so, my thesis went over well 20 days till last class. hell yeah
im soooooo looking forward to this summer.
im having a fun time being single, but i want to date more. wish there were more fun guys that lived around here.
I'm obsessed with ''first impressions of earth''
I love the strokes
god yeah I do.
'playground love' by Air. go listen to it as well.
I thought of you today, and last night.. wow. (of course you know who you are)
Rough draft is due tuesday, I haven't even started my essay. I think I need to get to that at some point in time.
I wrote this in class while i was bored today, would like to share it:
Rather than having a normal attitude towards life, with a smooth ride and occasional bumps in the road, I live my life inside a bubble. I don't really have any sort of particular liking for bubbles, people are just made the way they are. Some of you ride in boats that occasionally spring a leak, others are riding on a bumpy bus that sometimes loses a tire. My universe decided on a bubble.
I tend to live in relatively large bubbles, though at times it will vary. Sometimes I willingly let you cross through the soapy wall and live with me for a while. Other times I burn you if you even consider it. My reasoning for that is because, from time to time my bubble will, in fact, burst. Rarely does it burst from someone popping it, or it going off track and bumping into something (note that I said 'rarely', not 'never'). The only reasoning for the sudden pop and drop that I can make my brain accept is that my bubble bursts because I let too many of you in and my bubble can't float much higher whilst so full of people. People that make me happy. And there in lies the problem.
See the happier I am, the higher my bubble floats. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, because along with causing me to float higher, my happiness also causes the bubble to become stronger. I like when my bubble is strong. I also like being happy, so you'd think there was no real problem there, except...WRONG. Because I tend to draw crowds, not because I'm anything spectacular to see, but because my happiness, a lot of times, wanes on going out and being with my friends, and in order for me to do that I have to let them into my bubble. This is where the trouble begins, because I get so caught up in being happy with everyone, and I make so many friends that I can't possibly deny anyones entry. The big BL(aka bubble land) is the place to be. But then someone comes in that I don't know, and somehow they fight through all the crowd of fun and happiness, and manage to get straight to me and steal my happy box. I keep my happy box in my secret happy place, which remains a secret for obvious reasons. Once my happy place was no secret, and my happy box could rest easily, anywhere I pleased, but now I have to keep it hidden and secret because I've lost much faith and trust in the human race since those days. Sometimes in the midst of all the fun I'll tell someone, or more than one someone, about my happy place and my happy box. Sometimes they stay true, and keep it a secret, sometimes they use it to their advantage. Once they steal my happy box, my bubble begins to lose it's strength. There's a lot of ways to go on being happy even without a happy box, and usually I can, but that doesn't mean things won't change for the worse. Because see, even if I'm still happy...without my happy box, I just can't provide enough happiness for my bubble to stay as strong as it needs to be, and people keep coming in. Soon my bubble is dangerously full, and I feel alone, and stretched without my happy box, and I start feeling sad and angry. Mainly towards whoever it was that gained my trust and then decided to venture to my happy place and steal my happy box, which I'm sure they open straight away and absorb all my hard earned happiness for themselves. By this time My bubble is too full, and my happiness is decreasing too quickly, and my bubble can't take it so it collapses. Then I blame all of you for bombarding into my personal universe and toying with my emotions. Of course I never really get much of a chance to get mad at you over it, what with all the falling, mind you I'm generally a good mile or two into the sky at the point of burstation.
In reality I know that's really not the reason my bubble bursts, but in The big BL my little bubble brain tells me that it's your fault that my bubble burst, and it's your fault that I'm now falling from whatever height you managed to bring me to. The real reason for my falling is ususally because things just get too good, or in other words my bubble floats too high.
Most of you know about this thing that our planet earth has, called an atmosphere. I like to call him Mr A. Mr A. has one main purpose, and that's to keep the things on earth...on earth, and the things from space...in space. Sometimes things go a little too high in the sky and, though he doesn't want to, Mr. A has to stop it. Which wouldn't be so bad if stopping things from coming in and out didn't cause a lot of collapsing, and combusting, and exploding, and burning, and squirting. All sorts of uncomfortable things.
Once it bursts, I fall for a while, sometimes I manage to form another bubble before I hit the ground. Sometimes I don't.
I use the term "sometimes" loosely because this happens quite often. It's more of a routine than anything else, ususally things go well for a good 3 or 4 months, then I fall for a couple of weeks.
The falling period is always my least favorite part, because during the falling I'm still a little mad about the bursting, and I feel pretty drained from lack of happy box, so I start doing stupid things to get happy fast. I'm sure you all can imagine what sort of idiotic things a person can do to make themselves happy in a short amount of time. Sometimes my dumb little happy poppers will work, and I'll realize I don't need them and somehow manage to blow up another bubble before I hit the ground. Othertimes, I get a little too caught up in the easiness of instant happiness, and I hit the ground with an uncomfortable soapy thud.
For a while I was just fine with this stupid routine, because 3/4th's of the time I was happy and floating.
But now I need more than a dumb routine and 3 weeks of falling for it.
This time I fell, and I just sat there on the ground in a terribly uncomfortable position I seemed to have landed in. I fell sometime last month or so, and just hit the ground a few weeks ago. My instant happiness got the best of me, but this time I'm tried something new. I waited a while before I blew up my bubble again.
I needed time to think without emotion, because see once I hit the ground I have no happiness at all. No sadness either. No emotion at all really, and that's the best time for a person to think. When there's no emotion involved in the decision, just pure logic. After all, when it comes to decision you need only logic. Emotion doesn't require any logic at all, so sometimes it's better to have no emotion when it comes to serious decision making. After a week or two on the ground walking around with the rest of the zombie-like/emotionless population I thought of something new.
Why not find someone to come with me the next time I blew my bubble up ( and bought a new happy box at the happy box store on 3rd ave) that way when I started to get down this person could cheer me up, or give me a hug, or kiss me sometimes just to add a little happiness into my little happy box, which I would surely share with them, especially if I intended them to go on such a long journey with me. See my plan is to make it off of planet earth and out into the REAL universe. I believe it's possible as long as I can stay happy long enough to reach the edge of Mr A's territory, because as you may remember, the happier the stronger. So just MAYBE once I'd found the right person to come with me on my journey we'd be able to combine our happiness and be strong enough to make it past good ol' Mr A. Of course if we don't the bubble will in fact, collapse, and both our heads will explode. Only downside. This person of course would have to be PERFECT. Especially since this would be an expedition for just us two, and they'd have to have the personality and will power to keep me satisfied and happy enough to keep the bubble floating and growing strong, steadily. This person would have to be able to make me happier than ALL my friends combined (because obviously my bubble tends to burst when my friends are around).
So I interviewed many many many worthy candidates and even started a bubble with a few of them, but then something would always go horribly wrong during the beginning of the flight and I'd have to come back down and keep up the search. After all the person had to be perfect for the job, I'm not looking to have a pancaked head anytime soon.
Eventually I found a few more qualified participants, and decided to pick the best of them to go. Soon it was down to two. It stayed there for a while. Over time each of the participants would grow more and more qualified, until it got to the point that I was looking strictly at statistics and not at how the person made me feel. Then one day participant number two bombed a very important part of his training, he didn't know how to make me happy. This of course was 3/4ths of his grade, the other 1/4th was just to see whether or not I could stand to spend a long span of time with either of the two without pancaking their heads myself.
That left me with participant number one, who seemed more and more perfect for the job as time went on. After all, I only need one other person with me on this adventure, the less people the less pressure, the less pressure the more growth, the more growth the more strength, and with just enough bubble strength and height, my goal coul dbe accomplished. This brings us to present day.
My story ends somewhere between a trip to the happy box shop and making our way to blowing up another bubble. I'm gathering happiness all the way.
Where the story ends, the transition begins.
so what did you think?..
..The only problem is, I haven't actually found that perfect person, it went from reality to fantasy at that point.
