(no subject)
Jan. 21st, 2010 | 12:42 am
Have to work at 8:00am tomorrow, and have a doctors appointment to go to, but can't sleep! Argh, I've tried drawing, reading, eating and going on here, but nothing is helping me get sleepy.. Was thinking of working out, but it's a 50/50 chance that the workout will make me ready for bed, or even more energized...
So, I will make a journal entry, than try once more to sleep.
Been wrestling my normal self-esteem demons... But more than is normal lately. I think it has something to do with the fact that I am almost always alone now, as my room mate and I work opposite shifts, so I may as well live alone. I sometimes look in the mirror, see a glimpse of myself as pretty, think, "Hey!" Than give myself time to actually look and focus, than the pretty girl is gone...
And it's hard to talk to most anyone about it. Some friends think I am being "conceited" or am faking it when I say I don't see my pretty-ness, but I really don't about 98% of the time. Than I have my Mom, which if I even attempted that conversation, she would go off about being worried about me, and it always ends up at my weight somehow...
Speaking of parental units, my Mother and Father bought a house in Listowel. They're moving on the 1st of April, and the dumb bitch and Christopher have to move out by then!! HAHAHAHAHA!! My brother is acting all sulky, and I know it's because he's dreading having to move out into a place of their own with Skank-A-Jean. I'm betting they last 2 months before she either ditches, or he calls for money, since neither my brother or the Skank know how to save and not spend money.
I think the solution to most of my problem is to get out more often and meet some new people, make some friends and just have some fun! I think I'll make myself get all gussied up and go to a club or something this weekend... Will wear my new shoes... Will just have to learn to walk in them first... Lol, stiletto's!!
Yeah, a night on the town is most definitely called for!
But! I need to find some people to go with, as I no longer call Dwayne my friend. And Steve doesn't have I.D. There is Scott, but unless you bring others with, you're apt to either A) Have a drunken scott on your hands (not fun, much like baby-sitting) or B) Be sitting in a corner for the night staring at other people having fun.
So, I will make a journal entry, than try once more to sleep.
Been wrestling my normal self-esteem demons... But more than is normal lately. I think it has something to do with the fact that I am almost always alone now, as my room mate and I work opposite shifts, so I may as well live alone. I sometimes look in the mirror, see a glimpse of myself as pretty, think, "Hey!" Than give myself time to actually look and focus, than the pretty girl is gone...
And it's hard to talk to most anyone about it. Some friends think I am being "conceited" or am faking it when I say I don't see my pretty-ness, but I really don't about 98% of the time. Than I have my Mom, which if I even attempted that conversation, she would go off about being worried about me, and it always ends up at my weight somehow...
Speaking of parental units, my Mother and Father bought a house in Listowel. They're moving on the 1st of April, and the dumb bitch and Christopher have to move out by then!! HAHAHAHAHA!! My brother is acting all sulky, and I know it's because he's dreading having to move out into a place of their own with Skank-A-Jean. I'm betting they last 2 months before she either ditches, or he calls for money, since neither my brother or the Skank know how to save and not spend money.
I think the solution to most of my problem is to get out more often and meet some new people, make some friends and just have some fun! I think I'll make myself get all gussied up and go to a club or something this weekend... Will wear my new shoes... Will just have to learn to walk in them first... Lol, stiletto's!!
Yeah, a night on the town is most definitely called for!
But! I need to find some people to go with, as I no longer call Dwayne my friend. And Steve doesn't have I.D. There is Scott, but unless you bring others with, you're apt to either A) Have a drunken scott on your hands (not fun, much like baby-sitting) or B) Be sitting in a corner for the night staring at other people having fun.
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(no subject)
Jan. 20th, 2010 | 08:06 pm
From the shadows I watch,
you live love and grow
with each passing day
forget me some more
the one you once loved
confided in and trusted
now but a faded memory
painful once but no more
you've moved on in life
wounds have now healed
leaving not even a scar
no lingering memory
but I am encased in you
can not escape your memory
remember your smile and smell
so warm and so loving
try to run from you
move on and forget alike
try as I might I can not
feel your hands on my skin
your hair on my face
your laughter echoes here
bringing tears to my eyes
for I can not have you,
hold you in my arms and love
a condemnation of my fate
forever to watch
never to have.
you live love and grow
with each passing day
forget me some more
the one you once loved
confided in and trusted
now but a faded memory
painful once but no more
you've moved on in life
wounds have now healed
leaving not even a scar
no lingering memory
but I am encased in you
can not escape your memory
remember your smile and smell
so warm and so loving
try to run from you
move on and forget alike
try as I might I can not
feel your hands on my skin
your hair on my face
your laughter echoes here
bringing tears to my eyes
for I can not have you,
hold you in my arms and love
a condemnation of my fate
forever to watch
never to have.
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(no subject)
Jan. 18th, 2010 | 11:26 pm
Love it when I only get parts of my poems out... I feel like an old man with E.D... If only I had some brain Viagra....
You sneer at me,
act as you are better.
Nose up in the air,
ignorance is your fetter
Well, work in the AM, Will attempt again later :p
You sneer at me,
act as you are better.
Nose up in the air,
ignorance is your fetter
Well, work in the AM, Will attempt again later :p
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(no subject)
Jan. 18th, 2010 | 07:19 pm
Listening to Eclipse's piano tribute to Evanescence... Quite beautiful.
Finally starting to write poetry again, was stuck for a while. It's a bit rough, but that's normal for me when I take a break from it. But I have to write it no matter what, else it just gets worse :p
Went for more tests on Saturday, just basically a re-do of the tests I had prior, just a bit more thorough. I just want some fucking results, even bad results would be a relief from all this damned waiting...
Blood runs in my eyes,
tears down my face.
Getting cold and tired,
my heart slows it's pace.
Giving up this fight,
can no longer hold on.
Memories fly past,
this screen in my mind.
Smiling as I fade,
no longer feel pain.
know not that as I laugh,
I leave this plane.
Ok, this doesn't necessarily rhyme, but I am attemptg a different type of poetry... Honest opinions? This is more based on emotion than actual rhyming...
Finally starting to write poetry again, was stuck for a while. It's a bit rough, but that's normal for me when I take a break from it. But I have to write it no matter what, else it just gets worse :p
Went for more tests on Saturday, just basically a re-do of the tests I had prior, just a bit more thorough. I just want some fucking results, even bad results would be a relief from all this damned waiting...
Blood runs in my eyes,
tears down my face.
Getting cold and tired,
my heart slows it's pace.
Giving up this fight,
can no longer hold on.
Memories fly past,
this screen in my mind.
Smiling as I fade,
no longer feel pain.
know not that as I laugh,
I leave this plane.
Ok, this doesn't necessarily rhyme, but I am attemptg a different type of poetry... Honest opinions? This is more based on emotion than actual rhyming...
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(no subject)
Jan. 18th, 2010 | 05:31 pm
Tears of salt and hate,
caress my cheek.
Tumble into my hair,
My heart they seek.
Random portion of poem, must save for McLater.
caress my cheek.
Tumble into my hair,
My heart they seek.
Random portion of poem, must save for McLater.
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(no subject)
Jan. 18th, 2010 | 05:24 pm
Ah, time to write in ye old journal!
Was talking to a good friend of mine about relationships, and what not, and it really made me think about my own current status of single. Up until the past few months, I was happy to be single. But now that I have moved out and may as well live on my own as my room mate and I work opposite shifts. (When he wakes up I will have just gone to bed shortly before, and when I leave for work, he gets home shortly there after.
Now that I'm alone quite often, I feel the need to be with someone. And I'm not one of those people who can just hook up or even just spontaneously date someone. I trust little to no people, and to even get my trust can take months if not years. You see my dilemma. I met a few guys at bars, no one I would currently date though. I would be more likely to become a friend of theirs, opposed to a girlfriend or even date. It's nice and all to be noticed at a bar, but typically there isn't going to be a guy at a bar who's looking for a soul mate...
Was talking to a good friend of mine about relationships, and what not, and it really made me think about my own current status of single. Up until the past few months, I was happy to be single. But now that I have moved out and may as well live on my own as my room mate and I work opposite shifts. (When he wakes up I will have just gone to bed shortly before, and when I leave for work, he gets home shortly there after.
Now that I'm alone quite often, I feel the need to be with someone. And I'm not one of those people who can just hook up or even just spontaneously date someone. I trust little to no people, and to even get my trust can take months if not years. You see my dilemma. I met a few guys at bars, no one I would currently date though. I would be more likely to become a friend of theirs, opposed to a girlfriend or even date. It's nice and all to be noticed at a bar, but typically there isn't going to be a guy at a bar who's looking for a soul mate...
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Pain
Jan. 13th, 2010 | 08:38 pm
Urghhhhh
I am sick of this fucking pain!!
Unless I lie down, I am in constant discomfort.
Sitting is by far the worst though.
So, tomorrow I am not getting out of bed. I will roll my bed-ridden ass to work and clean cars while in bed.
I am sick of this fucking pain!!
Unless I lie down, I am in constant discomfort.
Sitting is by far the worst though.
So, tomorrow I am not getting out of bed. I will roll my bed-ridden ass to work and clean cars while in bed.
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(no subject)
Nov. 4th, 2009 | 11:03 pm
God damn I need to get on here more often!
Went to a costume party at a bar on hallowe'en as a naughty school girl, lol, so original. But had fun never the less!! Had some assholes who wouldn't take no for an answer, so I kept shoving them off of this ledge on the dance floor... Fun... heh...
Went to a costume party at a bar on hallowe'en as a naughty school girl, lol, so original. But had fun never the less!! Had some assholes who wouldn't take no for an answer, so I kept shoving them off of this ledge on the dance floor... Fun... heh...
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Trolls
Sep. 7th, 2009 | 03:06 pm
God, I hate the losers who troll communities just in hopes of finding a grammatical error they can berate someone they don't even know on.
Stop compinsating fore yore lak of a lyfe!!
Stop compinsating fore yore lak of a lyfe!!
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And I am the slut?
Sep. 5th, 2009 | 02:11 pm
An old friend of mine, Alex, had a child almost 2 years ago. Since she got pregnant, she really began treating everyone like shit. She goes around, talking behind everyone's back, and gets mad when you call her on it.
Like recently. Another friend of mine informed me that she was telling everyone that I was a fucking slut and a bad friend. She was complaining that I was never around anymore... and she really wondered why....
So, we had this huge fight where I told her I didn't want her around anymore...
I didn't hear anything from her in a few weeks, and thought she finally got the point, than she shows up at my house with her boyfriend of the week!!
And I am the slut?
She basically came to tell me that she didn't mean anything she said and she was just venting...
YOU DO NOT VENT OVER A PERIOD OF SEVERAL YEARS, AND TO EVERYONE WHO WILL LISTEN!!
And I am not the only one she treats like shit! Her boyfriend gets it too, and even her baby! It had gotten so bad, that her boyfriend took full custody of the baby!!
Like recently. Another friend of mine informed me that she was telling everyone that I was a fucking slut and a bad friend. She was complaining that I was never around anymore... and she really wondered why....
So, we had this huge fight where I told her I didn't want her around anymore...
I didn't hear anything from her in a few weeks, and thought she finally got the point, than she shows up at my house with her boyfriend of the week!!
And I am the slut?
She basically came to tell me that she didn't mean anything she said and she was just venting...
YOU DO NOT VENT OVER A PERIOD OF SEVERAL YEARS, AND TO EVERYONE WHO WILL LISTEN!!
And I am not the only one she treats like shit! Her boyfriend gets it too, and even her baby! It had gotten so bad, that her boyfriend took full custody of the baby!!
