Came home about a month ago from another mournful trip to Florida. Although it was an opportunity to become more familiar with death and the energy that is associated with it, it was also a difficult time dealing with family members who were let's just say somewhat less receptive of the experience we had come together to witness. I was fully aware that this was not something I was entirely comfortable sharing with people who perhaps didn't or wouldn't believe me if I were to begin telling them that I had been having premonitions as early as a month prior. These are things you can't share with people who will refuse to try to understand, even if they are your own flesh and blood. My father's case, paired with the two other deaths around that time that I was viewing a few months prematurely, it turns a chance affair into the old wives' tale - "thrice round the circle bound".

So all this time that I had experienced death in the onset of Winter in the past had not come close to what I was facing here. This was in the dead of winter. And across the US temperatures were dropping rapidly. Home for me, here in St. Louis was feeling the bitter chill of negatives, while in Florida where I stayed the winds bellowed through 20 degree weather - which many people realize is not the norm for central Florida. So there I was, aware of what I was looking at, trying to fight over-emotionality, and seeking to observe and perceive the ways in which that energy manifests itself, for those of us who are watching - to sense and try to make sense of it.

After everything was said and done - last moments of life, paperwork, funerary arrangements, insurances, packing and moving - I came home where the closest thing to Winter was snow storms and too-cold-for-my-blood weather.  Left in a fog for a solid month, unpacking and getting settled at home again. It was enough time to also work the bronchitis out of my system. The experience doesn't warrant complete depression. Its not like he's completely gone - there are always cabinet doors that open a few feet from me and conversations in the great unfathomable dreamtime.

Tags: death, psychism, winter
Current Location: St. Louis
Current Music: Christian Death - Romeo's Distress
Current Mood: pensive