I finally found someone that I felt I could trust to repair some precious family heirlooms and got sucked down a hole of genealogy today. :)

( GIANT pics under the cut and old school Mormon family ramblingsCollapse )
They're not Stradivarius, but they're my family's legacy. <3

So I have a fb, because it's the 21rst century and I'm not Amish. But I don't really LIKE it. I have people from high school and college (aka, the Mormons) friended, and use it to stalk ex-boyfriends' pictures see what people are up to.

Yesterday I posted an idea for a TV show (and some friends and I are actually moving forward on it, YAY!) about gardening, etc. Lots of back and forth comments with friends on the idea, how to get it produced, etc.

But you need this backstory: One person from college added me a few years back, and never said a word. (We had gone on a few dates, including a Big School Dance. He isn't The Date That brought a Date, mind.) He and some other guys (the one that went on and on about his Mission in Micronesia and the guy that thought a girl talking to him meant they wanted to marry this dudebro) had a Depeche Mode-style band (omg lol) and were King Turds of Shit Mountain that was my small college town. They all are still trying to make it in the "industry" after almost 20 years. In Utah. Yeah, that'll happen.

So after 2+ years from when he added me and never said a word, he finally messaged me yesterday. (And he is still LDS with 6 kids now.)
"Hey, what's up? It's Jimmy from school. I saw you post on FB and thought I'd see what you were up to these days? Where are you living? It looks like you work in film or news or something interesting like that. Remember that one time when we went up to Cedar City and discoed the shit out of that place? That was good times. Catch you later. Jimmy"

1. We never went to Cedar City and "discoed the shit" out that place. We went to SLC and went to a concert, however. (Which you left to meet "someone." Mm hmm.
2. Are you being cool by saying "shit?" Because Elder [his Last Name] that isn't in the Lord's Plan. Also, GRAMMAR, SON.
3. Remember when I took you to Sadie Hawkins? And paid for all of your things? And was awesome? And we were on the front page of the newspaper by sheer force of our awesomeness?
4. Most importantly, remember how we went back to my dorm, made out, and then you paused with your hand up my shirt and asked for advice on how to deal with your girlfriend? BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I REMEMBER.
5. What am I "up to?" Being awesome, atheistic, drinking wine, and not torturing myself over you asshole Utah dudes anymore. Kiss your wife for me! (He married that girlfriend, if you're not picking that up.)

IS THERE ANY WONDER WHY I DIDN'T STAY IN UTAH. Gross. I am so happy that every Utah boy found me unappealing. WHEW.

Side story: I had a dream last night that we brought home a GREAT WHITE SHARK to swim in our pool (which was my bedroom - dream logic, wtf?) and we kept trying to tame in, then I got really, really scared and didn't know how to deal with it, so we let it flop itself onto the deck and die. O_O Thanks, Ny-Quil! (I think I even tried to kiss the corner of its lips? I DON'T EVEN KNOW, GANG.) Just remembered: it snapped off half of its fin when it flopped onto the deck. And I was all scared to get near it because EVEN MY DREAM SELF KNOWS GREAT WHITES = DEATH.

So, Nine Inch Nails "Closer" just came on my playlist, and oh, how I loved that song when it came out. Which happened to be when I was in college in Utah. ( oh the shameful looks I was cast...Collapse )

In our next installment, I'll tell you all about listening to The Chronic and Snoop Dogg (with Warren G) while living with hippies in the Grand Tetons. :D GOOD TIMES. (Also: screw you and your gee dee balancing sticks and hairy armpits, bitchy girl that always sniffed at me when I was playing this in MY OWN DORM.)

Stories? Oh, I got stories!

Book of Mormon had to go up first, come on.

Still can't stop singing the songs. Not that it's a problem. :D The How to Succeed In Business Without Really Trying and Sleep No More reviews will go up tomorrow, then I can start writing this next 100K frickin' story that's crowding my brain....

Have a great weekend, errbody!

Man, do I love to travel. Like, if that was a job, professional trip taker, I would be the mo-fo Director of Hell Yes. (I would insist on funky cool titles in said company.)

Before I say anything, though, I want to extend a HUGE THANK YOU to two people for helping me take a vacation: sheafrotherdon and "lj user="moosesal"> for pinch hitting for me at Hey, Don't Judge Me with recaps for Hoarders and Top Chef, respectively. Please check out the wonderful job they each did. I had not one worry while away, knowing the two of them would do a wonderful job. And hey, lookee there! I WAS RIGHT. :D

And now for something completely different. New York is always wonderful. I mean, duh. New York and San Francisco are my go-to towns where I never have a bad time. Met up with flaming_muse and had the confirmation that she is in the Tribe of Joseph (where are my Anne Shirley girls? Holler!) I only travel with people that I know I'm going to enjoy in multiple situations, and yep, I was right with her. Not one bad moment, not one awkward pause, and I really could have used another three days with her, I'm just saying.

Day One: The first night/show was Sleep No More. Keep in mind that I'm writing up full reviews for HDJM, so I'm not going into detail here. ( But I will say....Collapse )

Day Two was the Met, specifically the Egyptian Exhibit with my personal docent, flaming_muse. I know rudimentary things about Egypt, so it was so fun to have her point out tiny details in carvings, in the type of writing used, etc. So, so fun. Not to mention we talked non-stop about everything under the sun, and were eating delicious foods and in beautiful surroundings. LOVELY.

And then we headed to the Al Hirschfeld Theater for the Darren Criss Experience. Lol. ( And...well, it was enjoyable to a good degree? But.Collapse )

Day Three, or: When Stoney Lost Her Damn Mind At Book of Mormon, The Musical. ( But first, the Cloisters!Collapse )

My flight was delayed by an hour and a half, so I spent a long time at the airport reading and people watching, then had a neighbor on my flight back. RANDOM? BUT NOW: I am getting the shakes from lack of breakfast and racing to type this up, so here I'll stop and divert the rest of my energies into the HDJM reviews of the shows.

IN SUMMATION: GREAT TRIP WAS GREAT. I love my friends. The End.

I read a fic last night that was really sweet, and evidently the writer's first piece of fanfic. Think about your first fanfic. I am so ashamed of mine, just crap. This story is not, it's a sweet look at Kurt deciding to take that next step and being mature about it (talking with Burt, Blaine) so go encourage a new writer to keep at it, because if this is her first? Just imagine where she'll go. *unicorn farts a rainbow*

(I confess to being selfish in the recs I've been putting up - I want quality fic to come out, and boy, is that lacking most of the time in Glee fandom. Mostly because writers are young, inexperienced, whatever. Quantity is preferred over quality. Boo. ENCOURAGE GOOD WRITING, PEOPLE. Esp. when characters are IN character. You can be AU and still in character, kids.)

But I have been having a case of the blahs for the past two days about this STOOPID BOOK I am trying to write. ( Under here so the vast majority can scroll past the former-Mormon whining about my CRAY-CRAY upbringing and licked cupcake analogiesCollapse )

I think instead of working on that stuff I might retool the Mormon missionary fic and repost it, since I deleted my Insanejournal account where it was stored. IDK, I'm moody today.

I'm going through my family's records (and I can't tell you how freaking thrilling it is to find old journal entries from my g-g-g-grandfather detailing his immigration to the US and then his emigration to Utah - JOURNALS ARE NEAT-O) and just found a very interesting and no doubt intentional series of blanks in the 1870 and 1880 Census records.

No wife listed officially, even though his first wife had been dutifully recorded (Emma, age --, born in England, keeping house) for the two censuses prior.

Then, the 1890 census show Emma again, but then there's this lady (Martha, 55) that turns up. And the next census (these are official census records, btw) have Emma missing. She's not dead at this time. This is also the period when Thomas went to jail for being a polygamist. They paid $100 to get him out, and he wrote that he served his time for The Lord. but when Utah was trying to pretend they weren't polygamous anymore (1890s) both wives are back on the census. (I need to borrow my dad's church ID # so I can check all of the SOOPER SEKRIT temple records for the evidence I need to show the polygamous marriage records, though.)

IDK, I just think it's interesting. I do love Emma's final dig at the situation in death, though. ( She got her proper place in death, if not in the houseCollapse )

And fellow ExMos (or Mos) will get a kick out of this: I found his temple record of getting his "Second Calling." Meaning, no matter what, he gets his own planet. My religion passed out WORLDS, what did yours pass out, Watchtowers and WWJD bracelets? PFFT.

I JUST BOUGHT TICKETS TO BOOK OF MORMON AND HOW TO SUCCEED (with Darren Criss, natch) FOR JANUARY AND I LEGITIMATELY TEARED UP, I HAVE WAITED FOR B.O.M. FOR OVER 10 YEARS.

I might have to bring my old Book of Mormon to have the cast autograph it I JUST MIGHT.

ALSO, EVEN SWEETER: I'm going with flaming_muse IT JUST GETS BETTER. So Jan 9th, any NYC peeps, wanna grab a drink and have fun? BECAUSE OH HEY I'LL BE IN MANHATTAN.

As in Zion Nat'l Park. And I wore it to my dentist appointment today, my very BYU/Provo dentist. She forgets I'm not Mormon. My husband was in before me, and I hopped up in my seat, got my bib and mouth sucker/gagger going and she beamed at me and said, "[The Mr.] isn't a member, right? That's too bad, he'd make a great Mormon."

She remembered a little later, laughed at herself and said, "I didn't mean... Just... you know. He's so nice." If I hadn't been silenced by the tools I would have said,

"Oh, you mean he seems like a square-jawed, charming misogynistic homophobe? That's nice." LOL. But I didn't, I just laughed until the vacuum thingy almost gagged me. SORRY WE DON'T WANT YOUR PYRAMID SCHEME MACARONI AND JELLO CASSEROLE LIFESTYLE, THANKS. But she's a good dentist.

Who's watching Vampire Diaries? I ask because I've got a new writer taking Vampire Diaries on, and you might be super happy about it. :) Maybe you click like or +1 or leave a comment, IDK, just offering some suggestions. Ha.

also up: Top Chef: Just Desserts (Sally is hilarious) and Glee: Rumors with a very naughty cocktail recipe for you, the Harvey Pagebanger. As in congressional pages. I am broken, did you forget?

Oh, and there will be a Glee recap on Sunday so everything flows in time for the new season on Tuesday night, that will be Prom Queen. :) Jersey Shore (LINK HERE WHEN IT'S POSTED) will be up in a few hours, my dentist tied me up with wanting to share with me the most amazing book (it has so many awesome parts, it's all about America a long long time ago.)

#2 and I were up last night watching Glee (prepping for today's recap) and laughing our butts off at certain scenes. I kinda love my long limbed lady, I have to tell you. She's just funny. Then we watched some Children's Hospital, and if you've not watched that, you are missing EVERYTHING I THINK IS FUNNY IN ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Seriously, that has everything in it that I find hilarious. (And it's kind of how I imagine Stallioncrest turning out.)

Then we ate cookies and she painted her nails and we talked about boys and why she thinks they've not picked up on her awesome yet (I'm in no hurry for them to figure it out, let me tell you) and I just love how together she is. The most confident and secure in herself person I know, adult or otherwise. I feel pretty lucky.

So yesterday we had a load of dental trips, and the front desk lady - who I like, and it's not just because we know each other fairly well after all of these years - asked me about my "new website," because when The Mr. was there earlier in the week, he evidently was bragging about HDJM (aww) to her and saying she should read the recaps there.

EVERYONE AT MY DENTISTS OFFICE IS MORMON. If the cocktail recipes don't turn them off, the eff bombs, gay sex commentary and my Book of Mormon the Musical review should do it. (head desk.) LOL. We go back on Wed., I'll see if they ask us to find a new dentist then, I guess.

SPEAKING OF INAPPROPRIATE THINGS, today's Glee recap, for "Bad Reputation" has my most favorite thing they've done yet, the "Run Joey Run" video. Plus, the cocktail is the Blonde Lohan, and it's up to you if you want to put powdered sugar on the rim. (Can Jaegermeister be redeemed? Short answer: YES. As long as you don't drink too many of these.)

Oh, last thing! I mentioned flaming_muse's awesome Kurt/Blaine fic, and the last chapter went up today [chpt 1 linked at top of that page, btw] I AM NOT JOKING WHEN I SAY IT'S ONE OF THE GREATS. It's fluffy, but not cloying. There is actual character development, excellent writing, and you should go read it.

This is uh-may-zing. Harry Potter mash-up with "Hello!" from The Book of Mormon the Musical.



JUST MADE MY DAY. I love that Hermione "cut" her hair short, too. LOL. (Snape FTW!) [ETA] Equus!! How to Succeed! A Very Potter Musical! OH MY GOD, WATCH OVER AND OVER.

And that a bunch of land-locked Jews made submarines and sailed to America where there were bees, horses, and they made roads with re bar and wrote on golden plates. Yes, I'm mocking myself for having been Mormon, good times.

You can read my reviews of the Book of Mormon: The Musical's soundtrack here. You'll never hear a more beautiful voice sing about how "soon life won't be so... shitty!" than in this soundtrack. GOOD TIMES.

ACT 1
ACT 2

Yesterday saw our biggest spike in hits yet, 1400 in one day - not too shabby for not advertising, right? Most popular links are the Game of Thrones recaps and Sam's Thor review, because we're awesome and hilarious and Sam uses pictures.

OK. Yesterday, in between running like a chicken sans head, I finally sat and read the Sweet Valley Confidential book. WOW, IS IT SHITTY! Like, Francine Pascal has MASSIVE contempt for her own characters. I'm totally going to recap the book because it's delightful in a bad-fic sort of way. Character assassination like gang busters.

I have an audition today that I'm really wishing I'd not agreed to do, because I'm just not feeling it any more. Auditions blow, in case you didn't know that. Also, I'm getting too old for this shit - trying to disguise crow's feet and my own tiredness is exhausting. First World problems, waaaah. Hahaha.

OH! The end of the world is this Saturday! dovil, because of GST, you'll be taken out first, so I expect some Ace reporting to give me an idea of when my last 18 hours will start. I plan on eating all the foods ever and shooting random people in their butts. I mean, why not?

For those who watch Big Love and want to discuss it, my review (and insight) is up at Hey, Don't Judge Me. :) I mention in that review that I think some of the writers of the show might be following this blog, because they hit on the whole "pyramid scheme" layout of the LDS church that I've been saying for a few years, now.

My husband, who travels every week for his job, was told to get to the airport THREE hours early today, because of all of the Super Bowl travelers. And that was for the "Preferred" status flyers (he's that obnoxious guy that zips ahead of you because he has "priority seating." Hey, you go through airports as much as he does and they try and cut you some slack.) Regular schleps were cautioned to get there four to five hours early. DAMN. That's when a Kindle is great, I'm just saying.

The kids went back to school today after almost a week off due to bad weather. Except for #2, as the school had a busted water main this morning, and classes were pushed back until 12. I just want my quiet mornings back, is that so wrong??

I started up a new workout program today, TurboFire, one of the Beachbody/P90X workouts. Holy frijoles, it is an ass kicker. It's mostly because I am NOT good with choreography, and this is one of those "dance based" workouts, and it's crazy fast paced. I did a lot of jumping jacks when I missed the "knee cross elbow elbow cross cross KICK!" steps. Fortunately I was able to laugh at myself, and push through. Hopefully I won't be such a cotton-headed ninny muggins for the next 16 weeks.

I really, really want a brownie, but I promised myself that I would be super healthy for these first 5 days, to kick start my metabolism, which has slowed to a crawl. Bathing suit weather is around the corner, yo, not to mention my cross-country road trip to amazing American hikes. Hummus and bell peppers it is, then. =/

I had, like, four things I wanted to post about today, and I'm too fried to think of them. Durr.

And it should be obvious that I'm talking about TLC's Sister Wives, the REALITY SHOW about POLYGAMISTS. I mean, come on <00 say like Jimmy from South Park. Brief commentary about them, under a cut in case stating the obvious is "spoilery." :D ( Why are the guys always creepy? Why?Collapse )

Because flaming_muse is so awesome and had some great ideas for me, I'm all jazzed up for writing today. I need to get off the kitchen table chairs because they hurt my butt for long bouts of writing, one, and two, the cats like to do that thing cats do where they sneak up behind you and gradually push you off the chair, claiming it in the name of Feline. Also, I need to rethink my subtitle, because "An Insider's blah blah" and "How I blah blah'd and finally blah'd" is played out.

It was 51 degrees this morning. Tonight is venison stew and a bottle of red. YAY.

OH. AND I FORGOT TO MENTION. Last Thursday marked the 1,000,000th hit on the first portion of the Sparkledammerung. (The others are languishing around 500,000 ish, with the 4th at @750,000 hits.) DUDE. I'm internet popular. Just in time for my high school reunion!! Lol.

Um, basically I'm wanting to make a joke work and want to be sure I'm not painting myself into a corner. I NEED TO BE INFORMED ON THE FOLLOWING:

QUESTION: was it common in 5th and 6th century writings (or heck, 3rd or 4th centuries) to write a TITLE PAGE? Like, the Greek writers and famed writers of the Middle East, etc. etc. did or did not typically include a TITLE PAGE?*

DEFINITION: this would be a multi-paragraphed summation of what the reader was about to experience/read/learn. Also included is the caveat that if there are any mistakes or errors in fact in the tome, it's the fault of the compiler?

My tongue is firmly in cheek, in case that was in question. But I do want to be reminded of writing rules back in the day, should anyone care to wax poetic or prosaic.

[ETA] I should mention that the alleged title page of the book to which I am referring was written originally on solid gold pages, and collected with d-ring binders of an ancient design. Um, I'm not making that up, that's what is claimed. O_O

Because it is not 1,000,000 degrees outside I get to go out and jog in it! No more jumping jacks in my house, yay. More tornadoes last night to the point of my kids breaking down in hysterics. We were truly in no danger, but try telling hormonal teens that. Oy.

And I don't normally do this sort of thing because I usually get so frustrated by other people's ability to not be hamstrung by writer's block, but I knocked out 11,500 in word count yesterday (on articles for an upcoming project and in revisions for my book.) While my knees hated me sitting so long, the rest of me was quite pleased. I did have to do some research from a HATEFUL book, and I cut and pasted for your pleasure a paragraph from said book that outlines how you can sin. ( And as you would expect, it's quite long and somewhat lulzy.Collapse )

I have to go buy some "sensible work shoes" for a shoot tomorrow morning as I realized that I don't own any. I have my Birks and I have as errant_jane calls them, Barbie Shoes. I guess caregivers in Nursing Homes don't wear Jessica Simpson platform peekaboo red leather heels, huh? WELL THEY SHOULD.

Top Chef last night made me want to eat all the Singapore food there is in the world. All of it. Jersey Shore tonight, yo! WITH CAT FIGHT, mreow!

It'll make sense in a minute. So, in doing rewrites, I'm punching up a little section about how Mormons aren't really Christians and why (because of how they view Christ as their literal brother and how any good Mormon can become a god, God was once a Mormon guy on another planet, etc. etc.) and remembered a story of when I learned in church how Jesus... came about. Ahem. Poll time!



So! This'll be fun to find out about. I remember it being VERY WEIRD that this old man was telling us all this story on the traditional "Christmas story" day of church. I was freaked out. Then he started crying, and honestly, that freaked me out more, how "beautiful" it was that this virgin was consummating her love of her god in such a way.

HOW ABOUT GOD JUST CRACKS HIS HEAD OPEN LIKE ZEUS DID THAT ONE TIME? A lot less trouble, imo. Boy Kitteh (Smudge) is perched on my shoulder awaiting your reply.

[ETA] Oh, and as always, please feel free to comment with why you voted the way you did, etc. etc. Discussion is the word of the day today!

There's a book that has been on my radar to read since I divorced my first husband and left Utah, back in late '97. The book only came out 5 years ago, but her story? Well, everyone that lived in Utah "knew" her story and knew a book was coming. But good hell, the conditioning was deep and I thought I already knew the answers, which was the point of her book. I just read it last night. Leaving The Saints, by Martha Nibley Beck. Heads up about the book: she claims sexual abuse and talks to other abuse survivors in detail, so if that's upsetting to you, there's your fair warning. I'll refer to her claims in the end of the post, but there won't be any deep discussion about abuse, mm'kay?

( Unless you've grown up in Jonestown, you can't know how all-consuming that life is. It's not like any other organized religion out there. Loooong-winded discussion under the cut.Collapse )

While I applaud Martha's coming forward about something that had to be excruciating to deal with, I did find some aspects of her book to be... forced for writerly tension. It doesn't take away much from the story, but it does leave room for detractors to say, "See? She said their house was blue, and it was green! Ergo, we cannot believe any of her lies!" She presents conversations with fellow Mormons as if she doesn't know some of the arcane beliefs. Her father was the leading "expert" on those beliefs, AND she was a professor at BYU AND from one of the older LDS families. That bugged me. If anything, it's making me go back over my own manuscript and make sure I'm being completely truthful, and when I'm being purposely obtuse for comedic effect, it's obvious. Her book is the first of all of the ex-Mormon books I've read that doesn't sound like Testimony meeting, however. There are a handful of you that know what I mean by that. :) She still does, but her writing doesn't, if that makes sense. (By that I mean her "overwhelming love" for her father, the way she still bows to him as her patriarch even though he was an abuser and poor excuse for a father to her and her 7 siblings. That's pure Mormon culture.)

Guys, I wish I could just let it all go and forget that this was ever a part of my life. But it made me who I am, and it's not all bad. My crochet and canning skills and my apocalypse pantry are proof of that. :)

I failed to post this story last week. FAILED. You know who also failed? The club owner for once again having me be the one person that didn't get recorded (WTF, Phil?) and for telling me I'd be going 4th, then the emcee calling me to go up FIRST as I'm sliding a chicken nacho in my mouth. Uh... *chews super fast as I bound up on stage* Meh. Oh, and if you're guessing that I came in second AGAIN, then you guessed correctly. I'm not performing in June because I'll be out of town, and also because I'm a little bummed by how I perceive I'm being treated. They know me, they know I'll perform, and I kinda feel like I'm filler while they try and get new folks in. Meh. HOWEVER. This is one of my all time great stories, so screw it, this is funny. And completely indicative of life in Utah, btw.

[NOTE: This is an excerpt from my -unpublished- book. The story I told at the club was filled with I KNOW!s and bug-eyed facial expressions. And a jalapeño in my teeth, I'm sure. Also, there's a running gag in the book about the constant "testimonies" that Mormons are pressed into giving - that means you have to testify that the church is true, Joseph Smith is the most awesome prophet ever, and you wrap it up with "In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." So I say that last bit as a joke a lot. In case you're wondering what the hell that's doing in the story. We in the biz call that a "joke."]

( Way back in the early 90s when I was going to college in Utah, there was a boy...Collapse )

Ha ha. I still love that story, even though I hate that story. What an ass.

IN OTHER NEWS: I have to buy a dress today for the wedding that I probably will be late for and ruin everything, because that's what I do. Also, my MiL mentioned that this wedding is a "very casual affair in a garden, so [I] might want to wear pants or something." That makes me think this is a formal affair with people in tuxes and tails and I'll be like Bridget Jones showing up at a Vixen and Vicars party in a sex outfit while everyone else is dressed for church. SO A NICE DRESS IT IS, THEN.

Pro tip: it's always better to be OVER dressed than UNDER. Which is why I am always wearing tiaras and silk, even in the garden. I'm actually doing something I shouldn't, which is looking for a dress to match my adorable shoes: 4.25" stacked peekaboo heels with tan leather on the heel and toe (with a buckle) and navy and white stripes on the shoe. THEY ARE SO CUTE. A nice barrel-shaped leather clutch with a coordinating buckle would be aces. But I'm sure that doesn't exist simply because I would like it.

(And when did I become THIS girl? Eh, I've always loved heels. And my 18 year old Birks. I HAVE LAYERS.)

Lastly, if anyone wanted to buy me these amazing outdoor benches, I would not turn them down. In case you were wanting to buy me something, I didn't want you to scramble for ideas. I'm nice like that.

[ETA FOR HOLY CRAP FACTOR!!] MIKE HAS BEEN FOUND. HE IS BALD, AHAHAHAHAHA! Eff you, dude.

Here's the thing: I read a good four or five newspapers every morning. (Online) In addition to the Dallas Morning News, the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Boston Globe, the BBC and the Salt Lake Tribune, I also check up on AP, NPR and Huffington Post throughout the day. I like to think I'm moderately informed on stuff happening in the world. Please notice that I said I read the SL Tribune. ( Shame, shame, SHAME ON YOU!!!Collapse )

SHAME ON YOU, UTAH. "The Handmaid's Tale" was not a How To book.

HERE IS A LETTER THE ACLU OF UTAH HAS WRITTEN TO THE GOVERNOR. The address to write your own letter is at the top. I highly recommend all of you who lean towards upholding the Constitution of the United States of America write in. I highly recommend that all of you that believe we are actually a Free Society to write in. I highly recommend that all of you that believe that a woman has a Lawful Right to be in control of her body to write in. Be respectful, be concise, and be up front: this is a travesty. This is unrighteous dominion. Use the language of their religion to shame them, because that's what they deserve for this hateful piece of backwards legislature.

And I hate to say "I told you so" about that state - in this respect, at least. I am cross-posting this to my book journal, 0hmyheck, and please feel free to link to this, to email this, to repost this. The more people stand up to these bullies, the better off the poor women of Utah will be. (And to ivyfree who didn't buy my sympathy for the forced choices of the female characters on Big Love? THIS IS WHY. Women don't REALLY have choice in that state. It's a choice between a rock and a hard place.)

And please note that the new bill that will make Utah-made guns EXEMPT FROM FEDERAL LAW is getting more discussion from male leadership. A pox on all your houses, Utah.

You should pretty much know that a) there are going to be massive spoilers (*and in the truest sense of the word - if you've not seen, please don't read. It's awful to not have the emotional punch because you read something beforehand, imo) and b) there's going to be some pretty triggery stuff for people who suffered as closeted homosexuals. Also, I should throw in a c) I'm going to do some massive exposing (following along with the stuff the show said) about how the Mormon Church REALLY feels about lesbians and gays. (Trans people are straight up sinners in their eyes. Flat out, a person who is trans is barred from heaven, no ifs ands or buts to these dudes.)

I'm going to link you to my book journal, 0hmyheck, (which needed an update anyway) for more in depth information and links. [There are no Big Love spoilers there, btw.]

( Jodene's sour expressions continue to be hilarious. That's about the only thing hilarious in the show this week.Collapse )

That was exhausting. And fantastic TV. This is an outstanding show, even though it upsets me greatly. For more on homosexuality and the LDS church, this is a (working) excerpt from my book on the subject.

Happier, off topic stuff is that I had this menu to choose from last night for dinner. For the record, I had the steamed buns, the lobster chowder, the duck, and the winter creme brulee. All with a bottle of Tangly Oak Merlot, which was really delicious. The Mr. had the tiramasu for dessert, took a bite and said, "this is the best tiramasu I've ever had." I rolled my eyes, took a bite and moaned, "This is the best tiramasu I've ever had." Big fan of Kent Rathburn. I was stuffed, but in a pleasant "it took 2+ hours to eat this meal and had wonderful conversation" kind of stuffed. :)

I found my journal from my first year in college. In Mormon Utah. You know that picture that I want to be on the cover of my memoir/book? I just found where those two missionaries had written their names into my journal.

What the ever loving-

Like, they must have seen it on my desk in my dorm room (that's where that picture is from), taken it, and put their names and info in my FREAKING JOURNAL. Wow.

Also, I am completely embarrassed by my self-professed bravado and almost slavish dedication to my faith. I describe the attractive attributes of boys as them having "really strong spirits and testimonies." I was 20! I should have been checking out hot asses! And when guys chastened me with their superior intellect in all things spiritual, I called them "awesome studs" and remarked about "how much I have yet to learn."

GOOD GOD. Wow. I've, uh, come a long way since then. O_O

[ETA] OH HAIL NAW. I referred to this one boy as my JOHNNY LINGO. I could die. Never doubt that I was hard core LDS, haters. :(

I watched a movie last night that reminded me of a church lesson I had beaten into my head: "I am an 8 cow wife." Anyone know what I'm talking about here? For those not familiar, it's the Legend of Johnny Lingo, a film BYU produced in 1969, based on a short story from the early 60s. Given the culture of women at the time, it's offensive but is to be expected for the times (I'll tell the story under the cut). What is really crazy is that this was re-produced in 2004, and is still the most beloved LDS movie of all time, even more than Saturday's Warrior, which is my personal favorite because it's a birth-control musical, lol. NO, REALLY.

( Johnny Lingo validates women through livestock. It's a win-win.Collapse )

And just maybe I don't want to be worth any cows. I want to be worth Orcas! I AM A TWELVE ORCA WIFE, let it be known. Ha ha ha.

A reminder: Orcas are the bullies of the ocean. They're the Mean Girls of the Sea!

Oh, and this just reminded me of the story of the Hot Guy in Class that asked the "crippled" [the word they use] girl in a wheelchair to the Big Dance, and she can't believe it, because how could anyone in a wheelchair expect to do something normal, and it ended up being the best day of her life because someone paid attention to her. Once. WOW THIS CRAP IS SO BAD. (That story, and my commentary on it, is in my book, btw. *G*)

Thanks to arcana_j for this article about an upcoming storyline on Big Love and how the LDS church is balking at it. ( spoilers, obv. - mostly discussion about the Endowment Ceremony in the temple - long and detailed.Collapse )

It's frickin' freezing here today and rainy. I require more coffee and possibly some curry and rice-type dish. And naps. Mmmm, naps. I probably won't do any of that, but spend the day writing and revising. Maybe a hot chai? OOOH. Yes. *zooms to make some*

Thanks so much for all the funny and sweet comments on both my last post and the Valentine's Love Meme. I have some good friends out there. (I loved reading that post and seeing all the nice things people have to say about each other. It reminds me that not everyone's a nut job. Well, dovil is, but she can't help where she's from, bless her heart. Hee.)

1. I won't post any real spoilers for this past week's Big Love, but I will say that my jaw DROPPED when the C-story line with the "papers" that the Good Mormon Brother In Law wanted to collect from the Juniper Creek folks started. Guys, that stuff really happened. It was a HUGE black eye for the LDS church. Now, they just threw that info in the background to get the B-plot moving, but if they keep it up, that's the Mark Hoffman Salamander Papers story. ( long disccussion on this - my dad was a lecturer with the Sunstone circuit at the time which.... CLICK!Collapse )

2. I'm not some 50s haus frau that longs to have the Pod Kitchen of Tomorrow (except for how freaking cool would that be? hahaha, that was one of my all-time fave Tex Avery shorts.) where you just add water or shove your dishes into a glass box in the counter and out comes a turkey dinner with all the trimmings, but I have been the happiest of haus fraus since Sunday. My in laws loaned me their industrial steam cleaner, and I have been going crazy with the cleaning. Oh my god, my floors are so clean you could have a baby on them. But don't, because that's a big mess. Today I'm going to use the grout attachment and go crazy nuts. Sterile environment! Pristine showers! No filth from my children present anywhere! Well, until they all track it in again, but still! THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE IS STEAM. Ahahaha. It's going to be so sparkling you'll think Billy Mays has been shouting the filth away.

3. I've scheduled my nasal surgery for next Monday and I'm stoked! They're going to inflate my coffee-straw sized sinuses with balloons, they're going to cut my septum up and fix that, and they're going to kit me up with loads of drugs. Life is going to be SWEET. And painful. But hey, I've passed two kidney stones, broken my knee cap, and had natural child birth. Bring it on, yo.

4. I have my SXSW film badge, I have my hotel booked, and I have a four day vacation complete with movie premiere coming up in mid-March. \o/ Let's hope the swelling has gone down by a month from now. :D

5. I've started watching Oz from the beginning, and holy crap, I never ever ever want to go to prison. That should be required viewing for every teenage boy on earth. "Want to be someone's bitch and wear mesh? DO YOU?" No one should be forced to wear a mesh top. That's inhumane. And I just finished S1 and ALBY is a prison guard? The wheel keeps on turning and turning and turning and... nothing's disturbing the way it goes around... (see what I did there? *G*)

For fun check the similarities. (And who caught McPoyle as the priest on House? I love Jimmi Simpson, the poor man's Spader.)

I know that not everyone that reads this LJ reads my Mormon blog (0hmyheck, but for those wanting some information/more insight into the recent travesty that is the passing of Prop 8 and the Mormon Church connection, I posted about that very thing here and also here, including links to the Church's original plan to stump this back in 1997.

In case you're new, I'm a former devout Mormon from one of the oldest Mormon families, a former Gospel Doctrine teacher (for three years) and I'm sorry if you're LDS and thinking I'm attacking you. I'm attacking the religion, not people. The passing of Prop 8 is an absolute travesty. Walk in someone else's shoes, would ya? *dives back into NaNo*

I just got back from the grocery store.  As I was loading the back of my vehicle, a guy on a bike wearing a white shirt, tie, and dress pants approached offering to help.  I smirked, (I only had two jugs of milk.  Um, I got it, Slick.) and said, "No, thanks."

Thick Utah Accent: Ma'am?  Can I share something with you that has left my life blessed?
Me: (more smiling) No, I know you're Mormon, though.
TUA: Really?  How's that?
Me: My family's Mormon.
TUA: And you're not?
Me: Not anymore, nope.
TUA: Can I ask you why?
Me: (checking my watch.  5 minutes until the kids get home. wondering if I can explain "because it's all made up? Because the founder was a liar and pedophile? Because I'm anti-cult?" and still get out of there in time for the kids.)  No, but you have a great day!  (shuts door)
TUA: (sad face)  But-

...I actually have a printed off copy of my manuscript in my car right now.  Do you know how tempting it was to hand it over to him, a big goofy picture of two other missionaries beaming back?  Time was my enemy today, folks.

I'm surprised I'm not bald yet, from all the hair tearing I'm doing. ( FLDS/YFZ Ranch talk for those interestedCollapse )

Let's be clear: religious freedom does not supersede basic human rights. It does not override the basic (AND FIRST) principle of the United States of America, that being the freedom to life, LIBERTY and the pursuit of happiness. How can you know happiness if you live in a cave of fear and lies? When you're not allowed beyond the "sacred" doors of your cave? When you're threatened with "eternal damnation" - which, let me explain how it's different in the Mormon/Fundy religion. It's not Hell with Satan torturing your soul, it's being cast into Outer Darkness. Or rather, your soul is destroyed, horrors! *eye roll* Freaking religion. Anyway. Back to the rant. ( And now the poor mothers - who only have sons, let me make that clear - are crying about how poorly their babies are being treated by CPS. Not true, one, and maybe you shouldn't have FLAGRANTLY BROKEN THE LAW, two.Collapse )

(which is me, or at least, I'm determined to be very busy today.) I was pretty amazed by my hit counter to see how many people went back to read my Mormon and Polygamy tags. (Maybe there is a market for this book after all...) Whoops, bullet points!

• I watched a report last night on the YFZ ranch that shocked even me (and Carolyn Jessop and Dorothy Soloman, etc.) They had multiple beds lined up in a special room in their temple to consummate the marriages instantly. (More about this after the jump, for those curious)
• I know that some of you expressed frustration with not being able to do anything, and wanting to help in some way. Go H E R E to Texas' DFPS page and you'll find a list of ways to help the women and children. This is the largest case of this type in US History - there's bound to be some weirdness, and anything you can do to help (I'm pitching in, too) will help get these poor folks out of the mindset that they're cattle. (Keep in mind this is in the beginning stages - they're still trying to assess what all will be needed.)
• Keep in mind that these folks are old school - they'll work to feed themselves, clothe themselves. They'll just need the resources to get started. (And my hope is the mothers will get some job training to help them have tools to get out and stay out of this culture. FLDS: putting the Cult in Culture since 1840!)
• ION, I've been crutch-free for 36 hours and have a zombie-quality to my shambling about the house. (I should stop moaning and frightening the children, huh?) I plan on wearing an old fashioned, Jules Verne-esque diving helmet until I can walk correctly, to protect my precious brains from you ever-vigilant zombie-killers. (Are you ever-vigilant?! They could rise up at ANY MOMENT, zomg!!)

[ETA] This appears to be the original affidavit filed? I'm still reading it.
[ETA 2] I'm slow on the uptake. The reason they're taking names for volunteers is they are afraid that people that secretly left the compound will "volunteer" and ferry away wives and children. Makes sense. There's a hotline for people to call that may have lived there but left, too. Very smart. (1-800-252-5400.) Get an electronic collar on them. I love my home state, y'all.

( the F/LDS temple bidness...Collapse )

Long time readers of my polygamy rants (click here to read back-posts, or read my Mormon rants) are most likely NOT surprised by all the stories coming out since yesterday's release of the Gag Order on investigators to the Yearning For Zion Ranch in El Dorado, Texas. Did you read about the pre-teen girls being pregnant? What did I tell you two days ago? [Insert "I told you so" comment here.]

The thing that's upsetting me the most is that I feel in my bones that the original 16 year old girl that called in abuse is dead. (Let's hope she's just been banished to Bountiful, Canada and the Blackmore plyg clan.) Warren Jeffs originally had a high-temperature furnace installed on the property, with the instructions that it would burn hot enough to destroy DNA evidence. The original engineer of that furnace had this to say on the (apparently) secret blog of a former YFZ/FLDS member ( under the cut, and more rants and links for those interested.Collapse )

I bugged out yesterday to see a doc at the Texas Black Film Festival, a doc about Black Mormons. (Yes, they, like bi-sexuals, do exist!) I had no idea what the slant would be (every doc has one, there's no such thing as a neutral documentary.) ( Boy, that was and wasn't what I expected.Collapse )

I'm still sick to my stomach about it. (I have a lot of thoughts on this topic, but they'll get their own post another time. I mean, there is a lot to talk about with this.)

Oh!! And I had NO IDEA that ELDRIDGE FRAKING CLEAVER became a Mormon before he died. My mouth literally fell open and I gasped when she mentioned that. A Black Panther! BLACK PANTHER, A MORMON!!! Dude. WTF.

Warren Jeffs gets 5 to Life, will serve at least 10 years. It's a start. A super good start.

Something else to be thankful for this year. *beams* (If you have no idea why I'm so happy, hit any of the tags for this post.)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! (And sorry I missed the Canadian one. Wait, did I? Oh, well. Whoops!)

ETA: Oh my god, I missed this article. Huh. Trying to get sympathy so he wouldn't get a max sentence? Hmmm.

Warren Jeffs has (justly) been convicted of two counts of rape and is going to jail for a looong time. *pumps fist*

Under the cut are "doctrines" the Mormon Church STILL HAS in their "standard works," which the FLDS (Polygamists) run their "religion" by. This is what created the world that Warren Jeffs ruled. ( Shedding Blood of the Innocent/Multiple WivesCollapse )

And now everyone is a little more knowledgeable on the situation out there; maybe some change can happen. Like these women not remain their husbands' chattel.

Speaking of entitlement, (hee) the Warren Jeffs trial was underway yesterday, and they FINALLY convinced the Key Witness to get back in the game. (She was terrified and went underground for a bit.) I'm following this like it's the '69 Moon Landing. Um... that may be a bit of an exaggeration. (That link is for the Mormon owned paper in SLC. They've... got an interesting "I didn't do it!" stance. Which is laughable.)

I realized that a lot of you watching Big Love might not get the second half of the opening sequence, and what all of that "sealing" nonsense was in the show last night. ( My former religion: Let Me Show You ThemCollapse )

Today is underwear/shoes/paper and folder purchasing day. One week until school starts for us! \o/

Note to new flisters: I don't normally post more than once a day - I have fear issues re: spamming your flists - but today is a two parter. For I have Horse Soap Opera Fic, and lordy lordy, I've been so happy writing it. On to the other stuff!

( Big Love discussion - SPOILER HEAVYCollapse )

Happy Tuesday! Now to finish up some writing.

I was all prepared to go off on a Denis Miller-esque rant this morning, and then I flubbed while wearing my "Rocket Scientist" t-shirt (asked a grocer how much something cost when there was a massive sign overhead with the price. DERR.) and am laughing at myself too hard to be perturbed any more. But I will post a snarky poll under a cut to get my message across, because I enjoy the snark.

( If you feed a mouse a cookie...Collapse )

In other news, Big Love!! I have crazy love for that show, even though I think it's a misstep that the Henricksons don't wear garments. I mean, they WERE LDS, even though they've clearly gone off into fundamentalism. (Which is more common that you might think.) [ETA] WHAT THE HELL, LJ??? It just screwed up all that I wrote to the point that I have no idea what I was even TRYING to say. BAH. Show = good. I had issues with a few things that most people won't care about. WHATEVER. *grumpy as shit, now*

I just finished a re-telling of Dorothy Allred Solomon's memoir about growing up in a major polygamist family (her father was murdered by a rival "prophet") and I found it interesting how much she redacted in her second book. The original, "In My Father's House," was pulled from the shelves, incidentally. Taken out were her husband's experiment with polygamy after promising her to be monogamous, in addition to a bout of wife-swapping during the sexual revolution after Vietnam. *cough* She and her husband are active LDS members now, and I wonder if that has anything to do with her "remembering things correctly with the passage of time?" Uh huh. Also, the story itself is compelling, but the over-wrought imagery that all of these LDS (and ex-LDS) writers use wears me out. But the story is fascinating.

I have loads of writing I need to do today. This is both a good and bad thing. :) However, I did just fill my freezer with popcicles, so... Life is pretty sweet over all.

To say that I feel vindicated in a way is an understatement. (See?! I've been telling y'all all along about this stuff! I wasn't making it up! You CAN'T make it up!) I've also been grinding my teeth and headachy, bah. Those roots run deep. Another long discussion, feel free to question, comment, disagree, make paper hats. (For those unable to watch it, it is online at PBS.org here.)

( And it came to pass...Collapse )

Well, I hope you know I had a LOT to say about the PBS 2-parter, "The Mormons." Those of you that have read my other posts on Mormonism (and as a side topic, polygamy) and watched last night's show hopefully caught a lot of the topics I've gone on and on about. Go under the cut, grab a drink, hit the head, and settle in, it's not short. *g* (And if you missed it, it's going online at noon today.)

( 'We are a peculiar people.' ~Brigham Young. Well no shit.Collapse )

Part Two of this discussion is continued here.