Just felt like writing in here. Yesterday, I felt like I was having a complete mental breakdown. I hate the feeling of defeat - so I tried to turn my mental state around by doing different things - even tried to do some yard work, but after a short while I just stopped - felt like I had no motivation to continue. Bought a cake -ate a few pieces, blah, blah, blah.....felt so lonely, yet didn't want to be around anyone at the same time. And then of course, I got the period from hell....

Once again it's been long gaps between my posts as well as when i have been on here. For all that i talked to on here i truly deeply apologize. Life was throwing me some pretty harsh curve balls so to say and i gotta admit i wasn't being the strongest nor wisest while dealing with them. 

Things are doing much better now, as far as for generalized terms. My weight/eating issues, whatever to call them....are unfortunately still there and still causing me issues. I have been so stubborn about really facing my issues and getting the help i need and or should.

It's a huge concern to my loved ones and friends, that i fail and do not see the reality of all this, the way i look, what i am doing, etc. I know i have posted many entries as well as replies on this issue. As i am sure if you look through my journal you can get an idea of how i feel/and or view this issue. Needless to say, i do need help, and i am and have been fine with admitting that, i just can't seem to get my ass to get it . lol

I haven't posted pictures in a long time, nor wrote on my journal or to anyone on here. For that i truly and deeply again apologize. I will post pictures in my next entry.

I would love to hear from all of you...if you are all still on here, or even remember me, lol

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Hey

It's been a very very long time since i have posted. My post today will just be short, as tomorrow i will post another. I am still struggling with my weight/eating disorder, whatever this lovely thing is to be called. It seems that it has only gotten worse. I see myself, as about hmmm lets see 5 times the size that i really am. I will post a couple pictures and would love some honest feed back. The leggings i am wearing, are meant for kids 8-9 years old and are baggy.
http://postimage.org/image/2fmehbetg/
http://postimage.org/image/2fnosd4n8/