RoSe's GaRdEn

I feel incredibly guilty for feeling so low - because Katie and Sam have had their baby and I thought I'd coped so well when I had my miscarriage, but I think the grief must have been tucked away somewhere because it's all come spilling out since Ebby's new little half sister was born yesterday. I couldn't controll my grief last night and couldn't stop crying, it became unbearable. I'm feeling a bit better today coz we have Ebony tonight, but now she's gone to bed I feel empty again.

Bob is working at 5am tomorrow so I'm gonna be getting Ebby up and dressed and fed in the morning, which I know will help me to feel like the mother I know I am.

What also pissed me off is that Ebby's stepdad Sam had posted on his facebook profile - "Ebony... my step daughter (BY LAW.. yes something to take into concideration there, the law - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) , she is pretty much a daughter to me as it stands, raising her and all". Obviously a dig at me.

That really hurt. I may not be married to Bob officially yet but I've known Ebby since she was 5 days old, looking after her since she was tiny, and bringing her up as my own, loving her no less than I would my own flesh and blood. Plus if it wasn't for me, Bob probably wouldn't have the bond that he has with Ebony (long story).

Of course, Bob was equally as pissed off when Sam's mother posted a picture of Ebony on her own facebook profile and referred to her as 'Ebony Ball'.. Her name is Hopkins and Bob is her dad, we have her here 4 days a week, she has her own bedroom here at our house, and whilst we've accepted that Sam is indeed a father figure to Ebby, it's certainly not right to use his name on her..

Maybe I'm just being daft.. I'm really emotional and I know we've only been trying for a baby since February, but it just seems like nobody deserves a baby more than we do. But untill then, my love for Ebony just grows more each day.

This short film is made for people who are close to someone who suffers with ME. As many of you know, I have advanced ME, and would appreciate if you could take the time to watch this video and pass it on to others for them to watch, to raise awareness of the illness.

I lost the baby yesterday.

I had a bleed today, and it was very painfull. I just got back from the doctors now and it's not looking good. I have to go back on Thursday and they're going to give me a scan. The doctor said it could be an implantation bleed and I'm not sure this is right. I still feel pregnant but it was like I had a period, then it's stopped again.
My head's all over the place. I'm really worried I've lost the baby. Why is this happening again?

I've noticed significant changes with my body already, even though I'm only just under 6 weeks gone. I have a small bump, and my boobies are heavy and swollen... Bob said he's noticed changes aswell - it's all amazing. I keep having to pee every hour or so. I didn't think a visible bump was normal at this stage, it's so early, but apparently according to the doctor it's to do with the body storing fat and also the organs like bowels etc shifting about to accommodate the growing womb and baby.
I don't remember this much change from my first pregnancy, and this time around is so different, I'm really enjoying it though.

That's my hand, not a penis :P

OK so far we've come up with these names that we really like for the baby.

If it's a boy, Noah Alexander. Noah because I we just really like the name, and Alexander is my brother's name.

If it's a girl, Seren Evelyn. Seren is Welsh for star, and Evelyn we just like :)

Me and Chel a bit tipsy (just before I got pregnant)..

Taken some time ago now..

By Rebecca Parker and Pat Brennan

By Steve Layton

( More pictures, some nudeCollapse )

1. My username is _____ because ____.

Maryhoward is a band I used to be in years ago, and fairy, coz well, I am a fairy :P



2. My name is _____ because ______.

Kate, coz my parents called me that..


3. My journal is titled ____ because ____.

Rose's garden, coz Rose is my last name, and it's me, it's a pretty name I guess... and my journal is my garden..


4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.

Rose's petals, as my friends are like an extension of me in some ways :)



5. My default userpic is ____ because _____.

It's pretty..

My due date is December 9th.. this is all happening so quickly, we've only be trying for about 6 weeks and I got pregnant almost straight away.

Ebony's in bed now, she was absolutely knackered today. Her new little half brother/sister is due in about 8 weeks (I think the baby will be a boy, I'm sure of it). It's gonna be weird, she's gonna have 2 new brothers or sisters within 9 months of eachother, but it's nice in a way.

My trousers are already tight, but I remember last time I was pregnant I was showing incredibly early. I dunno if it's coz I'm small or what..

I seem to have an extraordinary amount of energy too..