gah. i miss school. badly. everytime i leave this place, i realize how truly attached i am. my room at home may be larger and my bed may be more comfortable and i may have a bathroom to myself, but i would pay a high price to be in tippetts arguing with my roomie, or in lower ford watching a pool game, or even in burgin slaving away for our dear director. i guess u could call my condition reverse homesickness... perhaps this has something to do with the fact that my father got married today. the man is alreay married! was this religious ceremony truly necessary? his deepset faith in the Holy Roman Catholic Church is one of the things i fail to unserstand abouy my father. i suppose i am happy for them, but sometimes you cannot personally share in such happiness, no matter how happy you are for someone else. my feelings for my stepmother are compicated... i love her, and her presence has brought about much good. i can accept her, but being forced to acknowledge her presence as "the wife of my father" is pushing things. i prefer to think of her as "that nice lady who hangs around my father alot". i guess i like to think that sha has always been around, that everything is normal, and this wedding is a huge reminder that thinhs are not as they always were, and that the past is nothing like the present. i guess my reverse homesickness boils down to this: i came to mercersburg to hide. going back home for an event like this is a bit like taking of my sunglasses. the more i wear them, the more sensitive my eyes become, which forces me to wear them even more, until i am effectively blinded by sunshine. the longer i stay at mercersburg, the more comfortable i become, and the more out of place i feel when i emerge from the cornfeilds. ya know, if i feel this way three months into freshman year, i can't imagine how bad i'll b by senior year. or maybe by that time i'll have found a new and better place to run to. or better yet, i won't feel the need to run.
Current Music: Corelli 12 Concerti Grossi
Current Location: Philadelphia, Pa