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mood

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depressed

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God DAMMIT.

First Dad..

Now my mom has lung and brain cancer.

Don't ask questions. No pity.

just letting you guys know.

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mood

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out right distraught.

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I don't want to believe this. Not one freaking bit.

My father passed away yesterday. Knowing that my father is never coming home and is never gonna call me again is just a pain I won't be able to fully recover from.

I miss him so much... >3

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mood

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depressed

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Ok, guys.

Serious business.

No. REALLY. As of late it seems life has been spiraling for the worst. Minus the fact that my boyfriend is wonderful and I can't wait to see him. But- my family has run into financial trouble and it's scary as fuck since the main source of income has to stop working. Mainly that main source being my Dad. He was the only person who had a job fitting to pay for a house such as the one I reside in now. Well- my poor father, in his 60's, has worked himself to bones and blood just to support all of us and our way of living. I've been nothing than a spoiled bratty daughter. I mean- Sure I'm a nice girl. I just wish I had participated more. Gave back to my dad since he gave so much to me. Did something to help around the house or something-

Yes. Yes. I know what you're thinking while you read this- WOW YOU SELFISH LITTLE BITCH. Yeah I know- But you know what. As much as it seems selfish for me to be saying OH WHAAA MY LIFE IS GOING TO HELL BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE MONNEYYY- The reason I say this is because I never knew what it was like without money. So it's a HUGE thing. I can understand people are like I'D KILL TO HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE. It makes me feel bad. But- it's not like it was my choice to HAVE this money or be in a family that spoiled me. I just wish it didn't have to come down to the point where it comes to an abrupt and screeching halt.

But, as much as I brought up the fact of money, this doesn't have to do with us being poor. It's the fact my dad's in the hospital, immobilized, coughing, sitting there having blood transfused- We don't even know what the hell is WRONG with him. I'm scared out of my damned mind. I've been spending over a week crying about him. I'm now visiting him every day hoping it'll help brighten up his days in the hospital. My poor father. He seemed invincible to me- Unable to break. But- He got sick.. (supposedly mono) and he was sick for over a month. Then, I leave for a while, Dad goes on a trip for his work. I come back with Danny and find out my dad is reaaaallllyyy reeeeaaallllyyy sick to the point where he had collapsed in the hotel he was staying at. My mom, brother, and his girlfriend went to baltimore to pick him up. One of the, probably, scariest nights of my life. But- just about, say, a few nights/days later, he ended up being carted off to the hospital by ambulance. I was practically horrified. I was really upset that Danny had to see this as well. Especially when it was just us trying to be happy. He was really upset seeing me being all depressed all week, me randomly bursting into tears because I was frusterated. This break deffinately was not my best.

In all honesty. I just want my dad to get better. I don't want him to work anymore. I'll live in a tiny ass apartment. Sell half of my shit. I don't need everything I have. I- just don't want to have to see my dad suffer after all he's done for us. I don't want him to pass on. It's not time yet. I want him to see that I'm going to be ok. I want to pass with B's and A's this semester at college. I want to go searching for jobs. I want to show i'm going to be strong.

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mood

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ecstatic

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Well!

It yesterday was an adventure.

So- My boyfriend missed his train, by like- a minute, so he took a greyhound bus (which he swears, 'NEVER AGAIN'). But anyways, It's early, and he's sleepin' upstairs ^0^. I'm not gonna do an organized post. It's gonna totally just be me rambling. Because I'm a CRAAAZZZY bitch. XD But anyways, Yeah. At least he's here. He'll be here till' tomorrow. Oh well- we'll make use of all the time we have here. <3 We're supposed to go to the mall later- So at like. 10.. I'm gonna wake him up. :D

Just wanted to check in LJ!

^0^

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mood

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ecstatic

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I'm feeling a lot better now.

I don't have to worry about feeling sad or making someone sad anymore.

I took the initiative and broke up with my girlfriend. I couldn't take it anymore. In between the stress and the distance. I felt it was time to end it. Almost 3 months of no contact. I understand she was busy,


But- Now, I recently got back from a convention. It was so much fun-

I even found my new boyfriend. <3<3

I'm sure this will last a long time<3

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mood

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awake

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Oi. It sounds dumb of me to say it as if it's gonna be some new experience. I mean, it's like growing to be another year older. You get there and you're like, well? I don't feel any different. So Yeah. Here I am sitting on my ass doing nothing like I've been doing for the past 10 years of my life maybe? I sound pretty irritated don't I? well My mom's been up to being her craaazzy bitch self. She keeps bitching at me to get a real Job. I know I have to get one. But first I want to find one. -facepalm- Plus the fact she keeps bringing up my actual biological mother. I don't LIKE talking about her. She makes me like, extremely uncomfortable. BUT-.. In other news. I totally freakin' adore my EVA cosplay, plus I got my Mauser for it finally. AND as many may be able to tell (if anyone reaallly cares) I changed my layout :> MGS3 is love. Speaking of MGS I'm gonna go do that No alert run for MGS4

FOR STTEEAALLTTH CAAMOOO!

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mood

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chipper

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EPICS YES. EPICS



QUITE EPIC :D -happydesu-

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mood

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annoyed

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It's been said before that I rarely use this. (almost never) I really need to start again. I feel so dumb XD;

WELLLL~~ anyways.... I'm gonna start using this more.. For like posting my day, kinda like Grace is doing on hers. (only a few people will know what I mean.)

But yeah-

Today was generally good... Minus the factor of my math test coming up tomorrow. I understand most of the stuff, it's just i'm having trouble with the fine details. But whatever- Here was my day practically.