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Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
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8:57 am - & if you complain once more...
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kitttycattttt
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I have been so frustrated lately. I have had little interest in being around people, but I have been communicating with one or two people - forcing myself to. I just want to sleep all day. I feel like crap. I can't stand my roommate any more. She hasn't done anything, but I just..can't stand her. When she walks into the room, I feel this huge burst of disgust and loathing explode inside of me. I feel like punching her. It's a strange urge.
Some people don't understand how other people can have urges to throw things and/or break things. I have these urges, but I control them. Apparantly, I'm not alone. I know of another person that has urges to throw things. You know, like when you're in a grocery store and you see a huge tomato and you just want to pick it up and throw it as hard as you can? Yeah, like that. Kind of.
Bah. Homework time.
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(3 irrational thoughts | What are you thinking?)
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| Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
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5:26 pm
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| Sunday, September 1st, 2002
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10:24 am - rubber gloves
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opalia
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I always "space out" or "daydream" or something. I get lost, fascinated. I am the most curious person that I know. I continuously wonder how this works, how that grows, how to make this or that, why something is the way it..is, how to do something, how that piece of machinery works the way it does, WHY it does, etc, etc.
On the way home from San Angelo, there were rows and rows of.. some sort of crop. I lost myself in the rows, watching them pass by, attempting to see them row by row. Machinery is curious. Apparantly, machines pick crops and can even sort their pieces and such. How odd is that? Fascinating.
Corn stalks can be bent.. run over, even.. and stand back up. I thought it was odd, then he pointed out that grass does the same. That is even more odd.
I'm sure I seem childish, but have you ever really stopped to think about things? There are fascinating things all around. Nature is certainly very fascinating.. . but mankind's inventions? Wow. Sure, you can explain to me how something works.. . by using words to tell me terminology and that this long word makes this other thing turn.. . and I'll understand.. . but how can you really explain things?
It's not even how that I'm concerned with. It's why. "Why?" is a very difficult question to answer. Sure, you can tell me how something happens, but can you tell me why? .. .
I could expand on this, but I need to clean.
:)
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(What are you thinking?)
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| Monday, July 15th, 2002
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12:21 am
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| Friday, July 12th, 2002
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10:19 am
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opalia
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electronics
cells, blood cells, body repair
technology
the human mind
meteorology
engines, machinery
antibacterial soap
medicine
childbirth
body growth
learning
intelligence
paved streets
highrises, skyscrapers
film, tv, radio, internet
cellular, satellite
rockets, jets, planes
vehicles
dump trucks, landfills
pollution
oceans, seas, lakes
life under water
ecosystems, coral reefs
adaptaion, evolution
.. .
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(What are you thinking?)
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| Saturday, June 29th, 2002
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10:50 pm - the unlisted phone numbers
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| Wednesday, June 26th, 2002
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1:49 am - lucious lips of a whisper
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perrog
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...
these ignorant pieces of time.
locked away within everybody's body.
do you remember these times?
i do.
i remember the last silence before the break.
i remember the last look before the return.
do you remember being happy?
i do.
i do.
i am.
you are?
or do you question, for does this book not thrive on the theme of this persuit...these few moments in space, when the two axis collide. Maybe that's what happiness is.
because a butterfly flapped it's wings in japan,
there was a tornado in texas.
never forget the chaos of nature...
or these...moments...
will be less...
frequent...
...
..
.
current mood: curling lips
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(1 irrational thought | What are you thinking?)
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12:34 am - when the aches and pains of truth are too much to bear.. .
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opalia
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.i have cried:
while watching movies, listening to songs, reading books and/or poetry.
.i cried once while standing outside of the choir room @ the college.. listening to some people sing..
.i cry when things aren't going quite right.
.i cry when i think of how badly i've messed up.. .
.i cry sometimes because i feel sorry for people.
.i cry when i think of how unfortunate i am. i cry when i think of how fortunate i am.
.i cried once while making love. perhaps twice.
.sometimes i wake up crying.
.occasionally, i cry for no apparant reason.
.i cry every once in a while when i think of moving in august.
.i cry when i see a hurt and/or dying animal.
.i cried when i killed an insect a few weeks ago.
.i cry when i see others crying. sometimes.
.i cry when i think that one day we'll die.
.i cry because im an atheist.
.i cry for several other reasons.
...i laugh occasionally. i smile often...
he makes me happy; she makes me happy; they make me happy.
if only i could make myself happy.. . longer than temporarily.. .
current mood: .. .
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(2 irrational thoughts | What are you thinking?)
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| Tuesday, June 18th, 2002
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2:32 am
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| Thursday, June 13th, 2002
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1:39 am - Hope now, but hope no more.
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opalia
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I tear at my own body
and you smile
I chew away my skin
and you grin
I barely make it through
the daily agonies
and you laugh
I scream inside
and dwell and ache
and suffer and ..
I may survive.
I once had high hopes.
Once, I could have sworn
that I would be all right
and that the world
could not take away my presence.
Once, I was forever,
and forever waltzing
through fields of flowers.
No more, but perhaps again.. .
and I can only hope - no more.
current mood: just feel like rambling.
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(9 irrational thoughts | What are you thinking?)
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12:41 am
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opalia
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I keep having dreams while I am.. not sleeping. They're not exactly daydreams, however. Hm. Yah.
current mood:  thoughtful
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(What are you thinking?)
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| Thursday, June 6th, 2002
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8:45 pm - Ok.. I thought that perhaps we could do the continuation thing.. . I'll start. :)
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| Wednesday, June 5th, 2002
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12:29 am - I tip-toe down...
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mathgeek
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I'm just showing Jess that I joined. *smiles* I have things to complain about...but not tonight. I'm not angry enough.
current mood:  sleepy
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(What are you thinking?)
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2:29 pm
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opalia
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Beautiful.
What is
beautiful?
A presense
that floods
the senses
and sends
your system
into overload.
A butterfly
perched on
your fingertip.
Illumination.
The moon and stars
slow-dancing
all night long
without a care
in the universe.
Nature.
Discovering a kiss
that feels absolutely
natural.
Love.
Love is beautiful
if it is true.
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(What are you thinking?)
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2:30 am - Calling all cars.. .
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opalia
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Ok.. so.. this is a place to post poetry, ramblings, writings, etc. .. or have discussions or debates or whatever.. :) You guys had BEST post! Or else. :)
-Jess.
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(What are you thinking?)
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crushed
curious