cheezit_project's Journal

The Original Celebrated Cheez-it project
(slight explination)
IN the spring of 1922, on board the small cargo ship L’Guarde, a Francois Melvin, was washing the ship’s latrine. His Mop, which had been exposed to seawater and years of neglect, shattered while wiping the deck around the toilet. François, as many men would, fell and hit his temple upon the bowl. Upon impact he fell into a deep coma that he would remain in, until his mid-fifties. After thirty-one years, two months, and five days, he awoke in a Kansas City hospital wing.
In the fall of 1937, during the peak of the great depression, a jack Coldcraft was a migrant worker in Wisconsin. A poor ranch hand, Jack was milking a fairly large heifer at the green bay cheese emporium consortium. Some large sound frightened the cow, which proceeded to kick poor Mr. Coldcraft in the head. The kick caused massive brain damage. Some would later claim that Mr. Coldcraft had been so affect that he could no longer speak in English, rather he spoke in an odd tongue resembling courtesy. I..E.: Thank…oh welcome…but please be praised. Others also claim that the kick was responsible for jack’s terrible drooling problem, however this claim was later laid to rest when it was discovered that jack had always drooled excessively. After drifting from hospitals, sanitariums, halfway houses, and circuses for the next sixteen years, jack found himself, a near millionaire, in that same wing of a Kansas City hospital.
The two became instant friends, not that the either could understand each other, François speaking French and jack speaking courtesy gibberish. Four days later however the two checked themselves out of the Kansas City hospital and using the money that jack had attained working sideshows across the country formed a secret society, then known only as the Original Cheese Project.
Only rumors hint at what exactly happened to the secret cabal for the next twenty-five years. Some say the group wisely invested in Japanese technology and took over ownership of minor league hockey team of Nome, Alaska, the mother puckers. Others claim the group led a shareholder revolt of the sunshine corporation, attempting to break the Cheez-it cracker facility away as it’s own company. Still other say the two sat in the basement of their Winnipeg apartment, watching the wizard of oz, over and over until they has memorized all of the lines in Italian. Whatever the case, the group had swollen in membership, changed it’s name to the Original Celebrated Cheez-it Project, began a war with a rival cheese nips forever foundation, and founded a little known country behind the seven eleven in Paris, Texas known as the Republic of the Original Celebrated Cheez-it Project.
The original charter stated that one day a “chosen one” would be born. This “chosen one” would help the project to find a broad base mainstream appeal and tell really horrible “knock knock” jokes. In 1978 on both July 4th and July 7th this prophecy was realized. On the 4th, one Jess (headlighz) was born afflicted with the need to tell atrocious “knock knock” jokes. And on the 7th, one Dianna (di di) was born spouting propaganda on the value of a good cheese cracker. The high council of interplanetary cheese issues involving one or more cancers whose height lies somewhere between six foot three and five foot two, and who make loud whooping noises when poked (not to be confused with the high council of international fromage issues involving one or more cancers whose height is really not important but also make loud whooping noises when poked) decreed that both Jess and Dianna would hold that mantle as the “chosen one”. Now however referred to as the “chosen half”.
With Jess and Dianna at it’s reigns, the project now celebrates it’s 50th anniversary. Still going strong the project was recently named “one of the top secret societies of all time” by secret society magazine and laundry detergent. And now we present the Original Celebrated Cheez-it Project code:

Cavere Caseus Anus: Beware the Old Cheese.