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| I leave in the morning at 6:25 to go to Mississippi to get my mom. This is going to get awkward folks! | ||
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LiveJournal for elle tea.
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| Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005 |
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| I leave in the morning at 6:25 to go to Mississippi to get my mom. This is going to get awkward folks! | ||
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| Thursday, September 1st, 2005 |
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| So, I got a call today from Miss Carol, my grandma's negihbor. She let me know that my mom and my grandma are both okay. They have no electricity and no phone, but they're ok!!! I'm so relieved to finally hear something about them. Just wanted to let y'all know! | ||||||
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| Tuesday, June 21st, 2005 |
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Seems like just yesterday You were a part of me I used to stand so tall I used to be so strong Your arms around me tight Everything, it felt so right Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong Now I can't breathe No, I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes I told you everything Opened up and let you in You made me feel alright For once in my life Now all that's left of me Is what I pretend to be So together, but so broken up inside 'Cause I can't breathe No, I can't sleep I'm barely hangin' on Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes Swallow me then spit me out For hating you, I blame myself Seeing you it kills me now No, I don't cry on the outside Anymore... Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes |
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| Sunday, May 1st, 2005 |
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PASSIONATE LOVER. You love to love, always looking for a relationship. You cannot live without it. Your lover must be passionate and you want that you and your partner melt into each other. He/She should not try to take the domination . You dont want a relationship without passion, and the sexuality plays a big part. The first moment you meet him/her is one of the most important. There has to be something between you , you cannot explain. From the first moment on everything must fix. But when this passion disappears you disappear to. For you it is better to leave than to see your love restrained. PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always message me or tell me how I can improve that quiz. Ill sure write back. ~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~ brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Sunday, April 10th, 2005 |
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SNOW!!! they closed the highways...this is not good, folks. Spring break 2003, anyone? |
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| Sunday, March 27th, 2005 |
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| Happy Easter everyone! | ||||
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| Thursday, January 27th, 2005 |
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I miss being pregnant. I miss everything about it. I even miss the morning sickness, because although I was sick, I was about to be a mom. I want to be a mom. |
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| Monday, January 24th, 2005 |
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Alright, I get it. I broke your heart, but do you have to go rubbing it in my face every chance you get? You think I wanted to hurt you? You think I'm happy that I've caused you this much pain? I'm not. The last thing I wanted was for you to suffer, but don't you see? You would've suffered so much more if I have lied and told you I loved you, because you would have become that lie. I'm not going to apologize for anything, though, because I'm not sorry for what I did. I'm not going to marry someone I don't love. Call me selfish if you want, but you would've done the same thing had you been in my shoes. Every day I realize more and more how stupid I am. I know I will never find someone to love me as much as you did, you still do, but how can you expect me to pretend? Lately, all we've done is fight. We fight about everything, and all of it is insignificant in the scheme of things. Maybe it's a sign. Maybe all I'm ever going to do is hurt you, even as a friend. The cliche "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" has never been more true. I love spending time with you and I love the laughs and fun we share, but sometimes I feel like you only come around in hopes that I'll suddenly love you. Are you prepared to wait the rest of your life? I'm not saying I'll never love you because I don't know what will happen tomorrow or the day after, but you can't waste your time waiting around for me to change my mind. You can't expect something to happen every day, because every day that it doesn't is lost. You have to leave room for surprises, or life will always be dull. |
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| Monday, January 17th, 2005 |
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Tonight was so much fun! Britt is FINALLY back in town so we got to hang out. I missed her soooooooooooooooo much!!! We went to the mall and ran some errands. Stopped in to say hello to Chris. Then ventured to Dairy Queen and discovered that they didn't have any brownie bits for Britty's ice cream. sad. Then we went to Victoria's secret. I LOVE THAT STORE! Then off to Borders and then Safeway. Good times. Then we went back to Britty's house and ate yummy burgers that were too small for their buns, lol. ...and then...ALIAS!!! WOOT!! I love that show and the season premiere was FANTASTIC! (but Britty fell asleep!) Anyway. That's pretty much my life at the moment. I'm going to go apply at the Marriott sometime this week for a maid job. Also there's a job fair at the Adam's Mark tomorrow so if I don't have to work my on call I think Chris and I shall venture down there and see what's cooking. Well, off to bed. Goodnight folks. |
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| Saturday, January 15th, 2005 |
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Andrew, I had a dream about you the other night. I was supposed to help you babysit or something. I went to your house, although it looked nothing like your actual house, and talked to your mom. She told me you didn't need my help anymore. I could see you through the front window and you waved, and you smiled, and then I left. It was a completely random dream, but I woke up missing you. I woke up missing being your friend. I just thought you should know. |
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| Saturday, January 8th, 2005 |
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I borrowed this idea from Ms Emilybeth...but she got it from someone else also. 2004 from start to finish. These are the first sentences from each month in my journal. January I don't know what to do about Luke... February, Well, I just finished my stupid psychology project and I find myself completely depressed. March WOOHOO, New York in two days!!! April Well, it has been awhile since I've updated so her it goes... May Well, prom was last night & it wasn't really all I had hoped for. June Well, last night was loads of fun. July So, yesterday was my date with Andrew. August I guess my update about this past weekend is much overdue! September Hmm... October It has been awhile since my last update. November Do you ever just get sick of what you are? December WOOT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY BITCHES! Lol..memories. |
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I sit here, alone. I wonder if she'll do it again. I wonder if she really still loves him, or if she only stays for us. He lied to her, but can she forgive him? This wasn't the first time. Why do people do this to their children? I'll try to be okay, but will he? He'll have to choose. I've gotten good at hiding how I feel, but has he? I'm watching everything around me fall to pieces with no idea how to put them back together. Can I put them back together? Am I ruined for life? I have one thing left, and if she leaves, I'll have nothing. I actually pray for her stay...I never pray. I'm holding my breath, and she's the only one that can give me air. Please, let her give me air! |
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| Thursday, January 6th, 2005 |
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Chris: You're still the most amazing person I know, and you'll always stay in my heart. You've done nothing but be there for me whenever I needed anything, and I don't think I can ever thank you enough. You've kept me sane through everything from getting engaged to breaking up to losing a child, and even through the most recent events. I still don't know why you love me, but I treasure our friendship more than I'll ever be able to show. I never want you to go away! Vanessa: What can I say, you're practically the sister I never had. I love you and I'll always love you and we'll still be buried next to each other when we die. You're my best friend, and you always will be. No one can ever top you. You're the best! Britty: My favorite chica bonita! Thanks so much for being there for me. I know we had our share of ups and downs this past year, but after it all, you're still here, and that means so much to me. Never stop taking pictures and come home soon bc I miss you tons! Emily: I know recent events have put a strain on our relationship, but it's such a relief to know that we're finally okay. I can't even begin to tell you how much I missed you. You're the only one I'll ever be able to tell anything to and not feel judged. Cat: Thanks for being understanding, and always making me laugh about something. I'm so happy that you're finally happy with your life and I wish you so much luck, mostly with Chris (wink wink). Stay out of trouble at UNC, and call me every time you get drunk! Molly: I'm so glad that we're friends. You're kind words have been such a help to me. Thanks for supporting me and standing behind me, especially after all we've been through. Dan: I must say I'm rather surprised that you were one of the people I could turn to lately, but it was definitely a pleasant surprise. I'm glad that you and I can remain on civil terms bc it's nice to have someone outside the norm to talk to. I hope you enjoy the rest of your license free days, and call me if you need a ride anywhere, lol, and we need to hang out before you go back to school. Sasha & Andrew: I'm sorry the two of you felt "judged" because you were my friends, and I'm sorry I put you through so much grief, but most of all, I'm sorry things had to end like this. Know that I'll still think about you, and I'll never forget all the good memories. Double dong forever! Sam: Thanks for staying sammisuka! You're like the second sister I never had, and I love you too!! Travis: I guess I'm just sorry things never went right between the two of us, and I'm sorry that all I've ever done is ruin the only good relationships you had. I'm going to stay out of your life from now on, so I hope things get better and stay better for you. Best of luck in everything you do. Last, but certainly not least, Holly: Wow. I'm so sorry for everything I did to you. I have reaped what I sow and felt the repercussions more than you'll ever know. I hope you're enjoying your new life down in Arizona, and if you get the chance, call me sometime. |
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| Friday, December 31st, 2004 |
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I realized today, that we're not friends anymore. You can say that we are, and try to convince yourself of this, but we're not. It hurts more than you'll ever know for me to know that a mistake I made six months ago is going to ruin the best friendships I ever had. I know you'll all tell me that we're still friends and nothing has changed and you're still there for me, but you're not. Do any of you know what's going on in my life right now? No, you don't, because how could any of you know anything when you make no effort to make any kind of connection. I haven't gotten a phone call, an email, even a comment on my journal, with the exception of one of you, and I am truly sorry I wasn't home when you called. Life used to be so easy because you were all there for me. Anytime I needed advice or a hug or just someone to listen to me cry, you were all there. Now, without you, life has never been so hard. But I'm going to go on living my life and trying to be strong. The only thing left to do is hold my head high with a smile on my face and walk forward. I'll still look back from time to time because you were the best times of my life, but there will be tears in my joy-filled eyes because I'll miss you all more than you'll ever know. |
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| Sunday, December 26th, 2004 |
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"Dive Right In" - Story of the Year So here i go I'll dive right in Break through the waves Straight to the ocean floor And although my hands are shaking I lie perfectly still Cause i'm determined to let myself sink down And i know i'm buried too far down To feel the warmth from the sun again I could wave my arms and swim away But never reach the shore But for now i will lay face first in the sand With the wreckage from ships that lost their way And i know i'm buried too far down To feel the warmth from the sun again And i know i'm buried too far down To feel the warmth from the sun again And allthough my hands are shaking I lie perfectly still Cause i'm determined to let myself sink down And i know i'm buried too far down To feel the warmth from the sun again |
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I really fucked up this time, but is anyone surprised? I hate feeling like this. |
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| Saturday, December 18th, 2004 |
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It's funny how people change instantly. You call someone your friend and you trust them with your life and then a second passes and they're your enemy. It's still amazing to me how someone can be one of your closest friends, but then you find out the things they say when you're not around aren't exactly friendly phrases. Look, I know I'm not perfect, and I don't think I ever will be, but I relied on my "friends" to support me, to help me fix my flaws and pick me up when I've fallen, even if that means just pointing out what I did wrong. I've lost three of the best friends I ever had because of a mistake I made 5 months ago. But what hurts the most is that they didn't come to me about any problems. I wish I could go back and change everything I ever did to make anyone upset, but I can't. I'm so sorry, but I can't. I have but one question: If you thought I was such a terrible friend and person for so long, why make such an effort to pretend to be my friend? I hope you all have a merry christmas without me. |
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| Wednesday, December 15th, 2004 |
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I've learned many a lesson from my past, but that doesn't mean I won't make the same mistake twice. I hated the person I was six months ago, but no matter what I do, I can't escape her. No matter who I'm with or what I'm doing, she's there, haunting me, tempting me to go back. I've learned that I'm a weak person. So weak, in fact, that I'm doomed to give in to that temptation every time it's there. I hate that I can't make myself change, but I've learned that I can make myself happy from time to time. Why is my happiness never good enough for anyone else? Why is it that everytime I do something I actually want to do, I only get criticized? Why is it that no one understands that I'm not going to stop myself from being happy just because it's something they wouldn't do themselves. Why does everyone think I have to follow THEIR set of rules instead of my own? I'm done. I'm going to live MY life from now on. |
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| I still hurt. I just don't know what to do anymore. No matter how hard I try, I'm never going to change. I'll always be the terrible and useless person I've become. | ||||
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| Tuesday, December 14th, 2004 |
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| I broke things off with Chris. Go ahead, JUDGE ME! Don't ask me if I'm okay or how I feel about anything. Sit there and tell me what a terrible person I am for wanting to be happy. Tell me how sorry you feel for him. Tell me again that he didn't deserve this. You think I don't know that?? You think I wanted to hurt him? You think I don't wish things were different?? | ||||||
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LiveJournal for elle tea.
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relieved.
crushed.
shocked.
confused.
nostalgic.
okay.