The Gaze Within

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  • Kafka’s THE Metamorphosis

    78 pages ONLY one might say … BUT its one of the heaviest books i have read. No doubt it is a remarkable book. The story has survived 111 years and is still relevant with all its observations of society, its dealing with mental illness, modern life, alienation and more. To succeed to have such an impact in a few pages is no small feat.

    The Metamorphosis tells the story of salesman Gregor Samsa, who wakes to find himself inexplicably transformed into a huge insect (German: ungeheueres Ungeziefer, lit. “monstrous vermin”) and struggles to adjust to this condition, as does his family.

    The heaviness the character feels after turning into a large insect? I felt it down to my bones. It got heavier by each page and by page 71 i felt wetness on my cheeks. I didn’t realize when i had started crying. Once I realized it, the water works became heavier and free. They flowed. I had to read it aloud so that I could make sense of what I was reading. Anger! I felt my heart breaking at the end of it. Contrary to my emotions, the characters on the paper were getting a release, they were experiencing freedom.

    Did Gregor go through the metamorphosis (the transformation) or is it the entire Samsa family? starting from almost silent, gangly, devoid of energies, they transform into this ambitious, hopeful of their personal future, cruel family who wants to complete their dreams, live a life at all costs. Their unhinged cruelty after a point in nauseating. When a human stops being the person (or the idea) people around them want them to be, the people go through a metamorphosis to become brutal.

    Gregor is literally stripped off the existence by the same people for whom he worked and dreamt nights and days tirelessly in a soul crushing job. Kafka instills the story with so many hidden meanings but the one that stayed with me is – humans have no regard to the creatures they view as lesser than them (including fellow humans even if they are their family).

    The Metamorphosis is often referred to as Kafka’s autobiographical book given his struggles with his mental illness, family expectations and his relationship with his father. As a reader you are forced to confront questions regarding your own relationships with work, identity and people, the superficiality and fragility of it all.

    “What Dante and Shakespeare were for their ages, Kafka is for ours.”- George Steiner

  • The Notebooks That Raised Me

    I journal. A lot. And I am obsessed with journals and stationary. Whenever my mother is visiting i have to hide it all because i know she is going to not take this obsession rightly. She doesn’t get it why i have to write so obsessively and what ! 

    Just a selfie after journaling outdoors in a shoot :))

    Little thoughts. Little doodles. Half sentences. Quotes I want to remember. Gratitude appearing every second paragraph as if it quietly insists on being there.

    Sometimes I write my wishes down as if a genie is secretly reading the pages.

    Journals of 2026

    I’ve been doing this since I was a child. Back then it was simply a notebook that followed me everywhere. A place where the world could land softly. Today my journals are small living spaces. 

    Inside the pages are pressed moments from everyday life. Some really special notes, cards, ticket stubs, even grocery list (i LOVE grocery shopping), and such precious stuff that don’t belong in drawers. 

    They belong in the journal.

    A page of the journal

    Words spill out and suddenly a drawing appears next to them. A flower. A face. A strange shape that probably came from a feeling I didn’t have words for.

    Someone once said,

    “We write to taste life twice.”

    I think journaling lets me taste it many times over. 

    Preserving a flower will preserve the moment? 🙂

    Sometimes I wonder if this is an introvert’s habit. A quiet conversation with oneself that runs parallel to the loud world outside.

    Maybe.

    But it doesn’t feel like isolation. It feels like company. 

    Everyday starts and ends with Shakespeare for me :))

    Excitement/ Confusion/ Gratitude lists/ my impossible wishes/ my tiny daily observations. Over the years they’ve become sort of memory box, an art studio, a confession booth and even a wish granting lamp. 

    Every time I open a fresh page, I still have the same feeling I had as a child — Anything might appear here.  

    📝✍🏽

    A moment in Ooty, after journaling OFCOURSE :))

    #simplepleasures #everydaymagic #journal #iwriterandomthingsaboutrandomthings #explore 

  • STORY TIME

    Some stories arrive quietly and start feeling bizzare with each second. 

    Over a cup of Sulemani chai at Prithvi Theatre.

    I was there for a show, sitting at the café, when a man walked up to me with a warm smile. I smiled back. At Prithvi this happens often — someone recognises me from a film or a project and we exchange a few kind words. I enjoy these little conversations.

    So I assumed it was one of those.

    But the conversation that followed was… different.

    “Hey Khushboo, how are hyou? How is your sister? Have you seen the recent films by Rohit Shetty? How is Harshad and Rucha? Are you still collecting the latest editor’s column? What are you writing these days? Where are you with your love poems?”

    Every answer I gave only made me more confused. And after almost ten minutes, it finally dawned on me.

    He had no idea I’m an actor.

    He knew me as Khushboo — the writer.

    Before acting school, before FTII , before films…

    I was a journalist working with DNA newspaper in Pune while pursuing my Master’s in English Literature at Fergusson College.

    Between classes and office, I used to blog. About everything. Thoughts, observations, poems, life — the way I now use Instagram or YouTube or my new BLOG space. 

    And this man… had been one of those readers. The blog had good readership count.

    More than ten years ago.

    I had shut that blog down the moment I entered FTII. Life became intense — classes, film screenings, student projects. I was the least experienced actor in the batch and I wanted to give everything to learning. I acted in 48 student films before I stopped counting other than the class activities.

    The blog quietly disappeared.

    But apparently… not from some people’s memories.

    In fact, even my husband Manoj has randomly met some of them at Prithvi Cafe.

    On second thoughts… are all my readers secretly meeting only at Prithvi? 😄

    Meeting him felt like a small message from the past. A reminder that words travel further than we imagine.

    It also left me with a lesson.

    Maybe we don’t always have to keep everything going at the same speed.

    We can pause. Slow down. Restart.

    But perhaps we shouldn’t erase things so quickly.

    DON’T HIT THE DELETE BUTTON.

    Time teaches.

    Be a good student Khushboo. 

    If you see another lesson hidden in this story, tell me.

    I’m reading.

    Ciao for now.

    Love,

    Khushboo ✨

  • Note to self: Step Aside, Life At Play

    Note to self: Step Aside, Life At Play

    There is a certain magic in surrendering, trusting, and truly living in the present moment. One can trust ‘whatever is happening is actually happening for good’, and life doesn’t require the constant check of whether everything is going right or as per the plan. ‘There is no plan’, that’s the plan. Stop interfering while life is playing its vivid games. Trust! It is all for your good.

    I filmed portions of my latest YouTube video on the night of the 31st December 2024, then tucked it away in my January folder and forgot about it. Life moved on, filled with travel and other moments.

    My drawing titled- ‘The Road To The Sun’

    Today, as I sat down to watch and edit the footage, something almost magical happened. The footage I had was of 31st night where we all were singing and ringing in the new year and the other collection was of a day (this week i.e. almost a month later) where I was saying each sentence of the day ‘musically’.

    View from my friend Neshu’s place

    I didn’t remember I had shot me and my friends singing. When I sat to edit, I thought let me just see the videos folder whether there are any videos I haven’t posted on the channel. And there were these clips of us all singing and playing UNO.

    ISKCON sent a birthday cake for Manoj’s Birthday 🙂

    Each clip fell into place effortlessly. Editing became a beautiful experience, and I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Even naming the video was simple—there was a common thread weaving through it all, uniting the footage in the most natural way.

    Remember this !

    I feel as though there is something greater, someone else gently holding the thread of my days, my moments, my life. I trust and surrender to that divine energy completely. Each moment is crafted so beautifully, with such grace, that I don’t want to disrupt it. My role is to play my part with full surrender, creativity, and presence. Don’t think how everything will align. It will align. It is destined to align.

    You Just BE. In The NOW.

    NOW is my life. NOW is the beauty.

    Here is the link to the new video updated on the channel,

  • First Travel of 2025

    First Travel of 2025

    Matheran, Maharashtra

    Our trip to Matheran for Manoj’s birthday was a splendid experience. The moment we arrived, we were embraced by the serenity of the red mud roads and the cool mountain breeze that whispered peace.

    We stayed at the Westend Hotel, and I must say, it was a delightful experience—everything from the hospitality to the quaint surroundings added to the charm of our stay. The natural beauty of Matheran combined with the warmth of the hotel made it feel like a true getaway.

    However, I cannot say the same about Agoda. My experience booking through them was nothing short of a disaster, and I will never use their services again. A lesson learnt !

    The highlight of our days was the hike we took up the hills. The fresh, crisp air and the birds of Matheran—oh, how they filled the air with their melodies!

    Nature really has a way of calming the mind.

    After the hike, we enjoyed a refreshing swim in the cold water of the hotel’s swimming pool, which was perfect for the afternoon heat. It was invigorating and truly a moment to soak in the natural beauty that surrounded us.

    Our morning trip started with a delicious breakfast at Shri Datta Vade Wale, where the vadas were crispy, hot, and served with love—nothing beats the simple joys of good food!

    For lunch, we treated ourselves to some Gaavran Chicken, an authentic local delicacy that was rich in flavor and made the whole experience even more special.

    We also took a ride on the Toy Train, and let me tell you, it was the cutest experience ever! The charm of the small, colorful train winding through the hills made us feel like we had stepped into a different world.

    Matheran Toy Train

    The Pisarnath Mandir offered a peaceful moment of reflection and calm, a perfect contrast to the excitement of the rest of the trip. The sunset points were spectacular—watching the sun dip below the horizon was a moment of pure bliss.

    Matheran has E-rickshaws to travel from main gate to the main market, making it incredibly easy to travel around. But what I loved most was the ability to walk freely around the town, feeling completely safe and at peace.

    At Charlotte Lake, Matheran

    It’s so safe to explore Matheran on foot, with no rush, no noise—just the sounds of nature and the occasional chatter of fellow travelers. The weather was absolutely perfect, with a cool breeze and sunny skies.

    And what was even better? The absence of any phone network. It gave us the freedom to disconnect, to just be in the moment and soak in the sights and sounds of nature. Sometimes, it’s exactly what you need to begin the year on the right note. This trip was a wonderful way to kick off the year.

    The blessings of our ShivaShakti made us feel deeply grateful. The memories we’ve made will stay with us, and I pray that this year brings us nothing but the best under their divine guidance.

    The video I posted today on YouTube Matheran Travelogue Part 1 and the one coming later blends our experience beautifully and creates a meaningful reflection of the trip.

    Let me know how do you like it … 

    ❤️

     Best,

    Khushboo

    🤗

    Hey I am on Instagram as The Dream Queen

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