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ftmichael.livejournal.com

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eustacecscrubb.livejournal.com

There is the possibility I'll relocate to Singapore for a job. I'm reading mixed opinions about life there for LGBT people. The relevant facts about me: bisexual, heteroromantic, post top surgery, passport and IDs all have "M" but not my birth certificate. I use testopel implants and would like to continue that rather than do injections. I'd also like to have a hysto and meta, but haven't managed either yet. I'm private about my gender history, consistently read as male, and don't generally look to socialize with queer/LGBT persons (I have friends with various identities, but don't want/need queer community).

Since male homosexuality is still technically illegal there (though apparently the law is rarely enforced) I'm a little worried about being bisexual. However, as I understand it, the LGB and T are very distinct communities there, and if anything, where trans people transition into stereotypically masculine/feminine presentations, they do okay.

Any insight? PMs are okay. I don't want to disclose details about the possible employment, but it would be for an institution which is part Singapore and part US in its management.

sissy-bloke.livejournal.com

I was just wondering how different people experience different aspects of bodily dysphoria: as the presence of something you don't want or the absence of something you do want, or both or neither?

For example, I definitely felt dysphoric about the presence of breasts, rather than the absence of a male chest. Whereas my dysphoria about my general body shape (hips and shoulders etc) is not felt as particularly a presence or an absence, but just wanting it different.

I know that sometimes ignorant people imagine mtf lower surgery as "Getting it chopped off", as if female genitalia is simply the absence of a penis, and this intersects with sexism in that often women are seen as men with missing bits. It's a conversation I've been having with a few people, and I'd like to hear some other views on it.

butter-n-sugar.livejournal.com

as a trans-male (post top-surgery) how would you feel if a female bodied person asked you to wear a shirt in the swimming pool as a show of solidarity with women who are bound by sexist laws that keep them covered up?

I am being asked to do this as a show of solidarity at a national conference i attend. i feel very put on the spot by the request because i want to be a good ally but not at the cost of increasing body shame and despair. for maab folks who swim and haven't changed their presentation, i think wearing a shirt in the pool could help them "feel" and understand what an encumbrance it is to have to wear a suit on top. and maybe their consciousness can be changed. but for myself, i already know! i've been there as a swimsuit wearer and then as a swim-shirt and t-shirt wearer. i have chosen many a time not to go swimming because i had no readily available, safe, comfortable means of being in the pool. now that i have had surgery, i want to enjoy my new freedom! and i know that freedom comes with a cost, both physical and monetary and I am aware of the new privilege i experience because of this. and i know being an ally requires some sacrifice and discomfort....but i feel that placing that discomfort on my body is not the way to go.

i will think of other things I can do to be a good ally to women....but i feel that i need to draw the line here....around my own physical safety and well being.

does this sound reasonable?

rebeccasf.livejournal.com

I recently wanted to make an android app so I started doing searches for different questions I had regarding this. Several of those searches ended at Quora.com. There seems to be a pretty good community of developers there and since I couldn't even read the entire replies without joining, I joined. Within 24 hours I received an email saying I would be unable to make any posts because I hadn't used my "real full name." I'm guessing they are conflating my "real name" to my "legal name."

Anyway, I don't really want to use my "legal name" for obvious reasons. I changed my name on Quora to match my fb name in the hopes that a quick search will turn up the fact that I've used that name for a few years now and that is who I am. But it hasn't been long enough yet for a reply.

I'm just wondering if any others have had any interactions with this company and their moronic "policy."

bex cat-herder

aaskew.livejournal.com

(apologies in advance because this possibly comes across as a 'what about the menz? :(' post. I've tried my best not to make it so, but this is a topic I'd like to discuss further)

Julia Serano coined the term 'transmisogyny' to describe the intersecting oppressions of transphobia and misogyny experienced by trans women, but what about how these two affect trans men? For instance, if someone condescendingly tells a trans man, "silly girl, you think you can be a man? :P" it would seem to likewise involve both transphobia and misogyny, but in a different form from that which affects trans women.

( continued )

sissy-bloke.livejournal.com

I would guess that lots of us would agree that someone is whatever gender they say they are, but what kinds of identities is that logic suitable for?

Someone claiming "I am a cat-lover" would probably be pretty uncontroversially accepted as a cat lover.

Whereas a lot of people would balk at agreeing that someone who says "I am a pineapple" is indeed a pineapple. (Obviously I'm using a silly example, somewhat less silly ones to follow.)

What is it that makes one identity true by virtue of claiming it and one unclaimable?

( What about the following examples? )
Edited to add "controversial" tag and to clarify that I am not trying to say that someone claiming any of the above examples cannot actually be what they claim - some of those claims may be perfectly valid and I'm trying to tease out what makes an axis of identification something that is based on what a person says and what doesn't.

Edited to change my original examples. I tried to use examples that would prompt discussion, but I realised belatedly and thanks to some commenters that they would probably prompt discussion about things that were unrelated to my original question and had the potential to cause shit-storms, for which I apologise. I hope the examples I've used now are less controversial, but please pick me up if I've mis-stepped.

teeganjane.livejournal.com

During the course of your transition, have you ever lost anyone special to you that was very supportive of your transition, whether it be a family member, a close friend, a mentor, or a significant other?

Perhaps this person was the first person you came out to, or perhaps they helped fund important parts of your transition, or maybe they were just a supportive friend that you knew you could always turn to when things got rough--when you doubted yourself. Maybe this person was transitioning right alongside of you, or maybe they had already transitioned, and acted as a mentor--a big sister, or a big brother. You probably assumed at one point or another that the person would always be around.

How did it affect you?

How did you cope with this loss?

Did it derail your momentum at all, transition-wise?

Current Music: Pelican - "Spaceship Broken - Parts Needed"

marshwiggledyke.livejournal.com

Sorry, I'm really really a huge noob to all of this. Hallo!

I've recently come out myself as FTM, pre-everything, and have told my friends, who have mostly been really accepting. My parents have not been at all supportive, and I've been living away from home for about three months because of this.

My concern is that I want to be as much of a respectful, enlightened man as possible, but due to spending most of my childhood and adolescence on my own (it's complicated), I have a horrific understanding of social boundaries and knowing what is okay and what isn't. And now that I'm ID-ing as male, I'm getting called on some behavior that was previously okay coming from a butch dyke.

For example, a long-term friend who I've been on lots of road trips with, and have consequently shared a hotel bed with, recently told me that she's no longer comfortable sharing a bed with me, because I was male and she female. I'd never ever thought that our relationship would need a few extra rules because of the FTM thing, but now I'm thinking about it, and thinking about it hard. There's probably a lot of female spaces that I enjoyed that are no longer welcome to me (which is a little saddening, because I've had a lot of fond memories of the lesbian dive in my town) but I just don't want to be an asshole and fuck up my relationships with my female friends (or annoy female strangers, for that matter).

Are there any boundaries other FTMs could advise me on- stories of problems you've specifically run into when negotiating gender dynamics? For that matter, are there any women who would advise me on the kinds of faux pas you abhor in men, so I can not make them? Thank you.

I don't use the gents because I don't pass very well and it's not safe, but I really try not to use the women's unless it is an absolute emergency. :( It feels disrespectful.

coiledlikestars.livejournal.com

I was researching some possible things to do with my partner for a big celeberation, and a few things required black tie or other levels of formal wear.

My partner is genderqueer; they're read as different genders depending on the context but don't consistently 'pass' as anything. I'm a trans man; when I was early on in my transition, what I thought was typical business or formal attire was seen by other people as crossdressing.

So what is a non-binary person to do about formal wear? How about if you're visibly trans? What kind of reactions have people gotten for wearing the 'wrong' sort of formal wear? Can somewhere with a gendered dress code really police what you wear based on your apparent assigned sex?

Current Mood: curious

sissy-bloke.livejournal.com

Some context: I'm not exactly "post" transition, as it's still a work in progress, but I get read as male close to 100% of the time. I grew up in a very feminist family, and spent many years living as a masculine woman and that history forms a big part of my identity. As someone now living as male, I'm having a little trouble with some of the intricacies.

Do I get to call myself a feminist? I hope I am, and I try to be one, but as a man, do I have the right to decide if I get to use that label?

If a woman says something is misogynistic, a man doesn't get to disagree, but what about the opposite? What if I think something is misogynistic, and my female friends disagree?

As an example, the poster for the alien movie "Paul" has him wearing a T-shirt that reads "Only girls phone home" and that bugged the crap out of me, because I felt it says girl=wimp, but my wife and female best friend said "I get what you're saying, but eh, it doesn't bug me."

diprotodontia.livejournal.com

Hi everyone!

I've been semi-active on other trans LJ groups, forums, etc. but I've never found myself posting here before, despite watching for a little while, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to get to know you guys and maybe get a little advice. :]

First of all, I'm Sam -- I'm a 20-year-old FTM from Pennsylvania. I came out at 15 and started T at 16. I just had top surgery this past December and don't have any concrete plans for bottom surgery as of yet. I identify as gay and I'm in a long-term (4 & 1/2 years!) relationship with another FTM. We've lived together for the past year and a bit.

I'm going into my fourth year of college. I'm an English major with minors in Philosophy and Biology and I am interested in going into some sort of paleontology-related field after graduate school, but if that doesn't work out I will most likely go for literature.

Anyway, that's about all there is to know about me. :P I'm generally a well-adjusted person, I think. I do very well in school and tend not to stand out for very much other than that. :]

( However -- and I suppose this has been one of the hardest parts of transitioning for me, really... )

alinonymous.livejournal.com

As a background to this, I came out to my mom as transgender about a month ago but I'm sure she was suspecting it far prior to this. In the past year, she's been using (full gender-specific birth name (FGBN)) instead of (shortened non-gender-specific form of birth name (SN)) to refer to me far more often, and I do suspect she's been encouraging other family members to do the same based on what they have called me at family gatherings. I've preferred SN at least since I was in third grade ten years ago, and pretty much gotten called SN since then, even by teachers. The only thing I ever use FGBN for is Legal Stuff. Even when I'm ordering stuff online, I put SN as my billing address.
I've tried breaching this subject with Mom at a few different times, and she just says "Oh it's no big deal, it's your name." I want to tell her that yes, this is a big deal, and I would appreciate being called, if not Alison, at least SN. So this is the letter I'm going to send, and feedback would be very appreciated:

( text of the letter )

Also, do you have any advice in this situation? My dad was writing a letter to my nephew for his first birthday, and he asked me to proofread it because English isn't his first language. In the letter he used the word "gentleperson" and I was like, "Dad, I'd use 'gentleman' here because 'gentleperson' is a stilted neologism and sounds icky." To which Dad replied, in not these exact words, "I'm just leaving open the possibility that he be like you."
What is that supposed to mean? Does it mean that dad knows because mom told him, because I sure as hell didn't tell dad.

xposted to

transletters

jackcantdie.livejournal.com

Hi all,

The people that I deal with at work know that I'm trans. The people that I don't deal with don't know, they assume that I am a guy which is great, 'cause I am. However, when I started working there, this one lady was working in HR. (In recent months, she's been demoted to something else.) But when I started, I decided to come out to her beforehand so that I could work out the bathroom situation among other things and she was wonderfully supportive. However, she continually slips. That's not a problem for me (because most of the time, it's when we're alone). I know that she's trying her hardest.

My problem, oddly enough, is with HOW apologetic she is afterwards. When she slips up, she won't notice it until a while later. She will approach me (privately) and say something like, "I wanted to tell you... I apologize very much for the other day, when I, you know, said the wrong thing. I felt horrible. I'm sorry. I think of you as one of us, you're just Luke... the nicest person." Meanwhile, I had forgotten about the incident and shrugged it off, until it was brought up again. If i kept track of how many times the above has happened, I would be all out of fingers and counting with my toes.

If any of you have dealt with a similar situation, when someone goes overboard with the apology and almost appears to be kissing up to you, how do you handle it? Do you just take their compliments and apology in stride, or do you say something about it?

Just wondering.

ETA: She doesn't work below me. I work below her. So it doesn't make sense that she would 'kiss up to me'. She really is the nicest person, too, but sometimes her apologies are too dramatic that I almost feel like it's an insult. I mean, while the reassurance is nice, that she considers me to be a nice person, and equal to all the other people I work with, I almost feel insulted that she may think I don't consider myself such, because of my trans-status, and I need to be told so?

I could just be getting paranoid, is all...

goldenwolfrose.livejournal.com

So had my first ever appointment with a therapist/psychiatrist today. It went much better than I was worried that it might. I went into the appointment with alot of queries, concerns and worries. I think my biggest concern going into the whole appointment thing was being worried the doctor would try to spin me around, confuse me or make me feel like my feelings and such were wrong. Maybe it was some mis-guided lack of trust in the profession or because I have an HMO and Kaiser to boot that I felt that way. The therapist that randomly fell my way though was pretty good (I have no comparison so he can't be bad or good) and I left feeling really positive, I only wish that I had decided to try this earlier.

Despite those worries that I had about a therapist trying to convince me my feelings were wrong, my doctor was supportive attentive and listened patiently seeming to believe my concerns, and shockingly enough -wanting me to continue them. He was impressed or shocked, not really sure which, at how long I had been battling these feelings and that I had never exploded. When we were done we set another appointment and he gave me homework- how rude. Which is really the point of this post. He wants me to start journaling my feelings, concerns, desires, etc. I think he was thinking in a book written form but since I have this outlet and some friends to read and give advice or just listen I think I will use LJ instead. Which is funny because certain other people in my life have been trying to get me on here FOREVER (at least she didn't say I told you so). The odd part for me with this is I used to journal when I was like thirteen or fourteen and had some similarly different issues which I thought at the time were wrong and caused by one thing, but now looking back see that it was just related to this whole process.

One of the things I am supposed to think and journal about is where I see the future in like a year five years etc., from a personal, professional and gender related stance to name a few areas. This is something I am hoping ANYONE that reads this can pitch in their two cents (for now I will post these as public cause who knows who I may stumble across, and why not start getting things out in the open, no matter where the future goes! Right?). Growing up I always followed the societal view of how things should be: school, job, family, career, happiness. In interviews when asked, "Where do you see yourself in 'x' years?" I always answered in some upper-management position with whatever company I was working or interviewing for. But you know what, I don't know that is what I want anymore. I still want to be a manager and a leader, but.......................

So please for anyone interested in sharing, any thoughts on where you see yourselves in the future? I remember like ten years ago the answer to that question was something along the lines of Christian youth counselor, boy how times have changed... (haahaa)

Jess

(cross posted from my Journal)

thequeerbitch.livejournal.com

I apologize if this post seems irrelevant or something.. I just need to get it off my chest.

( Feeling unattractive as a male. )

And to anyone who read and commented on my last post here, thanks a lot. I introduced myself to my teacher and my classmates as Nate and it went over really well. One person asked me why and I calmly explained I am transgendered and identify as male, her response was "That's cool." haha. All that anxiety for nothing ;p

gleek-boy.livejournal.com

Can you share some of your coming-out-to-friends stories?

I'm planning on coming out to my closest friends, but I'm kind of terrified of how they'll react. My best friend has known me since I was 12, and I'm worried he won't be able to wrap his head around calling me a new name and using masculine pronouns. Even other friends I haven't known quite as long, I'm worried they'll find it weird.

Also, has anyone here ever had to deal with close friends who have had a hard time dealing with your transition? I'm hoping my friends will be supportive, but I guess I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Elvenking - Skywards | Powered by Last.fm

harpsi-fizz.livejournal.com

After reading through all of Humon (DA) and reading This article (It's just a nice article about child care), I realized I know nothing about what life is like for TG people in other countries. Not even Canada or the United Kingdom!

My Grandfather is from India and when I came out to him, he didn't seem to see a problem. He was actually saying things like "this is who you are, it's something inside of you and you have to do it or you'll be unhappy" which tells me something about where he grew up and how.

I tried looking through the community as well as though Google for transgender life in Scandinavia (Finland specifically because he's my favorite character in SaTW) but I couldn't find anything. I'm probably googling it wrong.

If I've just been an eejit, please direct me to the post? Or, if there isn't one and you live in Canada, England, or another country, I'd love to hear what you have to say. I'm looking for information on general life- cultural views, society, medical.

Posted as well in

femme_ftm

mondayscalamity.livejournal.com

I'm writing a new article and I need some help.

I want to highlight the effects on the individual who suffers from a prejudiced, transphobic, offensive, or discriminatory comment on the street.

I've just returned home from visiting the local shops to get some food supplies, and gained a first hand experience to deconstruct and look at, but am hoping to gain a few other viewpoints to use in order to explain how the girl feels when someone calls out, 10 paces after they've passed her and aren't in line of sight "you're a man in drag you."

Any other related points would be helpful too.

I've calmed down a bit now, but when it happens I always feel so upset by it. I don't feel like they are harmless ignorable comments; I feel like they're comments that say: “You've failed, you're not a woman,” it's a statement that implies that one should just stop trying, that one is wrong, will always be wrong, and will never be accepted. I hate how it makes me feel so small and worthless, like my life isn't worth living.

I hate that I have to put up with that crap, and I want to have something that I can point to and go "you don't know how I feel, go read this and then come offer me sympathy".

Anyway, rant away, if you want to.

Edited just to clarify: I'm looking for people's experiences and feelings on when this sort of thing happens, I added my own experience and feelings as an example, not the point of the post.

zoeyprncs.livejournal.com

So, I've been spending this week sharing my "live all, tell all," approach to those probing and often intrusive questions asked of transsexuals. I must humbly admit I was wrong, let me explain.

I have been reading "She's Not There: A Life In Two Genders," by Jennifer Finney Boylan. I finished it this afternoon, and among the many powerful thoughts she shares in the book one has brought relevance to this subject and a change of heart. She writes:

"I no longer hope that everyone will be able to understand what this condition is about. It seems to elude an accurate description......the way in which we can become obsessed with clearing our good name even after our innocence has been established. It is a very human impulse, but it's ultimately fraught with peril. The more we feel compelled to keep explaining ourselves, the less like other we become......In the end, the best thing seemed to be to keep my head high, to maintain a sense of humor, and to be forgiving (Boylan, 2003, pg 250)."

I've realized I'm more a cliche than I thought, and all I have left to do is laugh at myself. That and stop badgering those close to me, constantly checking to make sure, "they're ok with me," or "do they understand?" I just have to be content with being me, and let other have their way with their opinions.

My mildly amusing afternoon on a Sunday.

Zoey

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Transgender Community

Welcome!

Living in Sinagpore

Dysphoria felt as presence or absence?

swimming etiquette

Do you use Quora.com?

[controversial] on transmisogyny and male privilege

[Controversial] What identities are identifying that way "sufficient" for?

Losing a Supporter of Your Transition

Boundaries

Formal wear and dress codes

Negotiating feminism post transition

Introduction & social awkward-ness.

using the wrong name

Making an issue out of something that isn't an issue?

Wondering

Oh Vanity

Coming out to friends

Direct me if I'm Wrong?

Those 'Harmless' comments

Educating the ignorant on Trans issues.

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March 2018

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