geekfest <3

Okay, so, when I say “CB hommies” you say “are the craziest!” Ready? No? Yeah, me neither. We won’t pull an Andy Wang on you.



So, you’re wondering what the hell this is (well you’d better be, otherwise why the hell would you be reading this?). It all started on October 5, 2004 (TEACHER APPRECIATION DAY! And Melly is the only one who remembered) when we were misusing our Tech class time to stick “I am a DC FANGIRL” post-its on Mr Skuce and to visit LJ. Anyway, someone was like, “HOMIGOSH you know what would be cool?” and then someone else was like, “WHAT, HOMMIE?” and then someone was like, “A CB LJ COMMUNITY!!11one” and then everyone was like, “OMG THAT IS LIKE SO COOL!” and then it went from there. Irene created it that very second (we’re so dedicated) and posted our first post. We’re pretty cool, yo.

And if you don’t think so screw off before we point those rockets we made in Tech class last year at YOU. Although Irene has a thing with ruining those. *COUGH*

Or maybe we’ll just duct tape you to a pole.

No, we don’t do that to people, really.



Here’s a list of FAQ, even though nobody has asked us any questions yet. Except for “are you on crack?” And the answer to that is no, for the record. We’re just “special.” At least, that’s what we want you to believe.

Why do we have to apply for membership?
We don’t like very many people; we’re elitist bitches. Other people don’t really understand why we’re so insane and weird. We like to keep it that way.

But that’s mean.
Yeah. So?

I don’t go to Colonel By. Can I still join?
The community name is cbgeekfest. If you go to Gloucester or Canterbury or Hillcrest or something, we’re NOT going to let you in. Unless, well… we might have made ONE tiny exception for someone by this point. But that’s because we love her and she is le cool. <3

Where did the whole Geek Fest thing come from?
Geek Fests are like little get-together’s we have. It came from a conversation with Melly and her big brother.

Him [while driving to Sam’s]: So, are there going to be boys at this party?
Her: No.
Him: So, who the hell are Sam and Jean?
Her: Well, Sam is this really hot guy I know… and Jean is his equally hot friend. Did you know we still play spin the bottle? Damn, that's a fun game...
[He twitches a little bit]
Her: Relax, Nab. It’s going to be like Geek Fest 2004.

So a geekfest is: A tiny party minus boys, plus a bunch of geeks, and much photo evidence of craziness, among other things.

What was that about the duct tape?
That’s classified intel.

Why do you think you're on Alias?
Because my name is Sydney Bristow, you ugly bastard. Why don't you get Lost or hang out with some Family Guy or visit the Garden State or how about you let me punch you so you can take a trip to the ER? Jeez. Get some Friends. (P.S. VERONICA MARS!)

Um...? Anyway. So. What do you guys do here?
Discuss our plans to take over the world.

Really?
No. We’ll basically post whatever the hell we want. Help with homework, song requests, plans for the next half-day- Stuff like that.

Can I still apply for membership after reading all that?
Honestly, the point of all that was to discourage you from wanting to join- we like keeping our member list short. But, if you really think you’ve got a shot, go ahead and apply.

If we decline you and you think it was a stupid mistake, send a 147 word (it has to be EXACT, we’ll count- and preferably title-paged) paper on why you think you should be allowed to join to Irene or Melly. We’ll read it, probably laugh a little, and then there’s a .01% chance that we’ll reconsider.

What's with the quotes?
People say funny things. We like them. So we write them down in our trusty assbooks and then post them here.

Why are most of them from teachers?
Because our teachers are cooler than yours. No, seriously. We have funny teachers. You don't. We pity you.

What are assbooks?
Assignment books. Way to clue in, donut.

Why do you guys always laugh at weird things? Like forks?
*points to the classified intel sign* we basically have way too many inside jokes to not laugh at... most things. If you don't get it, we're sorry you suck so much.

Who the hell is Handle?
Your mom.

What's Pixie Fic?
Adventures + [US]/[US] extended + valium, windex and other things. Written by Melly and Mitch. We've got nothing to do during science and french classes. Pixie Fic 01 and Pixie Fic 02.

Can I apply if I don’t go to CB anymore?
Sure. Whatever.

You guys do realize that you need lives, right?
Yeah. What’s your point?



If you don't want us to quote you, don't say stupid stuff. But most of the stuff on here is hilarious/witty anyway.


*Note: We've got 30 pages worth of quotes from last year. Download them here.



"I heard of this kid named God. I'm serious. Can you imagine, 'hi. This is my child, God.' Something to live up to, eh?" - Ms. Rider

Chambers: [Explaining unjustified knowledge.] If my clock stops at eleven in the evening while I'm sleeping, and I wake up the next day and look at my watch when it happens to be exactly eleven in reality, is that justified?
Class: [Debates issue for a while.]
Dan: I guess the moral of this is to always use the 24 hour clock.

Chambers: [Trying to figure out how to record the attendance on the computer.]
Computer: Ding!
Chambers: I think they give us these on purpose to make us feel small.

"I have biology next, and I haven't met her yet, but I can tell you that I already know that I'm afraid of Mrs. Johnson." - Anne, stating a bit of knowledge she knows in Tok.

Chambers: How do you pronouce it, Teetus or Titus?
Morie: Tight ass!

"If we see you with cell phones, we will take them. And then... we will return them." - Johnson.

"I only have had two seizures in my life. They were both after I got married. Go figure." - Dempsey.

"If I take your cell phones, your parents will have to come get them. And I do not guarantee that I won't rack up ridiculous amounts of long distance charges." - Dempsey.

"I'm SERIOUS. Sleep deprivation makes you STUPID." - Porter.

Melly: Is it possible to fall asleep while walking?
Michelle: Like sleepwalking?
Melly: Oh.

Melly: My legs hurt. I need one of those things!
Sam: What things?
Melly: You sit! And then you go!
Sam: A toilet?

Chambers: Yes, but how does Tom KNOW he will get a free sub if he buys two more?
Tom: I have stamps

Whitlock: Whitlock's three Secrets for success. Rule number one: Come to school every day.
Ben: Maybe that should be Come to class everyday... Unless of course that is rule number two.

"Aside from today, I'm going to try to shut up a lot." - Rider

(On the subject of what jealousy does to you.)
Morie: And you get all... you become... a female.. dog.
Harthun: It's okay, you can say 'bitch', Morie.

Radi: This book is my life. [clutches grade 12 Physics textbook]
Shanie: Ha, wouldn't it be funny if we put Radi's life in the garbage can?
Aidan: [decides that would be funny, tries to steal it]
Radi: [doesn't want to give it up]
Aidan: [wrestles]
Radi: [lets go]
Aidan: [goes flying]
Textbook: [goes flying, lands on floor first]
Aidan: [lands on textbook]
Radi: [whimpers]
Aidan: [stands up, checks book] For the record, I'd just like to state that I have squashed Radi.
Radi: [as they leave] I HATE YOU!

Shanie: My bra might light on fire someday. So I must now carry around a fire extinguisher. Why? Because it makes sparks. It's scary. Like, really bright sparks. And it makes squeaky noises. I don't trust my bra.
Michelle: My bra squeaks too!
Shanie: THE SQUEAKY BRAS WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

"[puts hand over the locked English door. Waits a couple of minutes. Says calmly, completely seriously, and without emotion:] Ah. The door isn't magical then. [walks off.]" - Jackson.

"Irene, Dave and Yogurt: a love triangle." - Sam.

Sarah: I hate English
Nick: Why don't you just go to Spain then.
Sarah: Maybe I will. My mind's already there.
Nick: Fine. Enjoy your mental vacation.
*pause*
Nick: Don't try to match wits with me.
Sarah: I don't have to try.
Nick: Shutup.

Skuce: Sam, make sure you get your HANDLE on before your clay dries. You know, so that your HANDLE doesn't fall off later. The HANDLE is easier to stick on when it's the same wetness as your clay.
[phone rings]
Skuce: Handle? I mean, hello?

"I REALLY want people to be honest in this class. It's world religions... ... you'll go to hell!" - Ms. Wallace, talking about plagiarism.

"Welcome to Pottery Club. We make pot." - Melly.

"Would you like a piece of artificial flavour?" - Sam, about Juicy Fruit.

Porter: Okay. I'm going to time you. Go.
Simon: [clap] .... [clap]
Porter: Okay, wait. I have to learn how to use this.

"Look at him all happy with his mother. What a geek, eh?" - Porter.

"I've seen a lot of girls wear neck warmers as skirts to school." - Dempsey.

"We're #3 in the country. We'll come after you with our graphing calculators and test tubes. Watch out for those bunsen burners!" - Dempsey.

"Ugh. There's a song stuck in my head. It's better than the voices, I guess." - Ms. Wallace.

"If you're a g-dog, your pants don't even have to be in calling-distance to your ass." - Dempsey.

"You don't want to put your hand there and then cut. Unless you're feeling particularly depressed that day." - Mrs. Lemke.

"Okay. I want to take two fingers. Feel your pulse. Are you still alive? Because I think there's only four of you. The rest I fear may be dead." - Dempsey.

Melly: Ahh! It's so cool! He pulls! And then the wires go! Into the ceiling!
Mr. Hughes: I'll get you some popcorn.

"Don't be such a nay-sayer, Dan!" - Rider

"Do you like his profile? I made him pregnant!" - Lisa

Mike: It bursts.
Johnson: Ok, what's the proper term?
Mike: ...explodes?

Melly: [sarcastic] Ha. Ha. You're so funny. You should get your own stand-up comedy show.
Skuce: I have one. It's called teaching.

"If you have sex before you're married and you're a mennonite you have to go up in front of the whole community and tell them what you did. It'd be like... WOAH. Tough. Crowd." - Wallace

Melly: Coke in the morning is good.
Dempsey: I'm hoping you're talking about the drink.

"Don't wiggle it until it's all in!" - Lisa

Rami: [staring straight ahead] Sir. It all looks the same.
Porter: Rami, the overhead lights are ABOVE you.

Melly: They're gonna bang.
Sam: It's his MOM!

"Yes. I do cackle like a girl very well." - Dempsey.

Dempsey: Katrina blows hard.
Class: [snicker]
Dempsey: Good. You're awake.

"A liberal reporter from Winchester, BS-ville, 'I got my BA from Winchester Community College. Can't compare to a Yale Conservative Graduate, with a degree in political theory!' It's crap! There's always bias!" - Ben, on Fox News bias.

Melly: That sounds so cute! I'll be your partner!
Anne: Anyday. Just grow a set of balls and you're in!

Yang: It's a bison!
Duncan: And what are you on today Yang?

"[about a froggie] It could have a mountain of dead flies in its cage and it would starve... to DEATH!" - Duncan

"...And the guy's fingers were falling off and he, like, wanted his fingers back." - Ben Mac

"...And he was like 'I'm gonna break your legs!'" - Nick

"So the baby doesn't fall and plunge to his death and break his neck at an awkward angle." - Duncan

Chartrand: Oh god. It's o-five.
Class: Huh?
Chartrand: Oh god. I'm going to be 46. Which is almost fifty.
Colin: Which is near death!

Chartrand: It's the markers, they have huge tips and they always run out and they're annoying.
Joel: Aww!! Muffin!

Chartrand: And the R-side chain ... R-group ... amino acid and the R-group ...
Joel: You sound like a pirate.
Colin: I was thinking it! But I didn't say it.

Chartrand: It's a polymer but instead of just have one sub-unit it has--
Joel: [in really loud, excited voice] TWENTY!

"If you were Kitty and had just reached the marrying age... Well, I'm going to say "dating" age for you because if any of you were to get married now that would kinda creep me out." Harthun, explaining Kitty's personality.

Anne: Does Kitty prefer Vronsky because he's "arm candy" or because she's just more physically attracted to him?
Harthun: [Hesitates] Alright. Kinda double X but interesting question.

Anne: [Debating the answer to a question from The Blank Slate article.]
Alicia: Oh my god Anne. You're going to become a philosopher. Or someone with a really big brain.

Hope: [Sharing why she thinks Anne doesn't have a boyfriend.] Steve and Charlie were saying you are cute but they're afraid of you because they think that if they get you mad, you'll castrate them.
Anne: Hell yes I will. And even if I couldn't, I can still mentally castrate them. I know how. I mean, I think I do. Hope, do I know how to mentally destroy a man?
Hope: Sigh. You dipshit.

"Maybe it was a clean, mute, invisible, nano elephant!" - Michelle and Sarah.

"His face looks sunbumt." - Thomas.

"...the coffee break for servicing... I mean, serving, the hospice." - Belanger.

Mr. Duncan: Where did the brother go then?
Sarah: He died in Tokyo during the mass census.

"Didn't you just get a tingle of excitement when you saw those common bases?" - Cooke.

[Mr Smith trying to coax out of us what NIMBY stands for]
Smith: You've probably heard of this acronymn before...It starts with N....I...
Rachel: [mutters] maybe it's ninja
Smith: Ninja? That is so cute! But inaccurate.

Duncan: [after rearranging the seating plan leaving Aditya at the back by himself] And leave Aditya alone- where he belongs.
Aditya: This is a brown thing, isn't it?

"...and he's like 'I'm so broken-hearted. boohoohoo.'" - Harthun (as Levin).

"This chick is hot!" - Harthun, about Desdemona.

"He has no desire to get in Desdemona's pants." - Harthun, about Cassio.

Harthun: ...which basically means... she's... busy in bed.
[seconds later]
Gobe: Sweet!

"Even though they're ugly and stupid, they're still capable of performing in bed." - Harthun.

"It's a good job I've got my handy dandy see-through pocket ruler!" - Duncan.

"You're just floating through space with a planet attached to your back." - Porter, giving a different perspective about what it's like lying on your back looking at the sky.

Duncan: Let's say you had a frog-
Aditya: I don't like frogs.
Duncan: Well I don't like you.

"I always thought it would be so cool to be on a movie set. Well, to be working on one as a director and yelling 'action' or 'cut' or 'no no no you dinks! not like that! I said angry face! not constipated face!'" - Michelle.

Teacher: Who's coordinating tonight? [stares at traffic jam in parking lot]
Shanie: HA! Sucks to be driving a car!
Everyone: ...
Shanie: Neener! [runs away]

"...so, basically, the aristocrats are just the descendents of the biggest, smelliest and meanest guys with the biggest clubs. Mind you, they smelt too, they never bathed..." - Parsons.

Kim: First 18 Chapters of Jane Austen's Emma in 2 minutes.
[puts up hands in the 'two people talking' position]
Hand 1 (Emma): Oh no, my best friend is married, whatever shall I do?
Hand 2 (Mr. Knightley): Bah.
Hand 1 (Emma): I will never ever be able to recuper- oh, hello Harriet, be my friiiiiieeeend.
Hand 2 (Harriet): Wheeeeee!
Hand 1 (Emma): Don't marry Mr. Martin whose company you clearly enjoyed and who clearly loves you. Mr. Elton is eligible!
Hand 2 (Mr. Elton): [in the carriage] ...I love you, Emma. [begins trying to make out with her knee]
Hand 1 (Emma): OH HOLY FUCKING HELL.

"I'm going to put up a shelf called 'git lit', featuring all of Leach's favourite conservative commmentators." - Mrs. Moffat-Watson, after having an argument with Leach.

Porter: There are three ways to find the length. We have two, what's the third?
Dan: [long complicated explanation involving trig ratios.]
Porter: ...there are FOUR ways to find the length.

"Don't be late for class because you have a flo-urine problem." - Porter, about people being late for class because they have to pee and mocking the fact that people spell fluorine "flourine".

Debhi: I can't promise to make dances better because, well, I listen to Alanis and Cher.
Dave: She just lost.

"I was down on my knees saying 'I love you'! How did she think I meant it?" - Dan.

"That sounds so horrible- 'I became a kindergarden teacher to pick up women.'" - Skuce.

"...and in the pitch dark, I hear Mr. Smith still talking about the grade nine curriculum." - Burke.

"I've got hydrochloric acid! Get your acid right here!" - Porter.

Random Guy: Someone brought a DVD player.
Skuce: Yeah. So we can watch... wow. I can't finish this sentance.

Sam: Lisa, we've been waiting for you!
Lisa: [shuts door] Hello, my bitches.

Whitlock: What are the restrictions?
Class: There are none!
Whitlock: That's right. X can be anything it wants to be. As long as it believes...

Porter: Who's not here?
Melly: Me.
Porter: Physically, not mentally.

Melly: Michelle, Shezan wants you to take your shirt off.
Shezan: I'm fasting! No boobies for me!

Paul: It would be so awesome if I had a cotton candy machine in my room.
Sarah: While you're at it, why don't you just have hot dog roaster too?
Paul: Yeah! And a popcorn popping machine.
Sarah: We could live in your room!
Paul: ...uhhhh
Sarah: Uh......I didn't mean-
Paul: You better not have meant that!
Sarah: [reptillian brain] uhhhh...
Paul: Let's just ignore it ok?
[later]
Sarah: ...it was my crowning moment of retardation!

"Oh my god! the Easter Bunny is dead!" - Harthun.

"Nobody beats the clowns" - Harthun.

Lisa: [discussing Sarah's belly button] She has kind of an outty...
Michelle: It's more like an inny-outty.
Sarah: It's an in-betweeny!

"About the socks, you'll notice I'm no longer wearing my cast... And now

I'm wearing grandpa compressor socks!" - Cooke, after dropping his foot down on top of the desk and pulling up his pant leg to reveal massive brown socks.

Cooke: So, I wrap the X in this pink paper. [smushes paper around it] This is f(x). Now, to make it prettier, I'll wrap it in this white paper [smushes even more paper on] Now we have f(g(x)).
Michelle: Sir, it isn't really any prettier...
Cooke: Yeah, well. Deal.

Jeeves: [is walking around at the front of Wendy's]
Sarah: What is he doing?!
Michelle: I think he's getting some napkins to clean up the mess he made... What a nice boy!
Sarah: How old are you, like 70?!

Mr. Fumerton: [whilst reading the attendance] Mario- oh, wait. Morie.
Morie: Guys, I'm Mario from now on.
Morgan: I'll be Princess peach.
[A few minutes later...]
Morgan: Or Yoshi, I could be Yoshi.
Kevin: Toad! You gotta go with Toad!

"Duce? Oh! Skuce!" - Duncan

Duncan: So it's all about you, eh?
Malhotra: [indignant] Hey! I'm new here! You're supposed to accomodate me!

Yang: [mumbles answer]
Mrs. Johnson: Marek, can you hear him?
Marek: [across room] Yep!

Mike: Uh... it bursts.
Mrs. Johnson: Yes. What's the scientific term for that?
Mike: Uh... explodes?

And some of you just delete the "0" for no reason. - Malhotra.

Britta: And the tail... I don't wanna say it.
Harthun: Starts with a "v"...

Harthun: [while giving a test] What are the two main cities in the book?
Class: [writes answer]
Harthun: What are the two main strees of the two main cities?
Class: [confusion/pandemonium/apocalypse woe!]
Harthun: I want the main street of Moscow and Petersburg! FUTZ!

"...the cookie Nazi..." - Belanger.

"The last thing we want to see is you going to the movies with the person you are having an affair with." - Harthun, explaining Anna Karenina.

Harthun: Say you're having an affair with x or y, whatever name you wanna put there-
Britta: PAUL!

"Because Ms. Caines has politely- read: not politely- informed me that we have to have finished Anna this month- read: year." - Harthun.

Harthun: Let's say you somehow manage to spell Othello wrong...
Britta: I did that! I add an "r", Orthello.
Harthun: For some of you, this spelling thing is a little more daunting. Anyways, say you spell Othello and say, Cassio, wrong.
Someone At Back: Does it have one "s" or two?
Harthun: You've been looking at it for the past three weeks! [face-desky look]

"Yeah, exactly, it's very ganster." - Harthun

"And that's the point when the hungry rottweillers come out and tear Kevin to pieces." - Harthun?

"Okay, so it's Easter and you're thinking 'I get chocolate, score!'" - Harthun.

"So you follow this trail of chocolate and it's the best chocolate you've ever tasted but you decide to wait and so you keep following the trail because you want the big chocolate bunny at the end and at the end of the trail is the Easter bunny dead. In your living room." - Harthun.

Harthun: I just picture you smaller with the same size head. I dunno, it's just what I do with children.
Britta: I don't wanna know what you do with children!

Lisa: Woah, your shirt is all [gestures and makes noises].
Chris: It's like the art gallery! On my back!

Alan: [is not paying attention]
Belanger: [sighs] Somebody smack him.
Sophie: [actually smacks him]

Cooke: So I take my... package.
[The next few minutes consist of 'blah blah blah PACKAGE blah blah WRAP PACKAGE blah blah UNWRAP PACKAGE blah blah blah PACKAGE blah blah blah' and Nakul about to fall out of his chair due to laughter.]
Cooke: [glares at Nakul] And my... object.
Nakul: [actually does fall out of chair laughing]

"It's like screwing your toaster" - Morgan, on robots built for sex. Social and ethical issues.

Melly: You can be my Obi Wan!
Lisa: And you can be my Darth Bader!

"if you're going like this [does the steps insanely fast and then starts panting and breathing heavily] you're doing it wrong!" - Mr. Hughes.

"You guys are going to go Pho in my hood?" - Skuce.

"They're dreeeeeamy." - Skuce, referring to a picture of Harthun and Kitay.

Mrs. Roberts: ...so because Kalhan is larger than Ting, he has a natural mechanism to keep heat in...
Vlad: Fur?

Ms. Rider: ...so this French Agronomist comes to Cuba...
Vlad: Is 'Agronomist' this dude's last name?

Mr. Parsons: [on the desk above John with books in his outstretched hands] So if I let go of these books, what'll happen?
Class: [yells combinations of 'they'll fall!' and 'John'll die!']
John: [is trying to get away from the books and is making a fuss]
Mr. Parsons: And if I drop these books on Kalhan... Um, Kalhan's nodding in approval...

"For some of you I wrote 'Don't use contractions. This is not pregnancy.'" - Harthun.

"So! The questioners become the answerees!" - Alan.

"And he's like 'here are 4 different way to imagine them DOING IT.'" - Harthun.

Dan: Everytime you say mega, sir, my opinion of you drops.
Porter: *bulgy eyes* MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA.

"Put on your skirt and get out there!" - Michelle, to Leach.

"I should just use nicknames. [points at Melly] Sparky!" - Porter.

"I know that getting someone to proof read means finishing the work 4 hours before it's due, and that can be a challenge." - Harthun.

"The yellow hat kid? [points at Aditya and then at himself] My friend." - Harthun.

"You'll get them [commentaries] back, and then you'll cry. Or celebrate and do a little happy dance inside. Or a dance of mediocrity. That's ok too." - Harthun.

"I have two kids. My five year old draws faces like this [normal face]. My three year old draws them like this [creepy face]. I think my three year old is on drugs." - Porter.

"You will salivate." - Skuce, about the Photoshop book.

"What is inertia? The object's desire to move! [Tiny voice] I want to move!" - Porter.

"I don't know why you'd do it on April first- 'you have your own territory- NOT!'" - Wallace.

"Yeah, and then Ms. Jancey said..." - Skuce, forgetting Ms. Wallace's last name.

"We have, what I'm reffering to as 'Mme. Major Backpacks'" - Dempsey.

"[macho voice] It's the Porter-Wall smackdown!" - Porter.

"Coke and pretzels for breakfast? Reminds me of my University days." - Mr. Desplanque, walking by Sam and Melly studying in the morning.

Benji: Sir, someone stole your weight.
Mr. Porter: It's a weight loss plan!

"Jesus didn't say that, though!" - Navid, arguing about how someone was reading the wrong line in the script.

"Let's not come in last- that's our goal!" - Mr. Whitlock, enthusiastic.

Mr. Porter: Pretend you're a woman.
Dan: Done, and done.

"Otherwise the numbers would dwindle." - Wallace, on the fact that even though sex = bad in Jainism, you've gotta have it sometime.

"Guess how much it's locked?" - Mr. Hughes.

Some Guy: How about we take a vote, who wants the window open?
Alice: How about we throw you out the window?

"Swim's coming to pick me up." - Skuce.

Melly: Hey, Mr. Hughes! What's up?
Mr. Hughes: Hello. Ceiling.

"Take me now, you hunk of meat." - Dempsey.

Porter: It's the big green ball of physics.
Melly: The smiley face went away.
Porter: It's been abused, I guess.

"Ramachandran had like, the worst eyes ever. He had to get out of the car to read the stop sign." - Duncan

"So I was with my kids and this guy comes running out wearing a loincloth and waving a knife around." - Duncan

Duncan: Does anyone know who Hippocrates is?
Aidan: A hippo.
Duncan: Perhaps his friends called him Hippo, but [in big voice] HE ACTUALLY IS A MAN!

[From that site that summarizes famous works in very few words]
Shakespeare's Othello:
Iago: Your wife is cheating on you.
Othello: She is? *kills wife* Damn, she really wasn't.

Duncan: Can you imagine the trauma of getting your uterus removed and then having phantom menstrual cramps?
Ben Mac: No. [class turns and stares] Well obviously not!!!

Belanger: [walks in; jumps] Gah! I still don't get why they're all over here. [referring to the fact that everyone in the English class is on the right side of the class]
Caines: Cause that's where I told them to sit.

"It was actually an interesting book, as opposed to like, yawn." - Duncan

"I saw him live once! Before he died of course. OOOH! I even asked him a question!" - Duncan

McCulloch: And so Aristotle thought that the natural state of motion was at rest. [throws block of wood across class]
Block: [hits cupboard and makes BIG HUGE NOISE; stops]
McCulloch: See! It's at rest!

"And you take your x-y glasses..." - McCulloch

"And his tie was... questionable." - Sam, about Whitlock.

"And I want it that way!" - Back Dorm Boys

"And then they bought her crayons and I was traumatized!" - Malhotra

"My Dad cried when I told him I was marrying a white guy." - Malhotra

[every single day; sometimes twice a day] "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah." - Mr. Logan

Xin: [jumping up and down after eating more than 12 gummy worms]
Irene: [to Mr. Desplanque] May I go get a drink of water?
Desplanque: Sure, but take Bouncy with you. [points to Xin]
Xin: [giggle]

"Plus. You wouldn't have to change your blouse." - Dempsey to Shezan on being Desdemona.

"So start making a speech and alternate living arrangements for when report cards go home..." - Lemke.

Dylan: [reading fire escape plan] It says D goes that way. D stands for Dylan. [exits]
Melly: D also stands for "dumbass".

Bryson: [after the football game] See you all tonight!
Skuce: What's happening tonight, Bryson...?
Bryson: ...kegs!
Skuce: ...don't answer that.

"They'll be writing instructions on toilet paper, soon enough." - Porter.

Sarah: I'm as full as an ox.
Nick: Or as full as a whore's panties on a busy night.

Mr Cooke: Oh. I have to do a dotted line. That's gonna be ugly...
Chris T: I think it's beautiful!

"On some form of illicit substance..." - Harthun.

"Full on snogging of the french variety." - Harthun.

"If your wife says you look hot in a shirt you keep it. And, we're filtering..." - Skuce.

"My sister's husband just finished building this cottage so all I'm thinking is, 'if it goes down in flames I'm going with it! I ain't answering to them!'" - Ms. Wallace.

Melly: [trying to pick lock]
Skuce: Okay there, Sydney...

"It's my Madonna impression. I just need a gold bra- I'm working on it." - Porter.

"They should have the skeleton hand on the box- not-so-cheerio's!" - Porter.

"We're an Art Department. Not a kids' crayon shop." - Skuce.

"Fairy-well. Oops. Fare-well." - Simon, reading from Othello.

"There were not people in Shakepsearean times calling eachother 'ho's' or saying 'that's my bitch'" - Dempsey.

"Ammonia- it's like windex on steroids." - Porter.

Porter: You can measure everything with these SI units! Except happiness.
Benji: My heart just broke.

[Ms. Rider walks in wearing orange.]
"Pumpkin!" - Mr. Bell.

Skuce: [about Student Teacher McDreamy] Yeah, he doesn't make my heart go pitter-patter.
Melly: Who does?
Skuce: *sigh* Kitay.

Michelle: It's pretty.
Melly: It's cracked.
Michelle: It's pretty.
Melly: It's cracked.
Michelle: It's pretty.
Melly: You're pretty.
Michelle: I'm cracked.

Grade Nine Kid: It smells like cigarettes in here.
Lemke: [With a straight face] That's because I just put one out a minute ago.
Grade Nine Kid: [looks scared.]

Melly: Ceramicsmonthlyceramicsmonthlyceramicsmonthly.
Mr. Wright: Mrs. Watson, Melly's going to pop.

Ben: Hey Mr. Leach!
Leach: Hey guys! What class are you in?
Melly: Media.
Leach: What are you doing in Media?
Ben: We dropped IB.
Leach: [smiling] GOOD FOR YOU!

"The Ottoman Empire. Not to be confused with the footstool empire." - Dempsey.

Dempsey: They are off tupping as we speak.
Shezan: That means sex.

Whitlock: Well each Christmas we come back here.
Someone: Why?
Whitlock: Because her family's here. And mine's not important.

"Skoooooce! SKOOOOOOCE! JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOE!" - Ms. Rider, banging desperately on the art room door.

Skuce: You're groping your girlfriend right in front of me!
Bryson: But it's Christmas!

Leach: Where's Pitre? Maybe he's dead!
Smith: He's in Sudbury.
Leach: Might as well be dead!

Melly: Is it in Timepiece?
Shel: Don't you have a yearbook?
Melly: No, I don't buy them.
Shel: Why?
Melly: They're a waste of money.
Shel: Coming from one of the ed-
Melly: SHH.

"You know you haven't got a romantic comedy when you have Kalhan on the poster." - Mrs. Burke.

Michelle: I think he looks like Adam Day.
Melly: Who? Jesus?

Dan: The rest of it was just a love story between the girl and the... monkey.
Mrs. Burke: Hey now! Lets give him a little more props than that. He's a gorilla.

Skuce: *picks up Lisa's sketchbook*
Lisa: Nooo!
Skuce: What? Is there something you don't want me to see?
Lisa: Naked boys!
Irene: WHERE?

Melly: Now- do I want to paint or watch CSI?
Michelle: Both. At she same time. While juggling knives. On fire. And making a banana split. With chocolate sauce. And starwberry sauce. And caramel sauce. And nuts. And a cherry. And whipped cream... now I'm hungry.

Irene: Did you just take your pants off?
Kalhan: Yeah... so?

Aidan: It's gonna blow my mind!
Duncan: ...your mind's already blown.

Skuce: Melly! Don't swear! You don't see Mr. Lacasse swearing like that!
Melly: [turns and sees lacasse] OH MAN! I did not know you were sitting there!
Lacasse: No shit!

Mandel: I thought exams were only one hour!
Dempsey: That was the sixth grade, Princess.

"A lot of things in life are sinusoidal!" - Whitlock, excited.

Porter: Everyone should be able to see a 25.
Phil: 52!

Skuce: I love this film! I take it home and watch it. Isn't this guy awesome?
Class: [chatters]
Skuce: [to Lemke] Sorry. My fault. [To class] hey, shut up!
Lemke: Don't pay attention to him ever!
Skuce: Hey!
Lemke: I'll throw chalk at you!
Skuce: [starts to dance.]

"We'll go over to the Math department. They probably have lotsa wine there!" - Porter.

Ben: [reads out Pope's full name]
[a long while later]
Ms. Wallace: Wow. Put that on a resume.

Sara: Have you seen any guys with guitars come down here?
Lisa: Why, need them to pluck your g-string?

Dempsey: I'll even be nice and be Othello.
Melly: [is Desdemona] You just want to kill me.
Dempsey: It's true.

"Tell Mr. Skuce I love him too." - Porter, after the C-Flats finished their sing-o-gram.

"Shut up! It's my drum solo!" - Porter.

Ahmed: Anyone have a spare cable in their backpack?
Melly: I have one to strangle you with...

Amber: Number 26... uh... morons?
Ms. Wallace: Oh shoot! Does it say "morons"? It's supposed to say "mormons".

Lemke: [is talking about Da Vinci]
Skuce: [walks in to interrupt class, again]
Lemke: Joe Skuce, rainessance man.
Skuce: It's my rugged good looks. [puffs out chest]

Sam: Uh... see, Emilia, to me, does get her vision blinded. Mostly because Iago's hot, and she wants sex.
Melly: Yeah. I'd do him.

Ms Rider: It may float your boat, but it doesn't float IB's boat.
Class: IB has a boat?
Ms Rider: Yeah, it's a Dreadnought- bearing down on you.

"Lincoln's dead! He's been dead for a very long time! Do not use the literary present. He's not 'living in literature' either!" - Ms. Rider.

"For example: Daniel Marinescu BLAH BLAH." - Ms. Rider.

"The national bird became no more than a delapidated chicken disguised in eagle feathers." - Civil War Video.

Mr Harthun: Emma never gave Charles anything.
Chris R: She gave him her punani.

Ms Rider: I had a Ukrainian-egg-Vegreville pin once, but I lost it.
Aidan: Now that's a story you can tell the grandkids.
Ms Rider: Shutup! It's all about national unity.

Sarah: Why are you here? I thought you were going to take the morning off...
Jeeves: I was. But then I decided I was too tired to work, so I came to school. And that's where my logic failed.

Ms Rider: Ooo studying for bio?
Sarah: [speaking to Dan] what do we have to know about lactose?
Ms Rider: well, i remember lactose 'cause lac is like yak which like a cow. and milk comes from cows.
Sarah: oh wow.

"Sopeppers." - Zapata, trying to write "Soap Opera."

Morgan: So then, if you don't exercise a lot, you have less yeast in your body?
Mrs. Johnson: You don't have yeast in your body...
Morgan: Well, then what's the yeast/alcohol fermentation process for?
Mrs. Johnson: single celled organisms.
Morgan: oh.

Some Idiot: [About Michelangelo's David] They're allowed to touch it?
Lemke: Well, I think they killed him right after that picture was taken.

Melly: It's totally Dan.
Dan: What?
Melly: I have the hots for you!
Porter: Can you guys wait until AFTER class? I just had lunch!

Phil: Where are my sheets Ms. Lemke?
Lemke: You left them on the table so I put them away, because you were sleeping.
Phil: It's not my fault I was sleeping!

Paul: Maybe I could do it madlib style. [referring to his writing of a spanish story]
Sarah: Oh, like the blank walked down the street.
Paul: He was holding a blank in his hand. he saw a blank. He couldn't keep blank in his pants. He said, "hey blank!" They were blank-ing all night.
Michaela: You just ruined madlibs for me.

Ms Rider: They aren't stupid. But they sound stupid. [referring to Newfies.]

Mr Duncan: first + second = fsiecron-std

Mme Dussault: Les francais s'en fichent de 'like', on veut seulement faire de l'amour [explaining why in french there is no real distinction between like and love]

Mme Dussault: Qui a ferme l'ordinatuer dans une maniere qui n'est pas Catholique?

Harthun: Make it look as though small woodland creatures have died upon it. [referring to the correction of world lit]

Andrea: Samba welcomes membres anytime.
Mr Smith: Oh wow. It sounds like a cult.

Sarah: Ew. I don't want you dying on me.
Paul: Oh yeah? You'll enjoy it once rigor mortis sets in.

Ms Rider: it's this big phallic... [referring to the spaceship that was sent to the moon]
Class: phallic?
Ms Rider: yes! it's always men building stuff after themselves. Look at the shape of the spaceship!
Aidan: I think that's call aerodynamic.
Ms Rider: Well the Washington monument then.

Felicity: Yay penises! *waves arms*
Kim: I dunno. I'm not a fan of Penis's later work... mainly a fan of his first work, The Clitoris. Otherwise, y'know, just not my style, eh?

Dussault: Never, ever use the word baiser. Yes, it means kiss. Don't use it. Why? I was in France when I was young on a study abroad bourse, and we were invited to the birthday, the sweet sixteen of the host family's daughter. One of my friends, trying to be all suave, goes up to the girl, and said "Seize ans, et jamais baiser?", trying to say "Sixteen, and never been kissed", right? Well, long story short, the girl's father had to take him to the side and tell him that he had accidently propositioned his daughter...

Ms Rider: So, my grade 10s have their summative coming up and I decided to make them write essays based on reading packages. Now, I purposefully made some packages much smaller than others so that the kids that were weaker in History would still have a chance at getting a good mark. Unfortunately, they didn't pick the way I wanted them to. So I tried to give them an out by saying, 'If you're sitting there thinking: Holy mother of God, I have the biggest package in the world.'... That's when all the guys started laughing at me. I was bright red.

Rider: blablabla imperialism blablabla and Belgium raped the Congo for rubbers...
Everyone: [rise of the giggles]
Rider: [is laughing so hard that tears are forming in her eyes] I simply don't get why there's such a problem with AIDS, they have a natural abundance of rubbers!

Jenny: okidoke. Do I need to take the yearbook course or anything? 'cause I'm most likely doing math in summer school and yeah...
Melly: no, not at all. I will teach you more than Dorey ever could! ...and i'm prettier, too.

"Navid, if you guys don't stop touching eachother I'm going to start spreading rumors." - Whitlock.

"This is my clothing soap. What's it called? Oh yeah, DETERGENT..." - Porter.

Michelle: If you were any machine, what machine would you be?
Benji: A sex machine.

"10% of women never have orgasms. Can you imagine that? It's like building up to something that never came. Literally." - Benji.

Porter: [in physics] We'll show those Chem teachers!
Melly: But, you are...
Porter: I'm schizophrenic.

Dan: [in Physics class] What? But how...
Porter: Take Physics. Oh wait. Take IB Physics.

Porter: [handing back tests] Travis, Jenny...
Travis: [picks his up] NO WAY! Sweet!
Jenny: [funny face]
Porter: Travis, Jenny, take the ones with your name on it.
Jenny: That's why...

"Well, after pulling out our math dictionaries we decided... [class stares] yes, we're nerds..." - Student Teacher McDreamy #2.

"I don't think they'd let us use the InFocus. Actually. I know they won't... [sad] I tried to book it like, a month ago." - Ms Burke, about grade 11 summative day.

Melly: Hand it in! [about a course change slip]
Skuce: Fill it out!
Melly: Hand it in!
Skuce: Fill it out!
Melly: It is filled!
Skuce: Your name isn't on it!
Melly: ...oh.
Howie: This is why you make me laugh.

"Hunky dorey. It means you're on valium." - Skuce.

"It's not about your mom. Or your friends. Or Mr. B. It's about you... and me. Because it's always about me." - Melly, about Michelle dropping IB.

"Hot dogs on sale out in the... ... [realizing] ...I don't know what that place is called." - Skuce, over the PA.

Mr. Jupp: Do you guys have iPods, diskmen, MP3 players, anything?
Random People: yes/yeah/uh-huh!
Mr. Jupp: Put them in your ears and stop talking.

"Faldor, I expect would be here, whether it's court ordered or not..." - Dempsey.

Anne: Melly posted our quotes. [points to cbgeekfest]
Daniel: Damnit Annnnnnnnnnnnne.
[moments pass]
Anne: I'm back from geekland.
Daniel: I'll show you geekland...

Melly: Dibs on Art Therapy! I wanna do Art Therapy!
Lemke: You know all the Art Therapy kids at University were crazy, right? [pause] You'll fit right in!

Benji: cripples should get bonus marks!
Porter: now Benji, that's not very politically correct. [pause] the word you're looking for is gimp!
Melly: somebody write that down!
Porter: Coming soon, to a webpage near you...




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Much love. <3