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At least that's the way it used to be. Remember when you were a kid and the only reason you wanted Mom to buy cereal was for the prize that was inside? Today, my honey opened our box of Fruity Pebbles and found a pair of 3D glasses inside. He's like "Honey, go on the Net and find some 3D pics! I wanna use these!" lol. Apparently, the Flintstones pics on the back of the box weren't good enough! On another note, God is smiling on us today. We got a surprise check in the mail. Some sort of energy reimbursement. It was a nice chunk of money too. So, needless to say, my honey is out right now spending it. :) CwG quote of the day: Nothing occurs in your life--nothing--which is not first a thought. Thoughts are like magnets, drawing effects to you.
Hmmmmmm.....interesting. Current Mood:  contemplative Current Music: The Power of Love--Huey Lewis |
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Since apparently that's what you will be able to do in The Sims 3, which is expected to come out sometime next year. Your Sims can now be superskinny, superfat, or anywhere in between, and can have any face shape and style imaginable. The website isn't very detailed yet, but I'm assuming that there will be a slider bar incorporated again, such as in The Sims 2 customization, but to a much higher degree. You will also somehow be able to customize objects with a number of different looks--again, to a much higher degree than is current. It appears that you will also be able to take your Sims pretty much anywhere (jogging in the park, anyone?) and I am intrigued to see how their personalities will supposedly differ from each other. Seems that their personalities will be more individualized so that no Sim is alike. As cool as this game is going to be, there is one drawback: It is pretty much guaranteed that I am going to need yet another computer upgrade! *sigh* Can't wait till I can afford an Alienware.... Current Mood:  envious Current Music: Buffalo Stance--Neneh Cherry |
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Oh my God, I want this! I know they call it a multimedia program but, in essence, this is a video game. How long do you think it will be before all games are controlled like this? Current Mood: awake Current Music: my baby's cries |
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Hi all. I can't believe it's been two years since I've posted anything. This site used to be my life. It's fun to look back and see what I was going through two years ago. Yeah....I don't miss that life! Well, to give you a summary of what's happened to me in the past two years: My roommate and I had a falling out over money that she claimed I owed her from when I didn't have a job, and she threatened to sue me. We worked out an agreement (if you can call it that) and she never took me to court. Not that she would've won anyway, since I had more evidence against her than she had against me. My "boyfriend" at the time fell off the face of the earth after he asked me if I wanted to move to Chicago with him. I tried several times to get hold of him but then gave up and found someone new, who I later broke up with for another man. (See next scenario.) I moved back to my hometown after our lease was up--my only option since my roommate kinda left me high and dry. Here, I hooked up with a past lover, with whom you are all familiar. He is the same person who broke my heart three years ago. Now, hold on and let me explain because this is a rather amusing story. His story. Now, when I was living in the cities, he remained in my thoughts. Not as frequent as before but frequent enough. I had dreams about him, and sometimes about his girlfriend. I remember one dream vividly, where she was telling me about her children. Yes, children, plural. One, of course, was their daughter. But she also mentioned a son, named Kevin. Now, I knew even while I was away living in the cities that this story, between him and me, wasn't over. I would see him again, and I knew that their relationship at that point would be shattered. However, I was never clear on exactly how that would happen, tho I did have some ideas. Before I moved back home, towards the end of my lease, one of my friends gave me a call. "Guess who I just ran into?" she asked. "Chaz?" I said. "Yup. I gave him your phone number. I hope you don't mind." "You WHAT?" I said and started getting all nervous. What if he calls? What would I say? But a week went by and he never called. Then my heart overrode my brain and I decided to call him. He was thrilled to hear from me and said that he didn't call me first because he was just too chickensh**. Then he proceeded to tell me everything that had happened to him in the year that we'd been apart. He had never stopped thinking about me and every time he and his girlfriend got into a fight, my name would come up. He got severely depressed and drowned his sorrows in a bottle. Eventually, his girlfriend decided to get back at him by having an affair with another man. He was a well-known drug addict and dealer. She ended up getting pregnant by him--which is bad in its own right, but wait, it gets better. Or...worse, I should say. This guy she was with was pumped heavily with drugs (and we suspect that she might've been too). The baby was born very prematurely, and still-born, its skin blackened by the amount of drugs in its system. When Chaz became aware of what had been done, he left, in absolute disgust. (Well, he was only living there for his daughter, after he learned that his girlfriend had gotten pregnant by another man.) Oh, and by the way, for those of you who've been paying attention, the baby she gave birth to was a boy---and she named him Kevin. He moved in with a friend of his in my hometown and had been living there ever since. When I came back home, I moved in temporarily with my grandmother until I could find my own place. On Chaz's birthday, I gave him a call and he walked the mile or so to my grandma's to come see me. This proceeded for a few months--one of us would call the other, he'd walk a mile in the freezing cold to see me and sometimes we'd go for walks, sometimes stopping to warm up in our favorite bar (which is sadly no more). He spoke to a friend of his who offered to let us move in with him. I jumped at the chance, especially considering that my grandma was driving me nuts--and making me physically ill. (The stress of living with her upset my stomach and activated my GERD.) Well, to make a long story short, this "friend" had recently gotten out of prison for selling drugs, and was clearly still shady. He claimed that he owned his house and was in the real estate biz (which may or may not be true). After living with him for several months he ended up robbing us of almost everything we had, for rent that we never really owed since--we found out later--he'd been illegally subletting to us this house that he "owned". We have no proof that it was him who did this, but you know how you just know some things? It was all very suspicious, considering our "robbers" didn't take anything of his--and he had a really nice tv. By the way, this was also around the time that he was getting kicked out because his landlord found out what he was doing. Tho our roommate told us that he was selling the house and we all had to find a new place to live. So, of course, before the robbery, he'd already moved over half his stuff out and put it in storage. Convenient, huh? So anyway, we got a good deal on an apartment in a local complex and have been living here ever since. It's recently come under new management and they've remodeled, so this place is really nice, tho a bit small. We are ridiculously in love with each other, and are always making each other laugh. We have a son now too. He is 3 months old today and the most adorable thing I've ever set eyes on. We are not married yet but plan on doing so as soon as we come into some money. I am writing a book and hope to get it published within the next two years. Don't ask me anything about it--at least not yet--because it's a secret. An artist never reveals his masterpiece before it's finished. Well, I am exhausted from telling my story and now I need to call my sister and then go run some errands. Wishing you all well, Silent Angel By the way, this guy is an absolute genius! CwG quote of the day: You can choose to be a person who has resulted simply from what has happened, or from what you have chosen to be and do about what has happened. Current Location: my living room Current Music: the Pro Street soundtrack Current Mood:  complacent |
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Just a quick update.
Life sucks. I lost my job and my unpleasant financial status is affecting my home life. My roommate doesn't speak to me anymore, except to say a few terse words. Mostly just business-like. I'd hole myself up in my room all day if I could get a decent signal in here. I'm surprised I'm getting one now.
I start a new job tomorrow. At a women's clothing store. The pay sucks and the work is only part time.
I got a job offer to work as a customer service rep here in town. The pay is awesome and the location is highly convenient, as are the hours. My only dilemma is finding a way to get to the interview. The main office is 10 miles out of town and I have no vehicle. I could take a bus to, but perhaps not fro. A cab is out of the question. I made friends with a teller at the bank today who offered to bring me, and I offered in exchange to refer her to my interviewer. I'm crossing my fingers that I've received help. I need an end to this prison I'm living in. A more-than-decent wage seems the only way out. Enough money to pay the bills and save for a new car and apartment.
I haven't heard from my boyfriend in two weeks. Last I talked to him, he was in Chicago on business. I've tried to contact him, to no avail, and I'm starting to get very worried. It's not like him to go so long without talking to me. I'm used to hearing from him at least every other day. I hope he's okay. Perhaps I should file a missing person's report.... Current Mood:  rejected Current Music: Song for Myla Goldberg--The Decemberists |
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An interesting weekend it's been. The freakiest thing happened to me on Friday. I was taking a bath, wasn't in there for more than 20 minutes and I was starting to feel pretty hot, so I decided to get out. I unplugged the drain and stepped out of the tub.
Next thing I know, 10 minutes have passed and I'm clinging to the sink, trying to keep myself from collapsing, because I'm feeling overwhelmingly dizzy. I can't see because my vision is out of focus. I can't hear because of all the blood that's rushing to my head. I notice that my chin is bleeding. And my lip feels a little fat. I'm really scared, all these thoughts going through my head. Seriously (but perhaps irrationally) wondering if I might be dying. I know my roommate, Doug, is in his room sleeping but hell if I'm going to stumble in there without any clothes on, no matter how desperately I need help. (Of course, it didn't occur to me to just throw on a towel...) Trying to figure out what to do to help myself, all the while fighting my body's urge to collapse and black out again, I take action on the first thought that comes to me and splash cold water on my face. The rushing water sounds really weird, very muffled. I splash until my dizziness recedes and my vision and hearing restore themselves. Knowing now that I'll be okay, at least for the moment, I pay attention to the damage that's been done. My chin has been cut, but not very deep. There's a large, painful bump on my right knee. And my throat feels very badly bruised. It hurts to swallow, to vocalize, even to breathe. I put a bandaid on my chin and get dressed. I make my way over to Doug's room and knock on the door. I ease it open and explain to him what happened and ask if he'll take me to urgent care to get checked out. I'm worried about my throat, that maybe there's some internal damage beyond bruising. Better safe than sorry.
The nurse treats my wounds and the doctor, upon examining me, is convinced that I'll be just fine. "The fact that you're able to swallow and talk tells me that everything is fine on the inside," she says. "You have a lot of muscle in that area that protects your passages. It's hard to break anything there." She gives me a high dosage of Advil for the pain and offers to take some tests to determine what caused the accident. I'd already had a blood test on my last visit but I allow her to have an EKG done so she can have those results as well. She says I appear normal, so maybe I just got overheated. It could be possible that my blood sugar was a little low, considering I hadn't eaten much before I took my bath. She tells me that if something like this ever happens again, to get myself to urgent care immediately and they'll test me for serious health problems and set me up with a primary care specialist. In the meantime, I am to watch my eating habits, keep myself hydrated and make sure I get enough sugars into my system.
I am feeling much better today. My throat doesn't hurt so bad, but it still hurts when I touch it. When I talk and when I cough, it sounds like I have a really bad cold. I sure would like to know how I fell. I must have fallen forward and hit the sink. I'm surprised Doug didn't hear me in there. I must have fallen hard, for me to be in such pain. I noticed later that the top on the garbage can was slightly askew, and the cleaning sprays that were sitting next to the can had been knocked over.
I'm a bit wary of taking baths now. Or rather, I should say, I'm a bit wary of hot water. I think I just got overheated, cuz I remember my heart beating so hard it felt like someone was having a pow-wow in my chest.
Needless to say tho, I'm definitely going to be a bit more cautious about how I take care of myself, in all matters. It's the first--and hopefully the last--time I've ever fainted.
Aug. 14th, 2005 @ 01:44 pm
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| » Awakenings |
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I know some of you are wondering what happened to my exciting soap opera of a love life. And I'm sure you figured out by now that the reason I haven't said anything about it is because it has ceased to exist. But I've gotten to the point now where I'm willing to satisfy your curiosity. There won't be many details as I've forgotten most of them. But I'll do my best to sum it up for you.
Ok, the last entry I had written was about the night that he had kissed me after I'd taken him home. I don't remember what exactly happened during that next week. I think we might have discussed it a little. Can't remember tho if the discussion was a good one or a bad one. Anyway, things progressed after that, slowly at first. He continued to make advances at me every time I saw him and I proceeded to push him away. Then one night, he took me to a romantic gazebo. It was beside a beautiful fountain and I was lost in the serenity of the place, meditating in the fresh, crisp night air and the sound of the water spraying up and falling down into the pond. After begging for a kiss and me refusing yet again, he asked me why I had kissed him that one night and now I won't. "Because I wasn't thinking," I said. He took mock offense to that and so I explained, as if I really needed to. And then, when he tried to kiss me again, for some reason I didn't push him away. I've often wondered what exactly made me do it. Perhaps it was insatiable curiosity. Perhaps it was a rebellion of spirit over my logical mind, saying "You are always too cautious--take a risk for a change and to hell with the consequences!" (And to hell I'm going too I'll bet) I don't know and I don't know if I'll ever know. All I know is that it was spectacular and I wanted more. And more and more. It was the most amazing night of my life. We spent the rest of the night tasting each other--in the gazebo, at the grain elevators, in the middle of the street. We couldn't get enough of each other. We headed back to my apartment after a couple of hours and held each other.
It was the only time in my life that I've ever been excited about going to work every day. The following days were amazing. Every chance we could, we would peek at each other and share a smile or a wink. We would spend as much time as we could after work. We went to A & W and shared a root beer float. He'd come over on his daily walk to spend time with me. "I am so happy when I'm with you," he'd say. We got to know the deepest parts of each other. Eventually, I got tired of the secrecy and I urged him to tell his fiance about us. I didn't want to love him if I couldn't love him openly. It just wasn't fair. He kept telling me that he would but I knew that he was scared. There were so many things for him to lose. Slowly, he took the actions he needed to take. First, he postponed the wedding. Then he called off the engagement completely. After a while, when he still hadn't broken up with her, I began having major doubts about our relationship. I contemplated calling everything off, even consulted my cards which seemed to confirm my decision. But, as usual, I decided not to listen to my gut. I reasoned that it would make more sense just to stick with it for another week until I moved to evenings, when I would barely see him anyway. He complained about that--not being able to see me when I went to 2nd shift--and I promised to come see him during his lunch break every day.
The 2nd day in my new position, when fulfilling my promise, he told me that he'd finally broken up with her. I was ecstatic and wished right then and there that I could...well....do things to him. But he also told me that he was having trouble leaving his child and that he wanted to continue living there. It sounded awfully fishy to me, but I ignored again what my gut was telling me. The next day, he was not at work when I came to visit, so I called him when I got home to see what the deal was. He told me that he hadn't been feeling well and apologized for not calling. He said that he was really confused, so many things were going through his head. (Apparently, he had been talking with his ex.) After I got off the phone with him, those dreadful feelings came rushing back to me again. I decided to skip work that day. I was already depressed anyway, because I missed him so much, and our conversation worsened matters. I went and spent the day with my dad and sis, who cheered me up a little bit.
The next day, I again went to see him for lunch, but this time with a feeling of dread. I knew in the pit of my stomach that something was horribly wrong, but I drove on, hoping that I was just worrying needlessly.
When I got there, he asked if we could go out to my car. We sat there in silence for a minute (tho it seemed like forever to me). He was staring at the dash and finally spoke up right before I shouted "Out with it already!"
"I'm going to stay with her."
BOOM! It hit me like an atomic bomb. I was so shocked I couldn't speak. He explained to me that he'd had a talk with her the night before, one that they should have had a long time ago, and they sorted through some things. "She's my true love," he said. "And," he added, "I just can't leave another child. I just can't." (He had been expressing this particular concern throughout our relationship.) "I'm sorry," he said. And he quoted something back to me that I had told him a while ago: "No matter what I do, I'm gonna end up hurting somebody." Figures it had to be me, I thought. "So is this goodbye forever," I asked, "or just goodbye for now?" He told me that he enjoys my company and at least wants to be friends, which I reciprocated, but we didn't know if it was such a good idea. He gave me a hug and called me an angel and that was that.
I still saw him on occasion, at work (until he quit), and at my brother's (they're close friends). I did my best to keep my distance from him, physically and emotionally. Tho it didn't seem to sit well with him. He would always come up to me and give me attention--whether by words or by innocent touch, or both. I didn't turn him away, but it was so hard for me to be around him. I was hurting so bad inside. I'd never known pain like that before. This searing, burning pain from the inside out, and my heart hurt so much that all I wanted to do was tear it out. And I thought to myself, This must be what Hell feels like. I called my family and friends so much during those next couple of months that it's only thanks to them that I'm still breathing right now. For weeks, his leftover essence preyed on me. I wondered when I would ever stop crying and prayed every day that I could overcome this and that I could get him off my mind. But at the same time that I was turning to God, I was also turning away from him. I hated him for allowing this to happen to me and I begged him to help me understand why. Because I couldn't. All of the spiritual studying I had done over the past couple of years did nothing for me then. I lost faith, day after day, in God and in myself. I nearly burned my cards and books because I felt that they had lied to me. I didn't trust them anymore.
It's been 7 months now since it happened and I still feel great pain when I think about it. I am just now beginning to trust God again. And my cards. And my self. I am regaining my vision, slowly but surely. I am once again able to see the future and it no longer looks bleak and lonely to me. I have finally reached a point now where I am open to receiving the love that I deserve. I am no longer feeling victimized. I pray every day that I will fall in love again and it will be a great love and everlasting, surpassing everything I had before.
I watched The Notebook last night (my new absolute favorite movie) and it renewed my faith that true love exists and I am going to find it one day. And when I do, nothing and no one will be able to destroy me again.
CwG quote of the day #1: I have sent you nothing but angels.
CwG quote of the day #2: Do not feel abandoned. I am always with you.
Mar. 27th, 2005 @ 02:38 pm
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| » New member of the rehabilitation center for coupon addicts |
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^-^ I am a coop-un fiend! First thing I do on Sunday mornings is rush to the door to grab the paper JUST so I can see what new coupons it has to offer and then go into a clipping frenzy. lol. Who cares about the news, right?
Well, my kitties are much better now. Chloe is back to her old self. Yay, I'm so happy!
Went down to visit my fam this weekend. Had a nice chat with my mom about topics ranging from careers to dating to life in AV. We watched Snow White: A Tale of Terror on IFC. And believe it or not, it was Mom's idea. lol. Shocked me a bit cuz it's kind of a dark horror-type film and Mom usually stays away from those. But it was really good. In fact, I wanna buy it now. And I'm also craving a Grimms Brothers storybook, so I can see what all the other original tales were like. Like Hansel and Gretel. That story's already pretty whacked. Can't wait to read what the original version was like. Probably very Edgar Allen Poe-ish.
Went and visited my big brother on my way home yesterday and got to see my friends Lisa and Rachel as well. Rachel wanted me to come party with them, but I gave them a rain check. Promised to plan a weekend solely to come hang with them, since I haven't gotten to do so since New Year's. My little bro wasn't home. :( He'd headed up to the cities for a show, but I gave him a call and he said he'd stop by today on his way home. I have a feeling tho that he isn't going to show. It's already almost 3:30 and I haven't received a call from him yet. If he decides to just not show up, my disappointment is going to turn to anger real quick. He should know by now that I hate sitting around and waiting. I mean, geez, if I don't have to be here waiting for you to show up, please tell me so that I can go do something productive with my time. Well, I hope he does show up cuz I haven't seen him in a while. If not today, I guess I can see him on the 27th when he'll be playing up in Mpls.
My friend  spiritcrystals created a journal! Yay! She's one of the coolest chicks I know so be sure to read her journal and tell her I sent ya, if ya decide to leave a comment. ^-^
It is sooooo nice out today. I'm actually able to have the window open without freezing my ass off. I think I'll have to go read on the balcony for a bit. Let the sun beat down on me. In fact, I think I'll go do that right now. ^-^ Ttfn and have a great rest of the weekend!
Mar. 6th, 2005 @ 03:09 pm
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| » Wow! That's some crazy sh**, man! |
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Has anyone ever seen that game show, Dog Eat Dog? I'm watching it on the game show network right now. There's one challenge where...I don't know what they call it. One of the contestants--and, interestingly enough, it's usually a female...hmmmm--has to throw a football through a large ring that's several feet up in the air from quite a few feet away, and every time they miss, they have to remove an article of clothing. Or something like that. And this one chick ended up stripping down completely to her birthday suit! lol. even tho she could've stopped at merely being topless, but she was given an extra toss or something. Wow! And the guys on the show....lol. Well, it's really funny when the chicks get nekkid. Cuz the guys practically have their tongues hangin out...and probly have problems with other body parts too. hehe. i can't imagine ever getting naked on national tv, even for a large sum of money. ........Well........maybe for a large sum of money. lol. Now that i think about it. But, man, I gotta hand it to these chicks. They've got some guts. What a crazy game show.
Well, my friend Matt never showed up to check the place out. What a dillhole. See if he gets a Christmas card now. lol
I met my online friend Shane for the first time today. Went to Big Daddy's, a 50s-ish restaurant nearby. They had some trivial pursuit cards in a little box on the table, so we were asking each other questions after the meal. That was pretty cool. I think every restaurant should have trivia cards at each table. It sure gives you something to do while waiting for your food. Especially if your date is proving to be pretty boring. lol. Not that Shane was. Not that it was even a date. I'm just saying. Ya know.
But then...bars usually have trivia computers to play so a restaurant owner would probly find it tacky or something. Hey, man, sometimes I go to the bar JUST to play those games. lol. j/k.
Well, I am off to my mom's tomorrow for a visit. She won't let me stay past Saturday tho. :( My stepsister is staying there and I guess Mom would feel a little overwhelmed if I stayed longer. Pssssh. Since when is my stepsister more important than me? ^-^ Thanks Mom. lol.
Planning on stopping by my brother's house on my way back. He's got a new computer that he wants to show me. I think I'll bring my Bard's Tale game while I'm at it, so I can get HIM hooked too. And I have to remember to get my Family Dog video and my Iron & Wine CDs back from him too.
Man, too many things to remember that I need to do tomorrow. I really need to get myself a Palm Pilot or something. Maybe it'll remember what I forget so often.
Anyway, have a great weekend everybody. Ttfn.
Mar. 3rd, 2005 @ 09:54 pm
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| » They really need to get better magazines to read in the waiting room |
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Had to take my roomie to Urgent Care today. She had an attack at work today. Found out that her blood sugar level was too low. She mentioned that for the past couple of weeks she hasn't been feeling too well, but she didn't really think anything of it. Hopefully, now, she'll tone down on the stress a bit and take better care of herself. I worry about her sometimes. She pushes herself too hard and ignores her body's needs too often.
Chloe seems to be doing a little better, probly thanks to Lucy's meds, which I've taken Lucy off of. She doesn't seem to need them anymore. She's been feeding herself well, and getting enough fluids now. She's back to her usual lovey, demanding self. lol. Chloe's still kind of stuffy and snotty but seems to be breathing better. Not doing too well on her appetite tho. She may take a while to recuperate. But I have faith in her. ^-^
Thoroughly cleaned my bathroom and office today. It looks soooo nice in here. Even my roomie gave me praise today for it. Wish I could get that from her more often. Usually all I get is "Wow, I can't believe you cleaned your room." Doesn't she realize how much that makes me want to slap her? I mean, how rude. You'd think a good job is deserving of praise not criticism. Needless to say, I was very happy that she wasn't cynical with me today. I should mention to her how much I appreciated that. Maybe I'll get it more often.
Check it out. I am one of my favorite writers:
William Shakespeare.
April 1564 - April 23 1616
"And since you know you cannot see yourself,
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,
will modestly discover to yourself,
that of yourself which you yet know not of."
You are probably a passionate lover and often
tagged as a hopeless romantic... Though,
chances are, you're a not-so-hopeless romantic.
You're good with your comedy, but even better
with your drama. You're far ahead of your
time... and yet, still perfect for it. You're
extremely good at what you go and you've yet to
be matched. Keep up the good work.
Which Classic Writer Are You? (With Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
Mar. 2nd, 2005 @ 08:37 pm
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