Learning that someone you care about has experienced sex-based harassment, sexual assault, interpersonal violence, or stalking can be incredibly difficult. It’s natural to want to do something but knowing how to help might feel overwhelming. You can support their healing by helping them regain a sense of agency and control. This includes listening, respecting their choice, and if they are interested offering information and options. 

Supporting someone you love can be difficult to do on your own. That’s why resources are available to support you, too. If you have questions, need help supporting someone, or want to explore your own self-care, reach out to the Violence Prevention and Advocacy Services, Orange County Rape Crisis Center, Compass Center, or other campus and community resources.  

Here are some ways you can respond: 

• Let them know their feelings and reactions are valid. It’s common for people to feel isolated or unsure about how they’re responding, especially when emotions are intense or complex. Trauma impacts everyone differently – some may have trouble remembering details or might share their story in pieces over time, while others might have vivid memories. It can be helpful to use their own language to mirror how they describe their experiences. Try to avoid and limit asking questions that could come across as judgmental or blaming.  

• Support their choices and offer help when they’re ready. Let them take the lead in deciding what feels safest and most comfortable for them. You can offer to gather information or talk with resources if they are interested and open to it. Some people want support right away, and others may need more time, and that’s okay. The same goes for reporting to police or to the university – there are many personal reasons why someone may or may not choose to report, and that decision should be theirs to make. There’s no set time for seeking help. Unless there’s an urgent safety or medical concern, support can be accessed whenever someone’s ready. Healing and seeking support are deeply personal processes, and everyone navigates moving forward at their own pace.  

• Seek immediate professional help if someone shares thoughts or concerns of suicide, self-harm, or serious emotional distress. The Heels Care Network website offers information about crisis support and mental health resources available.  

• Respect their privacy. When someone shares their experience, they’re placing their trust in you. Honor that trust by keeping their story private and limit sharing details with others unless they’ve explicitly asked you to do so. Instead of focusing on what happened, focus on what they need right now and how you can support them moving forward. 

• Manage your own response. It’s okay to feel emotional or overwhelmed when someone you care about shares something difficult. While those feelings are valid, try to focus your attention on their needs and experience in the moment. Supporting someone can feel emotionally heavy – you don’t have to hold it all alone. It’s okay to seek support for yourself, too.   

• Stay connected and follow their lead. Ongoing support matters. Check in with them and let them set the pace for future conversations. Some people may want to talk and process their experience, while others may prefer to focus on day-to-day life. It’s okay to ask how they’d like you to show up—would they prefer to bring it up themselves, or is it helpful if you check in later? 

• Be mindful of your own boundaries and capacity. Helping a loved one can be challenging and for some people it may bring up their own history or experiences. If this is happening for you, reach out to resources for support.  

 

Learn more about supporting someone:  

• RAINN’s Help Someone You Care About  
• National Domestic Violence Hotline’s Support Others in an Abusive Relationship 
• Love is Respect’s Supporting Others 

 

The Instructor Resource Guide offered by Violence Prevention and Advocacy Services includes ideas, recommendations, and best practices for instructors supporting students impacted by sexual violence, interpersonal violence, stalking, and harassment. Instructors are encouraged to understand students impacted by violence and harassment may have different needs in order to prioritize their academic success.  

According to the 2019 Association of American Universities’ (AAU) Campus Climate Survey, 20.7% of UNC-Chapel Hill survey respondents reported experiencing sexual touching or penetration involving force, an inability to consent, coercion, or non-voluntary agreement since entering college. The aggregate data for all 33 campuses who participated in the climate survey indicates gender-based violence and harassment had a significant academic impact for students. Results showed 62% of women, 75.7% of transgender, genderqueer or nonbinary, or questioning individuals, and 48.2% of men reported at least one academic or professional consequence such as difficulty concentrating on studies, assignments or exams, decreased class attendance, and difficulty going to work. 

• Be clear about your designation as a Responsible Employee and/or Clery Security Authority. All employees, including staff, faculty, and instructors, are designated by University policy as Responsible Employees, except for confidential employees who are acting in their confidential capacity. Responsible Employees complete an annual training on what this role means and what to do when someone discloses information. Share your role as a Responsible Employee early on in your professional or educational relationships, especially with those you supervise. Your status as a Responsible Employee can be cited in your syllabi and discussed during the first class meeting, or when you’re sharing information about campus resources. It is critical to make sure others know you cannot keep information confidential if you hear about situations related to sex-based harassment, sexual assault, interpersonal violence, and stalking. If you sense someone is about to share information with you that you might need to report to the UCO, be upfront with them about your role as a Responsible Employee. For more information, please visit the UCO’s page about Responsible Employees.  

• Include a Syllabus Statement. A syllabus statement acknowledges your awareness of the impact of violence and harassment, provides information about resources, and reinforces your goal of creating a supportive learning environment. It can also normalize help-seeking and reporting, therefore making students feel more supported. Here are two examples: 

• Any student impacted by discrimination, sex-based harassment, interpersonal violence, sexual assault, and stalking is encouraged to access resources. Please consider reaching out to the University Compliance Office (UCO) (private), the Violence Prevention and Advocacy Services (VPAS) (confidential), and/or Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) (confidential) to discuss your needs. Additional information and support are available at safe.unc.edu. 

• If you are a Responsible Employee or Campus Security Authority, include this: 

• As a [Responsible Employee and Campus Security Authority], I am required by University policy to share any disclosures of discrimination, sex-based harassment, sexual assault, interpersonal violence, and stalking to the University Compliance Office (UCO). This helps ensure a consistent and supportive response across campus. A Report and Response Manager will follow up with you to offer support, resources, and options – you are not obligated to respond or take any action. If you prefer to speak with someone confidentially, please visit safe.unc.edu for resources. 

• Invite a Guest Lecturer or Consult with Experts on Curriculum. If your course content discusses topics related to gender-based violence, consider inviting a guest lecturer or consulting with campus experts to plan for the class. Many campus and community partners appreciate the opportunity to speak with classes and are willing to collaborate on a plan that aligns with goals for your course.  

• Prepare Students for Challenging Topics. When course material includes discussions, readings, or media that reference sex-based harassment, sexual assault, interpersonal violence, stalking or related topics, it can be helpful to give students advance notice. This allows students to determine how they are able to best engage with the material and limit possible negative reactions in real time. Advance notice before the class in writing allows students to mentally and emotionally prepare. This also encourages others to engage from a place of thoughtfulness and respect. Here is an example:  

• Please be aware this course involves open discussions on topics such as sex-based harassment, sexual assault, interpersonal violence, stalking, and other sensitive issues. These themes may be difficult for some students. While academic learning is important, your well-being is a priority. This course is not a space for processing personal experiences, but we recognize course material may impact people in different ways. If you need support, confidential resources are available through the Gender Violence Services Coordinators (GVSC) and Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS).  

• Where applicable, readings that include graphic depictions of violence or abuse will be marked with an asterisk (*). Please prepare in advance and/or approach the material in an intentional way that is helpful for you.  

For specific class-related questions and guidance on navigating support for students, reach out to the Victim Services Specialists in Violence Prevention and Advocacy Services (VPAS) or University Compliance Office (UCO). University Policy identifies options for Supportive Measures, which are individualized, temporary, non-punitive actions taken by the University to ensure equal access to educational programs and activities to foster a safe environment for individuals experiencing sex-based harassment, sexual assault, interpersonal violence, and stalking. Supportive Measures can include academic support, depending on the course structure and input from faculty. Individuals who may benefit from Supportive Measures are encouraged to reach out to the GVSCs and/or UCO to explore what’s available for their circumstances. 

Supervisors have an important role in fostering a safe, respectful, and supportive workplace. If an employee discloses that they’ve experienced sex-based harassment, sexual assault, interpersonal violence, and stalking, your response can make a significant difference in their ability to connect with resources and support.  

• Be clear about your designation as a Responsible Employee and/or Clery Security Authority. All employees, including staff, faculty, and other instructors, are Responsible Employees, except for confidential employees who are acting in their confidential capacity. Share your role as a Responsible Employee early on in your professional or educational relationship with someone. This can be in your first staff meeting, on a new employee’s first day of work, or when you’re sharing information about campus resources. It is critical to make sure others know you cannot keep information confidential if you hear about situations related to harassment, discrimination, sexual misconduct, and workplace violence. If you sense someone is about to share information with you that you might need to report to the University Compliance Office (UCO), be upfront with them about your role as a Responsible Employee. For more information, please visit the UCO’s page about Responsible Employees. 

• Express appreciation for their trust in sharing with you. Thank them for sharing and allow the employee to share only what they feel comfortable disclosing. Focus your questions on understanding how you can support their well-being, safety, and any immediate needs. It can also be helpful to acknowledge that experiences like these can impact many aspects of life, and that you’re available to help connect them with resources that provide support across those areas.  

• Respect their privacy. Keep their disclosure as private as possible, and share only with the employee’s explicit permission, or in accordance with Responsible Employee, Clery Security Authority, and other legal requirements.  

• Offer support and flexibility where possible. Some employees may already have a sense of what would be helpful, while others may still be figuring that out. Explore what flexibility or accommodations you can offer within your role – this might include adjusting schedules, redistributing responsibilities, supporting time off, or helping them connect with resources. Empower them to make their own choices about any next steps and what feels helpful moving forward.  

• Follow up thoughtfully. Check in with them moving forward if the employee welcomes it and allow them to guide future conversations. It’s okay to ask how they’d like you to show up—would they prefer to bring it up themselves, or is it helpful if you check in later? 

Supporting someone who has experienced sex-based harassment, sexual assault, interpersonal violence, or stalking – whether they’re a friend, family member, colleague, or student – can be incredibly meaningful, but also emotionally heavy. You may feel uncertain, overwhelmed, or unsure how best to help. That’s okay. You don’t have to do this alone. 

It’s just as important to care for your own well-being as you care for others. 

Whether or not the person you care about is ready to seek help, you can always access support for yourself. Many resources on campus and in the community offer confidential emotional support that is available to you. These resources can help with the following:  

• Process your own emotional response 

• Understand the impact of trauma – on them and on you 

• Learn how to be supportive without overextending yourself 

• Navigate boundaries, conversations, and difficult moments 

Learn more about taking care of yourself as a supporter: 

• RAINN’s Self-Care for Friends and Family 

• Love is Respect’s Self-Care for Helpers 

Trauma is an emotional and psychological response to deeply distressing or overwhelming experiences – such as sex-based harassment, sexual assault, interpersonal violence, or stalking. Trauma is subjective to the individual person and their lived experience. It can occur when an event or situation exceeds someone’s ability to cope. Traumatic experiences impact people in a variety of ways; it can affect thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and even physical health. 

Trauma is a normal response to an abnormal experience, and it looks different for everyone. Responses may be immediate or delayed and may change over time. If you’re navigating trauma, you do not have to do so alone. Campus and community resources can support your healing, help you find support available, and find ways to cope. Some people take time to connect with resources, while other people connect with support immediately. 

 

Trauma can affect the body, mind, and emotions. You may experience some of these symptoms – or many. All responses are valid. Here are a few examples of symptoms of trauma; this is not an exhaustive list. 

Physical 

• Changes in eating or sleeping patterns (eating more or less, sleeping more or less) 

• Fatigue or low energy 

• Muscle tension, aches, or pains 

• Being easily startled 

• Panic attacks 

• Shifts in desire for intimacy 

• Hyperactivity or restlessness 

• Self-harming behaviors 

Emotional 

• Shock, confusion, or disbelief 

• Anxiety or fear 

• Spontaneous crying or emotional outbursts 

• Depression or hopelessness 

• Guilt, shame, or self-blame 

• Anger or irritability 

• Emotional numbness or lack of emotions 

• Isolation or withdrawing from friends, activities, classes 

• Compulsive behaviors 

• Feeling out of control 

• Experiencing a smell, sound, or physical touch that reminds you of the incident 

Cognitive 

• Memory gaps, especially about the incident 

• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions 

• Feeling distracted 

• Disconnection from academic or work priorities 

• Loss of interest in things you previously cared about 

Learn more about trauma and common responses:  

• Help Guide’s Emotional and Psychological Trauma 
• RAINN’s Effects of Sexual Violence 
• Love is Respect’s Grounding Exercise for Strong Emotions 
• RAINN’s Self-Care After Trauma 

 

Trauma responses are instinctual and automatic. They aren’t often chosen. They may happen in the moment and are often our body’s way of protecting us. These survival responses can vary greatly from person to person, and there’s no “right” way to react to trauma. What someone does in the moment is valid and often outside of conscious control. 

Here are some common trauma responses individuals may describe: 

• Flashbacks – Feeling as if you’re reliving the trauma 

• Dissociation – Feeling disconnected or detached, like you’re observing from outside your body 

• Hypervigilance – Always feeling “on alert” or unable to relax 

• Intrusive Thoughts – Recurring, unwanted thoughts or memories 

• Nightmares – Vivid or disturbing dreams 

• Triggers – Internal or external cues that remind you of the trauma 

Common Immediate Responses 

• Fight – Feeling a rush of anger or readiness to defend
• Flight – Anxiety, panic, and an urge to leave the situation 
• Freeze – Feeling stuck, numb, or unable to move or react 
• Fawn – Appeasing or accommodating others to reduce the threat or diffuse the situation 

Violence doesn’t only affect communities on an individual level. The impact ripples across entire communities. Friends, peers, colleagues, and loved ones may all experience emotional and psychological effects when someone they care about is harmed or they know someone in our community has been impacted. When violence occurs within a shared space like a workplace, classroom, or campus, it can create a sense of fear, grief, or collective trauma.  

Supporting healing after harm requires both attention to individual experiences and an understanding of how violence affects the broader community. Balancing individual needs with collective well-being means encouraging people to access support in ways that feel right for them, while also fostering a culture of care and accountability that helps the entire community heal. 

People respond to violence in many different ways – emotionally, physically, and socially. Some may seek support right away, while others may need time or choose different paths for coping and recovery. Recognizing that needs and experiences vary is key to showing up for ourselves and one another. At the same time, communities benefit when we think collectively: how can we take care of each other and create a safer campus where everyone feels supported? Healing is not one-size-fits-all—and acknowledging that nuance helps create space for both personal resilience and shared resiliency. 

Supporting communities may look like checking in with others, speaking up when something feels wrong, and creating environments where people can access resources and support in a variety of ways. When we take care of each other, we help rebuild a sense of safety and connection. Everyone has a role to play in fostering a culture of respect, accountability, and safety. 

For support in navigating community impact, please reach out to Violence Prevention and Advocacy Services (VPAS), the University Compliance Office (UCO), or Carolina Behavioral Assessment and Management (CBAM).  

Empower UNC: Responding to Disclosures is a training collaboration between Violence Prevention and Advocacy Services (VPAS) and University Compliance Office (UCO).  

Empower UNC equips students and employees with information, resources, and strategies to respond to disclosures of sex-based harassment, sexual assault, interpersonal violence, and stalking in an informed and compassionate way. 

Learn more, register, or request a group training on the VPAS website.