Aulds, Great Western Road
Man: Erm..do you have erm..like coffee?

Lady behind counter: Coffee?

Man: No..no

Lady: Tea?

Man: No..the other one.

Lady: Umm...cappuccino?

Man: Aye that.



Anyway. A late merry Christmas and happy New Year to all comm members. We've been a bit quiet recently, and I've noticed that Facebook has a group along the same lines here;

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=wall&ref=search&gid=63326661251

Feel free to fuck off there if you fancy! If you would like to straddle both venues like an internet colossus, that is fine too. A bit of community promo mentioning this place in your own journal or other related communities might be a good wee shot in the arm if any of you fancy doing that. It'd be nice to keep this thing ticking over..

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I just remembered this from a couple of years ago...
...when I was still at college. I heard this one whilst standing outside the front entrance to the building:

Security Guard (speaking to all the smokers gathered at the doors): Could youse all step away from the doors, please!

Beauty student who'd just walked past him (total ned): Want tae no shout in ma ear!

Security Guard: Want tae no walk under ma mooth!

Current Mood: tired

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pure dead brilliant
In the cinema on Sunday night, watching 'Jennifer's Body' - during the scene where Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried kiss - a ned sitting up the back came out with this little beauty:

"Ah'm gawin tae cum!"

Current Mood: ill

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Kelvinbridge subway

'J'aime le cancer, j'adore le cancer.... JE SUIS LE CANCER!'

(Translation: I like cancer, I love cancer... I AM CANCER!)

as spoken by my friend who smokes ALL THE TIME, after picking up a fag end off the ground that she'd just dropped and continuing to smoke it.

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remembered from a few weeks back
During the Merchant City fesitval, at a French market on the Candleriggs.

Customer: "Whit's yer name pal?"
French stallholder: "I am sorry, my English is not good"
Customer: "Aye ah ken! ECOSSE!"

Nice.

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9.15am Train From Central Station
American teenager sitting with his chum has just said "Oh my gosh! I cant believe that I've now been to all the major cities in Scotland now.....EVEN Paisley!"

Current Mood: amused

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Buchanan Street

"What we need to do is, we get that lassie, put her on your bed, and buy her a nice one."
"Buy her one?"
"Buy, give, what's the difference?"

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Pub on Sauchiehall Street:

'My dad is Grace Jones.'

and better

'Ganesh is a god...like Ozzy Osbourne.'

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Kelvinhaugh Place:

'I've got mystery wetness on me.'

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Cafe:

'I'm telling you as a friend: swallow. Swallow and enjoy it.'

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Byres Rd:

'I WANT A PILLOW! I'm very disappointed!'

Further along Byres Rd:

'...At least you're not fucking your mother.'

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Different pub on Sauchiehall Street, Friday night. Two fellas are sitting together, clearly on a date. My friend, hereafter X, starts drunkenly coming on to one of them.
 

X:   Don't you fancy me? You've been giving me the eye

man:   I haven't.

X:   You have! You've been giving me the eye all night!

man:   I haven't been gving you the eye,

X:   Why not?!

man:   I'm gay.

X:   You like men?

man (poor man):   Yes.

X:   I'm quite flat chested, why can't you just pretend?!

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Women's toilets, Friday night, pub on Sauchiehall Street.

cubicle 1:   I can't pull up my trousers!

cubicle 2:   ...You're not wearing any trousers.

cubicle 1:   You're such a good friend!

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While walking back to someone's flat in Kelvinhaugh, we (six girls) came across two charming gentlemen on the other side of the street who proclaimed the legend:

'YE WANNAE GET BENT OVER THE BONNET OF MAH CAR?'

with accompanying motions.

And they say romance is dead...

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I was visiting Glasgow at the start of the month (from Dublin) and a few of us were walking down Argyle St about 10.30 on a Friday night - two guys, two girls. As we were overtaking another two girls we hear a shout from across street - "Here lookit those four lassies wi them two fellys, here ye wanna be goin wi me doll - AH CAN LICK MAH OWN EYEBROWS!"

That got a belly laugh out of us :)

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On argyle street, outside M&S
Two young girls of dubious fashion sense pushing an empty pram, leeringly to an equally sketchily clad young man walking the other way: "You wanna give me something to put in it?", gesturing to pram.

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On train at Partick
Father to toddler: Are you sad? Are you suicide sad?

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Just remembered about this one I overheard a couple of weeks ago...
I went out with my friend to The Ark and I was in the (female) toilets washing my hands when all I heard was the sound of the bathroom door swinging open and then a man's voice shouting, "OOPS. . .WRANG WAN!"

Current Mood: hungover

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Not strictly overheard...
Just had a guy come round to do an electricity survey on our flat. He was chatting about how he used a landlord key to access a house once and was surprised to be greeted with a 'stark bollock naked man'. I cooed sympathetically and he added 'just my luck not to bump into a stark bollock naked woman'.

Hmmm.

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Overheard at Hillhead
'Aye he's got hauns like wee shovels and this big..odd..head.'

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