~the jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be. But for all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap! ~ M.C. Hershey

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Just a few more quotes I like. Hope you like.


"There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still."
-Franklin D. Roosevelt

Bottom line- YOU decide

We are the masters of our own lives, we are not puppets, so chose your goals wisely!

Prioritize your health and happiness!

Be the tortoise not the hare. Slow and steady.

"This is for me, and I deserve it."

Failure- a stone on a path not the last one called success.
Planless gaol=a wish
Faithless dream=fleeting & amiss.
Progress-little to do with speed-much to do with direction.
Wiser to replace with better choices than to deny human nature-small smarter choice substitutions.
Purposely choose your thoughts-what you believe-you achieve-Be careful what you think

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Change
"Change takes time, especially when attempting to change long-held patterns. This isn't meant to discourage you, but to remind you of what you already know. People tend to forget these simple truths and expect an obstacle-free road and instant results. Such unrealistic expectations can only lead to disappointment. When setbacks occur, as they must, realize they aren't a sign of failure but simply part of the process.

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cant believe im so sad a suprise
i really cant believe iam so upset over this girl right now,
ive spent lots of time with her in thepast 2 or so months. i work with her, we have been workin at the same time so i take her to work and pick her up. she abruptly just started acting like it wasnt unusuall that she wasnt getting a ride from me anymore and not talkin to me that much. She had a bf i think she still does i dunno sometimes i dunno about that part. Whatever truth is there doesnt tatally help how i feel right now. I didnt realize that i was truely falling for this girl until she didnt call me anymore. Dam, she was my drug of choice for this while. No shes gone and that hole is there, she doesnt need me and i want her, i totally know she isnt a girl i actually want as a gf. yet i was just happy knowing that i was getting together with her everyday. we went out alot, it was always all good.. now im sad and it sucks.. i hate..

how soes this apply to me and how i need to get myself together..
i ben sober for 2 yrs and im lonely and unhappy

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Iron rusts from disuse, water loses its purity from stagnation ... even so
does inaction sap the vigors of the mind.
--Leonardo da Vinci

After a long day of working or doing errands, we may want to sit and not do
a thing. But although our bodies may be physically tired, our minds may be
just the opposite.

If we're plagued by tired, cranky thoughts after a day's activity, we might
discover our minds are too hooked into our feelings. We can separate the
mind from the body and learn to chase away stinking thinking. We might treat
our tired bodies to a bath while we treat our minds to a good book. While
we're soaking our feet or resting in an easy chair, we can put on some
music. Or we can put aside the hectic pace of the day and throw our creative
energies into preparing a new recipe.

There are countless ways to wake up our minds even if our bodies are tired.
Instead of collapsing in front of the television or eating junk food, we can
change our focus. We can tune out the signals of the day and turn on our
minds.

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Interesting video on Love and Addiction

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i have migraine's, adhd(wich i hate that label), depression, i am also a drug abuser.

ive read that people take anti depressants for migraines, also for adhd, hmm...

comments any???

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Four Questions About My Addiction
FOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT MY ADDICTION*
A COST/BENEFIT EXERCISE1 Info on how to use is in first comment. Could not get the cut thing to work for some reason.


What do I enjoy about my addiction?
What does it do for me?
(be specific)


What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction?
What good things might happen when I stop my addiction?


What do I hate about my addiction?
What bad things does it do to me and to others?
(give specific examples)


What do I think I won’t like about giving up my addiction?
What am I going to hate, dread or dislike about living without my addiction?

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Enjoyment
If you're relaxing, let yourself relax, without guilt, without worrying
about the work that is undone.

If you're with loved ones, let yourself love them, and let them love
you.

Let yourself enjoy your work, for that can be pleasurable too.

What would feel good? What would you enjoy? Is there a positive
pleasure available?

Recovery is not solely about stopping the pain. Recovery is about
learning to make ourselves feel better; then it's about making
ourselves feel good.

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Change Plan Worksheet
This can be used for any of the 4 points you wish. I usually post mine where I can see it, to remnd me of my goals, and the reason for it. I also use one sheet for each change.

1. The changes I want to make are:

2. The most important reasons why I want to make these changes are:

3. The steps I plan to take in changing are:

4. The ways other people can help me are:

Person Possible ways to help me

5. I will know that my plan is working if:

6. Some things that could interfere with my plans are:

7. How important is it that you make this change:
Not at all Important Most Important
0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

8. How confident are you that you can make this change?

Acknowledgement: Thanks

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Challenging an unhelpful idea
What idea have I strongly and persistently held that I now realize to be the cause of many problems - emotional or otherwise - in my life?



What's wrong with this idea? What makes it unrealistic, extreme, illogical and/or unreasonable?



How does this idea push me and others around? What are the consequences of doggedly holding on to this idea?



Is it helping me get what I want or hurting me?



Is there any proof to support this irrational and/or unhelpful idea?


Imagine that I'm trying to convince another person why it doesn't make sense to think that way; what persuasive counterarguments would convince him or her?



Note to myself: I will try to notice when this old unhelpful idea seems to be at the root of some new distress. I will regularly read what I've written on this sheet to help myself think more clearly, feel better, and act more wisely.

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"We are alive, and that is the only place we need to be to start." - J.
Leeds

Our needs are much simpler than our wants. We may want perfect flying
weather and a detailed flight plan, but insistence on ideal conditions may
make the difference between staying and going. All we really need to take
off is to be alive.

No one is too beaten down, too old, or too anything else to begin a
self-improvement program. Willingness, and willingness alone, is the total
price of the ticket. The next thing to do is to get rid of excess baggage -
like the notion that this or that condition must be met before we begin.
Once we take responsibility for where we are and who we are, the only thing
left is here we are! What else do we need to be?

Change is about process, and the improvement process has much more to do
with our direction that with our starting place. If we're starting at 10 and
going for 100, or if we're starting at 1,000 and shooting for the
stratosphere, we're still in process. It is the same infinite journey for
all of us. On this side of the grave, there will never be a time when the
journey toward completion is over. And that's not because we're so broken -
it's because the possibilities are so great.

Starting is all there is, so here I go!

- From "Believing in Myself - Daily Meditations for Healing and Building
Self-Esteem" by Earnie Larsen and Carol Hegarty

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We're striving for acceptance of ourselves, our past, other people,
and our present circumstances while in recovery. Acceptance brings
serenity and freedom – the freedom to take care of ourselves.

Acceptance is not a one-step process. Before we achieve acceptance,
there are stages of denial, anger, negotiating, and sadness. We call
these stages the grief process. Grief can be frustrating. It can be
confusing. We may vacillate. Others may not understand us. We
may neither understand ourselves nor our own behavior while we're
grieving our losses. Then one day, things become clear.

Don't worry. If we are taking steps to take care of ourselves, we will
move through this process at exactly the right pace. Be
understanding with yourself and others for the very human way we
go through transition.

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Forward Steps
CONSTRUCTIVE (RELAPSE PREVENTIVE) THINKING

1. Thought Stopping: I'm not going to think about that; I've already made my decision.

2. Thought Substitution: I'm in danger - I'd better be alert; I think I'll call Bob; I think I'll plan my vacation.

3. Debating/Disputing/Challenging Your Addictive Voice: Where is the evidence? Is this thought or belief true or valid? How does this thought or belief serve my best interest?

4. Coping Statements: This feeling will eventually pass; It's hard, but not too hard; Condemn the behavior, not the person.

5. Positive Affirmation: I have said no to myself before - I can do so again; I'm going to treasure my sobriety; Even if I have lapsed, I can accept myself.

6. Review of Goals (Desirable Outcomes): I want to stop drinking - it's my goal; I have already decided that I want to keep my relationship with my wife; I want to go home sober.

7. Review of Negative Consequences (Undesirable Outcomes): Eventually, I will lose my job; I can't take two drinks without taking several more and getting drunk; My relationships will suffer.

8. Do Written Homework (Problem Sheet, ABC Sheet, or Drinking Sheet).

9. Refraining: Look at the situation from another angle or another person's viewpoint. Look at the benefits of choosing not to engage in the addictive behavior.

10. Rational-Emotive Imagery: Imagine yourself behaving or feeling differently about the situation. Close your eyes and practice responding to someone in a different, more rational, more effective manner.



CONSTRUCTIVE (RELAPSE PREVENTIVE) ACTIONS

1. Get involved in a project or a recreational activity.

2. Walk the other way.

3. If there are any remaining liquor, drugs, sweets, or other addictive substances in the house, throw them out or flush them down the toilet.

4. Call a friend.

5. Fill in a worksheet.

6. Do something intentionally to lift your spirits other than drinking or drugging: e.g., climb a mountain, go for a brisk walk.

7. Have some seltzer or other non-alcoholic beverage.

8. Go to a SMART Recovery meeting.

9. Read a chapter from Ellis and Velten's When AA Doesn't Work for You or another REBT self-help book.

10. Divert/enjoy yourself: Exercise, go for a walk, watch TV, play a game, cook, take a hot bath, have a cup of coffee, read the newspaper, listen to music.

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Get Away
I'd like to get away from earth awhile. And then come back to it and begin
again.
-- Robert Frost

Do we think it's weak to need a break? Do we ignore the need to recharge our
batteries? Responsibility for our own lives requires us to recognize the
need to restore our energy. Maybe our former escape from the world was by
using food, or drugs, or spending money, or being preoccupied with another
person.

Now, since we are developing the ability to be with ourselves, we can take a
break from the world and come back restored. This meditation time generates
more energy for our lives. Recreation with friends, a walk, a movie, or a
concert does the same. Taking responsibility to get away is a good cure for
self-pity and exhaustion.

Today, I will be aware of my need to restore my energy.


What ways will you get away and restore today? This week? This month?

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Trigger Homework Sheet
1. What was the trigger?

2. How were you feeling just before you felt like drinking or drugging?

3. What were you telling yourself just before you started to drink or drug? (Look for additional, hidden thoughts.)

4. What did you do?

5. Which thoughts led to which addictive feelings and behaviors?

6. What was the chain of thoughts, feelings, and actions?

7. What could you have told yourself?

8. What could you have done?

9. What emotions could you have pushed yourself to feel?

10. How do you feel now about what happened?

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Tools
Who would try to nail boards together without a hammer or change
a flat tire without a jack? To deny our need for tools would be
ridiculous, wouldn't it? Yet many of us have trouble accepting that
we need tools to repair our damaged self-esteem.

Sheer force of will won't lift a car so that a bad tire can be replaced
and it won't lift a heavy burden from our spirits either. Insight and
knowledge of carpentry can't pound a nail – nor can insight and
knowledge, without the help of tools, pound the dents out of our
battered psyches.

It isn't weak or shameful to admit that a human finger isn't a
screwdriver and a human eye isn't a microscope. Why do we resist
the idea that recovery work, like physical work, has its own set of
tools? Reading, sharing, and attending our support group's
meetings – these are the tools that help us do the job. They aren't
optional niceties or crutches. If we need to lay a new foundation, we
need to dig a big hole. And if we need to dig a hole, we'd better be
willing to use a shovel.

My willingness to use the tools determines the outcome of the job.

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Any Ideas
So far I have mainly been posting from the SMART tool box on the website, or from the book. Soon I hope to be posting sample CBA's and other useful info that is not on the website. I would like to hear from you and what you would like to see me include on the blog. Also, if anyone wishes to post there own "homework" to share with others, be it your goals, CBA, etc... you are welcome to do so. In the F2F meets we do these together as a group, so I will also try to make a way to have it happen as we go on here. The innput you can get from others is amazing at times. But really I would like this to be very interactive with us all supporting each other.

Remember- You have the power. It is in you and always will be.

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RATIONAL BELIEFS
TO INCREASE FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE

In the long run, the easier and less disciplined approach to pleasure and enjoyment is usually less rewarding than the more difficult or uncomfortable route.

I am happiest when I get involved in long-term, challenging work that requires me to work against inertia and take risks.

While things I have to do may be difficult, unpleasant or boring, they are rarely too difficult, unpleasant or boring.

While it may be unfair that I have to work so hard, my life does not have to be easy.

In order to achieve pleasant results, I often have to do unpleasant things.

Yes, it is a pain to do this now, but I'd better because it will be much harder and I'll get worse results if I do it later.

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Putting Past Behind You
What is past is all said and done. What remains to be seen is what I can bring to my present and future.

Better for me to concentrate on what I'm doing today rather than on what I did or didn't do yesteryear.

Better to do in the present than to stew about the past.

The past isn't going to get any better!

Poor decisions made in the past do not have to be repeated in the present.

Because something once happened doesn't mean that it has to continue to happen.

No matter how bad any event was, I do not have to allow it to continue to have a negative influence on my life.

I cannot rewrite history and change what has already happened.
Whining and screaming about the injustices and unfairness of the past will only take a bad situation and make it worse.

I don't have to be the one person in the universe to have been treated with total fairness and kindness - and I don't have to moan and groan about the fact that I wasn't.

I'm going to put more money down on what can yet be made to happen than on what has already happened.

Having been treated unfairly in the past is all the more reason to treat myself fairly in the present.

Now that I have been shown how not to treat people, I can have a better start on how to treat them.

I don't have to take the unkindnesses of the past and turn them into insults in the present.

I can use what did not kill me in the past to make myself emotionally strong in the present.

I may have suffered deprivation in the past, but I have not been degraded or demeaned by it.

Demeaningness is a state of mind that only I can give myself, and I've got better things to do than rake myself over the coals.

People's treating me like dirt in the past does not mean that I am dirt.

Feeling sorry for myself, angry toward others, guilty, or ashamed for getting the short end of the stick in the past will only continue to keep me from achieving happiness in the present and future.

I am an active stewing-in-my-own-juices participant in my present victimization and can choose instead to make plans to move forward with my life.

What I tell myself today is much more important than what others have told me in the past.

Past experiences do not represent me. Rather, they represent things I have experienced; they do not make me into a better or worse person.

The enemy is not my past; the enemy is my way of thinking about my past.

Going on an archeological dig of my past in an effort to explain my present difficulties is like trying to find a needle in a haystack and will only divert me from present problem-solving.

Everything that has happened in my life happened. Therefore, I'd better get off my high horse and stop pigheadedly demanding that it should not have occurred, when in truth it did occur.

What has happened to me is not nearly as important as what I decide to do with it.

I will try to be successful in putting my past behind me by changing my thoughts and feelings about it, but I don't have to put myself down if I fall short of the put-it-behind-me mark.

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