Thinking Too Hard and Running With Scissors

Woke up this morning wanting to talk with someone. But, hadn't heard from them since yesterday afternoon/evening, and had sent a reply to their last message in the evening. This person is a pretty good friend, not really a casual acquaintance. But my thought process went something like this. 

Me: Hmm, well, they weren't feeling well, probably haven't seen or had time to reply yet. Might still be sleeping. It's okay to send another message, I always like getting up to multiple nice messages.

Anxiety (A): They also might not have answered yet because they're really annoyed by these long conversations we keep having.

Me: But if that was the case, wouldn't they just...have quit responding?

A: Nope, they're a super nice, kind person, so they're not just going to ghost you that way, even if you're taking up an absurd amount of their time and energy. 

Me: ...that's really kind of far-fetched. We only know each other via the internet. It's too easy to block, ignore, delete. I'm not that demanding of a person, I have no hold on their time. If I was really annoying them, we wouldn't even be messaging. 

A: Yeah, okay. 

Me: Okay, I'll send this lovely picture of the creek in my backyard and a "hope you feel better."

A: You do that.

Me: ................?!?

A: What if they're lying about feeling bad, just to avoid you? What if they're you know, hanging out with RL friends and just didn't want to tell you? 

Me: That makes no sense. They've told me before, why would they lie now? And why make up something about feeling bad? 

A: To keep you from just thinking they're avoiding you. Because again, they're a very kind person and don't want to hurt you. 

Me: OMFG. Please stop. This is stupid. It's not like I'm sending 10 messages one after the other. This isn't some kind of needy significant other situation. And, we've even had this conversation, about how we both actually ENJOY having continuous conversations, and like nature photos, and...geezus. 

A: Of course you have. 

Me: We have! It's right there...look in the message history. In fact, we're both dismayed by the LACK of thoughtful conversation between people anymore and appreciate that the other enjoys the same.

A: Right. 

Me: Are you fucking kidding me right now?!? You know this is all ridiculously far-fetched, right? Like the idea that someone would go to the amount of trouble to talk with me, this much in-depth, about SO many different things, is absolutely ridiculous. There's literally no reason in the world to do it. There's nothing for them to gain. At all. 

A: Are you sure? There's always the chance...

Me: SHUT UP. 

I sent the message, with the photo - despite having my heart-racing, sweaty hands, and wanting to just hide under a blanket and cry after this mental struggle with myself. 

I really, really hope, that if any of my friends ever find me annoying, they'll just tell me so. I would rather be told, than think that I might for one minute be a drain on someone's time and energy. Seriously, I would rather be alone - even if I'm already physically alone, I would rather be alone without messages, texts, or letters, than think I am someone's "obligation."