house. I'm not in a very good mood today. It's pretty weird. Like I have no reason to be not happy but I'm not very happy today. I'm sure that'll change once I get a jobb haha. K well I have nothing else to write. BYE!