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Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
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5:03 pm - Blog update
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| Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
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7:30 pm - Syndication of Geneen's blog.
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| Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
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1:04 pm - eating as distraction
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urbanekitty
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The conscious eating is really difficult. I am becoming aware of how much I use food to distract myself. I don't know how or when I became so alienated from my inner world - but I think this will be the valuable gift that conscious eating gives to me - a relationship with myself again. It is funny how much time I have spend wanting to be thin again - while the quality of my life and personal relationships have been in such a sorry state. For me, the body has usually been easier to fix (temporarily) than mustering the courage to really see the problems in my life and take responsiblity for the risks and painful feelings involved in changing them. It is nice to have a place to post this. Thanks.
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(comment on this)
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12:00 am - intuitive eating
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urbanekitty
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intuitive eating
Why have so many anti-diet and intuitive eating communities stopped posting? It is so much easier to live in the fantasy of thin than to accept the good and bad of the here and now. I am trying to learn how to eat by the eating guidelines outlined in Geneen Roth's books...and to live bravely and with feeling. The food is an escape and I want to find another way to nuture myself. How is everyone else doing...anyone finding success...serenity, self-acceptance, self-discovery these days? X-posted to all the anti-diet communities I know.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, February 21st, 2005
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4:32 pm - guilt from the WW lady
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emw
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I had my baby almost three weeks ago -- Athena Rebecca is lovely and perfect and the light of my life (along with her big brother SammyT). Today I'm at the grocery store, and I run into the Weight Watchers leader for our area. After chatting about the baby, etc. she says, "Come back and see us whenever you're ready." She says this as she's backing away and looking me up and down. Gah!
I was really out of the dieting mode before I got pg, and I ate what I wanted while pg. I did not, however, eat in an "aware" fashion -- I did a lot of emotional eating and "just because I'm pregnant" eating. I gained a lot of weight, just like with my first child. I am planning to focus more on the emotional aspects of eating, not go back to a "plan" like WW. It just galled me that she obviously thought I needed and wanted to lose weight. What if I said I was happy with my current size and no longer had need of WW?
Anyway, how is everyone else doing?
Beth
current mood:  annoyed
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
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10:15 pm - hi, i am new!
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deadalready_
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i just read "breaking free from compulsive eating" on thursday and i have been rereading certain passages nightly. the first day i did well, mostly because i wasn't really at home too much. but on the other days, i will eat my nice breakfast, and my nice lunch, and my nice dinner, and then i will binge even though i am not hungry at night. i will eat things that i really want. today, for example, right after a satisfying dinner of french fries, i felt full (let's say an 7-8 on the scale). but then i really wanted the chocolate pudding, so i had that. then i really wanted the chocolate chip cookies, so i had some of those. and then some strawberries. i wanted all those things, but i wasn't hungry for all of them.
also, i have a problem figuring out exactly what i want when i am hungry. does anyone have this problem? like, i will think, oh i want the pot pie and make it, but then i don't want it. so i think some more and i will want the bread, and i will eat it, but then i am not satisfied after and want something else even though i am full.
lastly, what about being hungry when you can't eat. three days a week, i work for eight hours. at breakfast, i am not hungry, but i eat anyway because i know that i will not have time to eat at work at all. i don't have a break and it's a restaurant job, so i am constantly busy. when i a come home, i am very hungry, but i can't decide what i want. nothing really hums to me, but many things beckon.
thank you so much for reading this. if you have any imput, please comment. ;)
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, June 21st, 2004
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8:32 pm
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_viva_emptiness
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How is it that I can be losing weight, according to the scale and the comments from my friends, but I feel like a bloated cow? I'll even catch glimpses of my reflection and see that I am not fat and gross, though still overweight, and can't understand why my mind says that I am.
Odd.
It's also weird to be losing weight and not trying to and eating anything I want. Anything! Maybe because I am not obsessed with the diet mentality, my mind doesn't know how to react to the physical changes. And if I am used to projecting other types of insecurities onto my physical-self-image, I guess it would make sense. I have certainly been feeling insecure, but it's a general malaise funneled into body image. Feeling insecure for no apparent reason really sucks. :-( At least it's subsiding.
current mood:  confused
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, March 29th, 2004
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5:30 am - Eating Habits
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_viva_emptiness
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In the last week I've been journaling how I feel before I eat, then after I eat, noting what I ate and where, and how I feel afterwards. This has been a very stressful time for me with a buch of work bullshit and I found myself disconnecting from myself, as I often do when I am feeling overwhelmed. I told myself I wouldn't eat when I was feeling like this, because I really can't feel anything, so how can I determine if I am hungry or full or anything else?
I realized that so many times in my disconnection/haziness in the past, eating was the only thing I could feel anything about. Taste seemed to be the only sensation that could get through, and even then it's almost unrecognizable. It didn't help me get any closer to how I was feeling, but at least for the few minutes I was eating, I didn't have to think about how out of it I was feeling and could think about whatever it was I was eating. And not just anything - something sweet seemed to cut through the numbness better than anything else.
Journaling about my eating habits has been kind of a pain, but I think ultimately worthwhile. I don't intend to do it forever, but it's making me more aware - which I always love. Awareness has been the key to my making drastic changes in my (self-destructive) behaviors over the years. So yay for that.
Interestingly, my 3rd reading of Breaking Free is going verrrry sloooowly. hehe I just haven't been in the mindset to journey that deep, but I think I need to pick it up again before bed this morning. :-)
current mood:  okay
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 27th, 2004
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10:44 pm - the evil scale
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emw
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I'm having a lot of trouble staying away from the scale. Not that I weigh myself compulsively many times a day, but generally once in the morning and sometimes before bed. My husband, who never used to weigh himself at all, has started this habit now too. He's been losing weight since November - South Beach Diet - and loves to see those numbers move.
I've started telling myself just before I get on the scale, "doesn't matter." I think this helps a bit. I'm up a few pounds this week, after losing five pounds the week I read "Breaking Free" for the first time. I *know* I need to put the scale away. But I'm still checking in with Weight Watchers once a week, because I just can't let it go when I'm only 2.5lbs away from my goal. So I'm not really over the whole scale thing.
I know what I need to do (don't we all?) but I haven't mustered the courage to make it happen. Do you think I'll feel good when I finally do it, or scared? Or both?
current mood: curious
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 22nd, 2004
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8:07 pm - glad to be here
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emw
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Thanks for the invite. I am jealous of those who have been to GR's workshops. Several of my friends (in different parts of the country) want to go to one. I would love to also, but I'm planning to get knocked up in the next few months and I don't think I would get as much out of it if I did it while preggo. Something to look forward to down the road.
About me: I'm 38, married, one glorious child - Samuel Thelonious, b. 8/1/02. Weight issues all my life, culminating in highest weight ever on my honeymoon 4 years ago. Been on all the diets: nutrisystem, WW, South Beach. I read Appetites many years ago, but mostly forgot about it until recently. A few weeks ago I picked up Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating and oh! what a wonderful week I had while reading it. After the deprivation of SBD and WW, it was heaven to listen to my body and feed it what it asked for. I actually ate very little, and the hardest part was sitting quietly at the table while eating. I slipped a bit this past week, wasn't as present with myself and my food/hunger. I started reading Breaking Free again last night.
I would love to have a supportive community that is about positive change, taking responsibility for ourselves and nourishing ourselves. So many of the women I've met with eating disorders have had such horrific lives - abusive childhood, abusive relationships, etc. I think I'm a pretty normal/average person; I eat compulsively sometimes and I am stuck in a perpetual diet mentality. I am ready to break free of that, and I hope this group can help support me in that effort.
Again, thanks for being here.
current mood:  hopeful
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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6:47 pm
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_viva_emptiness
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Today I started my third reading of "Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating." This time I am going to do all of the exercises, not pick and choose. I should add I finished my second reading this morning. I've been following the eating guidelines for a few months now and am having the most trouble with eating what I want. I'm noticing it makes me anxious. I am so used to knowing what I am "allowed" to eat, that having the freedom to choose anything is scary. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to do something if I might do it wrong. If I do it wrong, someone might notice me. I'd rather just blend in and not havea lot of attention paid to me. If I do something right or good or succeed at something I don't need a lot of praise or attention. My own praise is usually good enough.
I can now eat anything without feeling guility or obsessing about it after, which is incredibly relieving! Even if I ate it when I wasn't hungry or ended up eating past being full. I've subsequently freed up some space in my brain..hehe. And though it was hard at first, I prefer eating all meals and snacks sitting at a table with no distractions. That's been a 28 year habit to break.
As far as eating what I want, I'm going to have to try and pay extra close attention to what I am hungry for and why. After several years on a low carb diet I've found myself gravitating towards sandwhiches and potatoes and french fries, so I think my mind is craving based on deprivation.
All thoughts/comments welcome!
current mood: okay
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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12:54 pm - *waves*
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wunderwesen
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Hiya!
Thank you so much for inviting me to this group.
To tell you a little about myself: I'm 27 years old. I was born in Germany but moved to Sweden about 2 years ago, because my girlfriend lives here, and I get more money for my job (I'm a physician.).
About 3 or 4 years ago, I was a regular Weight Watchers freak. I've always been a "little" overweight - the usual 10 to 20 kilos. I lost 20 kilos once when I was 14, after that I stabilized at a weight that was very comfortable to me, and which I could hold without any food restrictions. That, to me, is still my natural weight - it felt most right.
Then I started studying, and moving out and everything, and I put on weight again. I went to Weight Watchers and lost about 20 kilos, meaning I had an ideal weight and looked totally stunning.
But... surprise! Life still sucked. After my weigh-ins I binged, because the I only had to start writing down what I ate the next morning, so, tha tnight, I could eat what I wanted. Granted, I could buy gorgeous clothes, but I couldn't decide if that gladdened or scared me.
At some point, I asked myself if I wanted to count points my entire life.
Well, no. Who'd want to?
I surfed around a bit and found Overcoming Overeating. It was like a revelation. I found an absolutely awesome mailing list with wise, loving women on it and started the program.
Of course I gained back the weight I had lost, and it may have been one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Not that I felt that bad about myself, but of course everyone I knew, especially my family, was cheering for me and patting me on the head, saying what a good girl I was, when I was dieting. That is still the only time I can remember that I got positive feedback about my body.
While I was doing OO, I also discovered Geneen Roth. And while OO appeals to my scientific/medical attitude, Geneen quickly stole my heart. I cried over her books, and hers are the ones I read when I feel down and need reassurance.
In the last months I've founf myself eating *loads* of chocolate again, which I haven't been doing in a long time. I don't know why. I'm feeling very out of control, and it's very, very hard not to beat myself up about it. I try to think OO-ish: Bad Body Thoughts are never about your body. It's still hard to. Mostly because right now, I'm not so much worried about my looks (I'm quite gorgeous actually *LOL*) but my health. I want that BMI to be 25 dammit. *sigh*
Anyway, I hope to find some friends here :-)
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 21st, 2004
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10:58 pm - Is this thing on?
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_viva_emptiness
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First entry! Woo!
I decided to start this community because I spend an awful lot of time online at work and use Live Journal to keep in touch with my friends. With the hundreds of communities for dieting and eating disorders, I didn't see any relating to Geneen Roth and the eating guidelines. So here it is. Hopefully I won't be the only one using this. ;-)
A little about me...
I'm 28 and came across one of Geneen's books in the 90's. I devoured all of them and tried to apply the guidelines, but still had a lot of work to do on myself before I could really understand, apply a lot of it, and work on and through the issues that made me turn to food to begin with. After basically hitting rock bottom with my lifestyle, relationships and an eating disorder, I picked up "Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating" again in the winter of 2003. I've been overweight since I was about 5 years old and have been on and off diets most of my life. I would have to say that I fit the description she gave of a "Restrictor" and have been struggling with figuring out what I want to eat since I am used to knowing only what I can and can't eat on whatever program I am on the last one being Suzanne Somers "Somersizing" - a less insane take on the whole high protein/low carb thing). But I have been following all of the guidelines regardless of the struggles and learning as I go, not expecting perfection (which is hard for me!) but just letting things work themselves out. I trust this. It makes too much sense to not work, so I am just learning as I go.
I was fortunate enough to attend Geneen's recent workshop (3/12-13 in San Francisco) and extend the first invitation of joining this community to some of the others who attended that weekend. Of course, all are welcome to join!
Ideally, the members of this community will be here for support through shared and individual experience and gentle reminders of Geneen's wisdom and guidelines as we learn to break free!
current mood:  good
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(comment on this)
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