So, yesterday afternoon might have been one of the most entertaining times babysitting ever. Sara (Fiona's mum) was going out of town on a business trip, so I had to drive her to Logan. We take her car since that's where the car seat is and then grab her keys. As we pull up to the airport, she takes the house keys off the car key keychain and leaves. I drive back to their house with baby in tow. I'm thinking, might be nice to pick up some food and swing by my house & surprise bad_influence. But I don't know when Marcin will be home, so I might as well head to their house. As I get off the highway, I realize that I managed to leave my set of keys in their house.

Luckily bad_influence was home, so I just came to the house and watched fiona & the cats interact for an hour. which was rather hilarious. they didn't know what to do with her and she didn't know what to do with them. It was kind of hilarious. I also realized that since my backpack was at their house, I didn't have any baby toys, diapers, etc with me (yes, I always have emergency babykit in my backpack. It makes sense. )

Harley didn't know what to make of Fiona and Fiona was just beyond confused at this furry thing that was moving and making noise. It was a bit hilarious.

Anyways, just an interlude from my non-hds life or what passes for it.

Even though harvard doesn't have monday off, I managed to get it off since both my cousins have it off so they're going on a weekend road trip. Which means I can actually do school work this monday instead of being amused by a nine month old.

Today, however, has been a productive weekend day. I chatted with some old friends early in the morning, made a huge dent in my cleaning to-do list, made a real lunch (bigos type stew), and then went furniture shopping. My cheap dresser that I bought from Target three years ago has finally bit the dust - with the particle board drawers giving out multiple times and now being beyond repair. I was really hoping to find a dresser with real wood drawers. I had thought about the Mill Stores option, but at the last moment decided to go hit some of the antique shops / consignment shops in Somerville first.

our first stop was so-so, then we got detoured by barefoot books where I bought many thinks for many babies/children in my life at their sale. The second shop was great for unique kitchen things (and I bumped into two of my TFs - i'm wondering if they're dating - of course, yesterday I bumped into my advisor at a coffee shop.. worlds colliding... ). Third stop was the charm. This great shop, Consignment galleries in Davis Square had a great selection of furniture, linens, and accessories. Linens! Gorgeous lace tablecloths that make me yearn for a separate dining room. I ended up getting this dresser which just seemed to have the right amount of character, personality, and good construction. bad_influence's comment was 'it looks like it belongs on a ship'. Which of course meant I loved it more. There were three great dressers there that I loved, but this one just seemed like the best for me. They'll deliver it tomorrow since I didn't think it would fit in the car. :) i look forward to my precious.

Came home and decided that in honor of roommate bonding time to cook a proper dinner - so we had rack of lamb with a rosemary/sage rub, rosemary & parmesan sweet potato fries and french cut green beans. I'm not sure if the wine added to the lamb marinade lessened the flavor. It was still good, but not my piece de resistance. I think my soy-citrus lamb is probably better.

Now we've returned to the Doctor Who marathon. Ideally I'd like to do some more cleaning & reading today, but it's been productive enough, so I really can't complain. Time for homemade chocolate cheesecake for dessert.

I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing to be reading books about self-care, burnout, and breakdowns right now. I mean, some of it hits rather close to home. At least I see my shrink tomorrow and my spiritual director tomorrow. Hopefully there will be some discernment between that and prayer and journalling.

In other news, Kiba chirps when he hunts.

Yet again, life imitates RP. Or vice versa. I'm never sure which way it goes.

Also, I am loving Little Mosque on the Prairie. Maybe a bit too much.

I guess the good part of everything that's been going on since Friday night is that I've been praying more. I suppose it makes sense, it's still odd. Jak trwoga to do Boga, as they say in Polish. (In hard times, [all] turn to God.) Part of me wishes I was sleeping more, but you can't have everything.

I've also been cooking and reading and doing minor little chores and projects. It's a matter of wanting to accomplish things.

Yesterday at the church office I spotted an old mistletoe bear. I had quite a few editions of these as a child and when I started going to camp in 1988 at age 6, it's what i took with me because he would survive the northern woods better than my doll. And the American thing to do was to bring a teddy/stuffed animal, not a doll. Plus, Misiu, as he was known, could go in the wash. I think he came to IMSA, but I don't think he made it to Smith. And now he's up in the attic bedroom at my parents house and last night I just became so homesick for him. It's rather nonsensical, but all I wanted was my Misiu to snuggle with.

Starting at Smith, I've grown a wide collection of stuffed animals once again, and I have my favorite doll in the condo still, but they're more for display and sentimentality than anything else.

I am a northerner.

The fact that there was snow falling (and not sticking) on my way to church, I started squeeing. I squeed more when it started to stick to cars on the way home. It's bad that the first snow gets me so gleeful.

traumerin and naamah slept over at the condo last night because of their heating problems. Had a lovely breakfast today of proscuitto & feta scrambled eggs and then lox for supper. And hot cocoa after I came home. Tasty tasty.

Funny how food and friends and good company can do wonders for my mood & mental state.

Taking things one day at a time and trying to focus on academics. (The latter starting tomorrow).

But anyways, snow!!

Well, the fallout of coming out to my parents has started.

I'm doing my best to maintain control of the situation and not allow them to bully me, but it's rough.

I'm upset that because of what happened with them last night-today, I wasn't able to go to the Homosexuality and the Anglican Schism conference at Yale.

I'm scared and creating numerous contingency plans.

Today was the Noon Service led by Faith for All at HDS. As head of that this year, that meant I got to plan the liturgy and ended up doing a dance to "See Me" from Bare: A Pop Opera (lyrics mp3 on amazon). After first I was completely gungho about this, but then as emotional stuff started to creep up on me, I just didn't have the time to choreograph it as well as i'd like and people weren't responding to my requests for help in choreography. And then after the weekend, I was really tempted to pull out and not go forth with the dance.

At the last minute I decided to stick with it. I'd mailed the letter to my parents and this was sort of the personal aspect of coming out. The song is so wrought with emotion for me - it's hard for me not to cry when I hear it - and dancing was, in a way, part of the healing process. There was excellent feedback on it too. A woman came up to me afterward and said that I managed to convey the experience of her son coming out to her. That was about the best response I could ask for. The feedback was great, and it felt good to dance. I have to start going to the weekly dance stuff on Tuesdays at HDS. I need that in my life.

A few people commented that the dance served the place of the sermon and perhaps it did in a way. It was certainly personal. This of course led to a friend challenging me to do a dance for the Billings Preaching competition at HDS. We'll see. It's a challenge to shake up the Billings preaching competition, which I tried to do last year with preaching on the relevance of Christ's erections in Augustine.

So, yes, Happy Coming Out Week, People. In the words of a certain Admiral - Damn the Torpedoes, Full Speed Ahead.

-attending an event last night on 'transmasculine journeys' at SLAM and it was so good. Affirming, emotional, tear jerking, and what I needed.
-my advisor did not hold back punches today and made me face up to some things. hard. oh so hard. but unfortunately, he's right about them.
-bingblot comes today for the weekend!
-Need a thesis proposal by Sunday night as well as a sermon for Sunday since I'm preaching at 5pm at SLAM.
-otherwise, life is good, i am healthy (finally), and stuff is happening.

Which is basically my weekend in a nutshell.

Baked a cake for the chaplain. And it worked! Cakes aren't really my forte, and I wasn't sure why. But this time it worked successfully. I baked the layers in separate cake pans, which meant I didn't have to cut layers in half. I usually frost cakes too soon, but this time I let it sit/cool overnight. And then I forced myself to be patient in the making of the chocolate ganache. So why weren't cakes my forte? Because I lacked patience. I feel there's an analogy for something bigger in there.

Anyways, friday night bad_influence and I went down to Providence to see Young Frankenstein. The three leads were the same who originated the roles on Broadway and it was phenomenal. Plus, how can you dislike a Mel Brooks musical? It was funny, the costumes were great and heavily Polish influenced costumes for the Transylvanian villagers. :)

Saturday drove to NYC for the NY Film Festival and the Tatarak/Sweet Rush premiere. Stayed with labellelabete and it was great fun as always to see her. She joked that we see each other more now than ever, with her living in NYC and me being in Boston. It's funny, but multiple visits to New York reinforce its distinctive character as a city to me and while I think there's many great things about it, I think it'd be too exhausting for me to live there. Not sure I really want to be a big city person - but it is nice to visit.

The movie premiere was great fun, the film was deep and avant garde and very characteristic Andrzej Wajda - it reminded me of some of his trippier stuff. There was family lunch before the movie, and then bars and late dinner afterwards and then more drinks. It was more social than I've been in months - or just a different kind of social, perhaps. Very odd and unusual. It was lots of fun, involved me digging out my French at the bar and meeting a cute South African actor and some cool South Indian guys. (Which made me think of certain rp chars).

Sunday was an early brunch and then driving back to Boston. Managed to catch all three kitties and take them to church to get them blessed for the Feast of St. Francis. They managed to behave and were very good. So all three kitties are now blessed. Amusingly, Harley was a bit freaked out at first, but once I started doing the first reading, Harley calmed down to the sound of my voice. Very odd and heartwarming.

Today I've been off my game emotionally - weird and not sure if it's hormonal or what. Trying to balance self-care and to do lists. Not always easy.

Had a long talk with my mother tonight, which didn't go too badly. Came close to sharing some things, but didn't quite manage to. Will probably happen soon though. Anyways, time to enjoy some defragging.

sometimes i forget how necessary vacation is.

we arrived in ithaca last night, ended up having a delicious dinner at a restaurant that was exactly what one of my rpg chars thought up. :)

today was spent on a vineyard/wineries tour of the cayuga lake region. some winners, some losers, but a great day full of silliness and fun. (and perhaps a bit of amusement at those friends of mine with lower tolerances than me).

the night was capped with a free concert in the state park on the lake. irish folk band ftw.

a great day. truly.